∘₊✧ ───°∘☽♡☾∘° ─── ✧₊∘

A lot has happened since I've last updated this and school is stressing me more and more. I've been growing more depressed , anxious and more selfish.
A lot of bad and good have happened in my life and I wanted to write some poems to better explain my feelings rather then go into detail about everything. A form of shadow work if you will. Enjoy 🌙

Poem 1 -
I need to look in the mirror

I need to look in the mirror.
What do I see ?
I see a girl , broken and battered and in need of self healing.
Its been a few days.
I need to look in the mirror.
What do I see ?
I feel better , more comfortable in my skin. I feel so happy and warm inside. I won't ever let this feeling go.
Its been a few weeks.
I need to look in the mirror.
I feel...different ? I don't know if its good or bad. People have been pointing out these changes. Should I embrace the insults or ignore to the compliments to humble myself ?
Its been a few months.
I need to look in the mirror
More , more , please I'm begging you , please don't go ! I'm doing everything right , I'm starting to put myself first ! Isn't that what I'm supposed to do ? Not let anyone walk over me ? I don't understand ! Please , I don't want to be broken again !

.
.
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I need to look in the mirror.
I feel so tired , upset , anxious , nothing has changed , only the illusion has grown bigger. I'm not perfect , no matter how hard I lie to myself.
My friends are leaving me , saying I'm manipulative and abusive. Like father like daughter...
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I need to truly look at my reflection.

Poem 2
Endless chain

I hate him ! He left my mama with nothing ! But I can't loose who I am...
Why not just pretend to enjoy his company ? He'll slowly feel how it feels to be alone and unloved
Maybe...Maybe I will...

I hate them ! They have no love or sympathy or people less fortunate then them !
Why not ignore them ? If you avoid them , they won't bother you or make fun of you
Maybe...Maybe I will...

I hate this ! I hate how I can't be around my friends !
Why not lead them astray ? They'll understand and it won't hurt you. That way everyone will always give you attention
Maybe...Maybe I will...

Wait...

What's happening ?

Why am I crying ?

This...isn't supposed to happen ! I wanted a normal family , friends , classmates to talk the day away with ! Why am I so afraid?! No , no , no , no , no !

Manipulative...
Manipulative...
Manipulative...
Manipulative...

NO I'M NOT ! I'M NOT LIKE THAT ! I'M GOOD ! PLEASE I'M GOOD !

I'M NOT LIKE HIM ! I'M NOT LIKE MY DAD !

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You have forgotten who you are. Why you were doing what your doing. You aren't like the people who hurt for fun ? Like the people who use good innocent people for their benefit ?

Break the chain.

∘₊✧ ───°∘☽♡☾∘° ─── ✧₊∘