▃ 1962, July 21st, 12:17 PM

! SMUT WARNING NEAR THE END !

It had been a week since Jungkook last saw Taehyung, unfortunately walking in on him fucking another man. It certainly wasn't what he was expecting, and the image of a naked Taehyung was stuck in his mind for the rest of the night, causing him to have another wet dream.

He felt sick from picturing a man that way, to the point where he had doubled over in front of his toilet and threw up the contents of his stomach.

He had been having conflicting feelings all week. He was angry at Taehyung, yet he didn't know what for. He was also sad, disgusted with himself, and tired.

The tiredness was due to staying up late every night overthinking about things, mainly about his emotions.

Why was he so angry? Why was Taehyung always on his mind? It drove him insane.

He briefly had the thought that he was jealous, but quickly he brushed it away. That couldn't be the case. Why would he be jealous? He has zero feelings for Taehyung. Zero. Nada. Zilch.

Jungkook decided to grab his journal and a pen, leaving his small house and hopping on his bike, pedalling down the street until the diner was in sight.

He parked his bike beside the diner, having it lean against the wood. He went inside, it wasn't very busy since it was only midday.

"Jungkook! What brings you here so early?" Jin asked from the kitchen window.

"Hi hyung, I'm just here to order a lemonade." He said with a smile, walking over.

"Coming right up." Jin stated with a smile, disappearing for a moment before coming back with an ice cold bottle of lemonade.

Jungkook placed a few crinkled dollar bills on the small counter in front of the window.

"Thanks hyung." He said.

"Any time, Gguk. Have a good day." He grinned.

Jungkook nodded and waved, turning to head out the door but as he neared it someone came barging in and bumped into him.

"Oh! So sorry about that." The guy said apologetically. His voice was slightly raspy but had a bounce to it.

"Babe!" Jin's voice called from the kitchen.

Jungkook glanced back curiously as the mystery guy went toward the kitchen and Jin came out from the kitchen door, attacking the guy in a tight hug.

The guy had a charming heart shaped smile, thin features and fluffy brown hair.

That must be the guy Jin's dating... what was his name again? Hoseok?

Jungkook watched them interact for a moment curiously, Hoseok's hands resting on Jin's waist and kissing him softly.

The sight made Jungkook flustered, but nonetheless sparked something happy and exhilarating inside of him. He quickly shook it off and left, grabbing his journal and pen from the basket of his bike and heading toward the water, finding a dry spot to sit in.

He opened his lemonade, hearing the satisfying pop it made as the bottlecap was unsealed.

He sipped the refreshing drink, perfectly balancing for the hot summer sun baring down on him.

He opened his journal and wrote the date on an empty page, sighing and beginning to write.

Lately I've been feeling different... and I can't pinpoint what it is. Ever since I met Taehyung, it feels like my life is spiralling. Like everything is changing, or is about to change. I can't explain it. I feel confused with myself, I feel lost, I feel like I'm in denial. But what am I denying? That's what I'm trying to figure out. I don't know what Taehyung has to do with it, except for the fact that he's constantly on my mind. Never fleeting, and it's not just that he pops up once or twice a day in my head, he's always there. It's driving me insane.

He huffed in frustration as he wrote all of his thoughts and feelings down, hand and joints aching from writing quickly. He realised he was pressing too hard and loosened up, writing in swifter strokes.

The ocean breeze blew his hair around, fluffing it up.

"Jungkook!"

He turned around, seeing Jimin running up to him.

"Hi Jimin." He said, closing his journal and setting it aside.

"How are you?" He asked, sitting down beside him.

"I'm alright, you?" Jungkook asked in return.

"I'm good. Hey, some of the surfers are gonna be hanging out at Namjoon's house in an hour or two, would you like to come?" Jimin questioned.

"Oh, sure I guess." Jungkook replied, smiling softly.

