"It's heavy, ain't it baby?" Nina chuckled as she stuck her key into the lock on the front door of Samir's apartment while he stood behind her, playing with her butt and carrying their two duffle bags on his shoulder at the same time.

"Yeah. You getting big. Is that a bad thing to say? I mean—you still look good. Real good. So don't take it negatively." He tried to catch himself from offending her and his voice sounded like he was in trouble or something, making her laugh.

"I'll try not to." She opened the door with a smile, leading the way inside.

"No, really. I like it. I didn't mean for that to b—,"

"Mir, it's okay. Calm down boy." She knew he was beginning to overthink his response but she truly wasn't offended.

"Ok. Good." He kissed her cheek once she pulled his hand away from his hair to stop him from anxiously yanking on it.

"Look who's backkkk! Mr and Mrs put it in they face." Samara walked back into the apartment from the patio, holding a broom and dustpan in her hand.

Samir tuned the both of them out once they began to talk about the social media fiasco from this weekend, heading back to his bedroom to drop off the heavy bags he carried. They were heavier than when they left a few days ago because of the small shopping trip they took in Orlando and the souvenirs from Magic Kingdom.

On his way back to the living room where the girls were now sitting on the couch, he passed by Samara's room that was opened enough to where he could see a bunch of brown boxes and Tristan emptying the drawers from Samara's dresser.

"Is Top going back to his place? Y'all arguing?" Samir asked his older sister after walking in from the hallway, interrupting the conversation she and Nina were having.

The two of them got into arguments and broke up every two business days, so he wouldn't be surprised if they were. Tristan had never took it far enough to move his things out of her room though, and vice versa for Tristan's townhome. This argument must've been serious.

"Oh, about that..." Samara trailed off with quick silence while standing up to approach her brother.

"I'm moving in with him. Full time." She told him, and an immediate frown graced his face.

"No you aren't." He shut that down before she could even explain.

"I'm not joking Samir, I'm serious. We're packing right now—not just him." She said, causing his expression to slowly drop.

"Really?"

"Yes. Look." She raised her left hand to show him the diamond ring on it, and his face didn't change nor did his posture budge. A slightly awkward aura filled the room as Samara waited for her brother's reaction, but he didn't give one.

It slowly set in that her promise ring from three years ago had been replaced by an even bigger ring, meaning that Tristan had finally popped the big question. The realization made Samir turn to walk back to his bedroom without saying anything else.

"What happened?" Nina asked with confusion, and Samara sat down on the couch again to show her the new ring on her fourth finger.

"Oh my god, congratulations! Wait—ohhh..that's why he's upset." She put the pieces together while Samara groaned in frustration, dramatically throwing her head back.

"I thought he would just be sad. That nigga look pissed the fuck off. I'm aggravated." Samara playfully mocked Saucy Santana.

"Aww, he doesn't want you to leaveee. That's so cute." Nina smiled before adding, "Go talk to him. He probably is sad."

Samara got back up with another dramatic groan, and Nina shook her head at the both of them. They were practically tied at the hip—well, at least before Nina came around—so obviously both of them felt away. She loved their relationship. They made her wish she hadn't been an only child.

Walking in his bedroom without knocking, Samara saw her brother at his desk with his journal opened and a pencil in his hand. This man literally wasted no time when it came to writing down his feelings or thoughts.

"Mir stop writing and talk to me. I'm right here." She took his mechanical pencil away from him before taking a seat at the edge of his bed.

"Get out of my room." He picked up a pen from the holder on his desk, making her eyes roll.

"No. You didn't even want me to move in with you in the first place, now I'm leaving and you mad?"

"Get out Samara. I'm not playing with you." He said again.

"Ain't nobody scared of you bitch. You gon' do something?" She mushed his head to the side with a smile on her face, but he didn't respond. He wasn't up for jokes right now.

"Tristan literally lives twenty minutes away Samir. Why are you acting like we going back to the Raq or something? You can come over whenever you want."

"I hate his house." He muttered. He hated any house that wasn't his own.

"Ok then I'll come back and visit when you want me to."

"It's not the same."

"Well what do you want me to do Samir?" She frowned.

"I want you to stay home. Why do you have to move with him? He can just move all the way in with us like he's been doing. It's not like I'll ask him to pay rent or anything." Frustration was ridden in his tone.

"I know that sounds easy but this is a three bedroom apartment—really two because of your art room. There'll be five of us soon.." She trailed off, and his head slowly turned to look over at her.

