[sO1e17 , disordered]

Out of all of the Cave's months of being occupied, today is the only day that silence reverberates through the halls.

M'gann mindlessly stirs the cookie dough batter while Kaldur leans against the counter with a torn expression. Wally sits at the stool with his head resting in his hands. The fact that Conner is nowhere in sight wanders from Mara's mind as she glances at a gloomy Bennie who continuously fiddles with her Green Lantern ring. Her expression is stuck between being interested or upset. The worrying part, however, is that she's silent which is very unlike her.

Mara tears her gaze away from everyone and angrily stares down at the couch with crossed arms. Questions flicker in her mind and she wonders if she could've done better. Although the simulation was set up for them to fail, it messed with her mind. With a defeated sigh, she drops her ominous gaze and releases the thought of ever getting a clear understanding of everything. She decides to shrug it off because not every battle can be won, right . . . ?

But Mara can't remember the last time anyone ever spoke of her mother losing a battle. Wonder Woman wouldn't have easily been knocked from her feet by a simple drone. A true warrior in the purest form. Mara's nothing like her and she knows it.

Dick sits adjacent to Mara on the couch but they're both silent. Mara can only wonder what's going on in his mind as his expression dances from bitter to sorrow. His fists suddenly clench. Mara longs to reach out but can't bring herself to comfort someone when she's distraught herself.

Deciding that sulking has gone on long enough, Mara moves from the couch and saunters off to the training room with heavy strides. Instead of sitting around, she'll take action of her emotions. The first thing her eyes catch sight of is a punching back and without any boxing gloves, she heads over.

The taps start out lightly but as Mara rethinks back to the simulation, the taps turn to vicious punches. With every hit, her mind flashes to the Team.

Punch. That one's for Artemis.

Punch. Wolf.

Punch. She didn't push Kaldur through the Zeta-Beam in enough time.

Punch. She wasn't able to help Bennie.

Punch. She stood by idly while Conner sacrificed himself.

Punch. She let all of her friends die.

With one last strike, the punching bag slews open and the insides pour out. Mara stares at it silently before freaking out and letting out a frustrated grunt. Slumping against the wall with clenched fists, she buries her head in her knees and decides that she'll never be equal to her teammates. Only ever a liability.

.

.

.

After the failed simulation, Black Canary is going around to each member of the Team to see how it has affected them. She's already been through Superboy, Wally, Artemis, Robin, and Aqualad. Right now she's on to Bennie, then M'gann, and last is Mara.

"Yeah, and I think I wanna find out who had the ring before me," Bennie says mindlessly as she zones out and stares at her ring.

"Why the sudden interest?"

"Well . . ." The Lantern Junior awkwardly shifts in her seat and sticks her hands under her lap before letting out a huff. She avoids eye contact with the den mother as she sighs, "When I 'died', I thought about how the ring would choose someone new, someone worthy. And I would want that said person to know of my heroic actions, so I thought why not do the same."

Black Canary smiles. "I think that's a wonderful idea. I'd say the failsafe mission was more of a success for you."

"Besides all my friends dying," Bennie scoffs, "yeah, I think it made me realize a few valuable things."

.

.

.

When it comes down to Mara's turn, she warmly greets Black Canary with a smile but Dinah sees right through the facade. She watches her with an intrigued look as Mara takes a seat across from her.

The first few seconds are of silence before Dinah notices the red marks on Mara's knuckles. "You haven't healed yourself yet," she points out.

Mara's eyebrows jump and she rubs at her sore fist. "Oh, uh, yeah, I guess not . . ." she mumbles but does nothing to speed up the healing process.

Black Canary smiles warmly. "It's okay, Mara. You can talk to me." When she says nothing, the den mother gently sighs. "I've been informed of why you no longer wear the gloves; how they're no longer of use to you."

"Mm," she grumbles, looking aside as her nose coddles her shoulder.

"We talked about this in an earlier session. When you said that these hidden powers turn you into 'him', you meant Ares, didn't you?"

Mara feels sick to her stomach. She can't make herself look up. It's bad enough seeing her own mother's disappointment every time she looks at her, but she wouldn't be able to handle it from Dinah.

"You were born into this," Canary continues. "While most kids your age were making friends out on the school playground, you were learning how to kill with your bare hands. Do you think that's fair?"

Wincing, Mara stays silent. The therapist places a hand on the girl's knee, making her flinch.

"It's alright," Canary reassures. "It doesn't need to be some well-articulated response. Just say whatever is on your mind and we'll work through it."

Mara nervously chews on her thumbnail. "I don't know," she grumbles. "I don't think it's fair that my father has caused so much pain to others. It's not fair that my mother pleaded for a daughter and ended up with me. It's not fair that I could've been anyone and I got stuck in a body with powers that are only cursed because I'm me."

Dinah tilts her head to the side. "You don't think you deserve your powers?"

"Of course I don't," Mara snaps. "They were handed to me. I mean, look at Robin and Batgirl, they have to work twice as hard to do things that I barely even have to think about. That's what's not fair. They deserve it more, the strength, the flight―all of it."

"Why?"

"Because they're level-headed and patient and smart. They're everything that I'm not." Mara digs her fingers into her upper arm. "If they had my powers, they never would've made the mistakes I have. They never would've let all of their friends die right in front of them and uselessly do nothing."

Canary sighs heavily. "Mara, the simulation was set up for failure. There was no way you could've prevented it. Not every battle is meant to be won."

"Yeah? And when was the last time my mother lost a battle?" Mara snaps.

Canary's gaze softens. "Is that what this is about?"

Frustrated, Mara lets out a tiny grunt. "My mother is the ultimate warrior. Such a great patreon. She's the representation of pure-hearted when it comes to helping people!" By now, the demigoddess has lost her cool expression and is rigid at the edge of her seat. "She left home to fight for the people. I was taken away from home to fight against the people!"

Black Canary smiles slightly. "And look at you now. You're a part of a hero team and you're undoing your past."

"I don't wanna undo my past. I just wanna . . . forget it."

"Mistakes are a part of human nature. If we forget, then how will we ever learn from them?"

Mara's eyes wander away towards the door. She's done with the session and Canary can tell. So she guides her out, briefly pausing before opening the door.

"Nothing has been handed to you," she says with a warm grin. "You've endured everything to get to where you are today and you continue to grow and surprise us all with how caring and gentle you are. In case no one has told you yet, I'm so proud of you and I can't wait to watch you grow into a young lady."

Mara's eyebrows crinkle. She doesn't want to cry.

"Now, I know that that may not mean much to you," Canary chuckles. "But I just thought I'd let you know."

It does, Mara wants to shout, but she settles with a smile. It means more than you know.