May 9, 2023

Queen

I knocked on Syn's door and waited patiently for him to answer. My heart was pounding in my chest as I thought about what I would say- what he would say to what I would say. Sigh. I was a mess.

The door opened and I took a step back. He stepped into my view and crossed his arms as he leaned against his door frame. He raised a brow, waiting for me to speak and I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." I wrung my fingers nervously. "I shouldn't have- I should have heard you out instead of just leaving like I did."

He said nothing in response.

"Okay." I nodded. "Well, I'll leave you alone. If you need space I completely un—" He grabbed my arm, pulling me inside before closing the door behind us. He gently backed me up against the door and I held my breath, waiting for him to kiss me or choke me...maybe both. I wasn't exactly objecting to either of them.

He placed his hand on the wall beside my head and instead of doing either, he dropped his head to my shoulder.

"We need to talk tonight and figure everything out. I'm not sure how many more times I can survive watching you leave me."

"Okay." I nodded. "We can talk."

"Will you leave?"

"No," I replied honestly. "Will you?"

He took a deep breath and stood up straight. "I never do." He walked to the table and pulled one chair, placing it in the middle of the room. Then he grabbed another one and sat it directly across the other. He took a seat in one, blowing out a breath as he rested his arms on his legs.

I sat down in the chair directly in front of him and he watched me silently for a few moments. We both sat quietly. The two people in the world with the most to say to one another yet not knowing what to say at all.

"I'm not sure how to do this," he said.

"Me neither," I admitted. "We've had so many talks like this before...I'm not sure what we can do now to fix things. We have a lot of baggage."

"Well." He sat back. "We will be spending the rest of our eternal lives together so better to get it out the way now."

I laughed softly at his words and nodded. "Yeah

"Yeah..." he said, running a hand down his face. "I know where to start, but I'm not sure if either one of us wants to go back there."

"We don't really have a choice anymore, do we?"

"It would appear that way."

"Okay, then," I said. "How could you ever think I was cheating on you? I never got that explanation from you. Hades briefly explained it the best he could, but I want to hear it from you."

He sighed and rubbed his hands together before nodding. "After seeing what I saw on your phone...I really believed there was someone else, but I wanted to give you one more chance to prove me wrong. Instead of answering my questions though, you were sketchy. That confirmed any doubt in my mind."

"I wasn't lying when I answered you, Syn. I kept my answers vague because I wasn't sure how interested you were in some boring meeting. The contact on my phone was a joke..."

"I'm aware of that now and the little details fail to be important to me in the big picture. I didn't trust you...and then I..." he paused, taking a shaky breath as if it pained him to say it out loud. "I hurt you."

"I forgave you for that."

"But you'll never forget it," he whispered. "Every time I get upset with you, you'll go back there and it is fucking soul-crushing to watch it happen."

"To you, that may seem true, but that's not how I feel. It hurts to think about but I wouldn't be here with you right now if I had the slightest inkling that it'd happen again," I said. "If we're being completely honest, I forgave you a week after it happened. I think I was madder at the fact that you never called."

"What are you talking about?"

"When you suggested me leaving, I agreed that I needed to give myself a break. I didn't think that you'd actually never call me again."

"I thought it would be best if I cut off all contact."

"Best for who?" I asked. "I waited for you to call, Syn. Then a month passed, and then another one after another one, and then I find out you're seeing other people."

"That's not what happened." He shook his head.

"Then what happened?"

He tore his eyes away from me and looked up at the ceiling. "Three months after you left, I hired a private investigator. I guess you changed your number so I had no idea how to reach you," he said.

"I did change my number," I said. "But not to ignore you. I was getting spam calls. Why didn't you ask someone for my number when you got Saint?"

"I didn't think they'd give it to me."

"Why?"

"Because I thought you changed it in the first place because of me." I shook my head no and he blew out a frustrated breath. "Well, the investigator found out where you were staying. I think it was some hotel in Seattle, so I flew out to you."

I briefly remembered a short stop in Washington while we were all traveling, but I didn't see Syn. I would have remembered that.

"I walked into the hotel lobby and asked them what room you were in, but they had some dumbass policy that didn't allow it. They told me they could call your room instead, but when they did, you didn't answer.

"I waited in the lobby for hours just hoping you'd come out and I'd beg you to forgive me, but you never came. It started getting late, but I was set on waiting as long as I needed to. Sometime in the night...I don't remember the time, I needed a drink. I walked to the bar across the lobby and I remember ordering my drink and waiting for it when I heard your laugh.

