« Hiranur , you don't have say a word just hear what i have to say » i stood up from my seat and refused to look at him i just wanted to leave .

« I heard what i needed to hear , we have nothing to talk about anymore » i walked past him but he grabbed my arm to stop me from walking any further .

« I want you back , look i swear i wasn't conscious . i didn't know what i was saying trust me i was shocked to see you gone , i didn't mean what i said i promise you » his words were doing nothing to heal my heart , i stepped back and put my hand on his to remove it from my arm .

« It was twice , not once . i had gave you a warning and i made it clear from my very first day that i don't want any woman with you , i stayed silent about turhan because i wasn't in your life then but now it's different » i breathed out «  Very » .

His eyes searched for mine desperately trying to find a way to read them , i had a disappointed look in my eyes .

« I completely understand , i'm not saying you're over dramatic . it was just out of my control okay ? it wasn't me » he reached for my shoulders again and i was just giving up at that point .

« I can give you all the time you want okay ? i won't talk to you if you want to but please do not just end things like this , give us a chance » i looked away trying to fight the urge to forgive him , i met his eyes again and sighed .

« I will not set a foot there again if you don't find a solution for your sudden wine addiction , it will ruin everyone around you . first me and who else again ? your children maybe » embarrassment was written all over his face and he tried to fight any remorseful expression .

« I understand where you're coming from but it's not easy , you have known this hiranur and i was clear with you from the very first day too » he explained and he was right , he was famous for getting drunk every single day but then he stopped .

« After we got married i forced myself to stop drinking , i was trying but it just all came back to me at once . i'm going through hard time and you also know this » i felt like i was the one to blame but i wasn't , he's responsible for those words .

« Don't justify it , you have to fix it selim we just can't keep going like this . maybe i forgive you now but later ? are you going to keep doing this every time ? » i genuinely talked putting my feelings aside for a second .

« Our marriage will be ruined , you should think about me about us . I just can't stand seeing you with somebody else and on top of all disrespect me that way » he looked up at the sky and dropped his face again .

« I'm trying .. it's just difficult for me try to understand where i'm coming from . Maybe it's just because i'm going to a campaign tomorrow » Tomorrow ? i thought it it was in two weeks , he noticed my surprise .

« Yes we had to change the date , this campaign is very important and i might not comeback alive from it . things have gotten worse since i have been delaying it for so long » i felt my heart drop to my stomach , i wasn't ready for this revelation .

« I'm going to give you time , i'm coming back in four months if everything goes smooth . in the meantime i hope you forgive me » he approached me and brought his hand on my bump who was starting to show a little bit .

« Take care of him in my absence » i nodded as i fought a back a smile . « the palace is yours whenever you feel like it come back , your home is waiting for you » he waited for a reaction and i just nodded in response .

« Go safely and comeback safely » that was all i could say but still he was understanding , he turned back and started walking away .

i wanted to hug him so badly , to not be around him for four months sounded very bad for me but that time will benefit both of us , him to reflect his actions and me to move on .

his back faded away and i could only stare as the guards behind him blocked the view , that's it it took us a day to express our feelings and i felt slightly better . but i forgot about it all when i saw him leave it's like another weight fell on my heart .

I got startled by the front door opening , it was my dad who was walking out . he came straight towards me and pulled me in a hug

« I'm so sorry for what i said this morning , i shouldn't have said that » my body was stiff and i couldn't help but start thinking about how many sorrys i heard these past days .

« It's okay now , we talked and figured things out we will see when he comesback » my dad broke the hug and placed his hands on my shoulders and smiled .

« I am also leaving » i forgot , i completely forgot about my fathers position for a second . he obviously had to go .

After that we didn't say much because he had to go to the palace but when he came back home we had dinner all together . it felt very weird to be in table the four of us , because even before i got married i barely ate with them . i was always in my room

I was feeling so tired and just wanted to shut my thoughts down , i wanted to forget everything and just sleep . i didn't sleep properly for days now so i went to bed early today hoping i wake up with a clear head