Jungkook didn't mind parties, but at the end of them he was always so drained. He was an introvert, and keeping up with people constantly was hard. He usually opted out on most gatherings with his surfer friends, which resulted in them not being in touch as often and encounters being a bit awkward.

"Cool! Want me to stay with you until we have to get going?" Jimin asked.

"Sure. I suppose we should go inside then, or take a walk so we aren't so hot." Jungkook suggested.

Jimin nodded and got up, holding out his hand for Jungkook. The younger gratefully took his hand and got up to his feet, grabbing his journal and his lemonade.

They began walking along the shore, side by side.

"What were you writing about? You seemed to be pretty focused." Jimin said.

"Just... what's been on my mind lately. I'm trying to make sense of everything." Jungkook muttered.

"Wanna talk about it? I've noticed your mood has been a bit off." Jimin pouted.

Jungkook glanced at him, thinking for a moment.

He could see Jimin becoming a good friend of his, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to share his feelings. Jimin was reliable and patient, he always knew when to listen. He didn't have anyone else to talk about what he was feeling, so it would be nice to vent to someone.

"Sure." Jungkook replied.

Jimin blinked in surprise, not expecting that answer from shy, closed off Jungkook.

"Really? Okay! Well then, say what's on your mind. I'm here to help or just listen." Jimin grinned at him.

Jungkook smiled, Jimin's smiles always provided warmth into his heart no matter how bad of a day he was having.

"I guess first off, it all started when I met Taehyung." He started.

"You mean the leader of the bikers?" Jimin asked curiously, receiving a hum and soft nod in response.

"Yeah. We met in the bathroom. He was annoyingly cocky and flirty, I guess you could say. And... ever since that night, he's been on my mind a lot. There's something so... so captivating about him and I want to figure out what it is. When I wiped out at the surf tournament last week, he helped me get out of there. Took me to the diner and talked with me. He was... caring. We went to his place after, and he let me sleep there. After that night I couldn't stop thinking about him. We talked a bit more, and even went to a club together. And something happened at the club that started making me have conflicting feelings. And now I don't know what to think. Some other things happened that kind of upset me as well, I caught him in the act of having sex with someone." Jungkook muttered.

Jimin nodded softly, taking in the information. "Maybe... you like him?" Jimin suggested.

Jungkook's face flushed red. "Like him?? N-No, I'm not g-gay." He said, his words becoming a jumbled mess. He was surprised that Jimin didn't seem to be disgusted.

"I'm not saying you are. But maybe these conflicting feelings you have are a result of denial, and internalised homophobia or hatred for your attraction. But I will say this. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We can't control who we're attracted to. It's not something you should fight. I understand why you could feel grossed out or disappointed in yourself, because society isn't very accepting of liking the same gender." Jimin explained.

Jungkook frowned, taking in Jimin's words. "He's the first guy I've ever felt like this for... I think..." Jungkook muttered, reflecting on his childhood and past self.

His eyes began to widen when he remembered certain instances where he would feel.. odd. For example, he would blush and turn away whenever his classmates would change in the locker room, he'd stare a little too long at male model advertisements, or feel nervous and elated whenever he slept over with a friend, laying beside them in bed. Wanting something more, something new. Watching the upperclassmen run and play sports, focusing on their muscles or the sweat dripping down their necks, or always feeling uncomfortable and squirmy whenever his friends would touch him.

"Oh my gosh..." He breathed out.

Jimin looked over at him, eyes widening when he saw the tears forming in Jungkook's eyes.

"Hey, Jungkook, it's alright." He said, stopping and grabbing onto his arms.

"I— I always felt like there was something off with me, especially when no one felt the same..." He said, voice catching in his throat, feeling the swelling pain from wanting to cry.

Jimin frowned, reaching down and grabbing his hand, squeezing it.

"I was raised by my parents that... homosexuals were monsters. That they were disgusting evil beings that came from hell. That... that they shouldn't be trusted. That what they did was so so wrong. Only for them to be raising one themselves." Jungkook cried.

