Syn

"If I could, I would."

You very much can.

She might have been the only person I'd willingly let trap me.

I blinked a couple of times at the stark difference in her energy from only moments ago and she pressed her lips together into a smile. "Sit?" She gestured toward the empty chair.

"Do I need to?" I whispered and she let out a small huff of laughter.

"Please?" She asked. "It'll make me feel more in control of this conversation and I kind of need that...?"

Need? Fuck me...I immediately sat down when she said that, but then I stood up again and crossed my arms when her words truly set in. "Me standing above you makes you...not feel in control?" I pieced it together.

She looked up at me. "Sometimes. You can be intimidating so it helps if you're," she lifted her hand lower than chest level, "here. Just while I talk to you about this. I'm not sure I'll be able to if you're just," she swallowed hard, "looking down at me like that."

With that, I sat back down. I could understand that somewhat. I was almost a foot taller than her and I never intended for my height to intimidate her, but I never knew it did. She had never said anything before.

"Okay." She let out a breath before rubbing her palms along the robe. "Sorry, I'm kind of nervous."

I smiled. She was adorable. "Are you going to propose?" I asked.

She looked around. "We're already engaged, no?"

I tilted my head. "Yes..."

"I'm sorry." She gave me a small smile. "A lot is going on in my head right now."

I nodded.

"I killed Lilith," she said finally.

"I'm aware."

"Yes," she said. "You know about the succubus stuff. But I don't know if you remember...I took her powers from her a long time ago."

I nodded once again. "Yes, I remember."

"Well, when I killed her, that activated that too."

I decided to play dumb just a little longer before I admitted my part in this. "Her magic?" I asked.

"Dark magic," she said and I looked at her intently. She paused, reaching out and moving my chin to the right so I couldn't look at her. "But yes. It woke up a few things inside me. I thought controlling them would be what was best for me, but it started to become harder— painful even." I looked back at her and she crouched down in front of me, using my knee as support. "I decided to stop fighting, Syn."

Okay..."What does that mean?"

"Well, before, it felt like separate entities were living inside me," she said. "But once I accepted it...everything just came together."

"How do you feel?"

"Physically?" She asked, looking up at me.

"All of it."

"Physically, I'm fine," she looked down at her hand. "Mentally and emotionally? Not so good." Her eyes met mine again and I could see the war happening behind them. Her eyes watered all over again and guilt thrashed against my ribcage— I did this. I reached out to hold her and she stopped me. "Don't worry. It's not because of the dark magic or anything. Don't blame yourself."

Blame myself...

I let out a breath. "You knew?"

"I mean I had a little bit of time to think earlier in the hospital. I had a feeling you didn't send Lilith to me for no reason."

"Well, I'm not sorry about that," I admitted. How could I bring myself to be when it was the reason that she was able to sit here in front of me? Safe. "I'm only sorry that it's hurting you this much. She was still your mother-"

"That's not what's hurting me either," she said and my brows furrowed in confusion. Then what was it? "Accepting my succubus side has unlocked a lot of painful memories. A lot of memories that were repressed are coming back. I know you saw the scars."

I nodded slowly.

"I was not only kidnapped but I was held captive and used as a slave for my blood before they took me in," she said simply, a bit detached from it. I would've thought she was telling the story for someone else if I couldn't see her eyes.

"They wiped my memories here and there, but when I'd remember bits and pieces of my parents...and the new life I was forced into...I'd fall into a really bad place and," she let out a deep breath before speaking again, "hurt myself. I have tried to end my life maybe three times. I struggled with really low self-esteem, self-hate, and tended to spiral into really bad bouts of depression."

I took it all in, the idea of her hurting herself paining me more than anything else. My rage at the Upperworld only multiplied when I heard what they did. Held her captive to the point where she didn't want to live anymore...I knew they took her from a family but I never knew it was worse than that.

"What you just saw was..." she started again, gesturing to the shower as her eyes watered. "I- I'm not sure what exactly it was but those thoughts from back then are just..." she waved a hand to her head and let out a bitter laugh, "running around in here. It feels like in teetering on a tightrope and there's just nothing but space under me. If I fall, I'm not sure I'll be able to hold on to anything," she rambled on and I just looked at her.

She continued. "I just can't help but wonder if...if you could love a girl like that. I mean, I'm still me. But more of me than you've ever known or met and I'm not sure it's a good thing. And I know we are supposed to get married but I don't want you to stay because of a vow— if this changes things then-"

"Queen."

"Hm?"

"Stop talking." She pressed her lips together. I leaned down, my arms on my thighs before I moved her wet out of her face. I wasn't going to listen to her doubt my feelings for her.

