Lilith

I chopped the onions, the motions flowing through me like instinct. I used to cook every day- Adam taught me how. At first, when he offered, I thought it was simply his first step into turning me into some cookie-cutter housewife. Throughout history I had been the embodiment of women's independence from men— a sign of strength and sexual liberation. I was a goddess. And I thought that he was trying to change me. Looking back at it now I could see that he only did it so I could feed myself when he wasn't around.

I wish I hadn't given him such a hard time about that.

That amongst many things if I were being honest.

I missed this— I missed him- the three of us doing something as mundane as this. Queen's head would be in a book at the dining table as Adam was in the kitchen with me, stealing kisses when she wasn't looking our way. We were truly happy. I remembered that much.

I looked over at Queen beside me, her dark hair tied into a ponytail, her brows furrowed in concentration as she cut the carrots slowly. "Why offer to help when you're that slow?" I joked.

She shot me a look before continuing and I smiled. "I wanted to look busy," she said lowly. "I didn't want to give him a reason to try and talk to me. At least if he comes here I can say it's mother and daughter time."

"Fair enough, I guess." I continued cooking, sautéing the onions as Queen fidgeted with the knife and carrots. "Did your mother up there not teach you how to cook?"

"Well, you know," she glanced at me, tilting the knife in the air. "She didn't have time with the whole...being Queen of Eden. Teaching me how to cook wasn't really on the agenda- but I can do the basics; sandwiches, pizza bites, cup noodles—"

"Oh, no." I cringed outwardly, taking the knife from her hand and moving the cutting board toward me. "Do you know how horrible those are for you?"

"There are worse things." She leaned on the counter and watched me cut the vegetables.

"They have a lot of sodium," I told her. "You'll get bloated."

She groaned. "I'm already bloated."

"Ah, the infamous menses, hm?" I asked and she nodded. "I'm thankful that I never had to deal with that. The stories I hear—"

She lifted her head from her palm and looked up at me. "You don't have them?!"

"No." I smiled. "I came far before Eve and her idiotic choices."

"Ugh, you're a lucky woman." She sighed.

"I wouldn't say lucky," I told her. "Those cycles control your reproductive system— without it...you know. It took me a long time to get pregnant with you and when I did, it wasn't even because I could. God gave me the gift, just once."

"And you were blessed with me," she teased.

"Not really," I admitted. "You came at the worst possible time for your father and me. Our relationship was on the rocks- because of me, of course, and I had changed my mind about settling down with him. Finding out I was pregnant was an adjustment period, but we...adjusted."

I left out a few of the minor details for my reason for wanting a baby. Within the twenty-four hours I left Lucifer, he got that bitch Genesis pregnant. I didn't know about it until Syn was an infant, but I wanted to get even a bit— I knew it would break Lucifer's heart and it would keep Adam around. It was a win-win. I just didn't foresee just how even the universe would make things.

I didn't have that motherly urge in me that had me jumping Adam's bones for a baby. I didn't think I even possessed such an urge until I held her in my arms for the first time.

"Did you ever want more?" She asked me.

"What? Children?" She nodded and I shook my head. "No, you were enough for me."

"Did dad want more?"

"Oh." I grimaced. "I think the day after we had you he wanted to look into adoption or surrogacy. He always wanted a big family."

She smiled, looking down as she toyed with her fingers. "Sounds like him."

"What about you and Syn?" I asked. "Did you try for any more after Xavia?"

She froze for a moment and I frowned. Maybe the wound was too fresh— I knew she was still upset at me for the part I played in it. "Umm...no," she said and I raised a curious brow. "We're good with it just being...us."

"Really?" I asked. "I thought I heard something about the two of you adopting a child. Word truly travels in a palace- too many people."

She let out a nervous laugh. "Yes, a servant left her son with a letter asking for us to keep him..."

"And you didn't?"

She shook her head. "No. We didn't. We took him to an orphanage."

"I suppose that's good." I nodded. "You and Syn don't exactly have a life that's healthy for a child. I mean, look at where we are." I gestured around, referring to the feeder and the barrier we were in. Their lives were dangerous as is and a child would only complicate that.

She rubbed her palms together and gave me a small smile. "That's true."

"Don't look so discouraged." I frowned. "That's not to say that in the future things won't calm down. You have long lives ahead of you, trust me."

"Mhm." She nodded, returning her eyes to the stairwell before looking at me. "What do you think he's doing?"

"Would you like to go check?"

"Hell no."

"Then." I shrugged a shoulder and she sighed, sinking her head into her hands.

