♡ ₊˚.༄

❪ 𝚃𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙶𝙴𝚁 𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶:⠀𝙳𝙴𝙿𝙸𝙲𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂 𝙾𝙵
𝙶𝚁𝙸𝙴𝙵 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙷. ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀𝙸𝙽𝙲𝙻𝚄𝙳𝙴𝚂
𝙵𝚄𝙽𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝚂𝙲𝙴𝙽𝙴. ❫

𝐒𝐇𝐄 ── ◦'𖥸'◦ ── 𝒮ℋℰ
𝖺𝗆𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗅𝖺 𝗃𝗈𝗇𝖾𝗌 𝗑 𝗍𝗈𝗆 𝗁𝗈𝗅𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖽
𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟵𝟲 ╱ ╱ ☁️🤍 ˚◞♡

────── ❛ 心の憧れ ❜ ──────

インスタグラム // 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫
𝙂𝙧𝙖𝙮𝙨𝙤𝙣𝘿𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙣 𝗁𝖺𝗌
𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗱! 𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖼𝗄
𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁!

𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐃𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧 • GraysonDolan
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

We want this ceremony to be an
opportunity for the people who had a
close connection with my Dad to say
goodbye and pay their respects.
We appreciate all of our fans so so
much. Please respect my father Sean,
Ethan, my family, and me send your
love through social media only!

retweets — 21.1k and likes — 254.2k
✧*̥₊˚‧ [ view replies ] ‧˚₊*̥✧

𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐃𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧 • GraysonDolan
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Your kind posts about my Dad have
been heartwarming. Thank you all.
Again, please do not show up to his
wake, funeral, or any of his services.

retweets — 14.3k and likes — 188.5k
✧*̥₊˚‧ [ view replies ] ‧˚₊*̥✧

𝙀𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣𝘿𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙣 𝗁𝖺𝗌
𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗱! 𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖼𝗄
𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁!

𝐄𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐃𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧 • EthanDolan
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

If you are a fan of Grayson and I, we
love you and appreciate you so much.
The best way you could support us
during this tough time is to NOT show
up at our father's wake or funeral.
thank you guys and please please
please respect my wish.

retweets — 27.4k and likes — 305.3k
✧*̥₊˚‧ [ view replies ] ‧˚₊*̥✧

𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙡𝙖𝙟𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝗁𝖺𝗌
𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗱! 𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖼𝗄
𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁!

𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐚 🤍 • amandlajones
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

DO NOT SHOW UP AT THE FUNERAL,
WAKE, OR ANY OF THE SERVICES.
the very fact that this needs to be
said disgusts me and is so incredibly
disrespectful and flat out wrong.
this is not a meet-and-greet. this is a
time for family and friends to grieve
over a lost one PRIVATELY. please respect
the dolan family and please do not
show up. thank you.

retweets — 101.6k and likes — 555.2k
✧*̥₊˚‧ [ view replies ] ‧˚₊*̥✧

実生活 // 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

     GOODBYES MAKE YOU THINK. They make you realize what you've had—what you took for granted. Here's the thing: we only realize how much someone means to us when they are no longer there. And for some, that's the part that hurts the most. However, that wasn't what hurt Amandla Jones the most.

     What pained her was the fact that the world would go on without Sean Dolan's presence. A presence that brought nothing but comfort and security to those around him.

     There was now a world with one less beautiful soul.

     Within the span of exactly one year, Amandla had lost her father and the person she considered a second father. Two losses that weighed heavily on her heart and on her mind. The grief was eating her up inside, and every breath she took in stung.

     Having to say goodbye when you weren't ready sucked. Goodbyes in general sucked.

     And having to say goodbye to Sean Dolan was going to suck more than missing him did.

     Amandla wasn't ready to say goodbye and she didn't want to. Was that selfish? To not want to say goodbye? Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.

     "It's only been three days since he passed, why does this funeral have to happen so quickly?" Ethan sighed, glancing down at Amandla, who was fixing his bow tie in front of the mirror.

