HE'D SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT SEARCHING, armed and furious, scouring the streets for any sign of where she might be. He couldn't find her, and it was driving him to insanity. He never realized how much he missed her laugh, her scent, the way she tossed her head when she was making fun of him. Now that she was gone, he knew everything he had lost. 

Rox found him in the war room, crossing out blocks in a big, black line, entire neighbourhoods scribbled out like censorship in government files. He touched his shoulder gently. 

"Illias," Rox said. "Go wake up." 

"I can't," Illias brushed him off. "I need to find her." 

"We're going to keep looking," Rox replaced his hand. "But I need you to be functioning. If you work all night, you're not going to be able to get any rest. Your brain will burn out." 

"I can't stop until she's back," his voice cracked desperately. "I need her back." 

"You can break. The rest of the world is still moving, Illias. You can't abandon everything for her." 

"She is everything," Illias growled. "She is everything to me. So I will put your war on hold for her. I will stop time and strangle death until she's back in my arms." 

He turned back to his papers, staking his next move. 

Rox sighed, watching him for a moment. His movements were jerky, imprecise, scattered and jolting. Dark circles ringed his eyes, a near-impossible feat in the dream world, but Illias had so worn his brain down, it was manifesting in Mirage as exhaustion. 

"Is Naoki smart?" Rox asked after a moment. 

Illias glared at him. "Of course she is. She's the brightest person I know." 

"And do you trust her?" 

"Who the fuck do you think you are? Of course I do." 

"Then trust her to keep herself safe," Rox's voice was steady, even as his heart shook. Illias had never sworn at him like that, and it made him uneasy. "Trust her to survive for the next twelve hours. Until you can come back, ready to fight." 

Illias burned, but as his words sank in, he seemed to exhale so deeply, the fight whispered out of him. 

Rox hugged him close. "Go wake up." 

So Illias woke up. 

HE SETTLED HER EMPTY BODY ON HIS BED. The last time she had been here, they had been fighting. Now she was nothing but a shell. 

When the others went home, hours before he had woken up, they found themselves at school. Still in detention, with Naoki's body lifeless on the floor. She hadn't woken herself up, the Queen must've kept her from leaving Mirage. 

They couldn't bring her body to her parents. They would call the hospital, trap Naoki in sterile sheets and the smell of cleaning alcohol. So they fetched Illias, distraught and broken, and made him open her phone. 

The password was still his birthday, the lock screen still the photo of senior prom night. Naoki, as student president, had been invited. She'd brought Illias, and they were dressed in mafia-black, with golden accents and she wore bright red lipstick. They were laughing at the photobooth, over some stupid joke he'd told her. They held plastic champagne flutes in their hands, filled with sparkling apple cider. They looked perfect. 

Illias unlocked the phone before he could look at the image any more. 

He opened her messages. The last conversation with her Mum was pulled up, from two nights ago. The night they had made up, sorta. 

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Mum

How's Illias doing? 

we talked, actually. funny you mention it. 

Mother's intuition. What happened? 

it wasn't... words. just feelings and expressions
and touches. we came to an understanding 

Touches? Hmm

not like that mum, please. 

But it was good? 

it was good. i missed him a lot. 

So have I. Bring him home for dinner sometime!
I know he loves Korean food. 

he does. i'll let him know you said hi. 

And Naoki? 

yes?

I love you. So does he. Give him a chance to explain.

okay mum. 

And give yourself a chance to explain, too. 

i love you

Love you too, sugar. 

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Illias stared at the screen until the blue light seared his brain. 

"Illias? Did you send the text?" Xandra asked. 

He shook himself. "Uh, yeah, almost." 

He opened another chat instead. 

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Mae Family <3

Naoki
hey, sleeping over at xandra's tonight.

Jem
who's xandra? 

Naoki
a friend

Laurie
gee, didn't know you had friends, elmo

Naoki
oh shut up laurie. mum, mima, is it okay? 

Mima
all good, mija. see you tomorrow!

Mum
You're missing out on spectacular Thai food, but that's your loss! Love you Elmo <3 

Atticus
Poppy says goodnight <3

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Paris peered over his shoulder. "All good?" 

"All good," Illias nodded. 

"Who's Elmo?" he asked. 

"Childhood nickname," Illias explained. "She loved Elmo so much as a kid, she wanted to be him. It's why she likes pink so much. Red was too bright for her, but pink was close enough." 

Paris nodded softly. He couldn't even find it in himself to make a joke about it. 

