Queen

My fingers trailed the smooth railing of the stairwell. I wasn't going to come down for dinner tonight. If it were up to me, I would've locked myself in my bedroom and counted down the moments Syn would "come to my rescue".

I knew he would.

I didn't doubt that in the slightest. But every second I sat complacent, helpless, I was reminded of the weak girl I was before I met him.

The old me would have bided her time, hopelessly waiting for a man desperate to get to me. He would crash the doors down, guns blazing without so much as a second thought for his safety.

She waited for her Prince Charming. She believed in fairy tales. But, I, the one who had lost him once before, didn't. I had outgrown those outlandish notions that I needed to wait to be saved, and I didn't want that burden on him alone. I had to do something. Even if it was as minuscule as attending this stupid dinner with the last two people I wanted to. It was better than staying in the room and letting my dignity waste away.

I heard shuffling as I neared the dining room. Hushed voices no doubt belonging to my two cellmates in this now prison of a cabin. Why were they talking? I halted my steps at the entrance to the open room, my arms crossed. "Syn"— I scoffed, giving Lilith a stern stare as she tried her best to plaster on a painfully obvious rehearsed smile for me.

I eyed the pair.

Something happened and I was the odd one out.

I had been around my fair share of shady people long enough to know when I was intruding on a conversation about me. It was a distinct feeling. The only one that made your ears hot, and made your body want to fold in on itself until you vanished into thin air.

My lips pursed to the side and I bit the inside of my cheek. "Am I interrupting?" I drawled out slowly, taking measured steps toward the table.

Lilith began to speak, yet failed and Aiden stepped in. He cleared his throat. " You're the guest of honor, Princess. What could you possibly be interrupting?" He asked, sending waves of nausea through my gut. Princess. It was Syn's voice but it sounded venomous and unpleasant coming from him.

He pulled out a chair, tilting his head for me to sit. I glanced away from him, my eyes landing on an unusually fidgety Lilith. "Everything okay?" I questioned with as much sincerity as I could muster. She nodded, the same fake smile spreading across her face as my own faltered. "Yes, everything is okay. Come have a seat."

Lie.

By the time she gestured toward the chair Aiden pulled out, my smile had completely vanished.

I had no idea what was going on, but my paranoia was scraping painful warnings against my abdomen. These two— having anything to talk about, immediately quieting the moment I walked in...something was off.

If I truly trusted Lilith at all I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe...just maybe they were just talking, and my imagination was running wild.

Maybe I could trust her...

That thought went away as quickly as it came up, a lingering wonder that I wanted to be true. But look where that ideology got me in the past. I lost everything because of that stupid fucking word: Trust.

If history was any indication— which it was, she had sided, once again, with someone who wasn't me. Whenever a threat was imminent and Lilith was in the picture, I could expect her...without a doubt, to be on the other side. Pulling the strings. I was a marionette to her Machiavelli. Just a puppet to a sick puppeteer whose strings always somehow surrounded me. It couldn't be an accident every time.

It was heartbreaking, but I was beyond the point of grieving a person who was never truly there. No more tears for her.

"Are you alright?" She asked, studying my pensive look. It was my turn to lie now.

I rubbed my palms against my jeans and smiled, simulating visual responses to relaxation when truly,  I was uneasy about the entire thing. I walked over to the seat I was instructed to go to and sat.

Aiden set a salad bowl down on the table, surveying me. He pulled out a chair and sat opposite to me. Thank fuck. "I can't say I'm pleased with your choice of attire tonight." I looked down at what I was wearing; a black long-sleeve cotton top and distressed jeans. I didn't look bad, if anything, casual.

I looked to my left, at Lilith'a choice of clothes. Same as usual. A dark purple cocktail dress hugged her body, her dark stiletto heel dangling as she crossed her legs. She was just effortlessly gorgeous- good for her.

"I'm wearing heels. I should get a few points for that." I swung my head in his direction with a sigh. "If there was a dress code you should've told me. Is this a special occasion?"

"It is." He caught my gaze and my heart did a double take as it was Syn's reflection looking back at me. Those same enchanting green eyes, flecked with emeralds as long, dark, lashes framed them. The longer I looked at him, the angrier I became. It wasn't him.

