May 3, 2023

Syn

I glared across the kitchen counter at Stella and she avoided my eyes like the plague. She focused on cutting her waffles as if she hadn't ruined everything and I wanted to stab her with the fork in my hand. "What the fuck are you doing?" I said in a harsh whisper.

"Cutting waffles."

"Stella," I warned threateningly.

"What? She's the love of your life, isn't she?"

"What does that have to do with you?" She flinched at my harsh tone, but quickly recovered and flipped her hair over her shoulder. Her manicured hands picked up a piece of a waffle before placing it into her mouth and I rolled my eyes.

"I just wanted to see what she was like," she said. "Everyone speaks so highly of her and you're obsessed...I want to see if she's worth all the chatter and ruckus."

I heard Queen's footsteps coming down the stairs and I shot Stella a warning look. "Do some dumb shit and I will kill you." She froze, a strawberry about to go into her mouth as her eyes widened at my threat. I gave her one last look before Queen entered the kitchen, and I looked down at my plate.

"Were you able to make your calls?" Stella asked her.

"Yes, I was." Queen passed her the cellphone and sat down on the side of the table adjacent to us both. "Thanks for letting me use your phone."

"Of course, your phone is on the charger in the living room. So whenever you want it..."

"Thank you," Queen whispered.

"Can I get you coffee or anything to drink?"

"No, I'm fine." They exchanged a smile and I shook my head slightly.

"I hope you enjoy the breakfast." Stella laughed. "I can't cook at all, but I followed a video, and nothing is burnt so I hope that means something."

"It looks amazing," Queen complimented her.

We ate in silence for what felt like hours and I sat through Stella attempting to make conversation with her. As I thought, Queen didn't share her same enthusiasm, but she remained nice.

"So," Stella spoke up after a long moment of silence. "Are you seeing anyone Queen?"

"Yes, but it's not official." My fork clattered to the plate at her confession and my chest caved in as my head swung in her direction. Our eyes locked and I could see the evil glint in hers as if she was trying to hurt me. How did we go from sharing our deepest secrets to this?

"Oooooh, that's exciting," Stella cooed in fascination. "How serious are the two of you?"

"Probably as serious as you and Syn." That line twisted the knife even further into me, pulled it out, and jammed it back into my chest s million times.

I knew I couldn't be upset that Queen had been with other guys. I had been with other women. I just never thought I'd have to hear or think about it. It was hypocritical of me to let it hurt me as much as it did, but I couldn't help it.

"We should all hang out sometime. Like a double date." Queen's eyes were still locked onto mine as Stella's suggestion floated into the air and I shook my head. Please don't, Princess.

"That sounds fun," Queen said as she looked back at Stella and smiled at her.

"Great, I'll plan it and send you the deets!" Stella clapped her hands together and stood up from her seat. "I have a meeting so I'll be leaving you all. Enjoy the rest of your breakfast." She took her plate to the sink and kissed me on the cheek before I could push her away. I buried my face into my hands as her heels retreated out of the house.

The atmosphere she left behind was a tense one as Queen remained quiet and I slowly dropped my hands to look back at her. "What's the name of the dude you're seeing?"

"I guess you'll see on the double date, won't you?" She questioned dryly.

"We're not doing that, Queen. It's childish and I'm trying to move forward with you, not do all of this petty shit."

"So the goal is not being childish, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so tell me this. Why the hell would you bring me into a house where the woman you're currently fucking is residing? Not to mention we have a huge conversation without you even mentioning her!"

"Like you mentioned the dude you're fucking?!" I closed my eyes as I didn't mean to lash out at her and I stood up from the chair. I blew out a large breath as I ran my hands through my hair, and I turned to Queen. "Look, you're the last person I want to fight with. I haven't seen you in so long and I want nothing more than to just spend every single day with you. I'm not going on this date unless it's you and I alone."

"Your girlfriend wouldn't like that, Syn."

"Can you be mature for one second, Queen?!"

"Mature?! Are you fucking kidding me?!" She argued. "She came to your room and ASKED you why you didn't go back to her room. How dare you spend the night with her while I'm in the same house and then come kiss me and tell me you want me back?!"

"That's not what happened," I assured her. "I was speaking to her this morning and—"

"I don't care, Syn." She stood up and slipped on her heels before walking past me into the living room.

"Can we talk like adults for one second, Queen?"

"I don't want to talk to you."

"So that's it? Everything that happened this morning is going down the drain over a misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding." She scoffed. "Where is the misunderstanding? Have you had sex with her?"

"Yes," I admitted honestly. My goal wasn't to lie to her, I just wanted her to hear me out. We'd had so many arguments like this in the past and I hoped for the sake of us, we could be different this time. But maybe I was mistaken.

"Were you in her room while I was here?"

"I was."

"Then there is no misunderstanding." She quickly wiped away a tear falling down her cheek and sat down on the couch to fix her heels. I moved to sit down on the table in front of her, and she attempted to move, but I held her in place with my hands on her thighs.

"Listen to me, please," I whispered. "You're hurt right now and you're not thinking clearly, but you know I'm yours. My mind, my heart...everything belong to you. I wouldn't have told you everything in the room if that weren't true—"

"You say that, but you've managed to disprove NONE of the questions I asked you!"

