*Song rec - Right Here
by Chase Atlantic*

I close the door behind me, trying my best to stay as quiet as possible.

I wasn't sure if this was a mistake but it was happening and I couldn't find it in me to back out.

After my shower I found my phone ringing on my bed and seeing who it was, I should have ignored it. I should have let it ring and gone to bed like I had told mom I would do and what Chan expected me to do after dinner but instead, I answered it.

Hearing his low voice through the phone, it came off surprised that I even answered but still, he asked me to meet him and with hesitance and a long pause for me to mentally think about if I should do this. I finally answered and agreed.

I snuck out of the house and now I'm walking to the place that didn't just have one bad memory but now memories with him that I wasn't even sure if we felt the same in. I knew how I felt even when denying it, but was it always fake for him?

I walked and walked, it was a small distance but felt like I arrived sooner than usual with all that was going on in my mind and the anxious feeling roaming my body.

Slowly I walked through the trees and there he was. Sitting on the large rock like he was the first time we met up here. I walk to him, hesitant in my movements and I didn't sit beside him but awkwardly stood there.

He turns to me and I look away "You came" His voice was soft and I hated it.

I hum "Well I don't want Chan to lose his best friend"

"Right"

Silence. The silence was louder in these times. The only things you heard was the water and the small breeze blowing through the trees and maybe my heart pounding out of my chest.

"I'm sorry" I heard him say "I am, truly"

I grimace and look at him, he already looked at me and I refused to let the hurt in his eyes blind me. "So it's all true?"

He nods slowly "Yeah but—"

"But what?" I ask "What can possibly be added to this situation?" I tried my best to keep my composure but slowly I felt myself shake. "You played me like some fool" I chuckle bitterly "Even after I told you that what I was avoiding... looking like—like someone nobody wants" I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

Minho got off the rock at the sight of my glossy eyes and he shook his head, walking towards me "Jisung—no that's not what I wanted"

I step back at the touch of his hand on my shoulder "Don't touch me!" I said harshly "I don't want you to touch me," I said more softly as my voice broke.

Minho looks at me, pain evident in his eyes "I didn't mean to hurt you like this"

"Well you did," I said without thinking "It hurts"

Minho walked closer again but this time I didn't move as he put his hand on my cheek "I'm sorry" I move my head to the side and his hand slipped from my face "Forgive me and I'll make it up to you"

I look at him "What if I don't want to forgive you? It was a lot easier hating you"

Minho frowns "You really did hate me?"

I sigh and shook my head "No" Why was I admitting this? "My friends expect me to end this"

"I don't give a fuck about your friends"

Something about the way he said that sent chills down my spine. I did a lot of things in my life that I regret so adding to it wasn't a problem.

I crash my lip onto him in a second. Maybe it was for me, trying to prove to myself that this wasn't what I wanted and that I could possibly get over whatever feeling this was but I was wrong. I trapped myself and in the end I was the fool because this feeling of his lips on mine was something I wanted to feel over and over again.

His hands go to my waist and mine on his cheeks as I kiss him harder. My body ignited the second his lips touched mine and I felt myself slowly burning with lust.

"We can't do this Jisung," He said when pulling away, but I didn't want to stop. I touch his chest which was exposed under the moonlight. Running my hands up and down and I knew my next words would get in his head but I did it anyways, to get what I wanted.

"But I'll forgive you if you touch me" I whisper but felt the tears in my eyes again because I knew what I was doing. I wanted to feel the pleasure he gave me for a while seeing if I still gave him the same or if it was fake. In the end, all i wanted was to know if it was real but didn't want to just ask.

Minho's lips go to my neck and I let out a soft sigh of satisfaction. My eyes closed as I felt his hands run down my back and to my ass and I let out a soft moan, feeling him pull me to his body and I felt how hard the boy was just from a heated make out.

I now had no doubts that he wanted me but still, I couldn't stop myself from wanting more, I'm only human after all.

"I missed your body" I furrow my brows and push away the bitter taste in my mouth "and I miss you you" I frown and push his face away from my neck to kiss him again, this time there wasn't much lust but a lot of the feelings I didn't want there.

⚠️SEXUAL CONTENT⚠️

I pull away and kiss his cheek and his ear, whispering "Touch me Minho" and he quickly obeyed. His hand going past my shorts and the contact of his hand on my dick made me let out a shaky breath.

"Like this?" He asks and I felt like he was holding back. Like he wanted me to be pleasured and was afraid to do something wrong. This was wrong.

"No," I said simply. Looking into his eyes "I want you"

He pulls away and looks around "Here?" And I nod again, not saying anything but pulling my shorts off and his eyes travel down my body before he quickly took off his own.

Walking to me and his finger glides down my chest "You are so beautiful Jisung" His eyes flicker back to mine and I wanted to run. Runaway from this situation that he got us into. I wanted him for so long and he just had to go and fuck shit up once they were good.

I felt his lips on mine again and I wrap my arms around his neck, feeling him lean down and grab my thighs, making me hook them around him. Walking us to the rock where he sat me down and I lean back onto my hands.

"I don't want you to regret this," He said softly and shook my head.

"I-I won't"

He looked unsure but kissed down my chest and soon enough I felt his finger enter me. I let my head fall back as he push another finger in and continued to stretch me. His lips never left my body as he kissed my chest, thighs, and neck. Whispering apologies and how perfect I was. If I was so perfect, why did he do this to me?

I felt his fingers leave me and I whine lowly, making him smirk "I love when you become needy for me" before I knew it, he entered me and I let out a long, loud moan.

The way he filled me up with each thrust, I felt like I felt it in my heart. Making tears form in my eyes with the pleasure that coursed through my body. I grab onto his shoulders and become a moaning mess. God, did I miss this. The way his hands grabbed my thighs to keep a consistent pace as he wrecked into me.

My finger ran through his hair which grew wet from his sweat. His hair sticks to his forehead as he looks at the way he made me. Groaning and telling me how I'm the best thing he's ever heard.

I was making a mistake. I knew that but my body didn't. My body wanted his hands on them and it didn't care about my heart.

He leaned down and kissed me. He kissed me sloppily like this was also what he missed and maybe he just wanted me for the sex. I wasn't sure.

I pulls away for air but his fast pace didn't allow much of it as I moaned and he groaned into my neck. Both of us reach out high and we're left a panting mess, trying to gain back our composure.

I was quicker than him. As he pulled out I sat up immediately and got off the rock, quickly retrieving my shorts.

"Where are you going?" He was out of breath and so was I. His expression was confused but also hurt.

"M-Mom, she will wake up and if I'm not home she will ground me," I said as I put on my shorts and he does the same.

"But we should talk more about this" He grabs my hand and I yank it away.

"This is was... it was a goodbye," I said lowly and he shook his head.

"You said you would forgive me"

"And I do" I lied, this made it all more confusing but I now knew that I couldn't stop myself from what had happened. Maybe I tried to convince myself this was closure. "Your forgiven and we can now go back to how things were before all this mess" I forced a small smile on my face and walked away.

I hated how easily I gave my body to him. I regretted this, but I didn't regret him.

*Song rec - Right Here
by Chase Atlantic*

Forgiveness?? SIKE

Ugh, you hate me. jk, i know y'all love me but y'all don't love the decisions i make when writing my little angsty shit hehe.

but seriously, 4 CHAPTERS LEFT. i'm sad :'(