"I was waiting for you to finish, but then you started saying a lot of useless shit," I said and she frowned. "Starting with the whole 'I can't help but wonder if you could love a girl like that'...I decided to ignore everything else after that. Because no matter what's happening in your head, that should never be a doubt."

"I know." Her voice was soft and she averted her eyes from mine again. "But I can't help it."

"If assurance is what you need, just tell me," I said to her. "But don't ever insult you or me with assuming I can't or won't love some part of you." When she still hadn't looked at me, I took her face into my hands and looked directly into her eyes. "I love you and you know this. Don't let that be one of the things that slips away. Everything else, we will figure out together so long as you don't shut me out. If you fall off that tightrope, hold on to me. I'll always be there to catch you."

A smile tugged at her soft lips and she kissed the palm of my hand. "Okay. Thank you."

With that, she stood up and moved to walk past me. Excuse me?  I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her until she fell onto my lap. "Thank you?" I asked her, still stunned. "I pour my heart out to you and you say 'thank you'."

She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and smiled. "What should I say then?"

"Um, maybe ditto."

"Ditto, then."

"Now you're just saying it because I told you to."

"Syn."

"Queen."

She was getting ready to say something, and the incessant buzzing that had been plaguing us every five minutes came back. "Okay, you need to answer that now," she said, standing up from my lap. She grabbed my cell phone from the counter and glanced at it before holding it out to me. "It's your father again."

I shook my head. "I don't want to speak to him right now."

"Okay." She flipped the phone back to herself and answered and my mouth dropped. "Hello?"

The moment I began hearing his voice I covered my ears. Childish, I know. But he had been hounding me since the moment he found out Queen was awake.

Queen bit back a smile at my reaction and continued speaking to him. After a few moments, she set the phone down and I dropped my hands.

"Do you want to watch a movie tonight?" I asked her and she tilted her head.

"He said he's happy I'm okay. And he wanted me to make sure you attend the dinner tonight..." she replied.

"Hmm." I nodded. "We can watch whatever you want. I won't complain."

"Syn."

"Syn," I repeated. "Why don't I get a pet name?"

She crossed her arms, a serious expression taking over her face and I sighed.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a dinner tonight?"

"It's hardly a dinner." I stood up and set the towel down before exiting the restroom. She followed behind me, close on my heels. "He just wants to criticize me in front of an audience and I'm not interested."

"You think he'd do that?" She asked me as I lay back on the bed.

Do I think he'd do that?

I blew out a breath and looked up at the ceiling. "He called all the faction leaders to a dinner tonight to check on my 'mental competency' when a visit to the palace alone would have been enough..." I looked at her. "He's undermining my authority and he wants to put my weakness on display."

"Your weakness?" She asked and I looked back up at the ceiling. I felt the bed dip and then her hands on my chest. I felt her weight on me as she straddled me and looked down at me curiously. "Me?"

I sighed, my hand falling to her bare thigh. "You."

"Hmm. I'm sorry."

This fucking girl. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked at her. "Sorry for what?"

"That you're going through all this because of me."

I rolled my eyes. "Everyone has a weakness, Queen. And compared to all of the other ones out there, you by far are the best one to have. I'm not ashamed of it," I said. "Take 'sorry' out of your vocabulary if you're going to keep apologizing for things you have no business being sorry for."

"Okay, okay, I'm—" She caught herself and smiled. "I'll stop."

"Good." I laid back and rubbed my temples.

The last thing I wanted to do tonight was go to the dinner, but if I didn't...I hated to think about the image that would send everyone.

"If it makes you feel any better, you're my weakness too," she said, seeking me out through all the fuzz in my head. I smiled at that and draped my arms over my eyes. She was stealing my focus and I so badly needed to focus.

I cleared my throat, my hands moving to her waist as I sat up. "I have work to do, and you need to rest."

She frowned, moving off of me and onto the bed. "You'll still go to the dinner, right?"

"I'm not sure I have a choice," I replied. "The sooner he's off the throne and I am back on it, the better. I'm tired of being nice."

"You're nice?" She asked, genuinely confused and I deadpanned. If there was anyone who knew how nice I was, it was her. A smile spread across her lips at my expression. "Just kidding."

"I know." I nodded standing up. "I am the nicest. If I wasn't, the faction system would have been destroyed the moment I got on that throne. But what did I do? Give people jobs and let them continue to have voices. I didn't even kill them."

"Mhmm." She nodded enthusiastically and clapped, the role of yes man a simple feat for her. "We love a patient and merciful King."

