Sunset | Emily Morgan

I could barely hear my own thoughts as my family's laughs echoed through the dining room, my step mom, Elizabeth, set her well prepared food on the table, my plate stacked with homemade mashed potatoes and pan seared steak. The smell makes me realize how hungry I actually was. I look across the stained dark wood table, a bright smile plastered on my dad's lips as his new wife kissed his cheek before sitting down, joining in on the laughter.

Normal.

That's how it feels to be with my dad, every other week, when I'm with him and his new family, I feel at peace, a sense of normality, like I can smile and mean it. I don't really know what it is about them that makes me feel this way, maybe it's the family vacations, or it's the constant family movie or family games nights or maybe it's just playing outside with my step brother, Nate.

Maybe it's something as simple as always having a family dinner, listening to everyone telling each other about how they're day went, or Nate cracking a joke, eating a homemade meal. I never really had that growing up. After I was 7, my mom, dad, and I would go our separate ways after dinner was made. I would take mine to my room and watch some stupid kids show or talk to Ashlynn. At the time I thought that was awesome; I wasn't stuck talking to my parents but as time went on I kind of yearned for it.

The laughter in the room settles down as we all finish up our plates. We each place them in the dishwasher as I clean the rest and for the first time in my life I don't mind the chores. I put my headphones in and dance to Something like this by the Chainsmokers.

*Knock knock*

I look up from the dishes. My dad comes walking through the hallways to open the door. On the other side I see my mom and she doesn't look too happy.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO PICK YOUR DAUGHTER UP, I HAVE... HAD PLANS!!" My mom yells at my dad, letting Izzy out of her arms. I feel frozen in time as if I'm stuck in quicksand and if I move i'll sink into an abyss of nothingness.

"God April, calm down, it's not the end of the world." My dad says, folding his arms, maintaining a calm composure, not giving my mom the satisfaction of his anger.

"IT'S NOT MY FUCKING RESPONCIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAUGHTER ON YOUR TIME!" She blurts back angrily, Izzy had already ran to me, asking for me to pick her up, not wanting to be around her fighting parents.

My eyes flick to my phone, debating if I should text Ashlynn the code.

My hands start to tremble as I stare blankly at Izzy but then I remember how I felt when I was younger. Except I had no one to help me. I slowly lean down to grab Izzy, tears threatening to pour out my green eyes.

I carry Izzy down the hallway to my room and sit on my bed. "Why are mommy and daddy mad?" Izzy asks in her innocent tiny voice that always makes me smile except this time.

"Oh, mommy is just upset, everything is fine." I say softly trying not to let my voice crack. She looks at me, her eyes exactly like my fathers, the same fierceness

"Everything is okey dokey!" She giggles as she jumps down and starts dancing on the floor.

"Hey, do you want to watch something? I'm just going to use the restroom really quickly." She nods, my hands still shaking violently as I hand her the laptop and quickly make my way to the bathroom.

As soon as the door shuts I slide down the wall and onto the floor. Hot tears now streaming down my cheeks as I try to silence the ugly huckuppy cries. I could still hear the muffled shouts of my parents, even Elizabeth was shouting trying to calm the two down. I pull at my hair trying to make the memories stop. My heart threatens to explode right out of my chest and my lungs refuse to be filled with oxygen.

Now taking short shallow breaths I can barely breath. I rush to grab my phone to text Ashlynn but remember I can't text about this because my dad will see it, so I pull up gmail and start typing:

I can't keep going through this everyday, the constant fear of my parents fighting. And I don't think I can just leave Izzy and go on with our plan, I mean, she'd die without me, she'd have to go through the bullshit I did, I don't want her to have that type of trauma. And if I just let go my parents would change for her, for me. I've learned people only care when you're dying or dead. And my parents can't see I'm dying so I'm only left with one option...

I click off of that email and decide to forget about it and just call Ashlynn to stop me from having a fucking panic attack in the bathroom while my 5 year old sister is right there watching Miraculous ladybug.

*Ring Ring*

A few seconds go by, and she doesn't answer. I try again.

*Ring Ring*

"Fuck Ashlynn." I whisper to myself while rocking myself side to side and counting to 10 in my head.

*Ring Ring*

"Hey. Sorry I didn't answer. I was drawing and my phone was somewhere lost in the covers of my bed." Ashlynn giggles. As she looks down at the Facetime screen.

"Emily! ARE YOU OK?!" She asks, worry laced in her voice as she turns her attention to me fully.

I try to catch my breath to talk but I can't. It's as if I'm drowning and my cries are hickuppy.

"Ok I'm on my way, now listen to my voice, I need you to slow your breaths down, count to 5 with me and breathe in. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, now release." I do as she says but my cries make my breaths come in less steady than I intend.

We repeat this process together until I can finally breathe like a real person. "Oh my god." I exhale as I lean my head against the wall. The door slowly creaked open and I see Ashlynn.