"When I turned around, I saw you with him. You looked happy and it broke my heart to do, but I left."

"Aiden and I were just friends. I mean if I remember correctly, that may have been the weekend I met him. I wasn't feeling great that day and when he saw me in the bar, asked to sit with me. That was all that was."

"You have to keep in mind that I didn't know that. To me, you left...you changed your cell phone number, and now you were seeing other guys. After that, I was broken and I just did so much shit to just...try to forget about you."

"Shit like what?"

"Whatever you're thinking that has you looking at me the way you are, I've probably done worse."

I rubbed my palms on my dress, feeling a tinge of jealousy as I imagined all the things he could've been doing with other women. A part of me wanted to ask him for details, but that wouldn't be fair. He may have not kept it in his pants but I didn't exactly keep my legs closed this entire time. I pushed down the bitter monster inside me that wanted to go off about it and nodded silently.

"You're upset about it?" He asked me, searching my eyes.

"I don't have a right to be upset," I admitted in a small voice. "But I am a little jealous...which I think is natural."

He nodded, glancing down at his hands before looking at me. "And you and Aiden?" He asked. "Have you guys slept with each other?"

"Syn..."

"I'm just curious," he said. "We're both being honest after all, no?"

The moment fell still as he looked at me and waited for an answer. He was great at hiding his emotions but I could clearly tell that his question hurt to ask. I just didn't understand why he wanted to put himself through the pain of my confirmation when he already knew the truth.

"Yes, we have."

"When?" He asked.

"Syn, I don't think we should—"

He rubbed his eyes, sucking in a sharp breath before looking up at me. "At least tell me the last time."

"Why do you need to know this?"

He scoffed. "Does it matter?"

"When's the last time you and Stella slept together?" I threw it back in his face. I didn't want to know the answer or let it be the start of an argument, but he was leaving me no choice. He needed to realize for himself the rabbit hole he was about to send us spiraling into.

His jaw clenched as he watched me momentarily. After a few moments, he sat back in his chair and let out a breath. "Fine. At least tell me whether or not it's happened since I've gotten here."

"It hasn't." He seemed to relax a little bit by my assurance, but the tension was still thick. "You?"

"Me what?"

"Since coming out here and seeing me...have you?" He closed his eyes at my question and I raised a brow. Surely he couldn't have done anything, right? What time did he have to fuck another girl while trying to get me back? "It's not a hard question, Syn."

He looked back at me and sighed. "I have...a few days ago."

"A few days ago when?"

"That night Aiden showed up at your place."

"Oh, so the day you fell asleep on me after practically pouring your heart out to me?" I asked bitterly. "You slept with her that night?"

"I fucking left you there with that man!" He snapped. "Don't lie and tell me that night was innocent between the both of you."

"It was!" I shot back. "I'm not like you. I can't just look at you and then go fuck some other guy."

"Well, I'm not like you either!" He retorted. "I can't just replace you and let myself fall for someone else. I may have had sex, but that's all it was. Can you say the same? You guys have fucking weekly dinners and you let him meet my son. I would have never done that to you!"

I sat speechlessly. The angrier part of me wanted to accuse him of gaslighting me and argue his brains out, but I couldn't because this may have been the very first time since he got here, that he was one-hundred percent honest about his feelings. It may have been angry and harsh, but it wasn't that fake persona that he put on when he was around Aiden. It was raw and his tone was venomous, but it was real.

And I had no idea that was how he was feeling.

"I didn't know you felt that way."

"How did you expect me to feel?" He asked. "The two of you go on dates...your brothers and friends enjoy being around him. Saint..." He swallowed a breath. "Saint loves him. You all are practically your own little family. Sitting here and talking almost feels useless knowing that I can't be him for you guys. No matter how hard I try.

"So yes I slept with Stella that night and I couldn't apologize for it enough, but I don't want her like you want Aiden. There is nothing more between us than what we've done together."

I sighed and leaned forward to catch Syn's eye. If the next few words I said to him didn't make him forget all about Aiden, I didn't know what would.

"Listen to me..."

꧁꧂

Author's Note

Shiiiiiiiiiii, at least they're talking😭 but damnnn it's ALOT.
All of this could have been prevented if they what? ✨COMMUNICATED✨
How do y'all think it's going so far?

Lmk your thoughts❤️