"I'm pregnant Mir.. and I want my baby to have their own room." She chuckled.

"Why didn't you tell me?" His frown disappeared.

"I was planning to do a whole little reveal for you but I didn't think you would make me explain myself like this." She smiled, not appearing to be upset at all.

"I'm sorry.. I d—I didn't mean to be selfish."

"That's okay. I'm not mad." She sat his pencil back down before continuing.

"Look.. I know you hate change but sometimes it's inevitable Mir. I'm 27 now, boy. I can't live with my little brother forever. That also doesn't mean that anything between us will change. I will come back home whenever you want. And I'll call you everyday, I swear."

"Besides, you have Nina now. That girl been taking care of you since y'all met. You'll be just fine without me." She wrapped her arms around him for a hug, and he quietly huffed before returning it. He couldn't deny that.

"I'm happy for you but I really hate this." He said with a low sigh.

"I know bubs. You'll get over it." She kissed his cheek with a small laugh before pulling back from him.

"Shut up. How far along are you?" He asked, shifting his focus to his unborn niece or nephew.

"We have an appointment tomorrow so we won't find out until then." She told him, sitting back down on the bed.

"Everything is happening so fast.. I don't even know what to say. How do you feel?"

"Excited. You know I've always wanted that love story that mama and daddy had. Top been giving my crazy ass that since middle school. I'm happy to finally 'settle down', you know? And I love kids so I'm really happy to have my own, too." She shrugged as her smile lingered.

"Yeah. I'm happy for you Mara, really. You'll be the best mom." He told her with certainty.

"Well we did have the best role model, so, yeah I think I'll do good." She said while standing back up, pushing her bundles over her shoulders.

"Thanks for not being too mad. I'm glad I ain't have to beat yo' ass."

"Get out of my room." He waved her off, and she playfully pulled at his hair before doing as told, laughing on her way out.

His smile immediately vanished once the door closed, and he could feel himself becoming emotional so he decided to go ahead and take a shower so that nobody would see him cry. He needed to wash the airports off of him anyway.

Samir loved his older sister more than anything in this world—even more than himself. She was more than just his sister. She was his confidant, his partner in crime, his best friend, and most notably a second mother figure for him. He wouldn't know what to do without her.

Although she was only moving out, it kind of reminded him of when their mother passed away. For some reason it felt like he was losing yet another family member. After his mother and maternal grandparents, he just didn't want to go through this again.

He needed Samara at home with him so that he could protect her and make sure she that was okay. He couldn't do that if she didn't live here anymore.

Every night, Samir went into her bedroom to tuck her in and check on her even when Tristan slept over. He couldn't sleep well if he didn't. Even though she was older, Samara was his baby. She was his whole life.

"You okay stinky?" Nina climbed into the bed with him an hour later, now fresh out of the shower as well. Samir turned around to face her when she did, cuddling up to her side.

He didn't respond to her but she knew he would eventually, so she just held him until he was ready to talk. He wasn't very good with expressing the way he felt, which was why he kept it brief with Samara and didn't say much. Nina was slowly teaching him how to open up though.

"I miss my mom." He mumbled quietly, and Nina watched one singular tear roll down his cheek.

"I told Mara that I was happy for her, and I am, but I'm mad too. I'm more mad than I am happy, and I feel bad about that because she deserves this. I didn't tell her how I really felt because I don't want to be selfish or ruin this for her." Samir signed to her to prevent himself from crying. He knew more tears would fall if he had to talk.

"Why does this remind you of your mom?" She asked softly, wiping away the tear from his cheek.

Samir buried his face into the crook of her neck without saying anything, and she wrapped her arms around him once her skin became wet. She planted gentle kisses on his cheek while he cried silently in her arms, becoming upset with himself.

He hated crying.

"It's okay to cry Mir. You don't have to try to stop it." She could see how frustrated he was, so she rubbed at his scalp near the last row of his dreads that he often pulled on.

"I love you so much." His voice was full of genuine emotion and sincerity, making her heart melt.

"I love you way more."

"Can I just stay right here because I don't want you to see me crying," He spoke quietly.

"Yes. That's okay baby."

"Ok. I hate crying." He told her.

"I know." She smiled at how he was now off topic.

"What did she pass from?" Nina asked carefully after he hadn't said anything for a couple of minutes.

"Cardiac arrest." He talked slowly as if he didn't believe it.

"She used to hate when I had episodes. Depressive episodes." He clarified.