They had picked Naoki's body up, carrying her out of the school. Thankfully the building was empty, and Naoki had the school keys in her pocket. Always one step ahead. Illias fished them out, then locked up behind them.

"My apartment is across the street," Illias nodded to a sleek modern building next door. 

"Damn, you live close," Xandra marvelled. 

"Perks of being disgustingly rich," Illias said heavily. "I'll take her up. You guys go home, get ready for school. I'll see you later." 

Paris and Xandra left, clapping Illias on the shoulder. Dexter gave him a brief smile and scurried after them. 

"You don't have to do it alone," Theo offered. "I'm pretty good with taking care of people. Lots of practice." 

Illias gave him a bracing smile. "I'm fine. I want to be alone with her." 

Theo nodded. "Don't beat yourself up, mate. You didn't do anything wrong. The Shadow Queen did." 

Illias nodded, heading for the door. 

"See you around," Theo waved at Illias' retreating back. 

"C'mon, Theo! We can take the bus together," Paris called from down the block. 

Theo sighed, watching Illias push through the door, then jogged after his friends. 

DISCONTENT CAME HAND IN HAND WITH SADNESS. There was nothing good to make of this situation, no shining bright light that Illias could fixate on until the storm passed. Instead he could only find what was wrong with every scene, every shot. It was all wrong. He longed for Theo to lessen the silence, then recoiled at the thought of anyone else's hands on her. He missed Xandra's honesty, but part of him wanted to fight with her until they were both screaming. 

"I wish you were here," he whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head. He couldn't bring himself to put her in that lonely spare room, so he'd placed her on his bed, and made a nest on the floor next to it. Now he watched her, and he remembered. 

The day they had broken up had started out completely normal. They met before first period. Illias had bought her a hot chocolate, she had gotten him a bottle of water and a Cliff bar. They swapped, and sipped in comfortable silence. 

Third period free rolled around, and they found their little cranny outside the dance studio, tucked away behind pillars and supply closet doors. Naoki was sketching out the skeleton of her essay for history, and Illias was watching her work. 

Her handwriting was neat, small and rounded, with long Fs and simple strokes. Sometimes they connected when she was in a rush, melding into a soft script that was barely just legible, but enticing to read. He had thousands of little gum wrapper notes in a drawer by his bed filled with that script. 

Her light pink hair fell across her face as she bent forward, her soft hoodie folding around her like a hug. She looked cozy, sincere. 

Perhaps it was this openness that let him ask. He wouldn't have, otherwise. 

"Have you been crying?" he touched her chin. She lifted it for a moment, then turned away. 

"No," she laughed. "Just tired." 

"Your eyes are swollen, Noki." 

She bent closer to her writing. "Illias, I just didn't get any sleep last night. I was working on this damn essay." 

She was convincing, but he was unconvinced. 

"Was it because I didn't go to BAM club with you?" he asked cautiously. 

She didn't reply, pencil digging deeper into the paper. 

"I told you, I had Model UN. I forgot, and I couldn't ditch a club I'm part of for another club," he explained. 

"You shouldn't have forgotten," she snapped. "You said you were going to go to BAM with me. You promised." 

"I would've gone if didn't have MUN," Illias raised his hands. "But I just forgot." 

"How do you forget a reoccurring club? It happens every Wednesdays!" Her voice pitched, but she strangled it back down. "That's not even what I'm angry about. I'm hurt, yeah, but I'm used to it." 

Used to it. 

"Then what are you angry about?" he demanded. 

"The fact that you asked me to come to MUN instead, and acted surprised when I said I was actually going to my club!" she hissed. "Like I don't have a life? Or commitments? Mind you, I'm student pre--" 

"Student president, everybody knows," Illias cut over her. "But is it so much to ask that you come to my club, too? You expected me to go to yours." 

"Yeah, and you had to go to another club instead! You can't expect me to not have priorities, but respect yours!" 

"So why didn't you just tell me? This was two weeks ago, and you're still upset?" 

"Because this," she said, furious. "This was the last straw. This is it. It's been building up like Mentos in Coke, and you're the final fucking mid-ass mint. Every time you do shit like this, you act like I don't have a life outside of you. Like I'm your puppet student president, like I'm your personal little lapdog. You think I can just up and follow you whenever you want me to. Every time, it's like this! Don't go to Algebra, help me study instead! Don't go to AP Bio, I want you to cuddle with me!" 

"Then why the fuck did you say yes?" he snapped. "Every time you said yes and I thought that you were fine with it!" 

"Because I loved you, and you made me believe that love was about mindless devotion," she capped her pen, shoving it into her pencil case furiously. Her papers ruffled in a chorus of dissatisfaction as she tapped them into her bag. 

