May 8, 2023

Queen

My shoulders slumped down in shame as his tone hit me like a whip. It hurt to hear him direct his anger toward me like this, but it was deserved. I fucked up...big time. An explanation was what Syn wanted, and I had one. But I doubted that it'd be good enough.

"Are you going to answer me?!" He snapped.

"Syn," I said calmly, placing a hand on his arm to relax him. All it seemed to do was enrage him even further as he pushed the chair away from me with a loud screech. "Can you please-"

"I know you don't give a shit about Hell, okay?! You never did and I hated that you were asked to take my place, but you could've said no if you were going to neglect it! This is my fucking home we're talking about, Queen!"

"I do give a shit, Syn!"

"You don't. If you did, you would have followed the rules. Do you know the world of shit you've put us in now?" He lowered his tone. "If this were to get out, we'd be fucked! Because you didn't write down exactly what you did, we now have a vulnerability, and anybody can pin anything on the Underworld."

"Calm down for a second and I'll ex-"

"Calm down?!"

"I can't talk to you when you're like this." I shook my head. No matter what I'd say right now he'd just get madder. I'd rather wait for him to calm down than risk us going off into a full-on argument. I headed to the door and twisted the knob but within the same second, he slammed the door with his palm, trapping me between my only way out and his angry eyes.

"You can run from anything else that has to do with me, but you're not going to do it right now. Not with this," he said lowly, his bright red eyes boring into mine. "There is no later for this. I need answers now because you not only risking your life but that of all the people who look up to me as their King."

An ache in my chest made my throat swell and I laid a hand over it. My eyes watered but I held back any tears as they wouldn't help me now. They'd only make Syn feel guilty for being angry about something he had every right to.

"Okay," I said in a small voice. "I'll tell you everything just please...sit down." He turned his back to me and walked back to the chair and took a seat. He rested his chin on his fist, bouncing his leg and staring off into the space on the bed as he waited for me to continue. I sat down in front of him on the bed and crossed my legs. I looked at him, trying to gauge his temperament but he didn't so much as glance at me.

With that, I took a deep breath and reached back into a place in my mind that I never wanted to see again. "You're right," I said to him. "I never wanted to be Queen of the Underworld and I could have said no, but I had just lost you. It felt like the one thing I could do to stay close to you, so I did it.

"I didn't know how angry I was at the world for taking you and Xavia until I sat on that throne. With all that power...I became a horrible person. A person that even you would despise. Everything I did was completely off the books because it made what I was doing feel more real. I destroyed lives. I tested God's patience in ways that no one should ever.

"It may seem like I neglected my duties and for that I'm sorry, but I didn't see it that way. All I cared about was the Underworld and the people in it. I didn't give a fuck about anyone else so if they got in my way, I dealt with it. I didn't take a break to..." I swallowed. "...write it down, Syn. After you were gone, I wasn't interested in peace and remaining amicable or reporting my crimes to 'greater authorities'. I wanted them dead."

Actually saying the words out loud made me feel horrible, but it was the absolute truth. There was no point in lying to him.

"The Underworld was always on defense and when I recognized that record keeping and having these meetings with them benefited us in no way, I stopped it all. I made sure that no matter what rules they felt we had broken, they didn't even think about attacking.

"In hindsight, I may have put us in danger but if you look at the attacks against us when I was Queen, it's nonexistent. I'm sorry that I didn't do things the way you and your father did, but it wasn't because I didn't give a fuck. I loved the Underworld with all my heart and I cherished it because of you." I couldn't stop the tears that fell down my face anymore but I kept my eyes downcast. "You have to know," I whispered, "that with how much I love you, I'd never intentionally destroy something that matters to you."

I wiped away my tears and suddenly noticed just how quiet Syn was. He didn't say anything the entire time I spoke, but I could still hear his small movements. Now, there was silence. I would've thought he was gone if I couldn't see his legs in front of me.

I waited, preparing for any backlash from my words. When he said nothing, I looked back at him to find him looking at me. The look in his eyes swirled with quiet observation...and something else. I could still feel his anger coming off in waves, but he wasn't acting on it as he had earlier.

He reached for my hand and let out a tired breath. He pulled me off of the bed and tugged me closer to him until I was on his lap and his strong arms were wrapped around me. He rested his chin on my head and I relaxed in his hold.

"Okay," he whispered. "I understand."

With me revealing everything and his quiet understanding like always, something in me twisted to extenuating proportions and finally snapped. With that, an entire river of emotions I had no idea I was holding in, broke out.

Crying was the last thing I wanted to do. I hated it. But I needed this. Not just the crying but for him to be here with me. I didn't realize how much I missed that over the past year and a half.

After a few minutes of crying into his chest, I sat up and wiped away my tears. Syn watched me quietly, pushing a messy strand of hair behind my ear. "You think I would have despised the person you became?"

"Absolutely." I sniffled. "I was scary as fuck."

"I think you forget who I am sometimes." He smiled lightly. "I love every version of you...good or bad. I don't scare easily."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

"How?"

"Because there's nothing in me that finds it remotely possible to not be fucking crazy about you," he whispered. "I am so far past in love with you that it's starting to hurt not being with you the way I want to."

At his words, my control completely slipped away and I closed the distance between our lips. He froze briefly before wrapping his hand around my neck and parting his lips. My body relaxed against his body as a familiar rush of excitement flooded my head. Warmth flooded down to the lower parts of my body at his delicate touch and my body shivered against him.

I'd kissed a few people and had a few good kisses since Syn and I had ended things. If I liked someone, I'd course there was a brief excitement, but it was never like this. Syn, with all of our problems and differences, felt like home. He was everything that drove me insane, and he was my peace. How it was possible for both of those things to be in one person was completely beyond me. He was terrible for my health yet...he healed me in every way imaginable. I didn't know how I survived this long without him.

He pulled me in closer and our tongues moved feverishly against one another, both craving everything both of our bodies were. His hand moved to my thigh, making me ache for his touch, but also reminding me that we couldn't exactly have everything we wanted just yet.

"Wait," I said between kisses. "W-we have a lot to talk about."

"We have time," he whispered, not planning to stop our kiss any time soon. I went on for a few more moments, not quite wanting to stop either and after a few seconds, I pulled away completely. I laughed at his irritated expression and placed my hand between us to stop another one of his attempts to trap me in his kisses. I wasn't sure I'd be able to let myself escape them next time.

I grinned and shook my head. "No, we don't." I let out a small scream as he moved my hand and began planting kisses all over my face. "Syn, stop!" I squealed. "You need to go talk to Paris."

Suddenly he stopped and looked me directly in the eye. "Don't ever do that again."

"Do what?"

"Say another man's name while I'm kissing you."

I gave him a 'seriously?' look, but when I saw that he wasn't joking in any way, I sighed. "I'm sorry. But you do actually need to go. He's probably waiting for you."

He nodded slightly, his eyes dropping to my lips as he licked his own. He cupped my cheeks, placing one final soft kiss on my lips before slapping my thigh. "Get off me."

"Ouch!" I laughed, rubbing the spot he hit as I stood up. "That hurt, Syn!"

"You'll live," he said as he stood up and headed toward the door. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him and he opened the door. Before leaving, he turned to me one more time and I raised my brows in question. "Wait up for me?"

I smiled. "Of course."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
I'll wait up for you😩

These two are just so- i can't even find the words to say😭

Lmk your thoughts❤️