"I was in it this one time because I was still new at work, and you know how when you're the new person, people treat you like you're slow or something. And people already think something is wrong with me so it was worse. I hate being the odd one out. It made me sad."

"She came over to try and help me but I didn't let her. I told her to leave me alone and I didn't talk to her 'cause I—I'm just not good with talking about the way I feel. It's r-really h—hard for me." For the first time in a couple of weeks, his stutter returned.

"Mara texted me and told me that Ma was crying 'cause I was mean to her. They're both really sensitive. I didn't feel bad though 'cause I told her not to come over here in the first place and she still showed up." His tone softened.

He then went silent again and more salty tears slid down his cheeks as he prepared to say something else. Nina kind of figured out what happened next, so she remained quiet until he was ready to say it himself.

"She sat outside my door that night because she wanted to be there when I—I finally came out.. and she had a heart attack. I w—was awake the whole night Nina. And I heard somebody pulling on the door handle but I ignored it 'cause I was mad."

"The paramedics said I wouldn't have been able to help her anyway, but I know that's not true. I could've helped." He paused to swallow the lump in his throat. "I should've just let her help me."

"You know she doesn't blame you Samir. Nobody does." Nina tilted his head up to make him look at her, but he kept his red eyes down.

"It doesn't matter. I could've helped and I didn't. She was dead outside of my room for three hours before I found her. Just sitting there like a dog or something. That was my fault." He pulled away from her and sat up in the bed, and Nina didn't even know what to say to that.

She wasn't expecting the story to go in that direction. That had to have been so traumatic for him. She wasn't even sure how to help. That made her feel terrible because Samir always knew what to say to make her feel better.

"I spent all of last year hating God for doing that to me." He admitted out loud for the first time.

"I know that I could've never stopped what He already had planned, but why would He do something like that to me? Why did that have to be apart of the plan?" He mumbled.

"We will never understand it no matter how hard we try, or be able to get answers to our 'why's', Samir. You can't blame yourself for that and nothing you do will bring her back. That's why you have to focus on all the good times you had with her, not that last one. What will doing the opposite do for you? Or for her?"

"I don't know how you do it.. That's probably the only traumatic thing that has ever happened to me, but you've been through so much. And you still have faith in Him. Why?" Samir wondered aloud.

"I'm not sure baby. I just know that's it's not for us to understand and there's nothing I can do about the past. There's no way I can change it. I still need His help with the future though.. so I can't hate Him forever." She told him in a quiet voice that matched his.

"And the little good moments help me forget about all of the bad ones. Like being with you." She said, causing his bloodshot eyes to finally meet hers.

"If I would've gave up or let the bad outweigh everything else, I would've never gotten the chance to meet you. I would go through all of that stuff a million times if it means that I could still be with you after it's all said and done."

"You love me that much?" He asked.

"I do. And I know that your mom would've been so proud of the man you are, to me and to everyone else. You really are one of one. She did so good with you." Her assurance made his eyes water again, and she smiled when he tucked his face back in her neck.

"I love you so much. I wish you could've met her."

"Me too baby." She held him close to her, pulling him underneath the covers.

Silence settled in once more as they cuddled together, and Samir now felt ten times better with that weight off of his shoulders.

He'd never told anyone that story before; not even Samara. He more than likely wouldn't tell anyone else either.

Although he knew it wasn't true, Samir felt like he'd murdered his own mother in a way. It hurt to relive what happened and he carried so much guilt and pain because of it. He loved Nina so much for making him feel safe and secure enough to tell her about it.

"Nothing is going to happen to Samara. You know that, right?" Nina spoke up after a few minutes, realizing why Samara moving reminded him of their mother's unfortunate death.

"It might."

"And if it does, it won't be your fault. You know that, right?" She repeated, feeling him slowly nod his head.

"I know you hate when situations are out of your control, but you can't automatically think the world ends when it happens. You are just one part of her life—a main, but side character. You have to be okay with letting her live her own life, and build her own family. Don't be upset with her or with yourself because there's nothing you can do about that, Mir."

"Stop telling me what I need to hear. Lie to me." He mumbled, and a smile finally etched across his face once she laughed.

"No 'cause you never ever lie to me. You clock my tea every time. I can't let you off easy." She flicked his bottom lip, and he rolled his eyes as his smile grew bigger.

"Thank you. I love you so much." He said for the hundredth time. He really did. He couldn't even explain how far his love went for her.

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