Queen

"Don't fight me on this."

I was in too much pain to fight him anyway.

Syn pulled the cover and placed me down on the bed. He lifted the blankets over me and I hated seeing the worry take over his features. He placed his hand on my forehead. "You're not even warm."

"I'll be fine, then," I assured him. "I'll just try to sleep—"

"No," he said. "By no means are you allowed to fall asleep. Not until the doctor gives you the okay. Is that clear?"

I nodded. "Okay."

He placed a kiss on my forehead and then one on my lips. "I'll be back."

He grabbed his keys and walked out of the door. When he was gone, I lifted my hand to my head. I felt fine on the outside.

I was only dying inside.

My head throbbed once again and I shut my eyes, furrowing my brows to alleviate it a bit. When I opened them, the room was freezing cold. Droplets of snow fell all around the room, each drop burning my skin with a cold I'd never felt before.

The walls surrounding me were covered, floor to ceiling in those same black veiny lines. The same ones that destroyed the sunflower field in my subconscious and covered my skin when I felt the darkness I took from Lilith envelope me.

Faceless shadows stood at every corner of the room, striking fear in my bones and paralyzing me to the spot on the bed. I moved the tiniest bit and they took a step toward me. I couldn't even look around to see how many of them there were because when I moved, they moved.

The shadows, only grew in size the closer they got.

I was shaking with fear, trying not to move and tears pricked my eyes.

"Queen," I heard. My eyes snapped to the head of the hospital bed where the version of me I saw in my dream sat. She was a lot calmer than I was. "Hi."

"What is happening?" I asked, terror claiming the strength in my voice.

"It's all in your head, my love." She tilted her head. "You can move."

"No, I can't. When I move, they get closer."

"And what's wrong with that?" She asked. "I've told you. The more you try to control it, the more pain you'll be in. This is a part of you now. Stop being afraid."

I blew out a humorless laugh and closed my eyes again. This bitch was fucking delusional. I felt the ache pass through my head again and let whatever nightmare that was disappear. I heard her sigh as everything became still and when I didn't feel the cold anymore, I opened my eyes.

When I saw the hospital staff surrounding me, I screamed.

"Your Highness," An old man in a white coat spoke. "I am Dr. Spockin. How are you feeling?"

"Umm." At least three other doctors were standing behind him, one nurse standing next to them. Why are they all here? "Hi, sorry. I must've fallen asleep."

"You were wide awake, ma'am." He offered a comforting smile. But that did not help me relax in the slightest. "You were unresponsive, but still awake. Just a bit zoned out."

"Oh." Great. I looked around the room, expecting some type of phantom to pop out.

"The King wanted a second opinion...and a third, and fourth," he joked, gesturing to his colleagues. "Is everything alright?"

I looked back at him and nodded.

"Good," he said and the lights in the room flickered. "You should keep your wits about you."

"What?"

"Stop fighting," I heard a voice whisper, followed by another, yet no one's mouth was moving.

Everything around me shifted back to that cold room for the briefest second before returning to normal and I gasped, my hand wrapped around something tight. I looked down at the arm attached to the spooked doctor and I immediately let go. "I'm so sorry."

"I-it's quite alright," he stuttered.

I'm sorry.

My mind riddled off a hundred apologies as I pushed the blanket off of me and stepped out of the bed. "I need to go."

"Your Highness, I wouldn't recommend that."

I ignored him and walked past the other doctors and nurses. "Excuse me," I muttered. I needed to get out of here. My hand touched the door and immediately I felt someone's hand wrap around my wrist. A sting ran through my arm, cold as ice and I shot back around- my entire world twisting with it as I snapped back into the dark and freezing room.

My head spun and I winced.

"I hate saying 'I told you so', but..." I fought through the pain and forced my eyes open. I was back here again. I let out a humorless laugh and looked back to the woman conjuring up this nightmare. "Are you angry? You look angry."

I scoffed, running a frustrated hand through my hair. "You know I am."

"I just ask because I like talking to you." She smiled.

"Stop this."

"You think it's me?" She asked. "You're the one that awakened this the moment you killed your mother. This is just as new to me as it is to you. The only difference is that I don't fight it. I know who I am and that means deep down, you know who you are too."

I shook my head, my eyes watering. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Do you even remember who we were before you were taken from Lilith and Adam?" She asked, standing up from the bed. Her heels clicked against the floor, echoing throughout the room as she neared me. "Do you remember who you were before they changed everything about you?" She took one of my curls and twisted it around her index finger.

I let out a breath, my eyes watering as I averted my gaze from her. "I remember slaughtering a whole class of students." That was a memory my mind would never let go of. I didn't remember everything, but that, I could never forget. The numbness I felt as I did it, the happiness that settled in me as I watched the school burn to the ground. "If that was who I am, I don't mind not remembering."

"It was three students. Your classmates..." she said.

"What?" That couldn't be true. I'd seen it with my own eyes.

"It is true," she said. "I was there with you. Don't let the guilt you have toy with your memory. Three classmates. Not an entire classroom. Not an entire school."

I closed my eyes as another pain passed through my head. I shook it off before searching my mind and answering her. "Whether it was three or thirty, it doesn't matter. I took innocent lives."

"Innocent." She let out a bitter laugh and crossed her arms. "They were the farthest thing from it. They tormented us." She took a step around, circling me. "Hurt us...bullied us along with a bunch of other children. They deserved it."

"They were kids. No matter what, they didn't deserve to die," I said, a part of me not fully meaning it, but it was definitely the appropriate response. Some kids were just pure evil.

She smiled, ending up back in front of me. "You can lie to yourself all you want, but you can't lie to me. Children are only children to people when they become old enough to differentiate between child and adult. But we were a child, Queen. And to us, they were our biggest nightmare."