"You're ok" She repeats as she leans in and bear hugs me. "I've got you. You're safe now."

Sunset | Ashlynn Collins

My eyes dance over the portrait I had been working on for the last few weeks. I close my eyes, picturing her in my mind, making sure every detail is perfect, since she is perfect. Opening my eyes again, I smile brightly at the finished drawing of Emily Morgan. The song Not like I'm in love with you by Lauren Weintraub plays through my ear buds.

I had been up all night drawing, not able to sleep. I had questioned whether or not I should text Emily. I knew she'd be asleep and wouldn't be able to see the message anyways since her bitch of a dad turns her phone off every night.

I let out a dramatic yawn as I stretched, knowing mom would be in here in an hour to wake me up for the day. Just like clockwork. I glance around my room, looking for the perfect place to put my new piece of artwork. Almost every part of my room has some type of drawing, painting, or some other type of art I've done plastered on the walls or even scattered on the desk.

My room is the only everchanging part of my life. My family has this schedule they live on everyday. Wake up at 9, eat breakfast, get ready for the day, dad goes to work, we do school, lunch, dinner, bed, repeat. Most people like routine and being able to know when everything is going to happen. But not me, I want... need something more. I want to see the world and not just dream about it but I'm 17, still in school and I live under my parents roof, therefore everything they say goes and I can't just do whatever the hell I want.

Shit I did it again. This is why we have a swear jar. Emily and I have filled up at least 4 jars within the last 2 years.

Standing up from my deck, I make my way to the kitchen, to start making breakfast for myself and my younger brother, Jaxon. I usually make scrambled eggs and a banana strawberry smoothie, but this morning I want to show my parents that I care, that I'm trying. Attempt number 4,569

Chocolate chip pancakes, my parents favorite, if my memory serves me correctly it was like their first meal while on their first date at a waffle house. After whipping up the batter, I start making the eggs, fried hard.

After around ten minutes of making breakfast, I hear my parents door open, and soft almost silent footsteps making their way to the kitchen to make themselves coffee. Mom. I send her a quick smile as she pours herself a glass of coffee.

"I made breakfast." I say in a cheerful mood.

"I'm not hungry," She grumbles, barely even glancing at me as she walks back down the hallway to her room. I bite the side of my cheek, knowing today is just going to be the best day ever, like everyday. Yay.

Once everyone was up, they each grabbed a plate of food and sat at the dinner table, not even sparing a glance for anyone. You could say that we're not morning people, but this is just how our family is all day everyday. On a good day, someone will crack a joke and end up being slapped in the back of the head by mom.

The silence is deafening. I have to fight the urge not to abruptly stand up and yell that this is bullshit.

It wouldn't really care that they didn't say thank you if it wasn't a normal thing they do regularly. It doesn't matter how hard I try, no matter what I do it's never good enough.

"Ashlynn, before you start school, make sure to wash all the dishes, and feed the animals." Mom says as she stands up, leaving her plate on the table for me to clean. I muttered a quick yes ma'am before placing mine and her plate into the sink, so I could start washing the dishes.

"Later will you play a video game with me?" I heard Jaxon ask, his once squeaky voice now turning deeper as the days go by. I sigh heavily.

"I've been playing video games with you for the past week. Can't you give me a freaking break?" I question, my tone already turning more firm. Ok deep breath, you don't want to get in trouble for yelling at him. I look over at mom who is already sending my dagger eyes. "But fine, I'll play." I say, a soft fake smile plastered on my lips as I turn back to the dishes.

꧁༒☬𝓣𝓲𝓶𝓮 𝓢𝓴𝓲𝓹☬༒꧂

After doing the chores mom had asked of me, I went straight to my room and started doing my school work. I've already tried to over-archive when it comes to schooling. I wanted to give my parents something to be proud of, but nowadays, I usually just draw, text Emily, or watch something I'm not supposed to.

After a few hours of doing that, I do a few subjects to show that I'm still doing my work. I could honestly care less about my education since mom and dad have already gotten my life planned out. I'm supposed to take over their farm and get married to a nice church going dude. Honestly, not my ideal life.

I can't just spend the rest of my life in this hell hole. I need adventure to be free and some church dude isn't what I have in mind.

꧁༒☬𝓣𝓲𝓶𝓮 𝓢𝓴𝓲𝓹☬༒꧂

*Ring Ring*

I hear my phone but I can't find it. I search through my blankets. Ugh

*Ring Ring*

Ugh where is my damn phone? I grab the covers and fling my phone onto the floor.

*Ring Ring*

"Hey. Sorry I didn't answer. I was drawing and my phone was somewhere lost in the covers of my bed." I giggle until I look down to see Emily's face covered in tears and running mascara as she's gasping for air.

"Emily! ARE YOU OK?!"