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Annabelle's head snapped back as the burn hit her nose, sharp and unforgiving - a soul-crushing sense of stillness lingering for a moment but it wasn't long enough. Rage flared in her chest, wrapping itself around the gnawing guilt that had been festering since the moment she'd realized what time it was. She sniffed hard, blinking fast, the voice on the other end of the phone barely cutting through the haze.

"You're not listening to me, ma'am." Annabelle interrupted her abruptly, shooting up from her seat, her chest heaving as she tried to keep herself composed. She paced the kitchen in tight, agitated circles, fingers twitching around her phone with the instinct to angrily shove it at the floor hearing the woman's stupid voice.

"No, I am but as I said, your only option is to attempt a reschedule." The voice on the other line said in a maddeningly even tone. "But given your absence today, that may no longer be an option since it proves a lack of commitment."

"Lack of commit-" Enraged breaths spiraled from Annabelle's nose, her jaw tensing impossibly tight. "Well, I was a little busy being fucking robbed."

The woman sighed. "There's no need to raise your voice—"

The brunette girl scoffed bitterly, her pacing quickening. She swayed a little in her steps, inhaling sharply. "You know, for someone who works for Child Protective Services, you sure sound like you don't give a damn about children."

She paused mid-step, pressing her fist to her forehead as her breath caught. Her voice trembled now, the room spinning lazily around her, and each blink took more effort than the last. "She's my sister, for Christ's sake. She's a child. And I'm all she's got. I need to talk to her!"

"Miss James, you had a scheduled call today, which you missed—for whatever reason you may have. Now, you're welcome to explain that to the supervising agent—"

"Yeah. Great. Give me his number," Annabelle cut in, her tone clipped and desperate.

"I can provide that but the meeting will be delayed a few more weeks-"

"A few more weeks?!" The James girl retorted. "For what fucking reason?! To punish me? My sister is alone and thinks I've abandoned her, that guilt is punishment alone!"

"Ma'am, I understand you're angry but this is not helping your situation," The woman said calmly, too calmly. And it made Annabelle's blood boil.

Annabelle's voice dropped low, trembling with fury. "Listen to me," she growled. "I will see my sister. Even if I have to go through you, your boss, and every last piece of red tape you people hide behind to pretend you're doing your jobs. If you think a form or a signature or a delay is going to stop me, then you've seriously underestimated how far I'll go."

The girl angrily hung up and slammed her phone down on the table. The moment she did her phone began to buzz, restlessly vibrating from the series of calls but the name on the display was never the one she hoped for, just like it had before she got in contact with the CPS worker.

The fury drained fast, leaving a hollow ache in its place. She collapsed onto one of the chairs, unleashing a river of tears. She tugged her knees closer to her body, her arms wrapping around her legs as If trying to keep herself together but nothing seemed to be working. The sobs tore through her relentlessly, every tear burning in her eyes. She felt so hollow with only guilt clawing at her insides. She missed the damn meeting with her sister.

Her only chance to talk to her sister and she missed it because of JJ's stunt.

Her blurry vision was plastered on her phone as Rafe's name kept popping up on the screen. She couldn't speak to him right now. Matter of fact, she wasn't sure she could speak at all. The guilt and the hopelessness were practically suffocating her making every breath hard to endure.

Beside her phone on the table was that line. That one line that she knew she couldn't cross, she shouldn't cross. But what did it matter, she was already one line down. The perfectly practiced line rested so calmly on the surface and as much as she tried to look away from it, her eyes found their way back to it. It looked almost delicate, like a whisper of white dust, but it held the power to destroy her.

She shot up so hastily that her chair fell back. Her legs were telling her to move, but standing up also caused the soothing effect of the first line to fully sink in. Suddenly she was feeling everything and nothing at the same time. But it still wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to if even for a moment- forget the look on her friends' faces when they heard about Rafe and her. It wasn't enough to momentarily take her mind off what JJ had said to her. It wasn't enough to drown out the ringing guilt that she had abandoned her sister again. It wasn't enough to numb it all.

Tears crawled to her sight again, her eyes plastered on the line. Her heart was racing, anticipation mixed with the fear of herself. Because she did fear herself in that moment. Something glued her to the line and an invisible noose wrapped around her throat as the seconds passed. 

One line to take the edges off, to be able to breathe normally again, to shut out her racing thoughts. One line.

She hunched over the table, her arms holding her up and gripping the edge of it so hard her knuckles whitened. Sobs tore through her, leaving her feeling more and more empty. The high from before was already wearing thin and everything was crushing down on her at the same time. It was all too suffocating.

She wailed out a cry, almost a plea for help but she knew no one could hear her. It was just her, in the large house with the eerie silence. Her and her restless screaming thoughts. And the damn buzzing phone. Annabelle threw a glance at it. Rafe. Again.

Her heartbeat hammered against her ribs. It didn't matter how many times she had clicked the call away, he just wouldn't stop. She needed it to stop. Her grip on the table tightened, every muscle tensing.