"I'm just supposed to take your word for it?"

"Do you want me to show you what they did?" She asked. "Better yet, maybe I should show you the scars and cuts that painted your body before you went to Eden."

"What are you talking about?"

With a sigh, she held her hands out. They were jet black like last time. "I tried to hide them from you last time because I didn't want to scare you, but I think you need to see." The black marks dripped down from her hands and wrist like wax melting off an object. Her skin appeared underneath and I looked at her, unsure of what was happening. "The people that took us didn't believe in blemishes. You were given a potion that removed all the scars you had on you, including these."

She lifted her wrist and gestured for me to take a look.

When I did, my eyes fell on jagged scars on both of her wrists. I reached out for her arm, her skin ice cold as I took a closer look. There were different scars, each of different lengths and sizes. I blinked a few times, my eyes watering a bit. "Did I do these?"

She nodded. "Yes. Because of them," she said and I swallowed a breath. "I wouldn't lie to you, Queen. Just as I can see exactly what you're thinking and feeling, you can do the same with me."

I looked up at her for a long moment, trying to see if she was right. I couldn't exactly tell, but something in me was nudging at me to trust her. She felt genuine.

I nodded slowly. "So I tried to take my life..."

"Yes. Once because of them and a few times when you moved to Heaven."

I shook my head. "I don't remember doing that."

And I should've.

"When you were taken, Lilith took your memory so you wouldn't be in pain..." she said. "But it wore off once you went to Eden. You were a prisoner before you became their daughter. For maybe a year..." She said slowly, letting me process it, but I just couldn't wrap my head around it. A prisoner? My parents? They lied, sure- I found out about it, but to the best of my recollection, up to when we came to Jeradua, they were good to me.

I loved them...they loved me. I only had good memories of my childhood.

"While you were in there, you thought your parents were dead. So you tried to take your own life a couple of times."

I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. "Then how am I here? How did I end up their daughter?"

"Xyla took a liking to you...and she never really found interest in much of anything until you came along."

I was alive because a spoiled brat liked me? The fact that my fate was in Xyla's hands for even a moment made me sick.

"Did she know?" I asked.

"She only knew what they told her. That you were found in the woods."

I ran both of my hands through my hair. To my shock, the head ache had subsided for the most part. The dull ache still remaining was from everything she was telling me. I blew out a long breath, wiping my face before looking at her. "So then what? What am I supposed to do now?"

"Accept it. Accept me," she said. "The darkness will take over eventually and you and I will become one, with or without your permission. It will hurt you if you resist and I don't want to hurt you."

"So I don't have a choice yet I'm supposed to accept this thing in me and hope it doesn't turn me into a psychopath?"

"It's not intentional, Queen," she said. "You woke us up...and just as I have a home in you. That power requires one too- where it can flourish. If you imprison it...try to contain it, you will hurt yourself."

I held back a sob as my eyes blurred with tears again. "I have Saint...Syn, my family." I shook my head. "I can't become like Lilith. I can't get lost in whatever this is."

She took both of my hands into hers. "Look at me." I sniffled, doing what she said. "This is the first step in being different from her. Look around. You were scared of them earlier..."

My head snapped to the corners of the room where the black figures were. A chill shot straight through me when I realized I'd been moving the entire time. Yet this time they hadn't moved an inch closer.

"They're as curious about you as you are them," she told me. "That is the dark magic that Lilith tried to contain. Have they tried to hurt you?"

I held my breath, shaking my head.

"They helped us in that barrier," she told me. "You remember the raindrops?"

Of course, I did. They turned into blood the moment I looked at them. They saved Syn's life.

Was that them?

"It was." She nodded. "In that moment, you were desperate and in that desperation, you trusted what was inside you. You didn't hurt or kill anyone...you weren't controlled. It was all you."

I nodded slowly. I was thankful that I had the power to do that when Syn needed it, but that couldn't be all there was to it. I wasn't naive enough to believe that the darkest magic in the universe was content with me just living day to day for all of eternity. It had to want something.

"You're not fully understanding." She looked me deep in my eyes. "It is you. Lilith deep down, always wanted power. So it's what she got. There is no catch, and it's as simple as that. It will follow your lead."

"Lilith told me it needed to be fed," I remembered.

She smiled. "The first step is to forget everything Lilith ever told you, Queen. You're two different people."

Even though I believed her, I knew that everything in this world demanded a balance. Not knowing everything that was in store terrified me, but fighting against myself like this was going to end up killing me. The pain was excruciating.

"You've already let it in you, Queen," she continued. "You just need to accept and embrace it."

I swallowed a nervous breath before blowing it out. She was right...there was no use. "I am going to trust you this once," I told her and she looked at me, surprised. "But the moment I feel myself slipping away...I will end it all."

I would take my own life before ever hurting anyone I loved.

"High stakes. I like it."

"I'm serious."

"You can trust me. If you can't, then trust yourself," she said, wrapping her hands tight around me. In my peripheral, I could see the black shadows move toward us. I tensed immediately and she shook me out of it.

"Don't be afraid," she told me. Easier said than done. "You're in good hands with us."

꧁꧂

Author's Note

Woooooh! That was a mf trip lowkey 😭 do yall think she can be trusted?...Lmk what you think.

Otherwise, I hope yall enjoyed the long overdue upload. This was supposed to be the last upload, however, this book is just a smidge longer than I intended✊🏾✨😩 so yall gon have to stick with me for ONE more upload of SYN. There are about 10-15 chapters left and I will be releasing them all at once again in a few days. Keep an eye out on my message board today for the countdown❤️

⭐️I hope y'all enjoyed⭐️