"Loved?" Illias watched as the neat notes and round vowels slid away, out of sight. 

"Love, but I added the "D" for you being a dick," she snapped, slinging her bag over her shoulder. 

"Wait, wait, wait," he caught her by the wrist. "Don't-- you can't just walk away." 

"I can do whatever I want," she ripped her arm free. 

He got up, abandoning his stuff, chasing her as she stormed through the empty halls. "Please, Naoki, we have to talk about this." 

"Then talk," she called over her shoulder, turning the corner abruptly. 

He caught her at her locker, spinning the black lock with practiced expertise. 

"You have until I finish getting my stuff," she said coldly. 

"We can work this out," he jumped right in, too scared to lose her to have any caution. "I can change, I promise. And you can change too." 

In went her books. Illias talked faster. 

"We can be both better. You don't have to leave." 

Out came her folders. 

"I can't lose you, please, Naoki." 

She stopped, turning to look at him. Face still like a mannequin, and he wondered how he'd never learned to read her face when she was upset. 

"Sometimes I think you've already lost me," she said softly. "I love you, Illias. Love isn't a feeling that you can put on or off. Love is sacrifice and all the messy things in between. But I feel like I'm always holding back words to be nice to you. If we keep this up, I'll start biting my tongue clean off." 

"So what, we're friends then?" he felt that familiar tickle of heat. Rage encroaching. 

She shrugged, deceptively calm. "If you want us to be. A breakup will be awkward to deal with in public, though. I know how you feel about those things." 

Illias took a deep breath, trying to swallow down the words clawing out of his throat. "So what are you proposing?" 

"Nobody has to know we're broken up." She would do well as an assassin, or a politician. Ruthless delivery and mask of calm. "If we can fix this? Then nobody will have to know, either. And if we don't, then we can announce it when we're both cool and calm, and the public backlash won't wound us both." 

"Feels like you've thought this out perfectly," Illias couldn't help but let the implication sting, a little slip. 

She slammed her locker shut. "Maybe I have. Maybe some of us have to plan for when things don't go our way, and our world falls apart, but the real world keeps moving. Maybe some of us are familiar with heartbreak, and we have escape plans now. Maybe some of us are used to it. And maybe I expected it from you." 

Illias watched as she walked away, the bell ringing overhead, and wondered what would break first. His fist or these lockers. 

It all seemed so stupid now. With her gone, the Shadow Queen growing, and the Puppets spreading. What had they even fought about? He could hardly remember. 

His alarm cried loudly, and Illias reluctantly let Naoki's hand drop, pulling away. What was it she had said? 

Our world falls apart, but the real world keeps moving. 

ILLIAS CURLED INTO HIS PILE OF BLANKETS, dreading. The school day had been horrible, so many people asking where Naoki was. Where their student president had gone, their beloved leader. The day had ran like a rusted clock without her. The chemistry lab set on fire and nobody followed fire drill protocol: two kids had been marked as lost in the fire until the end of the day. Brady had lost his reading glasses and got no paperwork done, which meant ten kids sick with the flu couldn't be released from the building, and spent the day vomitting in the bathrooms. Illias was the second natural choice, but he could barely keep himself from crying, let alone run a school. He'd been cold and selfish all day, shutting people down, shocking people with glares instead of his buttery smile. 

Now he had to go to work, and go save the lives of people who would never know what he'd suffered for them. The Damia would feel his despair, and feed off his anguish. They would be stronger, and he would be weak. 

But he had a job to do. 

Illias shut his eyes, and when they opened again, he was in Mirage. He took the short walk from the back door of his apartment building to the school, trudging around black holes and rusting piles of scraps. He entered the fort, greeted the guards, and took the rackety elevator ride up to the war room. 

Rox met him at the door. "Go home, Illias. Wake up." 

"Huh," Illias rubbed his eye, hard. 

"Go home," Rox repeated, clasping his shoulder. "You're dead beat. You need some time." 

"But--" 

"That's a command, Lieutenant," Rox said. 

Illias was too hurt, everywhere, to protest. "Yes, sir." 

"Go visit Naoki's family, give them an excuse," he looked as ragged as Illias felt, and he took comfort in knowing someone else was as destroyed by Naoki's absence as he. "We're not going to find her until at least tomorrow, and another sleepover won't cut it." 

Illias nodded. "Get some rest, General." 

"You too, son," Rox gave him a bracing smile and shut the door. 

Illias closed his eyes and slept in a black sleep that left him more fitful than before. 