     She pushed down the lump in her throat, sighing as well. "The human body starts to decompose its internal organs within the first twenty-four to seventy-two hours post-mortem and then after three to five days, the body starts to bloat and blood-containing foam leaks from the mouth and nose. Then, eight to ten days after death, the body turns from green to red as the blood inside decomposes and the organs in the abdomen accumulate gas. Essentially, you have two weeks to bury the body but most people get it done quicker."

     Blinking, Grayson sat up. "He was asking that rhetorically," he spoke, the dark circles under his eyes now covered up with concealer the girl had applied for the twins.

     "I know. Rambling just helps ease my anxiety and I really just want for this day to be over with," she mumbled, stepping back and allowing Ethan to inspect his finished tie.

     "Tell me about it." Ethan muttered, looking at her through the mirror and the brown-haired girl gave him a somber smile. The viewing was yesterday and the family had untraditionally held the wake earlier that morning at the funeral house before returning home to prepare for the funeral. The final and last event that they were all dreading.

     "Did Nikki and Dom confirm that they were coming?" Grayson asked from the bed behind the two, running his hands together.

     Turning around, Amandla nodded. "Yeah, they called me back last night."

     Nikki and Dom had been invited to the funeral by Lisa, who insisted they come. The two were flying in that morning and would meet everyone at the church. Valeria and Lisa were both relieved that they were coming, having them there was important to the women, and everyone respected that.

     "Just them though, right?" Ethan checked, turning. He didn't want Tom within a mile radius of the funeral and the other two knew that. He didn't want to have to deal with more than he already was.

     "Yeah," the YouTuber answered. "There'll be no surprises. I promise."

     Darting his eyes between hers, the brown-haired boy slowly nodded. "Good."

     Movement quickly flashed in the corner of her eye and Amandla averted her stare to Grayson, who was holding his arms out toward her. A tiny smile crept on her lips and she walked over, sitting next to him on the bed and allowing him to pull her into his side, kissing the top of her head.

     From where he stood by the dresser, Ethan narrowed his eyes but held back from commenting. All of them needed comfort today and if his brother needed it from Amandla, then so be it. He couldn't be selfish and jealous.

     "Have I mentioned how grateful I am that you're here?" Grayson suddenly asked, breaking the silence.

     The girl in his arms glanced up. "Yes, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be," she replied, squeezing his hand and bouncing her line of sight to the other twin across the room. The two locked eyes and she gave him a small smile, hoping it brought him some sort of solace. He forced a half-one in return, stuffing his hands into his pant pockets.

     It grew silent for a few seconds before Grayson unwrapped his arms from around Amandla. "I'm gonna go downstairs and give you some time alone before we leave," he murmured into her ear, and she nodded. Standing up from the bed, Grayson grabbed his phone and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

     Subconsciously, Amandla reached up and played with the rings on her necklace. Ever since she arrived in New Jersey, her and Ethan's interactions had been wordless, at best. They talked a couple of times, but their actions had been primarily physical. Hugs, cheek kisses, and cuddles summed up the gist of it, and to have his touch back was soothing. They needed each other and that went without saying.

     She'd missed him, but hadn't exactly had the opportunity to talk to him privately. This was the first time since her arrival that they'd been left utterly alone, and she could tell that there were words on the tip of his tongue too, ready to pounce.

     "Thank you," he was the first one to break the tension, "for being here."

     Instantly, Amandla stood up. "I'm always going to be here. Even if it doesn't feel or seem like it," she returned, quickly adding the last part.

     At her words, Ethan looked over. "I-I know that we need to talk," he began, running a hand over his face. "I know that you want to talk and I've been avoiding being alone with you because of that. I'm scared and I know that I screwed up, but can this conversation wait until tomorrow? Please."

     Some color drained from her face and she nodded, feeling slightly hurt by his confession. Before, they never got a moment alone and that was all he craved, but that was no longer the case. And that change made her heart ache.