"You're not even letting me fucking speak!"

Our screaming match continued and my soul broke at every word we exchanged. How did we managed to come back into each other's lives yesterday, and fight within the next day? Was God right? I believed we destroyed one another when she left but was this it? Were we doomed to stab each other with bitter words until one of us gave up? Judging from our stubbornness neither of us would 'give up', so maybe we'd fight forever.

"I'm out of here," she said. "Just go back to wherever the hell you were and leave me the fuck alone!"

"You're so fucking annoying." I cursed under my breath and she walked past me. "Do you see how quickly you jump to these damn conclusions?! I can't even get through to you when you get like this."

"When I get like what? You don't even know me!"

"You know what?" I finally said. "Maybe I don't, because I truly thought that opening up to you was going to be enough for you to trust me. I wonder if you have such little faith in the man you're screwing."

"Screwing..." she huffed a breath as she walked towards the door and I followed behind her with my hands in my pockets. "Fuck you, Syn. You're the one that brings me here with your little girlfriend, but of course, I'm the one we're talking about because nooo you can't stand the fact that something that used to belong to you is someone else's."

"Excuse me?"

"You fucking heard me," she sneered.

I stalked closer to her as my mind turned red with rage and my hands balled into fists. "What the fuck did you just say, Queen?"

Her eyes dropped to my hands and instead of being as angry as she was before, there was a glimmer of fear. It was faint and lasted only a second, but I saw it, and it was bigger than all the punches I'd ever taken in my lifetime. I staggered backward, defeated by the momentary fear in her eyes and she looked at me worriedly. "Syn..."

I stepped back as my mind became clouded with thoughts of what she thought I was going to do, and I took an uneasy breath. I ignored my sudden fatigue and leaned against the wall, acting unfazed. I shrugged as she looked at me, a mix of anger and sadness coursing through me. She analyzed my demeanor and features and apparently what she saw was enough for her to turn in her heel, and rush out of the door.

With the need to keep up a good and unbothered appearance in front of her gone, I sunk against the wall and let everything go. The pain that Queen caused with her words began to fester inside of me, and I leaned my head against the wall.

I didn't miss this.

The pointless arguing and then dealing with the painful aftermath was still something that hadn't changed with us. ...you can't stand the fact that something that belonged to you now belongs to someone else. She was right about that, but it had nothing to do with my pride or ego.

I couldn't stand it because I was so deeply in love with her. So much so that the thought of someone else even being with her or touching her the way that I did just shattered my soul. Had she been any other girl, this conversation wouldn't have ever happened. I wasn't lying when I told her she was everything to me.

It felt like I couldn't breathe without her.

On my darkest and most desolate days when I wanted nothing to do with anything or anyone, she was my sunlight.

On days where I wasn't feeling like myself, the thought of her reminded me of who I was. The world saw what they saw, but her smiling up at me was enough for me to forget about them all. Instead of evil reincarnate, she saw a man that wanted to love and take care of her. So for her, I became that. And it was the best few moments of my life.

After all the smiles, and I love yous, and long talks at midnight...all it took for me to break down was one look.

One look that spoke volumes to how she saw me now.

I wonder how she looked at him. Did he feel as amazing as I did when their eyes connected across a room? Did he cherish her above everything else as I did?...as I would? I honestly hoped that I didn't live long enough to know those answers.

I hoped that God himself would strike me down with one fatal bolt of lightning before I ever found out just how she loved another man.

Despite what just happened, I knew that all hope wasn't lost just yet. If I wanted to, I could chase her again until she was back in my arms, but that always proved to be a temporary fix to our issues. We'd be broken up the next day and the cycle continued over and over again.

I didn't mind said cycle as I'd still have her heart, but she took a small chunk of me with her every time that she left and it was the cruelest torture I'd ever been through. No lesson on feelings from Matilda, hands-on teachings from Julius about pain, or speeches about the heart from my mother was enough to prepare me for this shit.

The doorbell to the house rang and I stood up weakly from the floor. I ran my hands through my hair and rubbed my face before walking towards it and opening it. To my shock, Queen was standing there with tear-stained cheeks and puffy red eyes as she looked up at me.

"I'm sorry," she cried softly. "I didn't mean that and I don't know why I sa—"

I shushed her, silencing the rant about to begin. My arms reached out for her and I pulled her against me as she cried. I buried my face in her head, letting her scent wrap around me as her body shook. As much her words wounded me, her just coming back told me more. The words she spewed in a moment of anger were a lot more minuscule than the ones she uttered after long moments of deep thought.

My worries and aches slowly alleviated themselves after each passing second, and they were replaced with flickers of something else...

Hope.

Hope because in all our years of long breakups, arguments, and stupid-ass misunderstandings, she'd never done this. She had never come back to me without any influence from my side, nor taken the initiative to apologize first.

We'll be fine.

"I'm really sorry, Syn." She sniffled as she pulled away from me. I wiped her tears away with the pads of my thumbs and kiss her lips before looking into her deep brown eyes.

"I'm sorry too. For everything."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
Well I'll be damned...

I just wanna hear what y'all think🌚
Lmk your thoughts ✨