"Shh.." Jimin said, pulling him close for a hug.

Jungkook buried his head in his shirt, body racking with sobs.

Jimin frowned deeply and rubbed his back, holding him tight.

"I know how you feel Jungkook. How you think that somethings wrong with you or that something isn't right. To be ashamed of how you feel. It sucks. But I've come to realise it's just how I am and there's nothing wrong with it." Jimin whispered.

Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows. "A-Are you gay?" He asked.

Jimin laughed softly, shaking his head. "No. I think the correct term for it is asexual and aromantic." He explained.

"What does that mean?" Jungkook asked.

"It means that I don't have sexual or romantic desires and associations." Jimin explained to him.

Jungkook pulled away, looking down at him curiously. "So like... you don't have sex or date anyone?" He asked.

"In a way, yes. Asexuality is a broad spectrum, along with being aromantic. Asexuals can still have sex, they just don't have any desire or pleasure along with it. And sometimes they can still feel sexual pleasure, but they don't necessarily have a desire for it or can't feel pleasure with others. It's complex.  Same with being aromantic. I don't really feel the need to have a romantic bond with someone, but I'll still kiss them and date them, etcetera." Jimin told him.

Jungkook slowly nodded. "So when you were growing up, how did it feel?" He asked.

Jimin sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Well, it's different for everyone but I was always ashamed and confused whenever my friends brought up sex. They would always brag about their porn magazines or the girls they had sex with. When I just never had an interest in any of it. I tried to fit in, I really did. I even tried looking at porn but it just didn't turn me on. I also tried to have sex with a girl at a party, but I chickened out and ditched her." He said with a soft laugh.

Jungkook smiled, humming and nodding. "Did you ever consider that you weren't attracted to girls in general? I felt kind of like that when I was younger, I never had an attraction to them." He explained.

"I did, but it was the same with men. I tried gay porn, I tried hooking up with men, it was just never appealing." Jimin said.

Jungkook nodded. "That's interesting, I never knew there could be people like that. All that media and society tells us is to get married, have kids, grow old together. So I understand why you could have so much pressure on you." Jungkook said.

"Exactly. It's a difficult world for us people who don't fit into the cis straight male and female category." Jimin muttered.

"I'm glad you told me, and... thank you for your help. I think you helped me realise what's been nagging at my mind." Jungkook said.

"Of course, Jungkook. I'm always here if you need a friend." Jimin smiled, rubbing his shoulder.

"Me too." Jungkook grinned, looking down at him.

Jungkook took a few deep breaths as he stared at the door ahead of him, muted sounds of bass and synth emitting from behind the door.

He lifted up his fist and knocked. The small window at the top slid open, dark eyes staring at him. Jungkook recited the password Taehyung had used not that long ago.

The window closed and few clicks were heard before the door opened and he was let in.

Jungkook sighed with relief and walked in, seeing lots of people dancing around and drinking.

He bit his lip, not really knowing what to do. He was incredibly nervous, this was the first time he was intentionally exploring his sexuality. If Jimin was right, and he was gay, then... he should try and explore it, right?

He went over to the bar and purchased a drink, sipping on it as he observed the crowd. He noticed a handsome man sitting at one of the couches, so he shakily got up and walked over, sitting beside him.

The man seemed to still be in his work attire, he had slacks, a dress shirt and a tie on, his coat hanging over his arm as he sipped a dark substance, probably whiskey.

He looked over at Jungkook, taking him in head to toe before smiling a charming smile.

"Hi there." He said with a deep, guttural voice.

"H-Hi." Jungkook said, cheeks turning pink.

The man tilted his head with curiosity. "What's your name, sweetheart?" The man asked.

"Um.. Jungkook. Yours?" He asked with a shy smile.

"Daniel." He replied, holding out his hand.

Jungkook shook it, biting his lip. "Nice to meet you." Jungkook said.