"I don't even know how I got myself into this mess— these messes," she grumbled. "It feels like it never ends. We get past one thing and another one pops up..."

"Well..." I told you so, I wanted to say. Instead, I shrugged a shoulder and looked at her. "That's what comes with loving men like him, little one. Take it from me. The love is...it makes you high, but it's not real. It's the trauma that bonds you."

She looked at me for a long moment. "That's what you think you felt for Lucifer? Trauma?"

"Well, yes," I admitted. "Him with his rebellion against his father and me with having to discover my own identity apart from him. I was created with him and him only in mind— just as you were for Syn. It's not real."

"You want to know what I think, Lilith?"

"You're going to tell me..."

"I think that's a cop-out."

I paused, setting the knife down and crossing my arms as I looked at her. "What's a cop-out?"

"The whole you two being 'made for each other' so 'nothing you shared was real'." She waved her hand. "God is a cruel being, I know...but the universe is fair. You may have been created for Lucifer, but don't think for a second he wasn't made for you. The both of you deserved each other. You had free will, despite the mission given to you- no one forced you to hurt him..." she said. "I mean, don't get me wrong- if you hadn't, Syn and I would have never existed...but your unhappiness since the moment you were created, is because of you."

I scoffed. "So you're saying, if I hadn't done what I did...we'd be as happy as you and Syn are?" I let out a small laugh and she shrugged. Look at where we are...

"I guess we'll never know," she said. "But I do know that you never really gave him a fair chance-"

"You know what? Stop," I interjected, irritation crawling up my skin. "Don't do that- don't make me the cowardly one in that situation. The Lucifer you've all come to know now is far different than the one I knew. Who do you think made me the way I am, little one? I was an angel, just like him, except I wasn't banished or fallen from Heaven. Lucifer saw me, wanted me, and kept me. He held me captive long enough that every good thing in me became dark...it all just shriveled up and died until I was just like him. I saw the same thing happening to you with Syn- how could you not see it?"

"Have you ever heard of Occam's razor?"

I faltered. "What?"

"It's this principle that the simplest explanation is usually the best one...that the truth usually requires much fewer parts," she said before giving me a small smile. "I read a lot."

"I've heard of the principle." I crossed my arms. What does it have to do with anything? Confusing me and changing the subject just when I was beginning to make some sense— just like her father.

"There are two explanations here. One more likely than the other," she began. "Yours, which is; you were created for Lucifer, he was evil to you all the while loving you...yet somehow made you this maleficent being? That seems like a long story- lots of layers to it."

"It's the truth."

"Or..." she pointed. "Occam's razor."

"There is no simpler explanation than the one I've just told you, Queen."

"There is one," she said lowly. "Probably the most simple and by the principle would be the truth."

I sighed. "And what's that?"

"You were that way all along," she said. "Lucifer didn't turn you into anything. You were only comfortable being yourself after you met him..."

"That's not true."

"It is," she said. "I know it is because that's how it was for me with Syn except I'm not ashamed of myself or who I am with him. I'm not running...you did."

"I love your father."

"I'm not saying you don't." She smiled sadly. "But you're lying to yourself if you deny ever loving Lucifer..."

I let out a breath, a part of me giving in to the truth she was forcing me to see. Okay, so she wasn't fully wrong. I just hated the way it made me feel. A part of me felt like I was betraying Adam when I thought about my past with Lucifer.

"Maybe I loved them both," I finally admitted.

"That's a step..." she said. "Now you just need to admit that a part of you didn't want me with Syn because it meant you and Lucifer could never be together again..."

"Don't." I shook my head. "I told you my reasons."

"And I heard them, but—"

"Please don't say anything else about that razor bullshit," I snapped. "I may be horrible, but if- even for a second, believed that Syn was good for you, I would have put my feelings aside—"

"So there were feelings."

I paused for a moment before the realization of my words hit me and I shook my head. "That's not what I meant—"

"Another thing," she said, removing the apron from around her waist and setting it on the counter. "The truth is much easier to explain. Try it sometime."

"Queen," I called. She turned on her heel and walked away without so much as another glance at me. I watched her head back up the stairs and I cursed at myself. For as long as I'd had the title of mother, one would think I had the answers about what to do, but I didn't. I couldn't fix things and if I were being completely honest, I was tired of trying.

"Fuck this," I muttered to myself angrily. I was trying to help her but she was dragging me through the mud. What I said— no matter what I did, or how many times I tried to apologize, it'd never be good enough. She was going to hate me and resent me forever.

So, why try?