He smiled. That damn dimpled smile he had only gifted the world recently. "Why are you looking at me like that, Princess?" He asked in a low voice, his grin spreading. He looked almost...hopeful, eager to hear my answer.

If I squinted my eyes hard enough, pretended Syn had changed his taste in...everything, I could almost give into the illusion.

Believe it was him.

But that smile would tell me every single time. Syn's were genuine. He hardly ever did it.

If he had caught me staring at him like I was staring at Aiden now, he'd tilt his head at me, his wavy, jet-black hair following the motion.

Then, he would raise a brow. He would think something was wrong rather than consider I was looking at him because I thought he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

Syn would say the same thing Aiden said, it was possible. And I'd reply, "Because it's hard not to look at you like this." Aiden looked at me, surprise marring that sculpted face before he chuckled, letting a smug smile tug at his lips. My smile dropped, the facade immediately drifting away as I poured myself a glass of wine. To the brim.

As if I needed another indication it wasn't him.

Syn would have given me the most disgusted scowl he could conjure up- as if my words could make him physically sick. I knew it was a front, though. He was just hiding the impact my words had on him.

He liked giving me compliments—it was practically a native language for him. But receiving? Not so much. Except for the tabloids, he didn't get them often growing up. He was more vilified than praised, fairly so, he was the epitome of destruction.

But he was hot. He should've gotten more kudos for that. Right?

Shit, I missed him. Painfully.

Downing the wine, I watched mindlessly as Lilith began filling our plates. Acting like the perfect housewife while Aiden watched me with crossed arms. I held his gaze, perhaps a moment longer than I should have because, within a second, my stare was ice cold.

"I didn't think you were a drinker," he spoke, midway through cutting his steak as he pointed the knife to the glass. I could hear the clear disapproval in his tone, but I didn't care enough to set the drink down.

"I'm not," I admitted. "I just have a feeling I'll be needing it tonight." Liquid courage. I had no idea what I'd need it for. But just in case. It also calmed my nerves a bit. I needed something in my hands...in my mouth. To keep me from saying something I'd regret, and strangling the life out of him.

He let out a small laugh, lifting a fork full of food to his mouth and chewing. Obnoxiously loud at that.

Lilith cleared her throat, thankfully breaking my focus on the sound. I didn't have misophonia— well, that was a lie. I did when it was coming from people I hated. But then again, if I hated someone enough anything they did could drive me insane. "How is it?" She asked him.

"Salty." He wiped his mouth with the napkin and squeeze it in his fist before sucking his teeth and sitting back. He eyed me expectantly, ignoring my mother's agitation. "Try it."

I looked down at my plate; the steak a smidge too dark, the vegetables charged to a crisp, and whatever else on my plate unrecognizable to me. "I'm not hungry." Anymore. "And I'm not the biggest fan of salt and...coal." That earned a grunt of a laugh from Lilith. She knew it was terrible.

"I didn't ask if it satisfied your palette," he said. "I told you to eat it."

Rage boiled in my stomach, my fingers tightening around the stem of the wine glass. Who did he think he was? Was the first thought that came to my mind. It was followed by another sinister thought. One only the parasite called paranoia could conjure up.

Is this poison?

I looked between the two of them, my lips lingering on the glass as they waited for me to obey. I looked at Lilith longer than I did him. If this was all some elaborate plot, or if there was a hidden agenda, this was me giving her one more chance to be the person I wanted her to be.

Instead, she looked at me and said, "Pick your battles, little one. This is not a hill worth dying on--it's just food and I worked hard to prepare it." I almost laughed at the fucking irony. The woman who flew off the handle at every minor inconvenience was now the patron of tranquility and peace. Choose my battles...

Involuntary tears welled in my eyes as I laughed. Fuck me. I didn't want this to affect me.

I knew who she was, but it didn't hurt any less.

Another unexpected bubble of laughter left my mouth as I bit back the bitter tears. I was hysterical, cramping, a teeny bit tipsy, and extremely pissed. Not a good mix-- alcohol and off-kilter emotions. They stared at me, wide-eyed like I'd grown horns on my head and I just laughed. It felt good to do it and it sure as hell felt better than crying. I refused to let a single tear drop.

