My eyelids were heavy and i felt like my body was glued on the bed . there were times i felt tired and exhausted but this was something else .

« God , finally » i heard my mother speak as i was fighting to open my eyes , why did it feel like i came back from death ?

« Mom » i was able to mutter some words before i opened my eyes , my mouth was dry that i couldn't speak no more .

« My daughter finally » she kissed my forehead and i was genuinely confused on what was happening , the last thing i remember is me fighting that woman who tried to assassinate my father .

« Hiranur » my sister came to my other side and grabbed my hand . « you're awake finally » she sat down next to me on the bed as i was giving them confused looks

« Why am i laying down what happened to me? » right when i asked this they all avoided to look at me , i looked at myself and i was not wearing my dress anymore . i was only covered in sheets , i was getting more confused when they kept on feeding their silence .

« You - i » my mother stuttered and looked at my sister « you had an accident remember when you were fighting with the woman ? » i finally remembered that she inflicted a terrible blow to my stomach yes but i couldn't have possibly fainted from it .

« Well my daughter you » my mother grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently « You were pregnant the whole time »

My ears refused to hear anything other than this and my heart was pounding so fast that i couldn't hear my inner thoughts .

« and you miscarried im so sorry , i am terribly sorry » my mother was now hugging me and i was still shocked from what she said , a lot of things were revealed at once i couldn't even speak .

i was pregnant the whole time and i didn't even know , and when i know i lose him ?

« We couldn't protect you » my sister continued as she started to tear up , that's when i finally felt panic and my brain was finally functioning properly.

« I lost my child .. » i finally found the strength to speak . « i didn't even know about it i- can't believe this » my eyes got teary and i finally put my arm over my mother and cried in her shoulder .

« I'm so sorry .. » my mom uttered and at that point she was crying much more than me that i felt like she was hiding something else .

« Mom .. are you hiding something else ? » i asked as i wiped my tears away , that's when she broke the hug and grabbed both of my hands , she looked at me in my eyes and cupped my cheeks .

« I want you to stay strong , i don't want this to destroy you my beautiful girl. you are strong and i am sure you will overcome this » she proceeded to tell me as she forced me to look at her .

« You can never have kids again » she said that in my face and that's when i felt my heart drop all the way to my stomach and my heart shattering into million pieces .

« This is not the end , you have the most angelic and precious children and they need their mother to be strong for them . They're enough for you and i am sure they will never let you feel the loss or make you feel any less » She continued to scold me as i was fully dissociated from the reality .

« She's right Hiranur , you're the best mother and you've always been like it . Don't let this shatter you and destroy you , its completely fine to cry » my sister added to what my mom was saying but it was a hard pill for me to swallow , i couldn't even bring myself to cry anymore.

« How can i face selim ? what will i say to him . » i managed to say , i felt like i was betraying myself and him . it was a lot for me to process .

« He loves you , he loves you so much that this will not change anything about you two . He has never been with another woman other than you and i'm sure he will never dare to betray you » my mom explained this time wiping my tears away and pushing my hair out of my face .

« Now you're fine , get up and let's help you wear your dress and you will continue your life. your worth is not defined by this » she then pointed at my heart « this is where your worth is defined , the love you have for your husband and the respect and trust you put in him will be the only thing that will help you get back on your feet »

She didn't let me think negatively , but i can't say it didn't hurt . it did but i had to go on with my life , i had to know who did this to my father and to me .

« That woman is in the dungeons right ? » i asked and my mother nodded after me . this woman was going to regret the day she was born in . i would make her life. a living hell if she doesn't tell me who ordered her to do all of this .

She didn't only try to kill me but she killed my unborn son and myself , no matter how much i tried to swallow this truth now it felt atrocious in my mind and i knew i was never going to be the same .

My mother and sister helped me get up and gather myself a little bit so i can go see my kids , i didn't see them since what happened and i was unconscious the whole night . and right now it was too early for me to go and wake them up

« You did good by not telling them what happened yesterday .. » I said while my mother brushed my hair .

« I didn't wake them up , i think you have to send them back to the palace at least today , so you can gather yourself a little bit you look so pale » she put her hand on my cheek as i stared at my reflection in the mirror , i didn't like what i was seeing now .

