Why her?

Samir used a blue mechanical pencil to write in his journal with his left hand while the side of his face rested in his right one to support his head. He underlined 'her' before drawing a heart with an arrow through it on the side of it, and as he doodled further, his leg slowly stopped bouncing underneath the table.

Why her? Why not her?

I like her more than I let on but I can't do anything about it. I told her that I didn't care about her being married but what sense does that make? Of course I care. He has something that I want. Why wouldn't I care?

Why are feelings so weird? I've known this woman for a week and I'm already journaling about her. How did she manage to make me feel this way? We've done nothing but hug. I thought feelings came from sexual connection for men and emotional connection for women, which explains why she likes me, but where does my attraction come from? We haven't even done anything sexual.

I don't understand. Am I too far gone?

Sex is what forms bonds for most men, especially young men like me. Especially virgins, like me.

I don't even see her as someone I'd have sex with though. I like her too much. The only result of sex is a pleasurable release but I don't see her like that. That's degrading. She's better than a temporary and quick release. She's better than sex. She's too good for me.

My Tinkerbell ✧𑁍.ೃ࿔*:
I love her middle name, Belle. It fits her. She's so sweet and really nosy like Tinkerbell though. I love it.

I miss her.

He let go of his pencil to drag his hands down his face as he became irritated with himself. He knew that he was too far gone the moment he began transferring the sketch of Nina's face onto a canvas to paint it. That's how he expressed his love for people; through his art.

The faces of his parents and his older sister were the only ones he'd ever painted. Sometimes he'd sketch random ones that he saw on the internet or something, but painting them on a canvas? Definitely not. Nina was the first outside of his immediate family.

The whole point of Nina coming to his apartment for the first time last week was so that she could get the painting and take it home, but Samir didn't end up giving it to her because he spontaneously decided to keep it after taking into account that he wouldn't be able to see her as often as he would like since she was in a full blown relationship; a very serious one, at that. He wanted to be able to look at her everyday.

Yes, she admitted to liking me but I can't take that to heart. I can't let that make me feel good because I know that I can't have her. It sounded good though. She said it to me again before she left, as if it was in place of the way people say 'I love you' when telling someone goodbye.

I got my first boner that night. Honestly, I've been thinking I was incapable of getting those. Imagine my surprise when I walked back to my apartment with a rod sticking out so obviously in my sweats. I wonder if she seen it. That would be more embarrassing than the building employees seeing it on my walk back to the elevator.

Samir's middle area began to harden again as he thought about the last face-to-face encounter he had with Nina two days ago. With the way she talked, it was as if she knew the things that she did to him; things he couldn't even understand because again, no one had made him feel this way before.

It amazed him that a video of people naked and having literal sex didn't turn him on in the slightest but a simple kiss on the cheek from Nina made him ponder on what he would do to her if he got her to himself.

He hadn't figured that part out yet though..

Samir was a virgin and Nina definitely wasn't; hell, she'd been with her husband for five years so she was probably more experienced than he thought. He hadn't asked about her sex partners prior to Tyler yet because he didn't think it was his place, but he was genuinely curious on how many people she'd been with.

He wanted to know what he was up against—well, if it ever came down to that..

It creeped him out to be thinking about her this way but he couldn't help himself. Nina was so beautiful to him, and it wasn't just her looks that did it for him. He loved the way she talked, the way she walked, the way she smelled, the perfect smile she had and her chubby cheeks; he loved it all.

He missed her already. He wanted to call her but he knew that it was a risk because he wasn't sure if her husband was around or not.

So, he sent her a text instead.

While waiting for her call, he got a notification from Instagram that told him Nina had posted on her finsta account.

Her second account was private and only had two hundred followers, while her main page had 22,000, and Samir didn't follow that one.

Most of those followers came from her husband's account, which is why she made the finsta a few months ago. She wanted to be able to post on her page without worrying about outside opinions or making it to any blog pages for posting provocative content while being married to a preacher.

Samir double tapped the post with a grin on his face at the same time that Nina's contact appeared at the top of his screen.

ninanastylikeekane

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ninanastylikeekane U kno I'm his fkn...... 👼🧚🏾‍♀️🎀😇🕷️
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maraspamho : 🌚🌚 his tinkerbellll 👅😍😍
↪️ ninanastylikeekane : 😅🌚🤭🤭🤭

"I thought I told you not to be friends with Mara?" Samir signed with his hands once the FaceTime call connected.

"Boy you ain't running nothing. That's my sista." She waved him off with a smile, and it grew after she watched him roll his eyes.

"Let me look at you." He continued signing.