Letting my laughter subside, I took another gulp of wine. I sucked my teeth at the bitter taste and turned my body toward my mother. She eyed me closely and I tilted my wine glass at her. "You..." I began.

"Is something wrong?" She asked me, her tone softer than I've heard in a long time. Her hand reached for my shoulder and I pushed it away, shrugging away from her touch. She moved to take the glass from my hand and I shook my head. Don't touch me.

"I'm not done with this," I told her, drinking the last inch of the drink. I filled it to the top again, missing a bit, and staining the white tablecloth. Bringing the glass to my lips, I eyed them again. They looked so serious. The craziness of it all made me giggle and the wine in the glass bubbled against my lips. "You should've drugged the wine instead, hm?"

"Okay, that's enough wine." Lilith reached for the glass in my hand once again and all the expression dropped from my face.

"Do that again and I'll snap your neck." Shock riddled her features and rattled my head for a brief second. The words just slipped out of my mouth, but the surprise on her face made it all worth it. That's right. I never considered myself a person to be feared after I left hell, but...this was kind of nice. Especially from her. She deserved to feel scared of the unpredictable. It was just a sliver of how she used to make me feel.

I smiled suddenly, mindlessly tapping on the glass and taking small sips as they glanced at one another. "So what's the plan now?" I asked them. "Don't leave me in suspense." I pouted and Aiden sat back, irritation he didn't bother hiding etched into his face.

"You're awfully childish when you're drunk, Princess."

"You would know, Syn," I challenged him. He didn't like that.

He scoffed and took his gaze off of me. "Lilith, please give us a few minutes."

She stood up to do just that and I grabbed her forearm, forcing her to sit back down. "Where are you going?"

She looked between us, conflicted. "I'm just giving the two of you some space..."

"Lilith..." he spoke in a dangerously low tone. "Leave."

"No, Lilith. Stay." I set my glass down. "We're having so much fun."

She was at a loss for words as my hand held a firm grip on her arm. Her eyes moved to Aiden for an answer and I studied her. Even at her absolute weakest, I had never seen her so easily controlled. He either had something huge on her or had something she desperately wanted. I concluded it was the latter. No secret of Lilith's could shock anyone, therefore, blackmail wasn't a weapon that could harm her. So what was it? Not that it mattered much.

Betrayal was betrayal.

But I was still curious. Was it worth repeating history? Was it worth me?

"I think we need to talk...alone."

Hmm. "Why?" I asked. "Anything you say to me, you can say in front of my mother. Right, mom?" I leaned into her and gave a sloppy grin."We don't have any secrets between us, right?"

I waited for her reply, loosening my grip until my fingers landed around her wrist. To say her heartbeat was erratic would be an understatement. It was thunderous, practically pushing against my fingers. Could it be guilt? Was she capable of that?

She nodded silently, eyes focused on the untouched food in front of her. "Well, there you have it." I sighed and let go of her, turning my focus back to him. "Before you say what you want...can we eat?"

He raised his brows, surprised by my request. But he obliged, lifting his utensils. I, in turn, lifted my plate and set it down in front of Lilith, taking hers instead. "W-what are you doing?" She questioned.

"Eat, Lilith," I muttered flatly as I began eating from her plate. I wasn't looking at her, but I could sense her hesitation from my peripheral.

She cleared her throat. "I'm not hungry. I've been eating bits and pieces while I cooked," she said.

I sat back in my seat, chewing as I looked at her. Aiden was right, it was salty. But it wasn't deadly- the only threat in the dish was its insane sodium levels. I'd be fine. Her? I didn't know, but I intended to find out just what was supposed to happen to me.

"I didn't ask if you were hungry, Lilith," I responded calmly. "Just take a bite. We're at the dinner table, it'd be rude of you not to." She opened her mouth, preparing to resist again and I crossed my legs, facing her completely. "Choose your battles, isn't that what you said? Is this the hill you want to die on?" I threw her words back at her. "Because I assure you if you don't eat, I will kill you. So pick. The food, or me?"

Pick your poison. Quite literally what was happening, but I felt like that was a bit on the nose.

With a gulp, she picked up the fork and poked at the food. She placed the smallest piece of potato in her mouth, chewed, and swallowed it. And as if she'd accomplished something, she turned to me and raised a brow. "Now, can we end whatever this--"

"Another one," I instructed.

