Queen

I had to wrack my brain for the memory he drudged up. Those years were a blur for me and I knew why now, they had toyed with my head. I had the briefest recollection of what he spoke about. But what was a pivotal point in his life, was just another day to me. A strange one, but not one I thought about for more than a day afterward.

I remembered his voice a bit, his probing questions, him trying to attack Xyla...he was a creep. One I had no problem snitching on and ultimately stabbing, but he must've held a grudge.

I laughed a bit. "Seriously?" I asked him and he gave me a questioning look. "You're doing all this because I got you arrested for...literally doing what you were doing..."

"You misunderstood," he said.

"I was a child."

"A child who became the reason I was held in captivity for almost a decade, yes. But that's not the reason I told you the story. I've forgiven you for that, long ago."

Forgiven me. I wanted to laugh in his face but I had a feeling it wouldn't do me any good. If he was as off the rails as I thought-- well knew now,  it was better I remained cautious. Especially now that Lilith had given him the spell. I needed to play along for now. "Thanks..." I mumbled.

"They took me," he continued, "sold me to Jeradua when they found out exactly what I was. I was thrown into a damn dungeon and tortured for nine years while they tried to figure out how to kill me. Nine years. I hated you every minute of those nine years. I swore to myself that when I escaped, I'd make you pay."

"And that's what this is..." My mind filled in the blanks, "you making me pay for that."

He smiled and shook his head. "I told you I forgave you."

"Then why am I here?"

He laughed. "You're playing the game wrong." He took back control of the conversation and I rolled my eyes. "My turn. Do you love Syn?"

"You already know the answer to that."

"Answer it."

"Yes." He nodded once. I didn't understand why he asked a question he already had an answer to, but if they were going to be that easy, fine. "How did we get here?' I asked my question, emphasis on here. "You escaped, okay. You forgave me, cool. So why are we here?"

"How or why?" He nitpicked. "Those are two different questions. Choose one."

I didn't realize they were when I asked. His question put me on the spot instantly and I thought hard. If I asked him "how", he'd give me logistics. I knew that much. It'd be a waste of a question. So I opted for the second one. "Why?"

He smiled. "We are here because I have been in love with you for years. I think my turn to feel that love has been long overdue."

I let out a huff of laughter. None of this was making sense. His carrying a petty want for revenge was idiotic, but at least it came full circle. I could reason with that, as stupid as it was. But love? It made no sense. Maybe somehow during the time he was Aiden...

"For years now, I've been in the shadows," he said. "You may not have known, but I was always there. The shadow outside your window, a guard outside your bedroom, pastor, coworker- a passing face in a crowd. I've been almost everything just for the chance to be near you...no matter how brief the interaction."

A chill struck down my body. Goosebumps crawled across my skin as a collection of faces flashed through my mind. Thousands of faces I've seen over the years- smiled at, hugged, laughed with.

Any of them could've been him.

Immediately the idea that his infatuation with me began as Aiden, was thrown out the window. I had only met Aiden last year. This had gone on far longer. The thought was chilling.

"When Lilith was watching you...I was watching her." I swallowed, glancing at Lilith who looked far more creeped out than I was. He laughed a bit. "Does that disturb you?"

My eyes snapped back to him and I pushed away my nervousness. He slipped up. I took advantage of the opportunity and I answered his question. "It does. My turn." He looked lost for the briefest second before accepting that loss and crossing his arms.

I took a deep breath. He was close enough to me at some points to be a guard. He had been in the palace, admitted to following Lilith, and he knew about the spell...or maybe she told him about it? I turned to my mother. "The spell, Lilith," I started. "Did he ask you about it or did you tell him--"

"That's two questions, Queen," he warned.

I barely glanced at him. I needed her answer before I asked him my final one. "It's not a question for you. Your rules didn't say anything about asking another person a question." His jaw clenched and I turned back to Lilith. "I need to know."

She looked at me but didn't answer. She couldn't speak.

"Blink once if you gave him the information. Twice if he approached you."

She blinked once and I held my breath, waiting for a ball to drop.

Then again. Blink.

My heart dropped. Just a tiny bit, but enough that he noticed it and a sadistic smile spread across his lips. "How did you know about it?" I asked. That was my question.

"I told you I followed your mother."

Liar.

"I thought we had to be honest."

"I am being honest." His lip twitched. He was still hiding something.

"Omitting the full truth about something is still a lie..."

He looked at me for a long moment, his finger tracing the outline of the knife on the table. "Okay, I'll admit," he said lowly. "I was him, once." Him. "Dimitri. Well...Sebastian. I'm not positive how that entire thing worked out."

My heart finally sank. To the pit of my stomach. He was there, he was him. If he knew about the spell, that meant he used it. And Sebastian only ever used it for one thing.