"Same to you. You seem... nervous. Is this your first time approaching a man in a club?" Daniel questioned, raising an amused eyebrow.

Jungkook blushed deeply. "Y-Yes, I'm sorry. I- It's my first time really trying anything with another man." He admitted.

Daniel hummed, nodding. "Ah, I see. You think you're gay, so you're trying to experiment?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Jungkook muttered sheepishly.

"Let me help you then, hun. Why don't you stick with me for the night? Allow me to help you discover who you really are." Daniel offered.

"You'd do that?" Jungkook asked.

Daniel nodded with another charming smile. He had sharp American features, yet he was fluent in Korean.

He must be a well known businessman with connections in Korea.

Daniel stood up, setting his drink down and offering a hand to Jungkook.

The surfer hesitantly took his hand, being led to the dance floor.

Daniel held his waist and pressed up against him, dancing with him and swaying to the beat, rolling his hips and pressing forward against Jungkook's hips.

The surfer blushed but went along with it, it reminded him of how he and Taehyung had danced.

They continued dancing for about twenty minutes until Daniel leaned in to his ear, pressing a kiss to the shell of it.

Jungkook gasped, a shiver running down his spine as he tightened his grip on Daniel's shoulders.

The man began pressing wet kisses to his jawline and down to his neck, finding a small dip in the junction of his neck and shoulder, sucking on it.

A sharp jolt of pleasure surged through Jungkook, emitting a quiet moan out of him.

Daniel smirked, continuing to leave hickeys on his soft skin, sliding his hands down to Jungkook's ass and kneading it.

Jungkook continued to moan, feeling a throbbing heat inside of his pants. They became tighter, and he realised he was being turned on.

Daniel could feel Jungkook's bulge pressing against him, groaning.

He pulled away and looked down at Jungkook, seeing his hooded eyes.

"Would you like me to kiss you, Jungkook?" Daniel asked.

Jungkook bit his lip and hesitantly nodded.

Daniel leaned in, pressing their lips together, emitting a gasp from the younger.

They made out on the dance floor, tongues battling and hands roaming.

There were no butterflies, no sparks of something more, just sensual pleasure. Jungkook had no feelings for this man, but he enjoyed kissing him and enjoyed his touch.

He was glad it stayed that way, because he wanted his first gay relationship to be meaningful.

Daniel kissed him harder, tasting the faint alcohol on his tongue.

Jungkook moaned some more and slowly pulled away after a minute or two, staring at Daniel. "T-Thank you.." He whispered.

The taller nodded, licking his swollen lips. "Of course." He said, knowing the younger probably wouldn't want to have his first gay sex experience with a stranger, so he pulled away and let go of him.

"I suppose you have your answer?" He asked.

Jungkook thought for a moment, nodding. "Y-Yeah, I think I do. T-Thanks." He whispered, smiling shyly.

Daniel nodded, pressing a final soft kiss to his forehead before pulling away. "I hope you find a man who can treat you right and love you for you, Jungkook." He told him, turning and disappearing through the crowd. 

Jungkook smiled, watching him walk away.

Later that night, Jungkook was back at home, standing in the mirror after a nice hot shower. He observed the hickeys on his neck, huffing softly. Those would take awhile to disappear.

He got ready for bed and slipped under his covers, turning off the lights.

He laughed to himself, surprisingly feeling relieved. It was nice to know that he had cleared up the confusion going on inside his head.

He didn't know if he completely came to terms with his attraction to men, but he knew it was there. That was enough to lift a weight off his shoulders. Yet at the same time, he still had a lot of internalised homophobia, and he couldn't ever be himself in public due to how taboo it was.

At least now he knew why he was feeling this way toward Taehyung.

❍

hi!! hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you're upset about jungkook and daniel, because i know how upset some readers can get, he helped jungkook discover his sexuality, and sometimes other relationships are needed for the plot. this is a taekook book, and taekook will happen. just hang in there :)

- nat ♡