Nina sat her phone up on what seemed to be a bathroom counter, and Samir's assumption was confirmed when he saw the bathtub in the background. She did a slow spin to show off her outfit even though he'd seen it on her spam already.

"You look so pretty Tinkerbell." His tongue ran mindlessly over his lips, and Nina's eyes dazed so far she damn near went cross-eyed.

"Thank you baby. I miss you, I wanna kiss youuu." She rested both of her arms on the counter while biting down on her bottom lip. Samir slouched down lower in his rolling chair before allowing a small frown to replace his expression at the sound of her slurring.

"Are you drunk, Nina?" He asked.

"If I say yes, will you be mad?"

"No."

"Then yes I am. I'm drunk as fuckkkk. I'm seeing like three of y—you right now." She hiccuped, looking at herself in the mirror to see if she looked as drunk as she felt.

"Nina it's eleven in the morning. Why are you drunk?" He chuckled.

"I just came back from brunch with my best friend and some of her friends. Shit. How many daiquiris did I drink? A fuckin' lot, that's how much. Look." She stuck her tongue out to show the red stain left from the fruity alcoholic drinks.

"Why can't I come get you?" He asked in sign language.

"Why you signing to me baby? You don't wanna talk?" She bit her lip again, resting her head in the palm of her hand.

"No. I wanna come pick you up." He answered with more hand movements, making her smile grow.

"Mmmm, ok.." She had a sly grin on her face. "I'm 'bouta send you the addy. Come right now please."

"Ok. I'm coming." He stood up from the chair, and Nina watched him push his dreads over his shoulders, giving her a clearer view of his handsome face. A perfect seat.

Samir watched Nina stumble drunkenly down a flight of stairs, clearly trying her hardest not to trip and fall. He climbed out of his 2021 Jeep Grand Cherokee Trackhawk and closed the driver side door behind him.

"You got a bag ma? You staying with me?" He couldn't hide the slight excitement in his tone as he took the pink duffel bag from her.

"Yes. Pick me up baby, please." She wrapped her arms around his neck, and Samir wasted no time to do what was asked of him.

His Yves Saint Laurent cologne quickly engulfed her as he carried her back to his truck, and she gently nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck to literally sniff his skin. This was the wrong time for him to be wearing this.

"Nina," he stopped walking just after approaching the passenger side door, letting out a low groan at the feeling of her sucking his neck. It caught him so off guard that he let go of her, but luckily managed to catch her before she could fall.

"Samir I know you ain't just drop me??"

"I—I'm sorry. I—I didn't mean to." He stammered over his words at the same time that his face warmed with embarrassment.

A smile graced Nina's face when she realized that he was nervous, and she could feel his hard-on as he slid her down his body to put her down on her feet again. She grabbed his hands that began to tremble once his anxiety got the best of him, then tilted her head back to gaze up at him.

"It's okay baby. Are you okay? I'm sorry. Did I make you uncomfortable?" She tried not to slur because now she was serious; those weren't her intentions.

"No I—no." He stopped himself from talking in fear of embarrassing himself further.

"I'm sorry. I should've asked. I won't do that again. Are you okay?" She asked again since he didn't answer the first time.

"Y-yeah I'm fine.. it's okay." He wanted to tell her that he actually liked it, he just didn't know how to without making a fool of himself.

"Okay. I'm sorry." She apologized once more.

Samir lowered his head to kiss her cheek in reassurance, making her smile return. He opened the passenger door afterwards, then helped her climb into the truck. He sat the bag on the floor in front of her before walking around the vehicle to get in on the other side.

The ride to his apartment complex consisted of Nina pouring her heart out into songs that played on the hip hop and R&B station, switching between that and twerking in her seat to Sexyy Red, while Samir remained quiet for the most part, in his head about the hickey that was now on his neck.

He knew what it was, of course, but this was his first one and his first semi-sexual act. The light purple mark on his neck excited him and the proof of that was currently poking in his sweats.

"Is Mara here?" Nina asked him, heading to the kitchen first because she needed something to drink. She was clearly comfortable here.

"No. She went to her boyfriend's house a few hours ago."

Nina only hummed in response, grabbing a mini bottle of water from the refrigerator. She twisted the cap off and downed the whole thing in a few seconds, then threw the empty bottle into the green trash bin with a recycle symbol on it.

She took another one to the bedroom with her, following behind Samir who carried her duffel bag on his shoulder. A soft smile grew on her face at the sight of his walk; he was the most bow-legged person she'd ever seen. It looked damn good on him though.

"Hold on Mir, let me see it. I need to change my clothes." She stopped him from putting her bag in his closet, ready to get out of these jeans.

"Can I change in here or do you want me to go in the bathroom?" She asked.

"Whatever you want." He signed to her, and she nodded, pulling the zipper back to open the duffel bag.

