Waking up and feeling that something is wrong is most definitely the worst feeling in the whole world, being doctor makes that feeling a lot worse because you recognise the symptoms, the symptoms I am recognising are ones I've felt before, or I've witnessed before. Unexplained weight loss, nausea, extremely tired and I've had a cough that's not gone in the last month.

"Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me, I mean I've been sick enough since I was little; it's just a cough, maybe I'm over doing everything?" I mumbled to myself as I left my bathroom. I was still living in which was mine and Mer's house but now it's mine, Alex, Jo and Arizona live here too.

"Want a lift to work?" I asked Arizona and Alex as I made my way into the kitchen where they were talking. I was going to ask Jo too but I wasn't sure where she was.

"Sure" they both replied and I nodded.

"Is Jo in today or is she in the night shift" I asked Alex seeing as he was dating Jo and she had moved in with him.

"She's just getting ready." Alex said and I nodded.

"Alright, I'll get my keys and my bag, we will have to pop to the gas station on the way in as I was way to lazy last night" I laughed a little.

"Belle' is driving us in today, want to grab a lift with us?" Alex asked Jo who walked in as I was about to leave.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Jo asked turning to me and I nodded.

"Look Wilson I know we aren't exactly friends but your dating my best friend, the one who helped me get clean, the one who takes me to meetings if I try and chicken out. The one who hugs me if I'm having a bad time and takes my blood for tests which I have regularly to make sure I don't have cancer again.  You don't have to like me but your living in my house, dating my best friend so you should know that I'll always try, I'll try and that means offering to drive you to work and being a shoulder to cry on if Alex is a dick which trust me" I smiled, what I said was the truth and the whole truth.

"I never said I didn't like you" Jo said and I smiled again.

"Then it's settled im driving the 3 of you in to work" I said leaving the kitchen and heading up to my room. Once I got to my room I grabbed whatever I needed and headed downstairs.

"We can go when you all are ready" I said as I headed into the living room and sat myself on the sofa to wait for my friends.

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"No wonder Annabelle isn't answering her pager, it's on the side" I heard Kelsey's voice in the lounge connected to the toilets,  I checked my wrist watch and realised I had been in the toilets for half an hour; I was surprised nobody else has came looking for me. It was the middle of the day and I wasn't heading for lunch; I didn't feel up to it

"Shit" I whispered; you could say I had been missing in action; unintentionally that is.

"Belle! Meredith's looking for you" Kelsey said through the locked door of the attending's toilet, I had just been throwing up and was now currently stood staring at myself in the mirror, I was trying to figure out if I had a lump, I first saw it this morning after I had showered.

"I'll be out in a minute" I called back while I continued to look in the mirror as I checked my boobs, I was terrified of the thought of having cancer again, the thought that If it is breast cancer that I don't be strong enough to fight it, I was terrified of leaving Meredith especially after we had already lost Lexie. Quickly I pulled my scrub top back on and let out a small sigh before I turned around washed my hands and unlocked the doors before I left the toilet.

"So where's that sister of mine?" I asked leaving the toilet and grabbing my pager.

"The Pit. Are you okay?" Kelsey asked and I nodded. I didn't want to talk to anyone about this, I didn't even know if the cancer was back and I didn't want to talk about it until I've seen Mer and asked her opinion.

"I'm fine Kel' I best go find Mer until she worry's, not that she isn't worrying already" I guessed she was already worried about me as I hadn't answered my pager.

"She was worried when I saw her, she thought you'd just left the hospital to score, she really had thought the worst" Kelsey admitted and I nodded.

"I would be the same if I was in her position. But I promise I've not relapsed, I just need to go and tell Mer that and if need be, prove it to her too" I sighed, I understood that she was worried but I hadn't touched any type of drugs, I was 755 days clean, 2 years and 25 days clean, I attend meetings weekly, sometimes daily too but I was fine.

"You know where I am if you never need to talk though, you know that Belle' I won't judge" Kelsey smiled and I nodded.

