Syn

I smiled, watching the chat bubbles appear briefly before they went away. I glanced back at the balcony, seeing the flustered expression on her face, and relaxed into the seat with a sigh. Leaving and going back to the house would be the best option for me right now— with the whole 'time being snatched' from me in here. What felt like seconds could be hours- just eating away at the time we had to finalize a plan, but I needed just a minute.

Memories I wanted nothing more than to just forget were swirling in my mind. Matilda. The woman I looked up to and trusted when everyone else in the world just left or saw me as some abomination that needed to be distinguished. She was the one who stayed— it took me years to realize that her intentions weren't pure.

She was a sick woman- lonely and tossed aside just waiting for Julius to get bored with his other toys...just like I was. I suppose that's why when I got a bit older and could truly understand, I couldn't find it in myself to be angry at her. It wasn't my job to be angry or exact my revenge when it came to the woman.

As a father now, I knew that it was my parent's duty; active parents would have seen the signs and put a stop to it. I would have for my children— I would have for anyone's. But because of who my father was, I didn't get that same reprieve.

I had the right to be angry at her- to be angry at my parents and Julius, but I couldn't. Not for myself anyway, but for Queen. She was the one that bore the consequences of the scars that my childhood left behind and for that, I was pissed. There was only so much of myself I could change in the name of being the best I could for her. There were days when I closed my eyes and found comfort in alienating myself in that dungeon in my mind. I hated myself for it.

I wanted to be able to find that peace and comfort with her- she deserved it and despite all these years of denying myself...I think I deserved it too. My mind just wouldn't let go- long before I met her, that was my perception of peace. Those moments of not being bothered or being forgotten in that cell were the best of my life.

It's pathetic.

After so long of being freed from those chains, I was still imprisoned by myself. My pain, the memories, these scars— the wondering of how different things could have been if the universe had been kind enough to give me her when I needed her most...

Just as a friend would have been nice.

I may not have understood everything about her, but I would've protected her.

She would've protected me.

There would have been no more cell, no more Julius, no more wondering if tonight was the night Matilda was bored enough to come back...I would have run away with Queen- somewhere far where neither of us could be recognized. We would've been happy and just maybe, I could've grown into a man that she didn't have to love so cautiously. A man who didn't need to keep things from her and expected the same openness back.

It was almost hypocritical for me to ask her to open up to me when I hadn't given her the same grace. That was why I told her about Matilda- I planned to take that secret to my grave, but if anyone needed to know, it was her. It left a key to the heavy metal door in me that guarded everything I'd ever kept buried for my sanity but it was ready for her. That was if she wanted it. It'd be hard, but I'd do it for her.

The only thing was I'd expect the same from her and I wasn't sure she was ready just yet.

I felt a push on my arm and I opened my eyes, snapping not only out of my thoughts but back to reality as the night surrounded me.

"Hey..." I swung my head to the side to see Paris, a silver flask in his hand as he looked at me. "You okay?" He seemed...apprehensive— his words meticulous and his eye watchful.

Fucking hell. "You heard."

"I wasn't trying to," he said. "You were gone for a couple of hours and I wanted to check in—"

"If you utter a single word of what you heard to anyone. I will find the time in my busy schedule to personally rip you limb by limb, Paris."

He laughed, taking a swig from the flask before shaking his head. "Why would I tell anyone?" He asked, holding out the flask for me.

"Who knows?" I sighed, taking it from him. "I'm sure some tabloid would just love to hear about it for a nice lump sum of money." I took a sip and sucked in a sharp breath at the whiskey. "So...name your price."

"My price?"

I nodded, passing him the drink as I kept my eyes on the house. "For your silence. Surely you have a number- what is it?"

He took the flask and sighed. "You really shouldn't hire people you don't trust."

"You don't work for me anymore," I said flatly.

"Right..." He nodded slowly. "Seeing as I'm jobless now and am about to be homeless- maybe telling is the best option."

I scoffed. "All of your own volition. You're the one who quit."

"That was sarcasm," he said. "Your secret is safe with me. That's not something I'd tell anyone."

"We'll see, won't we?" I wanted to believe the guy, but I knew people better than that- when money came into the picture, loyalty flew out of the window. Now wasn't the time for any of us to be naive. I needed insurance. I could threaten his life all day and night but that wouldn't work. Maybe I could have Mario—

"When I was younger," he started and I let out a huff of laughter, making him pause. "Why are you laughing?"