« you're right i should do so » i decided to send them back , until i gather some strength and get back on my feet . « i want to see the woman now »

They all stared at me in surprise not excpecting me to decide in hurry.

« No you're not » my mother immediately answered but i had already decided that i would do so « I will » i stood up from my bed slowly .

« The clock is ticking , who knows if she's going to stay alive . i have to finish this matter no matter my state » My sister and mother kept exchanging looks then finally agreed to let me go .

I opened my door and i found the doctor right outside , she looked at me horrified .

« Your majesty you can't get up .. it's very dangerous i advise you to stay inside and rest » she said as the panic began to creep in her.

« I'm good » was all i can say before i followed my mother who knew where this woman was kept . we went downstairs , it was right in the laundry room . i could understand that they didn't know where to keep her so they put her here

The door opened and there she was on the floor hugging her legs rocking back and forth , her eyes immediately opened and stared right back at me .

The guards pulled her up on her legs , i felt so much hatred and anger that i couldn't get the words out of my mouth . I approached her and slapped her really hard with all the strength i had in me .

« This is for my unborn son which you killed » i said with so much spite that i couldn't even recognise my voice anymore .

Her head swung to the side, taking her full time to look at me . she didn't have an ounce of remorse or guilt in her face so i slapped her another time .

« And this is for taking my motherhood away from me » She shoot her eyes open as i said it and looked at the floor .

« You woman not only killed a member of the dynasty but you have hurted the sultan's wife . it's better for you to die than to experience his majesty's wrath » My mother threatened the woman who looked defeated now .

« Don't make me waste my time and tell me who is behind all of this , you're dead anyways and you will never escape so you better tell me before i torture the hell out of you » I threatened and then looked at me now with a much different way.

« I have nothing to lose , might as well not tell you » she answered back which provoked me way too much .

« Your mother ? your sister im sure you don't want to lose them don't you » my sister said from behind me , i didn't know that but i didn't show a reaction .

« No i don't have any family anymore » she yelled back at us trying to defend herself but deep down i knew she was lying .

« You can't fool us , we know that you have a mother that's a nurse and your sister who is now five » my sister raised her voice even more trying to prove her wrong .

« One word , one word from me and they're gone from this world and you don't want me to do that don't you ? » i threatened her and that's when she started shaking and crying , she got on the floor and started hysterically crying.

This was what i wanted to see , i wanted to see her like this .

« Please don't , i'm begging you not to do anything to them » she grabbed my dress but the guards stopped her and pushed her behind .

« You will tell me who did this , everything . who sent you , who told you to get rid of my father » She tried to gain back her composure and i waited for her until she was ready to speak .

« I came here with my mother and sister , after our father passed away » She raised her head to look at me « and we tried to fit in but i was kidnapped and they brought me to the palace to serve them , i spent years there and i did my job well »

She then started to get more tense « i was in turhan sultan's service for a long time and she gave me the orders to come here and be as discreet as possible. i was the one who poisoned his excellency ibrahim pasha back in the palace and i came here to finish him because the poison didn't do its work . Turhan sultan is the one behind all of this »

My mind was completely shut , i knew this was coming but i didn't know i would be as shocked to hear it . i was not ready to hear the truth .

« That snake .. » my mother whispered and my sister went to my mother's side to hold her , my mother was angry and i could feel her anger .

she was too furious that she had to leave the room and leave me with my sister there .

« Guards , take her to the palace so she can say everything to his majesty » i ordered the guards that were holding her .

Turhan was done , for once , she had no escape from this and she will never redeem herself. she stole my happiness from me and my father's health was still in decline

The aghas took her away and i stayed there with my sister , silence was set . we exchanged looks and we didnt even need to speak to know how both of us we're feeling now .

I went back to my room and grabbed my cloak to put in , i was going back to my palace . i wanted to see how turhan would try to defend herself

« Send the kids to my palace now » i ordered the guards as i got inside my carriage , i was going to reveal the truth that i was trying to prove for years and now that i have a concrete fact i was not going to back away .

She took everything from me and now i had to take everything away from her , her title , her power . it was never going to compensate the emptiness and pain i was feeling after the loss but i had to do this for the sake of myself my father and my family.