"I know and I really do appreciate that, now I best get off before Mer sends out a search party throughout the hospital and not just you to find me" I laughed a little before leaving to find my sister. As I was heading to the PIT I saw Meredith so I immediately ran over to her, grabbed her and pulled her into an on-call room.

"Belle'! What are you doing" Meredith asked me as I locked the door as well as turning the lights on.

"Close your eyes and pass me a hand" I said calmly. I was going to get her to see if she could feel a lump because I didn't want to bother getting a mammogram unless it was necessary.

"Whats going on Belle" Meredith asked me and just looked at her.

"Just do it, please Mer" I said in barely a whisper. Meredith closes her eyes and puts her left hand out. I lifted her hand and brought it up to my right boob where I felt a lump.

"What do you feel?" I asked, Meredith feels and opens her eyes after dropping her hand.

"Have you gotten it checked?" Meredith asked

"No, I had to see you first Mer, I'm scared" I almost cried

"Okay, we will get you checked. Together. Then you are going to pick Zola and Bailey up from the daycare and take them home, spend the rest of the day with them. I'll tell Owen you've gone and we will just get everything checked... together" Meredith said gently wrapping her arms around me and I nodded.

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After I had a mammogram and my blood taken I headed to pick my neice and nephew up from the day care. I gave Meredith my keys and told her that I drove Arizona, Alex and Jo to work this morning and because Meredith's car was the one with the car seats for the two kids.

"Come on then Zola, shall we get some snacks and have a tea party?" I smiled asking my niece if she wanted a tea party. Bailey was in my arms as I carried the diaper bag, Zola and Bailey extra clothes bag and my own bag to the elevator.

"I what are you doing with the kids?" Derek asked me as I stepped into the elevator.

"Mer' sent you a text. She said I could take them home, spend the rest of the afternoon with them. She's telling Owen I'm going home, for now we're telling people it's because I need a mental health day but I promice I'll explain when know more." I practically whispered, only Meredith could know for now.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked me.

"I'm fine Derek. I'm going to have a tea party with Zola when I put Bailey down for a nap" I said to my brother-in-law.

"Zo' will love that." Derek said smiling.

"Zola be good for auntie Belle" Derek then said to my niece before we got off the elevator. Zola and I walked to Meredith'a car and I placed Bailey into his car seat and then helped Zola into hers and with her belt.

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"Come on Zola, bath time" I said to my niece that evening, I told Meredith and Derek to have a night out, I'd put the kids to bed.

"Okay Auntie Belle" Zola said in the cute little voice she has. Bailey was in his cot sleeping, I think he's sleeping. I grabbed the baby monitor and took Zola for her bath. After the bath I asked Zola which book she wanted to be read and she chose 'we're going on a bear hunt' it was my favourite book when I was child, I remembered Meredith helping me read it while in hospital.

"Good night Zola" I said gently kissing her forehead gently. I then went to check on Bailey....

As I sat on the sofa stareing aimlessly into space while the television played cartoons since I hadn't turned it over yet, instead I was trying to stop myself from calling my dealer.

"No! Annabelle! No" i mumbled to myself but my urges were too strong, I called my dealer, he was going to come round in half an hour. I was weak. Stupid. I told you, I'm stupid....

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Third Person

Later that night Annabelle was asleep on the sofa holding a bag of heroin. She had brought the drugs Meredith saw the bag in her sisters hand and let out a small sigh.

"Oh Belle" Meredith sighed softly as Derek saw what Meredith had noticed.. he shook his head, although his sister was an addict too he didn't want Annabelle to be left alone with his kids, especially if she was using again, he knew she was clean but if she was using again he didn't want her alone with Zola or Bailey

"She can't be alone with Zola or Bailey. Not if she's using again" Derek said to Meredith who turned to her husband.

"She hasn't touched it! Look, it's still full . She's had a bad day. Belle needs us more than anything right now." Meredith stands up for her sister who she knew was struggling right now but little did they all know things were going to get a whole lot worse for Annabelle Grey

Written: 19/07/22
Posted: 05/09/22

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Thank You For Reading!

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