my head has been hurting for two days now , it's been two days since our fight . i forced myself to eat and drink for the sake of the child i'm carrying but i honestly had no will to do anything , not even move from my bed .

It was already night time but before i could go sleep i got reminded that today was a celebration in the honour of the new prince , i honestly didn't wanna go but it was mandatory so i just wore my dress , did my hair , checked my makeup and left .

The party has already started and i could see from very far that all the sultanas were seated , i walked towards the table and bowed down before i went to my seat .

" How are you doing hiranur ? you look pale" mihrimah asked and i forced a smile "i'm fine sultana thank you"

Sah sultan was seated on my right side while mihrimah was infront of me , turhan was sitting next to mihrimah . all the girls were dancing and chatting but our table was dead silent

" How have you been holding up my dear ? i'm sorry you heard what happened" Sah sultan spoke after drinking from her cup , i wanted to dig my own grave from humiliation .

" It's your doing i know that" i said smiling trying to piss her off but she didn't budge she just kept nodding .

" I mean it's my brothers right , you will get used to it as the time passes by" mihrimah enraged me , i wanted to flip the table off and leave .

"I will not get used to it , i have a dignity and i won't let this happen again" i replied trying to sound calm but my voice was betraying me .

"You should focus on your pregnancy sultana" turhan continued and i wanted to slap her so bad right now , last thing i needed was to hear her speak .

"Turhan it's better if you don't intervene in things that do not concern you" i snapped at her and she looked at sah sultan before looking away .

" Tonight she will see him again , but i guess you have nothing to do about it" my heart stopped beating for a second , this can not be possible .

Selim would never do this .

"What are you saying ?" i asked her and she immediately pointed at the door which revealed the girl talking to sumbul . she looked very happy

I needed to know if this was true or not , if this is true i will never look at selim again .

Ever .

" Sultana i feel sick , i just wanna go rest in my room" i said that after the girl left , i didn't wanna sound or look insecure so i waited a lot to excuse myself .

I didn't wait for Sah sultans approval , i bowed down to them and started sprinting towards selim's room . The room was guarded as usual , i walked towards them and stood there

"Open the door or tell his majesty i came to see him" I exhaled to relax a bit , they gave each other the same look as the one they exchanged the other day .

That's when i understood that i was reliving the same nightmare twice , he lied to me . This time i had to pretend i was fainting . I took a step back and grabbed my forehead

"Sultana are you good ? do you want to call a doctor ?" i started getting down little by little which made them worried .

"Go call the doctor i'll get her highness water" they both nodded at each other and left running , i took that as a chance to open the door myself .

The girl was kissing selim passionately, they were both sitting on the couch . as soon as they saw me the girl immediately backed away and selim's eyes moved to my direction .

" Bravo" i started clapping and the girl stood up trying to be out of my vision . i glanced at the table infront of them and this time it was one bottle of wine

" You get out of my sight before i do something to you" the girl immediately bowed down and left just like the other time .

"No you're not leaving , she's going to leave" Selim pointed at me and the girl immediately stopped in her tracks as soon as she wanted to open the door .

i was taken aback , i was very shocked at what he just said . he was asking me to leave , i laughed . i genuinely laughed

" Are you being serious right now selim ? are you listening to yourself ?" i walked closer to him and it was obvious he was drunk . but it didn't matter , i looked behind me and dismissed the girl with just a glance .

"Are you deaf ? i told you not to leave" his voice pierced through my ears and the girl was hesitating . he stood up still not being able to catch balance

"You're going to leave , who the hell do you think you are to come in uninvited ? in my room and order my people around " each word he spoke were like stabs , it felt like i was being stabbed continuously by his words .

"I shouldn't remind you about who am I , I AM YOUR WIFE" I yelled out and he just laughed , he rubbed his eyes and grabbed my neck to bring me close to his face .

he was reeking of alcohol .

« i choose whoever i want and you're not going to stop me » he spoke very closely to my face and i was holding my tears back .

« It's either her or me , they're drugging you and giving you alcohol just so they can feed you bullshit . this is not you , the selim i know would never say this » i talked back and he closed his eyes before touching my nose with his .

« I know what i'm saying okay ? don't treat me like i'm a kid . don't you dare » he brought his face next to my ear and pushed my hair back a little . « Leave now »

« I will not wait for you to tell me that , i am not a slave and i will repeat that . i will go back to where i came from , to my father and to people who won't hurt me like this and the people that deserve me » i stepped back and looked at him in disbelief .

« I can't believe this , in two weeks only you managed to change drastically . » he looked down and grabbed his cup to take a sip from it . i watched him in disgust as he put it down

I grabbed the plate that was there and threw it on the floor .

« You're ruining everything because of this don't you ? i hate you . you will never see me again» with that i left his roll enraged and made sure to slam the door behind me .

I was hurt , very much that this time i uncontrollably started crying on my way to my room .

« Aynur pack everything i own im leaving » that's the first thing i said as i entered . aynur looked very confused so she tried to get near me

«  Did it happen again ? » she was unsure of her question but i still looked at her and nodded .

« This time i got my answer he wants me gone » i opened my drawers and got everything out , all of my belongings.

« I knew my worth today , it's better if i leave » aynur started getting all of my dresses out and helping me with packing , i stopped crying once i started packing .

I need to be gone , today before tomorrow .