Although I could practically taste the sarcasm oozing from her tongue, the compliment made something in me swell. I held back a smile. "I'm glad you see it."

"Of course. I've never met someone so gracious and—"

"Okay, don't push it."

She laughed and I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. It was so hard to pull myself away, but I needed to go. My fingers lingered under her chin as I looked down at her. "Will you be okay here?"

"You're asking me if I'm going to break down on the shower floor again?" She teased and I tilted my head. Seriously. "I will be okay. I'll..." She looked around before looking back at me. "Keep myself busy with something. Don't worry."

"Okay." I tapped her cheek and headed toward the closet. "I shouldn't be gone past midnight though."

"Syn, I'll be fine. Seriously."

I nodded to myself and changed my pants. I slid my arms into the dark navy button-up and adjusted a watch on my wrist. My movements slowed when Paris's words floated through my head again. The annoying fucker.

Maybe let her make that choice this time...

As if I'd stripped her of options before...

And it wasn't like I didn't want her to come with me.

I did.

I just didn't want to push her today...

Would she even want to go?

She stepped into the walk-in and strolled over to her side. Her fingers danced over the drawers as she opened them and a smile graced her face. I hadn't changed anything even though she had left. Besides the few things she took, everything else had remained.

I cleared my throat and spoke up, grabbing her attention as I glanced at her through the mirror. "Are you tired?"

She shook her head at me and looked back to the drawer. "No."

"Physically, no?" I clarified and she nodded. "Mentally and emotionally?"

She laughed a bit. "Drained. Not sure if that'll go away with just a nap, but I'll be okay." She said the words to me, but it felt like she was trying to assure herself more.

"You will be okay," I repeated and she grabbed a t-shirt and panties. She closed the drawers and nodded, giving me a quick smile before untying the robe and letting it drop to the floor. My breath caught in my throat as I took in the back of her and she slipped into the delicate lace.

"I can feel you staring, Syn," she spoke up, not looking back at me as she opened another drawer.

I swallowed and began buttoning my shirt. Why was this so hard to do? I felt like I was asking her on a date for the first time. After a couple of seconds of fighting with myself, I just decided to do it.

"Do you want to come?" I asked her.

"Yes." Then she paused and looked over her shoulder, furrowing her brows. She tangled her arms out of the bra she was putting on before taking a quick survey of the closet. Then her eyes found mine again. "But right here?"

"What?"

"Wait." Her face split into a beautiful grin and a smile reached my face. "What are you talking about?"

"The dinner," I whispered, amused by her clear sexual confusion. "I was asking if you wanted to come with me."

"Oh." She pressed her lips together, giving me a shy smile. She looked around briefly before shaking her head. "No, not really."

I was taken aback by how quickly she answered but composed myself and nodded. "Okay." I adjusted the tie around my neck, the dread of sitting at that dinner table alone setting in. This was going to be a shit show.

"Did you want me to come?" I heard her ask. I looked up at the mirror, seeing her occupied with lifting her hair out of her shirt.

"I did," I admitted. "But I want you to do what you want—"

"I'll go then." She turned to face me and I hesitated a bit.

"You don't have to go, Queen. I can go alone."

"If you want me to go, then I'll go."

My fingers stilled on the tie and I turned to her. "I don't want you doing anything you don't want to."

"I want you to feel less stressed about tonight. If my going makes you feel more at ease, then I want to go."

I smiled and nodded. "Then you'll go..."

"I'll go," she whispered assuredly and pulled her jeans on. When she turned away from me to the clothes, I almost cheered in my spot. I still wasn't looking forward to tonight, but at least if she was there, I could tolerate the guests. That included my father.

I was giddy. I could admit that.

"Okay." I nodded, focusing on my tie that I'd been working at aimlessly for the past two minutes.

"I don't have any dresses here though." She frowned, looking through her things.

"No worries. The dinner is at eight." I glanced at my watch. "It's only three."

"Oh." She glanced at me. "Then what are you getting ready for?"

"I have a couple of people to meet with."

"Oh, okay." She nodded and looked back to her clothes.

"I'll call Paris to accompany you to Juva. You can take my card and buy whatever you need." I pulled my credit card out of my wallet and held it out for her. "You don't have a lot of stuff here anymore so please don't be frugal. I don't want to see an empty space here when I get back."

A slow smile spread across her lips as she took the card from my fingers. Excitement was exuding from her as she bounced on her feet. "I can finally have my Pretty Woman moment?"

"You may have your Pretty Woman moment."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
Love you Queenie, but it needs to be me🥹

Hope y'all enjoying✨ we're so close to the end so I probably won't tap in as much hehe. But shh!! Bye!