     "Y-Yeah, of course," she choked out, glancing away. "We should uh, we should head downstairs." Refusing to look at him in fear that she would say something stupid or cry, she headed for the door. Her emotions were on overdrive; with the one-year anniversary of her father's death just three days ago and then Sean's funeral that was today, she felt as if she could burst at any second. All she'd done was cry and she was sick of it, but everything hurt too much.

     Opening the door, she hastily left the room and went down the hall. From inside the bedroom, Ethan squeezed his eyes shut and cursed under his breath. They equally needed each other, but he kept pushing her away every time she tried to talk to him. The guilt living in his heart was eating him up and he couldn't talk to her without feeling everything rushing back to him.

     Once Amandla's heels hit the first floor, she peaked into every room she passed, searching for her mother, Cameron, Lisa, or Grayson. Peering into the kitchen, her eyes landed on Cameron, who was staring at a picture in her hands. A frown crossed her lips as she walked in, tucking her wavy hair behind her ears.

     "Hey," she greeted quietly, coming up from behind and wrapping her arms around Cameron. The oldest Dolan turned her head, unable to force a smile.

     "I hate this." Cameron mumbled, bringing her attention back to the photograph. It was a picture of her and Sean at the beach. They were each holding a surfboard and smiling happily at the camera. It was her favorite photo of the two and holding it made her feel closer to him.

     Amandla pushed down the lump in her throat as she rested her chin on her shoulder. "Me too," she whispered, holding onto her tighter as Cameron leaned back into her arms.

     "Girls, where are the boys?" Lisa called, poking her head into the kitchen.

     The two shrugged. "I thought Grayson came down here. Last I saw E, he was still in their room." Amandla responded, dropping her arms and stepping back.

     "Can you two find them? The limo is here. Val is rounding up everybody else," the woman breathed, and they nodded, recognizing the stress on her face. Everybody was grief-ridden and it was only a matter of time before one of them broke again.

     It wasn't long until everybody was gathered outside and entering the limos. Lisa, Grayson, Ethan, Cameron, Sean's parents, and brothers were sitting in the first limo, while the rest of the extended family, including Val and Amandla, was piling into the second one.

     As the wind blew back her hair, Amandla watched Collin and Braddy fought over who was getting in first. They were the twin's youngest cousins, only three and four, and scarcely knew what was really going on. A small smirk drew at her lips as she watched Jessica sigh, attempting to break up her children. Feeling a tug on her hand, the brown-haired girl turned her head to see Ethan

     "I'm sorry about earlier," he apologized quietly.

     Stepping to the side, Amandla allowed her mom and Uncle Robbie to enter before her. The wind blew some hair in front of her face and she squinted, trying to push it away. "Ethan—"

     "I'm sorry," he repeated, squeezing her hand.

     Closing her mouth, she sighed. "I need to get in the car, we're about to leave," she replied, wanting to postpone this conversation until later.

     "Can you sit with me in the limo, please? I really don't want to go through this without you," he rushed out, desperately bouncing his eyes in-between hers.

     A flashback of last January with her sitting in the limo, clutching tightly onto his hand played in her mind. He was there for her, and now it was her turn. "Of course." Amandla swiveled her head as Ethan pulled her towards the first car. She sent her mother a reassuring nod before looking back around.

     After everyone was settled, the drive to the church began.

     Not a word was spoken amongst the family as the world flew by them in a whirl. Ethan clutched onto Amandla's hand with a firm grip and she ran her thumb up and down the back of his hand. It was something that oftentimes comforted him. She leaned into his side and rested her head on his shoulder. On her right sat Grayson, who was holding onto Lisa's hand tightly. Cameron grasped onto the woman's other hand.

     Feeling something brush her leg, she peered down to see Ethan's right leg bouncing up and down anxiously. She squeezed his hand and tilted her head down as she pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "I love you." Amandla murmured against the fabric of the suit; her voice was so quiet that she was surprised he heard her.

     "I love you." Ethan echoed, his words equally as soft as hers had been. Squeezing her hand in return, he pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head.