"You said one bite," she bit back.

I sighed, sliding the chair closer to her as a loud scrape filled the silence. I grabbed the fork and knife from her hands and cut the steak. I filled the fork with a bit of everything and set the knife down with a clatter. "One more." I held the fork between us. She looked at the fork, swallowed a breath, and looked at me, pleading...but I wasn't going to be the one to save her. She did this to herself.

I saw the smallest sliver of hopelessness in her eyes as they watered. Her shoulders were still tense with feigned confidence as they always were and she rolled her eyes. "I'm your mother and you're trying to feed me." She laughed a bit, looking at Aiden. "Is this necessary?"

"It's because you're my mother that I'm doing this," I replied, earnestly.

She glanced at me, that sad glimmer flashing and vanishing once again. In the end, her eyes moved back to Aiden. "Eat it, Lilith. What's the problem?" Her face fell. Betrayal. That's what that feels like.

Her eyes moved back to me as she realized her options were becoming limited. She could try to run, but there was nowhere to go. A barrier surrounded the cabin in every direction. She could try to beg me, but that wouldn't work. The only way out was through. "Queen, please."

I dangled the fork between us and a sad smile graced my lips. "Should I eat it then, mother?" I wouldn't, but for some idiotic reason, I wanted to give her another chance. One last time to get it right.

She couldn't answer. A blank look was etched onto her elegant face, but her eyes were the window to how she truly was feeling. Conflicted.

That wasn't good enough.

I was a mother. Without a doubt, I'd put my child's life before mine, no matter what. But she was different. It was unfortunate, but one could still hope.

I didn't miss how Aiden wasn't trying to stop me from eating it as well. He just watched. Another slip-up in his facade. If he didn't give a shit about keeping up the act he should've just let go of Syn's form.

"You know what," I began, taking a deep breath and looking deep into Lilith's eyes. "I trust you."

Lie, of course.

Set in my resolve, I lifted the fork and opened my mouth. Abruptly, I felt her hands on mine. She took the fork from me, eating the food without so much as a second thought. Immediately after she swallowed, her fork clattered onto the plate, the harsh sound creating a dissonance against the quiet tension that rested in the room since I entered.

Her hands gripped the edge of the table as her breathing became more labored by the second. After a few brief moments, she became still. Uncharacteristically frozen in her seat. I shut my eyes, immediately realizing what she had done-- planned to do. "I am sorry, Queen," I heard her whisper.

Just when I thought the knife of betrayal she plunged into me years ago couldn't sink in any further, it did. I laughed bitterly, tears once again pricking my eyes when I opened them. Fuck these emotions. Fuck her. Fuck everything in me that found a way to hurt and ache after each continuous betrayal.

"Was that meant for me..." I said, more like a question, but it was a statement. One that I had to tell myself as I glanced between them. I'd think that after what happened with Sebastian, Lilith would refrain from giving this particular spell to just anyone...but she had again. I had a feeling after speaking to her this afternoon that she didn't know just how much Sebastian twisted its use. That he had violated me in the worst ways imaginable, repeatedly-- if she did, could she...would she have done this again?

It was useless. Thinking about that. The only thing the what-ifs would do is give me hope of a reality that didn't exist. One where I had a mother who cared more about me than power.

I heard a sigh come from the other monster in the room and I tore my eyes away from a still and distraught Lilith. "I can't believe this happened." He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "She tried to poison you. I'm more shocked than you are, I--" Before he could finish the sentence, he burst out into laughter. Hand over his chest as if he'd never seen something so funny. "You're a smart girl, I didn't expect that." He was amused, but worst of all, he was enamored. He was proud.

I bit the inside of my cheek, ignoring him as I poured myself another glass of wine.

"You just continue to surprise me," he said, dazzled. This was a game to him. One that he was enjoying, and it was beginning to get to me.

I finished the wine and blew out an exasperated breath.

I didn't know if it was because of the alcohol buzzing through my system or because I was just so damn tired...probably a bit of it. But I just couldn't do it anymore.

Pretend all was okay with Lilith and me.

Pretend, he was someone that he wasn't.

Pretend that I didn't want to slit his throat every time his breath touched my skin.

Just. Fucking. Tired.

"Let's cut the shit, Aiden."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
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