My skin crawled as if it wanted to just run away from me. My mouth watered, bile trying to fight its way out of me and I swallowed. I faced him. "So not only are you a stalker and a serial killer-- a child killer at that," I gulped, "you're a rapist." I had never been able to say the word. I didn't even say it to Syn when I told him the few details of what happened. The word told you there were two people-- the one committing the act, and the victim. I never wanted to be the victim. So I never said it, but that was what happened.

"Wrong," he said. "Sebastian is the one who did that to you. I was simply following a role."

I was at a loss for words. It had taken me so long to finally just, be. Be in my own skin. Be okay with Syn touching me, being on top of me...feel safe in my dreams. It was easier after Syn killed Sebastian, but this felt like he was right here. Back.

And I couldn't breathe anymore.

My chest began to squeeze into itself.

My airways were blocked by his phantom hands.

His hands were everywhere.

I couldn't move.

He's gone, I tried to tell myself. This was a panic attack, I knew that. My mind just wouldn't tell my heart and body. I shut my eyes, shutting out Aiden's voice as he continued to speak. Breathe. I knew that much. I had pulled Syn back from one of these and he had done it for me before. I could do this.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Sebastian was gone and I was in control of myself. I was safe in my body.

The negative voices in my head tried to fight me. They wanted me to ask Aiden which time was him. I remembered them all vividly, but knowing that wouldn't make anything better. I never ever wanted it.

Slowly, my senses came back to me. It became a bit easier to breathe, the heaviness on my chest was getting lighter.

Then he touched me, and whatever grip I was beginning to have on myself was obliterated. My head couldn't differentiate his hand from Sebastian's and my mind was reeling. The only thing I could hear as I got lost in my own madness was Lilith's scream, and glass shattering on the floor.

There was a struggle. I heard bits and pieces. Grunts, hisses, and screams as bodies clashed. I didn't know how long it lasted, but after a while...everything was just silent.

"Hey, hey, come here," I heard Lilith's soft voice. Her hands wrapped around me and she held me against her chest. "Shh, it's okay, little one." Her voice was broken as she spoke. "I-I'm so sorry, my love. If I had known..." she trailed, kissing the top of my head. "But you need to pull yourself together now. He's knocked out, but not for long. Breathe, deep breaths."

I did just that, forcing myself to open my eyes. I was sitting on the floor, in the middle of the ruin. I didn't remember how I got there. I looked at Lilith. "How did you..." I asked confused.

"I'm not sure," she said with a groan. "I was just...so angry. At him. At myself. I couldn't let anything happen to you. I'm so sorry."

I looked past her to Aiden lying on the floor, concussed. I stood up, groggy. She and I could talk about this later. "We need to leave before he gets up." She didn't stand. "Lilith. We have to g--" I stopped when my eyes landed on the butcher knife lodged into her stomach. My hands and pants were covered in blood too, hers. "No, no." I dropped next to her, my hands moving to her wound as if I could collect all the blood she had lost and heal her. "I-if we pull it out..I-I can heal you." I nodded frantically.

She smiled, shaking her head. She had already accepted it, but I wasn't ready. Not yet. "There's no time."

"I can be fast." I grabbed the fallen tablecloth beside us and held it against the bloody wound.

She wrapped a steady hand around my shaky one. "Queen."

"Please," I said, harsher than intended as my lip trembled.

"Okay..." She gave in, silent as I looked at the wound.

She was right. The knife had hit an artery. If anything, it was the reason she was still alive for now. If I pulled it out, she'd die before I had a chance to save her. I sobbed into my hand, shaking my head. "I can't-- I'm sorry."

"You've done nothing wrong," she whispered, her hand pushing my hair away from my face. "You have been nothing but perfect since you came into this world, Queen. I'm sorry I couldn't see that until now. I should've," she coughed up some blood, "I should've been better. To you, Adam, Syn, Xavia...everyone. Tell them I'm sorry." Tears flowed down her cheek.

"Tell them yourself." I sniffled. "You can't just die. I won't allow it." I stood up, there had to be something I could do. But she tugged on my hand weakly, wanting me to sit with her.

"Yes, my love. Forbid me from dying." She laughed softly. "I'll try."

I cried. And she squeezed my hand. "I'm a thief, Queen. I stole Lucifer's power, stole your father from Eve, stole you from the heavens twice." She smiled, referring to the deal she and Adam made with God and then when she came back into my life. "And if I were able to live longer-- I may have stolen Lucifer again and your father, from whatever bimboo he's dating right now."