     The rest of the ride was silent until the car came to stop. "We're here." John, Sean's father, announced roughly. The announcement snapped everyone out of their quiet haze and one-by-one, they got out.

     Upon exiting the limo, Amandla was hit with a gentle gust of cold air. Turning her head, she looked around, taking quick notice of the security detail the Dolan's had hired. Only friends and family were being let into the parking lot and two police cars were parked nearby. She prayed no fans or any unwanted guests would show; she prayed there was still some decency left in people's hearts.

     A quiet sigh left her lips and she moved her head, searching for her mother's face. Groups of people were making their way toward the entrance of the church, creating a sea of faces she recognized yet none of them resembled Valeria Jones.

     Lisa, Cameron, the twins, and the rest of the family had been ushered inside, leaving her alone. Crossing her arms, she regretted leaving her phone at the house.

     Rather than standing out in the cold, Amandla decided it'd be best to head in. Valeria was likely already inside, the brown-haired girl was probably wasting her time standing on the sidewalk as people littered by.

     On her way to the entrance, she was stopped a few times, people recognizing her as Ethan's girlfriend, unaware that they were broken up, and gave their condolences. With a forced smile and polite tone, she thanked them.

     Soon, she made it past the front doors and into the foyer of the church. Directly in front of her, the doors to the main section of the church were opened. Nearing closer, she caught a glimpse of the portrait of Sean Dolan standing next to an array of flowers and his casket, which was thankfully closed.

     A flash of her father's coffin went through her mind and a lump rose in her throat. This was really happening.

     The moment she felt a hand land on her shoulder, she jumped and turned to find Nikki and Dom standing there. The couple was wearing grim expressions, knowing exactly what she was thinking. They'd only arrived moments ago from the airport.

     Blinking back tears, she cleared her throat. "Thank you for coming," she choked out, her lips quivering when Nikki gently grabbed her hand.

     "Of course," the ginger-haired woman replied, pulling her into a warm embrace. Dom joined in on the hug, which made Amandla chuckle as they stood in the foyer, holding onto one another.

     "Where's Lisa?" Dom asked after they'd broken apart.

     Quickly wiping away her tears, the YouTuber shrugged. "She and the rest of the family were ushered inside before the crowd got bigger. They're probably already in there," she answered, gesturing to the sanctuary.

     "And Ri?" Nikki questioned, rubbing the girl's arm comfortingly.

     Amandla shrugged again. "I haven't been able to find her. I rode with Ethan on the way here," she replied.

     "I heard my name." A voice called and she turned around to see Ethan making his way toward them. A bundle of nerves stirred in her chest as she realized that this meant her ex-boyfriend was officially meeting her other ex-boyfriend's parents. Great. And at a funeral too.

     "I was uh, I was telling Nik and Dom how I rode in with you. Ethan, this is Nikki and Dominic Holland. Nik and Dom, this is Ethan Dolan." Amandla rambled nervously, introducing everyone even though they all knew who the other was.

     Ethan looked to the two adults and forced a smile. "I've heard a lot about you both. Thank you for being there for my parents, Amandla, and Valeria. I greatly appreciate it and thank you for coming. This means a lot," he breathed, ignoring the fact that they were the parents of the one person he couldn't help but despise.

     The two nodded. "Of course. We're so sorry for your loss," Nikki responded, pulling him into a hug. Amandla watched with wide eyes as the brown-haired boy returned the gesture. Averting her eyes to Dom, he gave her a nod of reassurance.

     "If there's anything we can do for your family, please let us know," the comedian spoke up, shaking Ethan's hand once he and Nikki separated.

     "Thank you. I appreciate it." Ethan nodded, unconsciously reaching behind for Amandla's hand. Instinctually, she met him halfway and intertwined their fingers. "My mom and Val are inside, I can take you to them," he proposed.

     Nikki nodded, "Please."

     At that, he led the three into the sanctuary and down the center aisle, headed toward where Lisa and Val stood with other guests. The women were hand-in-hand, providing each other with a sense of comfort and strength.