"How come you can stay the night?" He curiously asked.

"Tyler went to San Antonio with his brothers for the weekend. It's one of their birthdays." She didn't see the need to disclose which brother since Samir knew none of them anyway.

"You trust him?"

"I really can't talk about trust, now can I?" She nodded in his direction, and he smiled with a shrug of his shoulders.

"All three of his brothers love me though. They'd beat his ass if he tried cheating on me in front of them." She told him, pushing her jeans down to her ankles. She removed her knitted cropped top next, then looked over to see that Samir was now purposely staring out of the window at the drizzling rain.

"I love this, you know?" Nina chuckled, pulling on an oversized plain black shirt.

"Love what?" He looked at her again after making sure that she was covered up.

"Your shyness. Ain't nothing outside that interesting." She zipped the duffel bag close, and Samir shrugged again as if he didn't know what she was talking about.

After putting the bag neatly against the wall in his closet, Nina pulled her bonnet down on her forehead before climbing in the king sized bed next to him. She turned her body to face him, then propped her head up in the palm of her hand.

"First time, huh?" She rubbed over the mark she left with her free hand, and Samir nodded, lifting his gaze to meet hers.

"I liked it. I was just afraid to tell you." He signed to her as he became nervous again.

"You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything. Or nervous. I think it's cute though; you be pouting and stuff. It's really cute." She said, then let out a laugh at the immediate frown that graced his face.

"Pouting?" He signed.

"Mhm. My lil' baby so shy. I love that shit." She rubbed a tiny piece of lint away from his eyebrow, and Samir laid his head down against her chest to hide his face, ironically proving her point.

"That's so embarrassing." Samir's voice came out muffled, making her laugh again.

"It only is because you make it that way. I don't think it's embarrassing at all. You've never done anything before so it's understandable, I just can't really grasp that.. like, you literally look like a fuck boy, no offense—," She cut herself off by laughing yet again at the shocked expression on his face.

"What does that even mean? Is it because of my tattoos? I'll scrape them off right now." He frowned at her, trying to fight off a smile as she continued to laugh.

"Actually, yes. And your hair. And the way you walk and how you built. You just have the whole nine yards, that's why I can't believe that ain't nobody hit this lil' shit yet."

"It's something wrong with you." He signed, playfully frowning at her choice of words.

"Oh, my bad. That's some big sh—,"

"Be quiet, Nina." He shut her down before she could say anything else, earning yet another laugh from her.

"Ok, ok, I'm done. Stop pushing me back." She chuckled, moving his hands out of the way so that she could rest her leg over his waist again.

"Are you still drunk?" He asked, no longer able to hear her slurring.

"Not really. Maybe a little tipsy. That water helped sober me up. It wasn't like I was drinking heavy liquor though. Just some cute lil' daiquiris and a few margaritas." She shrugged with a smile.

"Oh. Did you have fun? At the brunch?"

"Mhm. I had already planned to call you, too. I didn't thought 'cause I thought you'd be at work. Don't you work Monday through Friday?" She asked.

"I have every other Friday off." He told her, and she nodded her head in response.

Samir was a commercial diver for Subsea Global Solutions based in Galveston, Texas, which was about an hour away from their current location in Houston.

People were always surprised after finding out his line of work because apparently he didn't seem like he spent hours underwater at a time. It was actually the perfect job, though. He didn't have to talk to anyone and he didn't have an actual on-site manager that gave him orders.

Being a commercial diver was actually one of the highest paid blue-collar jobs, but Samir still made a fairly low salary because he'd only been doing it for two years. Well, fairly low compared to more experienced and skilled divers. He still made six figures after taxes though, so his salary didn't bother him.

His job consisted of removing, installing and repair various underwater equipment and structures. They used scuba gear and both hand and power tools—such as welding equipment or drills—to aid them in their work. In some cases, he also performed experiments, tests, and photographed structures to inspect them better.

It probably seemed like a lot to someone who had no experience, but he joined a trade school when he was 17 and graduated with a guaranteed job just a few weeks after his 20th birthday. The only downside to his job was that it was hundreds of miles away from his hometown, Chicago Illinois.

That didn't stop him from accepting the job, though. It was about time for him to experience something new anyway, and he didn't regret his decision to move to Texas at all.

"Soo.. can I spend the weekend with you then?" She asked, watching a smile spread across his face.

"Yes. Whatever you want, tinkerbell."

No sex, no kiss let me cook!!!!!!! and DONT tell me to get out the kitchen bitch SIT BACK AND READ with yo ashy ASS!!!!!!!!!!! P.s if you a new reader don't be offended girl we cool like this ok ilysm ✌️