Losses had long since become a part of Elide's life. When Glenn came to her room in the evening and just took her quietly in his arms without saying anything, she sat motionless in his arms; not a single tear came down her eyes, although her whole body cried out painfully to finally let go. But Elide had a promise she would keep until she died.

Elide knew how to deal with loss. She ignored her feelings and distanced herself from everything, just as she did with Noah's death. Elide wasn't really very good friends with him, but he was a good boy and she realised that at the latest when he had worried about her. How she would have loved the chance to get to know Noah even better.

Tomorrow, all of the group would bury Noah with honour, as well as Aiden, who had passed away, as a good person deserved.

Elide turned to the other side of the bed and looked fixedly at the wall in front of her. She had not come out of her room since Noah's announced death. Her hands were clenched around her pillow and her heart couldn't decide if it was beating slowly and too quietly or way too fast and fucking painfully pounding against her chest.

Her eyes burned and Elide wanted to cry from tiredness. But after learning how Noah had died, her fear of these memories and images in her head only grew. Nicholas, who was responsible for his death and also Aiden's, would pay.

She hadn't seen Carl since that night at Deanna's either, let alone Rick or Michonne.
It did her good to be on her own again, without all those people. Without that pressure and without that pain when she saw the families.

When her door opened and someone stepped in, Elide didn't move, nor did she intend to.
But when the smell of someone familiar hit her nose, she turned and propped herself up on her rough hands, her hair falling in her face. Carl closed the door behind him and walked slowly towards Elide, her standing up now and standing far away from Carl, who furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

"I heard what happened," Carl started to say when he was interrupted by a sarcastic laugh from Elide.
She licked her dry lips and crossed her arms in front of her chest, "I'm surprised you even heard."

Carl, who had been looking at the ground before, now lifted his gaze and tilted his head. He was wearing a blue jacket today, as it was getting colder outside and autumn was approaching.

"What do you mean?"

Rolling her eyes, Elide dropped her arms back to her side. "You know what I mean," she hissed, letting her anger and emotions run wild. She couldn't cry, so Carl was now the one getting it all. "And yet you walk after a crazy girl?"

Something flashed in Carl's eyes that Elide had never really seen before and uncomfortable goosebumps spread across her skin.

"Nothing happened out there and as you can see I'm still alive," he provocatively echoed Elide's words to Carl after the tour incident.

"I'm not worried either, Carl. It's just so stupid to go out there," Elide stated, clenching her hands into fists. Carl's nice and shy side that Elide had the pleasure of meeting disappeared and his walls rebuilt themselves as if they had never fallen before Elide. But at that moment she didn't care.

"It was also stupid to think that no one would die anymore. People die, they always will," he replied, in an equally slow and accented voice.

"That doesn't mean you should just walk into hell on a whim!" she cried in frustration, throwing her hands in the air in disbelief. She was more than aware that people were going to die, God, she was losing everything she cared about.

"Don't you get it, Elide? We need this! We need to get out, we just need to live. We're just kids," he breathed towards the end, repeating the convincing words Enid had told him earlier when they were both outside. Of course, Carl found it dangerous too, but that was the reason he had gone out in the first place. But now he understood that Enid, himself and Elide were only children who had been forced to grow up far too quickly.

"No," Elide said in a firm voice. "We are not children anymore. Children don't have to kill people, children shouldn't go hungry, children should enjoy their lives and not live in a world where every day is about not losing your mind." Carl closed his eyes as thousands of memories of all the people who had died and who he had killed came into his head. Images that he actually wanted to block out. Images that, in his own mind, made him a monster.

Furious, he looked at Elide again. "Well, that's just this world. Either you live with it or you will die. But I will not think that this world has only bad things and I will be grateful for what we have all been given. Namely safety," he replied, shaking his head as he slowly turned and reached for the door handle again. Elide's heart tightened painfully.

"You're never safe, Carl. No one is."

Neither was her family.

"That's not true and you know it. I really thought you would understand me the most out of anyone."

The words shocked Elide and hurt her more than Carl had actually meant them to. After all, he didn't know anything either, so how was he supposed to know what hurt Elide and what didn't?
Her mouth opened slightly, but no words came out. It was as if Carl opened her eyes, which she still held tightly shut.

"Apparently I can't understand you Carl."

__

After the conversation with Carl, two days passed. After all the Alexandria residents buried Noah and Aiden, or more or less just dug an empty grave, especially since they didn't have their bodies, everyone went their separate ways again.
Elide occasionally helped Tara and Glenn with simple trips to supermarkets nearby, where nothing dramatic had ever happened.
Carl spent a little more time with Enid and stayed out of Elide's way. But the looks the two teenagers exchanged whenever they passed each other or met in the house said more than a thousand words ever could. They missed each other. It wasn't that the two were best friends, but they subconsciously shared a similar
Carl was more than happy to be friends with her to begin with.

Sighing, Elide walked to Ron's house. He asked her beforehand if she wanted to hang out with him and Mikey and since she might need a change from fighting out there, she said yes.