"Because I know what you're doing," I said. "You witnessed a...vulnerable moment- if it was even that, and now you're going to say something you hope will make me relate with you. Make it seem like we're not so different after all, hmm?"

"Huh." He tilted his head. "Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to do."

"In that case, you can save it. There will be no bonding or any of that useless shit," I said. "I don't care about your story—"

"Will you stop being a dick for a second and just listen?" He asked. I raised a shocked brow at him before he whispered thank you, and continued, making me silently grumble. "When I was a kid, maybe fifteen or something; I was in this...I guess you could call it a drug cartel. Not by choice of course, but I was the youngest one there. And I was a favorite amongst the women- especially the leaders' wives."

"Why?" I asked genuinely and he laughed.

"Well maybe you haven't noticed, but I'm not a bad-looking guy," he said and I shook my head. I didn't see it. But Queen did and it made me want to smack the smug grin off of his face. "Anyway, I looked a lot older than I was and I was a hot commodity I guess, because...they couldn't keep their hands off of me. Not long after me being there, I was sleeping with a lot of them- their fucking wives and girlfriends, I didn't care. All I knew was that when it was happening, I got fewer beatings...got to eat a little more, and didn't have to worry about whether I was sleeping in a bed that night or on the floor outside.

"I hated it...but the guys a little bit older than me treated me like I was the shit. They respected me more- stopped picking on me and after a while I convinced myself that it was okay. That I was okay with it. Sex became transactional and I felt nothing. I learned to not let it affect me and over time, I truly believed that it did nothing to me," he said.

"Did it?" I passed him the alcohol and he shrugged before taking a long swig.

"Of course," he replied. I opened my mouth, the question of how floating on my tongue and he shook his head. "I think we've shared enough for today—and like you said: this isn't an opportunity for vulnerability."

"Right." I nodded slowly- not fully understanding his situation but being able to relate to the phantom touches and memories. He passed me the drink, and I finally took notice of the careful way he held it out. His hand was on the bottom, his pointer finger and thumb holding the flask— there was no risk of contact.

Interesting.

I took it from the very top and he nodded silently, an evident sign of appreciation as he sat back in the seat and clasped his hands together. He didn't like contact. I noticed before he was meticulous about shaking hands, but I thought the guy was just a germaphobe. "Now you know a secret of mine. If trust won't ease your doubt, then that should. I won't tell anyone."

I nodded. Fair enough.

"So what's your advice?" I asked.

"Hm?" He glanced at me.

"You told me that...so there has to be some resolution, right?" I asked. "Aren't you supposed to tell me to do something- get therapy, start journaling...Generally, when people reveal these things in relation, it's because they usually have the answer on what to do about it."

"Sorry." He grinned. "I have no idea. I just figure I'm immortal...I'll forget everything one day," he said. "But therapy is an option I hear about...if you're interested in that stuff."

"Are you?"

"Nope," he replied. "You?"

"No." I drank.

"Well, then here's to hopefully getting magically induced amnesia," he said, raising a hand and I laughed. "But you know...things are a bit different. You have her." He tilted his head at the house. "You don't have to bear it all alone anymore."

I nodded slowly. Maybe he was right. "And you will find someone who..."

He shook his head. "No, no...no thanks. I can't give anything worthwhile to anyone...I just work. Any woman who voluntarily falls in love with me has to be insane."

"I used to think the same." I smiled.

"And you weren't wrong." He shrugged.

I wanted to defend Queen, but I couldn't stop the laugh that came out of me. She was a teeny bit crazy at times. The fact that he noticed it in the short time he knew her was amusing to me.

"Perhaps," I conceded.

"Speaking of Queen, though," he began. "Do you think Lilith will follow through with the plan?"

"Oh, of course not," I admitted.

He raised a curious brow. "Then why did you send her in there?"

"Because I don't intend on her coming out alive."

꧁꧂

Author's Note

Oooh chile...

But omgggg hey everyone it's been a minute!!🥹😩 missed you guys fr. Life update: I've started college- late ofc, but procrastination is my bad habit😮‍💨. And I've also moved to a different state to get away from my parents🥳✊🏾BUT life is good and I'm so grateful for y'all's patience. I apologize for the long wait. But we are back in business✨

I'll tap in with y'all here and there throughout the next few chapters. I'll try to leave you alone!

❤️As always, enjoy , comment, and vote⭐️