She snatched the phone off the table and hurled it across the room letting it crash against the wall. The impact was so violent that she could hear the crack but that was about the least of her worries. Her chest was heaving as she stared at it, the screen facing the floor. Several beats passed and no more ringing came from it.

She should've felt relieved, the relentless buzzing had finally stopped but it had also left behind the most ear-defending silence. No one is coming for you.

Annabelle let out another harsh sob as her eyes trailed back to the line. The stillness was too loud, the line was too perfect. She could just wipe it off with the sleeve of her shirt, and turn it into nothing more than dust.

Instead, she let out a strained and frustrated breath. Regret was gnawing at her the moment she leaned forward. Pressing a finger against one nostril, she inhaled everything that was on the table, not leaving anything behind.

The burn was instant, scorching through her nose and into her bloodstream, relaxing every nerve in her body as it coursed through her. Her head jerked back, lips falling apart as the familiar sick comfort wrapped around her. And suddenly, she couldn't remember why she would ever feel guilty about doing it.

•❃°•°❀°•°❃•

When Rafe pushed through the door of their bedroom, she regretted not doing another line, one loud enough to block out the harshness in his words.

"Annabelle?" His voice was sharp, cutting through the silence.

She looked up from the edge of the bed, eyes red-rimmed and glassy, her pupils wide with something not entirely natural. Rafe could instantly sense that something else was wrong, something that was beyond their run-in with Barry. But his expression didn't soften, seeing her state. His was blood hot beneath his skin, anger and fear colliding into something dangerous.

"You wanna tell me why the hell Barry comes to the Country Club and yells at me, saying some crazy shit like you and your rat friends robbing him?" He asked, his voice harsh but laced with concern.

Annabelle closed her eyes and drew a shaky breath. Of course, he already knew.

"H-he was robbing us first and.."

"He what?" Rafe huffed, the anger faltering for a moment before quickly coming back again. "And that's an excuse for robbing a fucking drug dealer? A drug dealer, Annabelle!" Rafe's tone raised but Annabelle's gaze remained fixed on the carpet, her silence a frail defense. She tried to track the patterns in the fibers as if they held some hidden path to make it all stop.

Rafe took a step closer to her, trying to make eye contact with her but her gaze didn't waver. " I mean how fucking stupid-" He let out a strained breath and lifted his hand, showing the burn mark that Barry had given him. "You saw what he's fucking capable of and you rob this guy?"

His anger only flared as he gained no response from the girl when all he so desperately wanted was to protect her. "You don't steal from a fucking drug dealer, Annabelle! Especially that one." His voice cracked on the last word. "He's not someone you just screw over and walk away from."

"It was JJ." She said, the calmness in her voice a strong contrast with Rafe's. "He robbed him."

Rafe let out a humorless scoff and ran his hand through his hair, turning away from her for a moment. The name twisted something in him. "JJ.." He shook his head. "It's always that fucking rat isn't it?"

"Don't say that," Annabelle spoke weakly.

Rafe turned to face her hastily, his features tightening. "Oh, so you're defending him now? Jesus, Annabelle." His chest moved rapidly up and down and he dragged his hands down his face like he was trying to physically pull himself together, calm himself down. "Look-"

He knelt down in front of Annabelle, his hands on her knees, trying desperately to make her look at him but her gaze was distant, telling him that something was incredibly off. "I'm sorry, okay." He breathed out. "It's just... hearing that you were anywhere near that bastard scared the living shit out of me, okay. And hearing him threaten you like that...." His thumbs moved gently against her knees but Annabelle's mind was elsewhere. "I can't stand the thought of losing you or you being in danger. Like... it physically hurts me. A-and I've never really felt that about anyone in my life. Not even my family for God's sake." He let out a breathless laugh, trying to smile up at her.

The girl looked absolutely wrecked, something that Rafe couldn't put his finger on. His hand moved up to her chin carefully, dragging his thumb along her jaw. "You mean so much to me, it scares me. That's why I can't have you getting in these situations. Because, Bells, I lo... I like you so much."

His heart raced, realizing his own slip up but the girl in front of him didn't even blink. That's when he saw it. He tightened his hold on her chin and shot up to a stance, looming over her.

"Are you fucking high, right now?" He huffed, examining her eyes closely. "Were you even listening to me just now?"

Annabelle blinked. She was easing back into reality, one that she so desperately tried to flee from. Tears crawled to her waterline and her hands were trembling in her lap as the crash was hitting her, the comedown cruel and unforgiving. "They found out." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Rafe's brows furrowed. "What are you talking about, Bells? Who found out?"

When she finally looked at him and there was something more than a hollow shell behind her eyes, he could see that she wasn't just high or sad. She was broken. "My friends." She rasped out. "They found out about us."

Rafe released his grip on her chin and took a step back. He didn't care what her friends thought of him—he never had—but he did care about her. And judging by the devastation on her face, this wasn't just some petty argument. "Motherfucker."

