( real life )

* everything in italics is in french *

MAY , 2014

MONACO FELT DIFFERENT in the month separating Spring and Summer. There was just something in the breeze that kissed her softer than it did in Winter. Something so inexplicably, subtly beautiful that it took everything in her not to lay down onto the green grass and breathe it in as if she would never be there again.

May was sort of like a fever dream in Monaco. The air was just warm enough to go down to the sea and just cool enough to still freeze your toes. The flowers bloomed the brightest in May, just before the start of Summer.

And then there was the energy.

That was probably what made May in Monaco so magical.

This sort of energy that built and built throughout the month. An excitement that spread at every corner you turned and every soul you touched. Everyone from Monaco knew the reason behind it.

Formula One.

The renowned race that brought thousands of people to Monaco every year. The exhilarating hours before the drivers took their places, before the red lights went out, before the speed and utter thrill took over all those people in the stands and watching from home, the hours before that were serene.

The moments where Lennon felt the most at peace with herself. She loved May in Monaco.

But of course she had to spend it with this jerk.

"Hurry up, you're moving so slow."

She rolled her eyes and didn't even bother replying. He loved to annoy her. It was his favorite pastime. Irritating her to the point of her wanting to claw her own eyes out and rip out her ears so she wouldn't have to see or hear him.

He was truly the bane of her existence, this boy who could not for the life of him shut up. He wouldn't know silence if it grew arms and punched him right in the nose.

"No wonder I always beat you in races."

Lennon scoffed. She didn't care about most things he said about her, but the second he commented on how he was better at racing than her, she couldn't stay silent.

"Tell me one time you beat me," she demands. "I always beat you."

Charles scowled at her, stopping and turning to look at her with his arms crossed. "You do not! I'm the one who always beats you. I'm so much faster than you."

"As if! If anything you're slower than the tortoise in that story with the hare!"

"I think you forget that the moral of that story is 'slow and steady win the race.'"

"So you admit that you're slow?"

"I—No! You're so—"

"Can you guys go a single minute without bickering?" a deep voice called out from ahead of them.

They both turned and spotted their godfather sending them a half-amused, half-stern look.

"No," they both said at the same time and then glared at each other.

Jules shook his head.

"These kids will never change," he mumbled under his breath. Then, to the two teenagers, he said, "Come on. We've gotta get going so we're not late to dinner."

Reluctantly, Lennon and Charles followed behind Jules, grumbling under their breaths about how annoying the other was. The walk only took a few more minutes, and before they knew it, they were standing before the Circuit de Monaco.

Every time she came here, Lennon's breath was stolen, sucked right out of her lungs. People went to churches and temples to pray, but this right here? This was her holy ground. Her sacred place. This racetrack was to her what the Sistine Chapel was to Catholics.

The three of them approached the track. Lennon looked over at the boy next to her. She elbowed Charles in the ribs. He shot her a nasty glare. If she wasn't immune to his glares by now, she would probably be reduced to ash right that instant.

"Race you!"

Without waiting for a response, she darted along the path through the gates and the paddock where the teams had already started setting up their spaces for the race that weekend. She ran past the equipment, past the team signs, past the team garages. She didn't look back to see if Charles was following her. She didn't glance around to see if there was anyone else there.

She went straight to the gate separating the paddock from the track and stopped once she got there. She looked out at the track she grew up watching, wishing that one day, it would be her racing through those high stakes turns and corners, her fighting for championships, her the one everyone in the stands cheered for.

She knew it would happen. It had to. She had spent her entire life trying to reach Formula One, and if there was anyone more stubborn than Lennon Monet, she had not met them. Except maybe the boy she grew up hating.

She didn't hear him approach. It was just this familiar feeling that she got, the knowledge of his presence more muscle memory than anything else. She felt the warmth of his body, the quick beats of his breath, the soft thuds of his feet striking the ground.

So many times, she was afraid that she knew him better than she knew even herself. That if they were in a dark, crowded room of steady heartbeats, she could recognize his within half a second, the sun on one side and the moon on the other. The further she pushed him away, the closer he got. She couldn't escape him, not in real life, not in her dreams, not in her most secret thoughts.

Turning her head, she found him looking out at the track of their childhood, the one they swore long ago they would beat each other on. Growing up, it was easy to ignore the familiarity and comfort of the way his cheekbones aligned on his face, the way his dimples showed when he pursed his lips, the way the emerald in his eyes was the crown jewel in hues of brown and gold.

Growing up, Lennon could ignore all of it. But they were sixteen now and everything was different.

She hated it, she hated it so much that it made her hate him even more. She thought of him all the goddamn time, and it bothered her how he never thought of her.

But he did.

He thought of her all the goddamn time too, but it was easier to hate her. It was easier to ignore the softness in her chestnut eyes when she laughed or the crease in her brow when she concentrated on learning different strategies that didn't have anything to do with her or the wide grin that would overtake her face whenever she beat him at anything, whether it be an actual race or a simple game of chess.

She was everywhere and she was nowhere and Charles hated her and Charles admired her and Charles wanted to kill her half the time and do God knows what the other half.

He turned to look at her and found her already staring at him. That was what he hated the most. How one single glance from her killed him inside and didn't so much as make her bat an eyelash.

She grinned, that awful smile he had come to despise and adore at the same time.

"I won."

He rolled his eyes and shoved her shoulder with his own without any real conviction.

"You cheated."

She scoffed. "You snooze you lose, Leclerc."

Charles opened his mouth to retort, but their godfather cut them both off.

"Please don't start. I might go deaf before I even turn thirty."

Lennon snorted. "Drama queen."

Jules only smiled and stood between them, looking out at the track.

"I dreamed so long of racing here," he said softly. "It doesn't feel real, even now."

A soft smile touched Lennon's lips as she stared up at one of the most important people in her life, the person who never failed to tell her how talented she was and how much he believed in her.

"If anyone deserves it, it's you," she told him.

"I wouldn't be here without you," Charles added.

Jules shook his head. "You would. You both would. Your talent does not compare to anything I have done."

"That's not true," Lennon argued. "Just watch. You're going to score points this weekend, I know it. And Ferrari will sign you. It's inevitable."

The tall man grinned, chuckling softly and wrapping his arm around his goddaughter for her touching words.

"Thank you, luciole. That means a lot."

Lennon blushed at the nickname he had been calling her for her entire life. Firefly. She asked him once why he called her firefly and not butterfly. He told her that it was because she shined brighter than a butterfly. That her light guided others' down their paths. That her light guided him.

For a while, they watched the unmoving track in silence. There was comfort in the unknown, comfort in this untouched moment.

Years down the road, Lennon would look back on this exact moment, wondering if that was it. If that was the day everything changed and nothing would be the same again. If she would never be the same again.

May of 2014 was magical, indeed.

Until it suddenly wasn't.

Until she lost two of the most important people in her life and with them, a part of her soul she wondered if she would ever get back.

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 !

couldn't help myself guys. i'm def going to prioritize risk but this will be getting updated with it!!! although very slowly lol (yes the next chapter of risk will be out soon trust)

let me know your thoughts!!!