my surroundings were nothing but blurry , i fought to open my eyes and i immediately felt like something was missing . i then recalled that i gave birth not so long ago

the human i was carrying was finally here but nowhere to be seen next to me , i was alone and it felt like it was just a normal morning .

I was very confused and lost , where was everyone ?

I tried to get up but i was still so exhausted i couldn't stand on my own , i grabbed the wall for support and opened my door . The two girls standing there looked so confused as if i wasn't supposed to be walking

"Where is everyone ? where did my baby go ? where is nurbahar" i bombarded them with questions but they only gave me one answer .

"We don't know sultana we're sorry" i got furious because what were they doing here if they don't know what's going on .

"Sumbul , go call him immediately" i ordered them while i kept my balance .

i glanced around the room and there was no trace , i remember selim being here and the midwives helping me out but what happened after that ?

Sumbul came running towards me and bowed down when he saw me .

"Sultana im happy you're in great shape , they say it was difficult" what was he saying ? i don't remember anything being difficult .

" Where is my baby take me there right now" i said leaving my room and followed him as he lead the way .

i had a difficulty walking i felt like my bones got crushed in my sleep , we finally arrived to the infirmary. right as he opened the door everyone was there

Sah sultan , Mihrimah , Selim and my mother and sister . They all looked in my way when i stepped in

"Hiranur what are you doing here ?" selim was the first one to come towards me , he grabbed both my forearms but i was focus on the two cribs they all were looking at

"What's that ? what happened to the baby ?" i started panicking at that point , i was confused .

" You um - uh" selim started looking at the others for support and i was just trying to keep my composure .

"You birthed two babies a girl and a boy but unfortunately they were born way earlier than their due date" i felt so happy when i heard this , i felt like anything that'll come after this will not matter but that didn't last long .

"They're still in danger and they might not make it" Sah sultan continued and that's when i felt like my whole world crashed down .

"What are you saying ? selim what is she saying " my voice wasn't steady at all , i felt so weak and powerless .

my mother came to stand beside me and held my waist to comfort me .

"They're going to be fine , i also had you very early and look at you all gorgeous and fine" she tried to comfort me but i was still stuck in my place .

"They're going to be fine darling , it's just a matter of time okay ?" selim kissed my forehead and i wasn't moving at all , i couldn't even look at them .

"I want to see them let me" i tried to walk past them but they refused to let me walk an inch .

" No no don't , we don't want you to be heartbroken" Mihrimah finally spoke as she shielded them away from my eyes .

"She's right hiranur just give them some more time , the doctors are doing their best and taking care of them" i felt trapped , it felt like i was in another dimension and my kids were in another one but we were only inches apart

I felt so lost and sad , my heart started beating slowly when i realised what was happening .

"Come with me" Selim tried to get me out of the room but i refused to move from here .

"No they need me i just can't leave them to be , i have to stay here until they recover" i took a step forward and he took a step back to stop me from getting any closer

I knew they were doing all of this for my sake but i just wanted to see them .

"Come on , let's just go now i promise you'll see them okay ?" i felt powerless and i just exited the room with him .

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and walked me to my room . When we got in he ordered them to get me food but at that point i wanted nothing .

" You've seen them right ? why won't you let me" he stiffened and tried to look away but my question only needed an answer .

"Yes i did , they're so adorable and i'm sure they want to see you as much as you do but now you got to rest okay ? Eat and rest and i promised you . You'll see them" My tears started falling and i just hated myself .

When the food came he fed me carefully and made sure that i eat everything on the plate .