He shook his head and turned his back against her once again, his fingers rubbing his eyes.

"They told me I had to choose."

The girl's words made him snap his head toward her again. His face twisted with anger, confusion, and almost amusement. It was a joke. Not a funny one, a pathetic one.

"They what?" he huffed.

Annabelle felt a single tear roll down her cheek. "They said it's either them or you."

Rafe rolled his eyes and let a chuckle slip from his mouth. "Those idiots." He looked down at Annabelle, hoping for her to mirror his expression, to find the situation funny because it was funny. It was funny how fucking easy of a decision it was but Annabelle's face was a mask of something else. Hesitation. "You chose me, right?"

Annabelle's expression faltered and tears rolled down her cheeks recklessly. Her silence said enough and it made Rafe snap toward her.

"Tell me you chose me." His chest was heaving. "Annabelle."

The girl looked up at him, tears blurring her vision. "It's not that easy Rafe." She sniffled.

"Yes, it is!" His voice was rough, raw, teetering on the edge of breaking and her shoulders flinched "You belong with me, Annabelle. Not them. Me."

Guilt flashed across the girl's face and another sob clawed through her.

Rafe stepped closer to her. "Did you not hear everything I told you earlier?" He snapped at her. "And you know what I've told you about your friends. They are scumbags, Annabelle. They shouldn't even have asked you to make this decision in the first place." He sank down in front of her again, his voice lowering slightly. "They are just trying to come between us. You don't need them."

Annabelle sniffled. "But JJ-"

"Fuck, JJ." Rafe's jaw tightened. "Was he the one who asked you to decide?"

The girl hesitated before nodding her head. Rafe huffed out in frustration.

"Of course." He clenched his fists. "I've been telling you to stay away from him. He's got some weird obsession with you." He squeezed her thighs, his touch possessive and gentle at the same time. A moment of silence passed while the girl tried to avoid looking at him. The guilt was crushing her from inside. She couldn't bear the thought that she was inevitably hurting one of them, but did it really matter? Her friends seemed to have made the decision for her.

"Hey," Rafe's voice was softer now and somewhat desperate. He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, his hand lingering on her cheek to turn her head toward him, making her look at him. She sat with her arms wrapped around herself, trying to hold her together and bring the slightest sense of comfort to her.

"As I was trying to tell you earlier..." Rafe began but he looked like he hesitated. Like the words were heavy on his tongue, like something he had never uttered before. He exhaled deeply, weighing the confession on his tongue before letting it spill. "I love you, Annabelle."

The girl's muscles tightened and she met his gaze. His eyes were vulnerable and serious and it made her heart hammer inside her chest, trying to wrap her head around everything. The words slammed into her harder than any argument, any fight, any push and pull they'd ever had. He loved her.

In a moment where she had never felt more vulnerable, like everything was slipping away from her and being ripped from her, his confession wrapped like a comforting blanket around her.

She blinked, again and again like it would make it clearer what she had heard. "Rafe-"

His breathing was ragged, the confession stealing the air from both their lungs and each second that passed made it even harder to breathe.

"I love you too," she whispered, like a secret, like a sin and the stream of tears came to a halt. The confession was brutal, like it physically hurt to say, like it had been clawing at her throat for weeks but she knew that it was wrong. She couldn't help it.

She loved him because she couldn't not love him.

His features relaxed betraying the relief her words brought him. However, his grip on her was still tense. "Then this shouldn't be a hard decision, Annabelle."

And suddenly the tears were back, crueler this time "That's not fair, Rafe," She sniffled, trying to hold it together. "I don't know what to do."

"Yes, you do!" Rafe shot to his feet again. "Are you kidding me, Annabelle? These are the idiots that made you rob a fucking drug dealer! They are nothing but fucking trouble."

Annabelle's hands were shaking in her lap, her tears dripping down on them. "Please," Her voice was desperate. Desperate for that look, that look of love that would bring back the comfort to her aching. But his eyes remained hard and nothing comforting wrapped around her only the stabbing guilt. "Stop yelling at me,"

The boy sucked in a deep breath, knowing that his anger was getting the better of him but he just couldn't stand the thought of losing her. Not now and not ever. Not like this.

He froze and inhaled sharply through his nose. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his hands moving to cup her cheeks. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I just—please, look at me." She did, hesitantly, and it undid him. His chest heaved. His gaze was raw, vulnerable, and desperate. "Tell me you love me."

Annabelle stared up at him. "I love you, Rafe."

His thumb brushed over her cheek, wiping the tears that were caressing down her skin. "Then that's your decision." He breathed.

The girl let out a shaky exhale as her hand came up to rest against his. Her friends had basically made the decision for her already... well... she wasn't sure. The only this she could be sure about was him. Rafe. He was the only true thing in her life right there.

She let her eyelids fall over her sight, releasing a tear. She nodded and looked up at him. "Okay." Her voice was weak.

𝟑𝟏𝟒𝟐 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬
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𝐀/𝐍
sighed