san let out a sigh as he approached his house. the warm sunshines were stroking his cheeks slightly and the smell of rain was still in the air even tho it stopped some time ago.

after one week he was ready to come home. his mother was surely worried since he never really answered the phone while he was gone. he knew his mother would have showered him in care and it was too overwhelming by the time being.

as he looked up from the ground he was met by his best friend's worried gaze. yeosang was staying on the stairs of his house most probably waiting for him.

"oh my fucking god! where have you been all this time?!" yeosang said and hugged san tightly.

"i've called and texted every day and no answer. seriously i thought you died"

"well this kinda happened" yeosang looked at him confused. san was there, in flesh and bone, he wasn't hit by a car or cut but yet he said he kinda died.

"let's take a walk i'll tell you everything" they started walking on the empty streets and once san felt ready to talk he took a deep breath and looked at his best friend.

"wooyoung was cheating on me. with hongjoong"

"oh shit" yeosang said and covered his mouth with his hand in shock.

"but you even went out with hongjoong! they really played you like that! what assholes"

"it's fine yeosang. it hurt at first but now i'm okay. well still a bit shocked that this really happened and on our one month anniversary but i'm getting better day by day. he's no longer part of my life and this is helping too" san said and smiled sadly.

he missed wooyoung. his starry eyes, his laugh, his smile, his cologne, everything. but he is getting used to it. wooyoung just wasn't worth it anymore. he has cried too much in the past and this week. forgetting him would be the only good thing about meeting him.

once the memory of him would disappear from his foggy mind and the clouds that cover his brain making it a mess would fade away he would be the normal san again.

that one asshole that he, himself disliked so much will be in charge again leaving the sad and in love san in the hurtful path of his past. with wooyoung.

his sad and in love self is just a mask that will fall on the unforgiving cold ground of the path of regret next to the unclear memory of his ex boyfriend.

they would hold hands and laugh together in the living memory of the days that had passed. as long as they will be alive since his soul will sew the wound one day. and once his soul would have patched up that wound this painful memory will disappear.

this mask of him that he used to cover the real him will be lost forever in a river of his own tears and regrets. he's going to be hard like a stone again and start building the barriers around his soul that had been destroyed by wooyoung.

his father was the first one that left and his leaving made san like this. heartless and his eyes had no emotion in them. he had to cover this side of him with a mask that people actually liked seeing.

it was nicer when people talked about him like the sensible boy that is the crush of everyone rather than talking about him like the asshole left by his father.

"i'm so glad that you finally managed to get him out of your life. he was cheating on you for a long time but you decided to not belive it" yeosang said bringing san back to reality.

"sometimes it's easier to live in a lie, you know? the truth hurts when it's not compatible with what your mind created"

"you should have came to me. you know that i'm here for you. i'm your best friend after all" yeah yeosang was san's best friend and san knew he would have been there for him that day. but part of him decided that is better to not tell him this right then. and yeosang is usually out.

"i know. and i want to thank you for it. i feel lonely. even when i'm surrounded by people. it's like once he left, everyone left" san sighed.

"it's okay to feel like this for now. but don't make this your everyday life. don't live like he took everything from you"

"i'm trying my best to not fall in this vicious loop. because i know i won't be able to come out. i know his absence will eat me out and maybe i'll kill myself. it took me years to finally realize it but life is worth living. it can make you happy for the time being but if it makes you happy then it will also make you twice sadder. i won't give up just yet"

"you have no idea how proud i am of you for finally hearing you saying this. just fuck boys and girls and break ups and live the life the way you want. life has been a bitch with you for too long"

and damn it yeosang was right. the life has been a bitch with san for too long. he had seen his father coming home late at night with a different woman every time while his mother was at work.

he had seen his mother becoming addicted to alcohol and crying and yelling every night after his dad had left.

he lost his childhood best friend not his dad. the person that never scolded him and the one that never let his wife yell at their own child. even if  he was tired he still played numerous rounds of hide and seek with him and still read 2 stories for him before going to bed.

seeing this man becoming what he became destroyed san and the fact that his mom was also hitting little him when she was drunk didn't help either.

and now wooyoung. he looked up to wooyoung so much and loved him the way he never loved anyone before. and for some time he felt like wooyoung loved him like that as well. but, in fact, the blonde was just testing things.

san had to let this in the past. he had to convince himself that wooyoung was truly not worth all the tears and pain. and maybe yeosang is going to help. maybe he'll stop partying for once in his life and will actually take his time and try and cheer san up.

even if he won't stop it san knew that his best friend will be there for him. when things will get hard yeosang will be there to chatch his falling body.

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