THE MAE'S APARTMENT was in a large, orange-brown building that had fifteen floors, with wallpaper that looked like woven reeds, and a hallway lighting that looked like a hotel's. Illias nodded at the doorman as he walked in, pressing the ninth floor button, and watching the small chihuahua that was riding the elevator with him and its owner. It drooled stringily. 

Illias got out at nine and walked down the long hallway, stopping and knocking at apartment H. 

The door opened after a lot of scuffling. 

Jem was down on the ground, holding onto Laurie's legs, who's dark black curls were mussed in a bushy mess. Both had high red flush on their cheeks. On Jem's back sat a little girl with dark mocha skin, bright eyes, and two puffed pigtails with cherry hair ties. 

She dug her fingers into Jem's brown hair and pulled. "JEM GO FASTER HORSEY." 

"Ow ow ow ow ow," Jem shrieked. 

Laurie smiled. "Hey, Illias. Naoki's not here, she's sleeping over at a friends'." 

"Oh, yeah," Illias nodded. "I actually came to talk to you guys, if that's okay?" 

Laurie and Jem exchanged looks, and shrugged. "Sure, c'mon in, man." 

Illias stepped around the writhing Jem, and offered a hand to the little girl. "I'm Illias. Who are you?" 

She released a handful of Jem's hair to shake his, her tiny hand gripping his pointer finger. "I'm Poppy. Are you Auntie Noki's boyfriend?" 

He wasn't sure why he was under the impression he was the only one who called her Noki. But hearing it from someone else's lips felt like the first jolts of the electric chair. 

"Yeah, you could say that," Illias released her hand. "Nice to meet you, Poppy." 

"You too, Illiath," she lisped. 

"Mum and Mima are in the living room. You can take your shoes off here," Laurie ushered Illias deeper into the apartment, steering him around towering piles of books, shoes scattered about the place, coats stacked up on chairs, and lots of photographs cluttering any space books weren't. Illias had always loved the Mae home. It was chaotic, but everything felt fully loved and worn. 

Hanna and Rosa Mae sat on the couch, Hanna tucked under Rosa's arm, both of them reading the comics section in the New York Times. Rosa had her glasses perched on her nose, and Hanna was valiantly pretending she didn't need them. 

"Mum, Mima," Illias greeted them shyly, still stumbling over the words. The names still felt so personal, so intimate, a level of trust and love that Illias felt he hadn't quite earned. The boy who broke their daughter's heart. The boy who lost their daughter. 

"Illias, I haven't seen you in ages! How are you, baby?" Hanna jumped up, hugging him tightly, wrapping him in the scent of honey and chicken soup and whatever she had been cooking recently. 

Illias hugged her back fiercely. 

Over her shoulder, Rosa gave him a distinctly unimpressed look. 

"Sit, sit, do you want any water or drinks or anything?" Hanna touched his knee. "I have a lot of banchan in the fridge if you want." 

Illias gave her a watery smile. "I'm fine, thank you. I just came to tell you that Naoki--" 

Both parents straightened, eyes alert. Hanna looked slightly more stern than she had a moment ago, and Rosa was practically growing fangs. 

"--is on a school trip. Triathlon. She's not on the team, but she's supervising since she's the student president," Illias finished, feeling like an amoeba under a microscope, shoulders tight and tense. 

"Cut the bullshit," Rosa snapped. Hanna put a hand on her wife's arm, placating, but Rosa was having none of it. 

Illias froze. "Sorry-- what?" 

"You heard me, Illias." She said his name like it was a threat. "Don't lie to us about our daughter. Don't think we didn't see straight through those pathetic attempts at a text you sent." 

"I--" he faltered for a moment, but years of community service in a nursing home did him justice. "I don't know what you think happened, but I can assure you, Naoki is completely sa--" 

"Safe?" Rosa rose, pushing herself up. "Were you going to say safe? I dare you to finish that sentence, Illias Cross." 

"Rosa, my love," Hanna said softly. 

"Tell me that my mija is safe to my face," she glowered over him, eyes stormy and sparking. "Lie to me again, I dare you." 

"How did you know I was lying?" Illias asked weakly, trembling behind a couch cushion. 

"I did not beat Kiernan Rox's ass in every single graduating ceremony to know nothing about Mirage," Rosa sniffed. 

Illias' jaw dropped. 

"We're Keepers, baby," Hanna supplied. "Or, we used to be." 

"So cut the crap, and tell us the truth," Rosa snarled. "Where is my child, and how do I get her back?" 

author's note!

surpriiiise <3 happy end of part two!