"She's a stubborn one, isn't she?" I heard a voice say, making me jump in my spot. I curled my hand around the handle of the knife, my eyes roaming the space around the kitchen and living room. I would've chalked the voice up to my imagination if goosebumps weren't crawling past my skin. The unfamiliar voice was more like a growl, deep and sinister, monstrous. It made an image appear in my mind- a contorted one that made my feet stuck to the spot I was standing.

A silence lingered in the space around me, the stove and sizzling food behind me being the only sounds I could hear. Relax. "You're letting your imagination get the best of you, Lilith." I let out a deep breath, my guard still on attack mode as I forced myself to focus on the onions in front of me.

"Don't ignore me," it growled again and I set the knife down with a slam, my head darting in every direction. "Right here..." I swallowed, my eyes focusing on the dark built-in microwave a few feet away from me. Instead of seeing my reflection and mine alone, I saw two. Mine and the dark figure towering behind me.

I swung my arm back, breathless and terrified, expecting to make contact but I was met with air. I snapped my head back, nothing. A warm breath hit my neck. I turned around; nothing again. I looked back at the microwave reflection, seeing the figure move closer and closer to me- I could feel its energy making my scalp tingle, its darkness beginning to make the air around me thick.

I turned around once more, not wanting to play this sick game and when I saw nothing again, I closed my eyes. I wasn't ready to die yet- it was never a thought I ever pondered. It just didn't happen to beings as powerful as me...

And I would be damned if it happened today.

My fingers inched toward the knife on the table and I grabbed it, taking a deep breath. Letting my instinct guide me, I honed in on that dark energy...behind me once again, toying with me as if I were its prey. Only thing was, I was the farthest thing from vulnerable.

Magic or not.

The blade became hot in my hand, the energy in my body shooting into it like fire in my palm. When I was ready, I swung around, bringing my arm up with the blade before letting it plunge into something— someone, hard.

I kept my hand on the blade, feeling large hands wrap around mine and I swallowed a breath. Him. He gave me a cold smile, his hands squeezing my own painfully as he tore my hand away from the knife handle. I winced in pain as he did so, my eyes forced onto the blade buried deep in his chest and his smile grew. "Are you alright, Lilith?" He asked as if he weren't the one causing me the pain.

I groaned, tearing my hand from his and holding it weakly against my chest as I took a step back. Fear wasn't a feeling I had encountered much being who I was. But it was reeling in and out of me now, unconfined. He was unaffected. The spelled blade in his chest didn't seem like much more than a slight inconvenience as he looked at me.

"I- I didn't see you there, Syn." I swallowed. "I apologize. I was startled."

He took a deep breath, pulling the knife out of his chest before facing it toward me. "What was Queen just saying about Occam's razor?" He began, the tip of the blood-soaked knife dragging along my throat- not harming yet but yielding every ounce of his intent. "That the quickest explanation is the more honest one...?"

"I..." I cleared my throat and he smiled. "You heard that?"

How much did he hear?

"Let's say that you came here, truly looking to mend things with Queen after all that you've done. Conveniently intercepting my every moment with her, cooking dinner for the sake of peace, as evil of a whore as you are..." he laughed bitterly. "Now that's complex. I can hardly wrap my mind around it."

"Syn—"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk," he shushed, shaking his head as he grabbed my own between his palms. "It's too complex," he whispered, his face inches from mine as rage swirled in his eyes. "Therefore not the truth according to Queen's logic, no?" I held my breath. "No...what makes more sense is the quicker explanation. You...you know. She knows...everyone knows." He eyed me as I froze in his hands. "Yes...that makes sense."

"How long have you known?"

He let out a bitter laugh, letting go of my head with a force and I stepped back. "Your daughter is a great actress, but there are some things you can't fake. I wanted to take my time with this, but it seems as though you all are leaving me no choice."

"Aiden," I said lowly, confirming his thoughts, and a smile spread across his lips. "Things don't have to be this way...just end this."

"End it?" He whispered. "I've just started. And you're going to help me."

"I would never help you."

"You will." He took a step closer. "Because I know what you want...and I know exactly how to get it to you- everything you want plus more."

"I don't want anything from you," I replied. "If you're going to kill me, get it over with and try."

"I'm not going to kill you." He smiled. "You're much more useful to me this way," he said. "Don't you at least want to hear my proposition?"

"No."

"Even if it ensures your and your daughter's survival?" He asked and I froze. At my hesitance, his smile grew and he nodded slowly. "You want your powers back...and I would much prefer Queen powerless. I have a way for both of us to get what we want...

...I just need something from you."

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