She rang the doorbell and immediately Ron opened it with his typical smile, Elide immediately noticing the bruise on his forehead.

"Hey! The others are already here," he greeted her, letting her know with a wave of his hand that she could come in.
Confused and already guessing what Ron meant, Elide drew her eyebrows together. "The others?"

"Oh, yeah. So Enid and Carl are there too, but you don't mind, right?"

Of course they were there too. Elide shrugged and forced a smile to her lips. "No, of course not."

When the two arrived at Ron's room, Enid was sitting on the bed as expected, reading a comic, just as Carl was next to her. Elide felt a twinge in her heart when she saw the other two teenagers' shoulders touching. After all, they seemed to get along fine if they didn't even know the word distance.

"Care to play?" Mikey asked, lifting up Uno cards. At first Elide wanted to say no, especially when she felt Carl's piercing gaze on her, lifting his head from the comic and watching her closely. But Elide nodded and pushed some hair behind her ear as she sat down next to Mikey, who smiled at her. Before Elide even had a chance to retort, though it would probably just be forced, Carl stood up.

"I'll play along," he decided and sat down next to Elide, very close on purpose. His knee touched hers. His shoulder was close to hers and Elide could smell his scent very clearly.

Her heart began to beat faster and her hands to tremble. What feelings this boy triggered in her scared her more than anything. It confused her. Carl was a good boy, but what did Elide know? She never had anything to do with boys her age.

Carl, on the other hand, wanted to be friends with Elide again and spend time with her, even if that meant just sitting quietly next to each other and looking at the sky. Since going through so many losses in life, he was relieved to have finally found someone who understood him. He was still hurt that Elide, of all people, couldn't understand him because of what happened with Enid, but he just didn't know that Elide was angry. Noah died and in the meantime Carl and Enid were out, deliberately putting themselves at risk of dying too.

"Get ready Carl, you're not going to win this time," Mikey threatened playfully and dealt the cards. Carl smirked and narrowed his eyes slightly. "We'll see about that."

___

"Ha! I told you. You're just a sore loser, Carly," Ron teased him, grinning as he tossed his cards onto the pile that had formed in the middle. Elide couldn't help laughing, even more so when Carl rolled his eyes laughing as well. His smile was so infectious and made her feel like she was finally home. To have hope.

"The loser fetches water from downstairs," Mikey said loudly as he shuffled the cards again.
Carl groaned in annoyance and got up from his seat to leave. Elide bit her lips thoughtfully and looked after Carl. Faster than her mind could react, she also got up and went after Carl, who, oddly enough, was still standing in the hallway, not moving. Elide closed Ron's door and walked slowly towards him. "Carl?"

Carl quickly turned to Elide and indicated with a finger to his lips that Elide should be quiet. He eyed her as she ran to him and also looked around the corner where Rick was having a loud conversation with Jessie's husband.
As Elide stood back up properly, she was suddenly unexpectedly close to Carl as he stood against the wall and she had to bend around him awkwardly.
Her eyes grew slightly wide and as Carl also tuned out the screams from below and gave his attention only to Elide, he leaned his head against the wall and maintained intense eye contact with her.

Both teens lacked breath, even more so when Carl slowly lifted his hand and brushed it against Elide's. It was only a brief and barely perceptible touch, but for Elide it was the worst kind of agony.

"Carl," she breathed softly, tilting her head questioningly. "I think my dad is mad," Carl replied, finally breaking that eye contact. Elide shook her head and took a few deep breaths in and out to shake that feeling from her.

Elide was about to answer Carl when suddenly there was even louder shouting and Jessie started crying.
Carl and Elide immediately ran downstairs and stopped in shock as Rick thrashing with Pete fell through the window, shattering it into hundreds of shards.

"Dad!" Carl ran and opened the door only to see the two men brawling in the streets with Rick sitting over Pete. More people were coming including Glenn and Spencer.

Carl was about to run to Rick to stop his father when Elide followed him without a second thought. "Dad, stop it!" cried Carl desperately, pulling on his father's arm, but Rick was not himself. He pushed Carl off him with all his strength, in the heat of the moment, not paying attention to what he was actually doing. The only thing he wanted was to kill Pete.

Gasping for air, Carl crashed to the ground and inadvertently swept Elide with him, landing hard on top of her and causing her to hit the ground first. Her head hit the floor and for a brief moment she saw black and the voices around her sounded far away.

Carl was startled by his father's behaviour and his fall. He immediately rolled off Elide and looked at her worriedly as he knelt beside her and helped here to sit up. "Fuck, I'm sorry El!"

Elide shook her head, feeling better than she had a few seconds ago. Carl helped her to her feet and supported her with his arm on her hip so that she wouldn't lose her balance again. As if these touches and this closeness of the teenagers were normal, Elide didn't pay any attention to it and looked rather worried and completely shocked at the situation with Rick. And then she turned to Carl and regarded him carefully. "Are you okay?"

Incredulous, Carl gasped. "Am I okay? El, I landed on top of you."

