(every '...' means a new P.O.V)

March 4, 2015

(Minho)

Silence. I could only hear the birds and the wind. I let a feeling of calmness wash over me as I felt every part of my body relaxing. My eyes closed, without a care in the world. I should do this more often.

"Hey." I opened my eyes to reveal my friend Felix standing over me. "Hello," I answered back before sitting up. Felix sat next to me on my porch. He put his head on my lap, laying flat on his back as he looked up. "It's boring with him gone, isn't it? Felix asked me, his blank expression never changing. I paused, just thinking about him made me sad. "Yeah," I answered, before laying back down.

...

(Changbin)

"You should eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten since...the incident."

"Shut up."

I leaned my head on my hand, closing my eyes. It was all my fault. I don't deserve to eat. I opened my eyes to see Han with sad eyes staring at me. "Can you go away?!" I suddenly yelled, he was pitying me. I hate when people pity me. "Sorry Changbin." He replied briefly before leaving my house. Once I heard the front door close a wave of guilt washed over me, he just wanted me to eat.

Monster. That's what I am. I don't deserve to be here. Not after what I did to him. I'm pushing everyone away.

...

(Han)

It sucks.

It really sucks.

Watching all your friends fall apart. When he died I was heartbroken, but I think it affected my friends more than it did to me. Minho and Felix don't leave each other's side. Chan locks himself up in his apartment, all Seungmin does is sleep, Hyunjin barely talks, and Changbin isn't even recognizable anymore. It hurts. Watching everyone slowly lose themselves. I don't even know if things will go back to normal.

At first, I thought I just needed to give them space, like how I did when I was feeling sad, but I was wrong. It keeps on getting worse, what should I do? I think it might be too late.

...

(Seungmin)

"Seungmin get up!" I felt my mom shake me awake. "I'm tired..." I answered back, hiding my face in my pillow. "You've been sleeping for two days! Just come down and eat some food. I made pasta." She said, sitting down on the side of my bed. "I'm not hungry, just let me sleep..." I said. I heard my mom sigh and leave the room before I fell back asleep.

All I wanted to do was sleep. I was exhausted. Why couldn't my mom understand that?

...

(Bang Chan)

"Chan, open the door!"

"It's Minho and Felix, and we brought food!"

I sighed, getting up and opening the door. "Come in..." Minho and Felix walked in, both of them had blank expressions on their faces. "We got some pasta from Mrs. Kim, she told us to bring you some as well," Felix said, placing a plastic container on my table. "What were you doing?" Minho asked, sitting on my mini couch. With Felix sitting right next to him.

"I was watching T.V.," I said, sitting on the floor next to them. "All his stuff is still here, shouldn't you be moving it out?" Felix asked. "No, I want to keep it how it is," I replied.

"But you'll get more space."

"I want his stuff here."

"It'll be easier to cope once you move his stuff out.."

"No, it won't, I'm going to keep it how it is."

"Chan you need to get it out."

"No, I don't, stop it, Felix."

"You need to move it out."

"Shut up! I'm going to keep it! If you're just going to talk about this I suggest you leave!"

"Fine."

And with that, Felix left, Minho following. "Bye Bang Chan, make sure to eat the food," Minho said before closing my apartment door. Tears pricked at my eyes as I started to sob, Felix was right, I was only hurting myself by keeping his stuff here.

...

(Hyunjin)

"Hyunjin, I can only help you if you tell me what's wrong!"

I stared up at my father, I didn't need help. I'm just fine. "It's nothing.." I answered. He sighed, stroking his hair back. "You're so dumb, you know that? I'm trying to help you, but you won't say anything! Not everyone has people around them to help, you're so ungrateful." My father left the room. Why don't I want to talk to him? I have all these people surrounding me yet I'm not looking for help. Do I even want help? Father's right. I am ungrateful. An annoying ungrateful selfish son.