I laughed through my tears and she smiled. "So many accomplishments," she whispered. "But you were my favorite, by far. You gave me meaning and showed me what unconditional love was, even now. You are my greatest love, little one. And I wish life had been kinder to us. I wish I never got separated from you. I was different, back then. I promise. You would've liked me. I would've been someone you could be proud of-- someone worth those tears you're crying."

"I love you too, Lilith," I admitted to her. And I truly did despite everything. Whether she deserved it or not. She was still my mother.

She smiled, resting her head on the leg of the dining table. "I'm going to be selfish one more time, Queen." With shaky fingers, she picked up the knife a few inches away. "You need to get out of here. I swore to myself, If I died, I'd die with my energy. Thought maybe if I gave it back to the Earth, the universe would have some mercy on me in my next life," she said. "But I can't do that. Not anymore. I'd rather die knowing that you have a fighting chance."

"What are you saying?"

She grabbed my hand and placed the knife in my palm, closing my fingers around the handle as she took a shaky breath. "You need to be the one to kill me."

"No." I shook my head. That was too cruel.

"Yes." She nodded, resolve set in her eyes. "You need to awaken the power, it's the only way."

"You said I wasn't strong enough anyway," I said, still shaking my head. "I'll find another way--"

"If anyone is strong enough, it is you."

"But you said--"

"I know what I said, I lied," she admitted. "You're stronger than me now, at your age than I have ever been. I let it consume me because I didn't have the strength to fight it."

"What if I don't have it either?"

"You have Syn," she said. "If you don't have the strength, turn to him and he will give it to you."

I sniffled. "I think that's the first time I've ever heard you compliment him."

She gave me a sad smile. "He loves you. I never trusted him, but I do trust that."

I looked down at the knife in my hand, its outline blurred with my tears. "I don't have much time, Queen." She winced, slumping to the side and I caught her in my arms. "Do it now."

"I'm sorry." I broke down.

"I'm the one who's sorry." Her eyes fluttered briefly before she looked up at me. Speaking in a breathless voice, she said, "And I'm sorry for being at peace while you're so distressed. I-I never imagined anyone would mourn for me. Knowing you will, it puts me at ease." She touched my cheek. "But d-don't cry for me for too long. Spend your eternity, happy. Don't be afraid...to be grand...my little..." Her hand began to fall, her eyes slowly closing...her heartbeat quieting.

I lifted the knife, burying it where I knew it would be fatal. Her heart stopped almost immediately, and her body became heavy in my arms. I cried into her hair, holding her tight. I wanted to cling to the last lingering scent of her. I closed my eyes, willing everything to fall into the background and it did. Because when I opened my eyes, Lilith was no longer in my arms and I wasn't in the cabin.

I sat up, dirt under my fingers as I looked around the familiar sunflower field I had only seen in my dreams. The one Xavia had stayed in while I was pregnant. My safe space. I hadn't come here since I'd lost her. The memories were too painful...yet here I was, somehow.

I stood up, rubbing the dirt off my palms. At first glance, everything was the same. The same tree...the swing set. I squinted as I saw a woman in a white dress sitting on it, her back to me. Dark, curly hair cascading down her back."Excuse me!" I called out to her. No reply.

Xavia?

I practically ran to the person, paying little attention to the wilted flowers-- growing in number the closer I got to her.

A few feet away from her, I finally let myself look around. The area surrounding her and the tree was completely black, wilted, dead. The large tree didn't even look like itself anymore. Black streaks snaked around it from the root like veins. The green leaves I remembered were now a mix of dark green and black--the branches stained with the same inky color.

What the hell?

I looked back at the woman, seeing the same black lines under the thin, transparent dress. Almost like tattoos. There was something familiar about her, but she wasn't my daughter.

An apple, blood red, fell from the swing and rolled until it hit my foot. I picked it up, eyeing it and when I stood back up, she was in front of me. My eyes widened, and a slow, Cheshire smile spread across her lips...or my lips. I didn't know anymore.

I tilted my head, and hers tilted in sync. Lifted my right arm, and hers lifted. I gasped, taking a step back and she did the same. She was me. A lot scarier, but definitely me. Perhaps a mirror version.

I lifted my other hand, the one with the apple in it and hers moved, her fingers curling to mimic the shape. Oh, hell no. I threw the apple at the thing and she caught it with one hand, breaking out into a smile. "Why would you do that? I was having fun messing with you."

"Who the hell are you?"

She blew a hot breath onto the apple and wiped it against her dress. "Isn't it obvious?"She held her arms out. "We practically look the same." She gave me a once-over. "Well, I definitely have a better body but other than that...I'm you."

My mouth dropped in shock.

"A better body than who?"

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Author's Note

Sorrows, sorrows, prayers✊🏾

ANYWAYS.

Queen girl😭IKTR, don't let yourself diss you like that! Lmk what y'all think is going on✨
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