     Valeria was prompt to meet her daughter's eyes and immediately murmured something to Lisa before breaking away. 

     From there, the next two hours melted into a disorienting blur. After leading Nikki and Dom to where Lisa and Valeria were, tearful greetings were exchanged, and not soon after, the service began. Most of it, Amandla had blocked from her mind. She hadn't sat with Ethan, but instead with her mother and the Hollands, three rows behind.

     Many tears were shed and the brown-haired girl couldn't help but keep thinking back to her father and his funeral service. Every few minutes, she would glance at Sean's coffin, praying that he would just sit up and announce to the world that he was alive. That this wasn't happening. That he wasn't leaving them. However, that didn't happen, and it wouldn't.

     Before she knew it, Amandla was standing outside with her hand, once again, locked with Ethan's. On her left, she held onto Grayson's. Her hazel-green eyes swept over the scene and she felt more overwhelmed than she did during the service.

     Tears were falling down some people's faces while others had wrapped their arms around their loved ones, pressing tender kisses to the tops of their heads. Everyone had their family there to support them and celebrate the memory of Sean Dolan, while the twins and Amandla wanted nothing more than to go home and forget about this day altogether.

     Forget that this day—this week—ever happened.

     The crisp, wintry January air snaked its way through the graveyard as everyone stood above the casket that was being slowly lowered into the ground.

     Ethan clutched onto the brown-haired girl's hand tighter as he watched the cherry-stained coffin disappear from view. After the first shovel of dirt back into the hole, he let go of Amandla's hand and turned around, he and Grayson embracing the other.

     Struggling to hold back the flood of tears that were blurring her own vision and causing her throat to close up, Amandla quickly spun on her heel and walked straight to her mother, who automatically pulled her into her arms. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, Valeria blinked back tears of her own. "I'm right here, baby. Right here."

     Squeezing her eyes shut, Amandla buried her head into her shoulder and allowed herself to cry silently; wallowing in the pain that was shredding her heart. It was then that it hit her. The sure knowledge and fact that life was going to go on without her father and Sean and that time had only been stopped for her and the Dolan family. The world would move on and people would resume back to their daily routines while she was going to be stuck trying to escape the quicksand that was her undeniable grief and loss.

     It was then that she pitifully accepted the fact that they were gone and she couldn't do anything to change that. All she could do was cry, clutching onto her mom as if her life depended on it. And in some ways, it did.

╰┈ ⊰ 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒔 ❞ ⑊ ⎯⎯ : ⊱˒ ♡

⌇ 𝘯𝘰 𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯⠀|⠀𝑛𝜊 𝑓𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑠⠀꒱
˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙

     hey everyone!! i hope you all enjoyed the ninety-sixth chapter!

     r.i.p. to sean dolan. so much love and respect to the dolan family, forever.

     fun fact: half of the funeral scene was taken from a chapter i never posted from my book 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐄 and a chapter from a book i wrote years ago that's now unpublished. i got hella lazy with this. the amount of funeral chapters i've written is ridiculous but i do it to myself so idk why i'm bitching.

     also, not gonna lie... i highkey ship amandla with grayson and cameron. basically the entire dolan family. i ship her with so many people, honestly. (she lowkey reminds me of elena with damon and stefan from the vampire diaries. except she doesn't love gray like that. she just gives me that vibe, ya know?)

     the next chapter is going to also be emotional (what's new). ethan and amandla will finally be talking and i'm gonna go ahead and spoil it: it doesn't go that well.

     𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐋𝐘 𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑: thank you all for taking the time out of your days to comment on this story. it means a lot and helps the story be spread to a wider audience &&& gives me the opportunity to grow as an author. all i ask is that people vote on each chapter, please. as a creator, it takes time to write and develop stories. especially social media-based ones because there's so much to take into consideration and the amount of time i've dedicated to finding graphics, screenshotting everything kelsey simone (and other characters) posts, making graphics, etc., is ridiculous. so please, vote on every chapter. it means a lot more than i could ever express.

     don't forget to vote & comment!