"Still," she hissed and moved a little further back when suddenly Rick let go of Pete. Deanna and her husband came running, as did Michonne and Maggie. "Rick, stop it, right now!" Deanna shouted loudly, her face contorted anger.

Rick jerked his head up and pulled out a gun. Elide blinked a few times and took a step back. Rick had a gun. Why did he have a gun?

Fear. Pure fear clouded Elide's mind, her whole body trembled and she felt dizzy. Is this it? The thing she had feared before they even arrived here? Something would happen, people would die, they would lose everything again. And Elide would be alone again. Carl couldn't keep his promise, by God, Elide knew that from the beginning, and yet Carl spoke those words that inspired so much hope in Elide.

"Or what? You gonna kick me out?", Rick wanted to know provocatively, not taking this situation with Deanna seriously. The gun was still waving in his hand and he aimed it at all the residents as he spoke.

"Put that down, Rick," Deanna demanded harshly and firmly. But Rick didn't care. His face was covered in blood, his hair was wet with sweat on his forehead and his officer uniform was also smeared with blood.

"You still don't get it. None of you do!" he shouted crazily, turning to all the people standing around. As his gun fell on Elide and Carl for two seconds and Rick's eyes shone nothing but hate.
Carl now left Elide standing alone and turned briefly to see Enid standing not far away from the action watching.

Elide watched the brief eye contact between Carl and Enid and pressed her fingernails into her palms.

"We know what needs to be done and we do it. We're the ones who live," Rick clarified out of breath, his face contorted in disgust at this world within the walls.

"You, you just sit and plan and hesitate," he said, referring precisely to Deanna and her husband. "You pretend like you know when you don't!"

The words Rick said were all true, but no one would have dared say it out loud the way he just did. So loud, dangerous, completely crazy.
Those words hit Elide in a way she didn't expect. Everyone thought they knew better, but basically, no one knew what he was doing or why he was doing it. But they pretended they did, because they would not survive otherwise. None of them.

Elide didn't want to listen to any more of it and wanted to run home as fast as she could and never come out of her room again. But she had no home.

"You wish things weren't what they are," he breathed heavily, shaking his head again and again in disbelief. "Well you want to live? You want this place to stay standing?"

Elide turned to Carl with an uncertain look and was startled to find that he was already standing closer to her again and that he had been looking at her for a long time. What Elide saw in his eyes made her heart break. Fear. Carl was scared and angry.

"Your way of doing things is done. Things don't get better because you what them to. Starting right now we have to live in the real world," Rick continued to shout. Elide wanted to press his hands to his ears and scream out loud. Rick was right. God this world was so wrong and naive.

"We have to control who lives here," Rick stated in a raspy voice, looking deep into everyone's eyes, as if he could look into everyone's soul with those blue eyes in just two seconds.

'That's never been more clear to me than it is right now,' Deanna replied in a firm voice, looking at Rick urgently. There was no need to mention a name, because Deanna meant Rick one hundred percent.

"You...- You mean me?", Rick laughed out loud and couldn't believe it. Elide hadn't known this man or this group in general for long, but she had never seen Rick like this. But this world didn't just turn people into monsters that ate others, it turned them into unrecognisable humans.

"Your way is gonna destroy this place, it's gonna get people killed, it already got people killed."

Elide's head hurt terribly as she thought of Noah's death. He had died, because of this place. Because of those people and Elide would never forgive them.

"And I'm not gonna stand by and just let it happen," Rick shouted and was about to talk some more when Michonne appeared and knocked him unconscious. Startled, people gasped as Rick fell to the ground unconscious. Glenn and Spencer came immediately and helped pick Rick up and take him to another place, meanwhile Deanna calmed her people down again.

Elide watched the whole thing for a while before turning to Carl and immediately meeting his eyes.
The girl didn't know what to say, so with a trembling arm she put her hand on his arm. "Are you okay?"

Almost Carl couldn't understand her, as softly as she spoke. But he finally nodded. His blue jacket was open in the front which was why it flew back a little in the wind.

"Yeah. I'm okay. What about you?"

Confused, Elide drew her eyebrows together. "What about me?"

Carl snorted and pointed to her head where she had a larger bruise on her forehead. She hadn't even noticed her forehead coming up before.

"Oh, I see, it's nothing."

Wincing, she lowered her hand from his arm and then crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I'm going back to the house," she informed Carl and started to leave when he gently, yet firmly, stopped her by the hand. Heart racing, Elide looked into the eyes of the young one who had been in her head since the beginning.

"May I go with you?" he asked hoarsely. Elide wasn't quite sure what he meant. "We live together in a house, Carl."

He shook his head and bit his lips thoughtfully for a moment. "I mean, I want to stay with you. I can't be alone right now. Not after all this," he explained with red cheeks. Elide's eyes widened slightly and her eyes briefly twitched to where Enid had been standing before but was long gone.

Carl really shouldn't be alone at this moment. "Okay. Let's go, it's getting cold.

The teens let go of their hands and walked side by side to the house.

From now on, nothing would be the same.

Nothing.

__

Thanks for reading & I hope you all like it, even if not that much people read this book.

Love you