♡ ₊˚.༄

𝐒𝐇𝐄 ── ◦'𖥸'◦ ── 𝒮ℋℰ
𝖺𝗆𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗅𝖺 𝗃𝗈𝗇𝖾𝗌 𝗑 𝗍𝗈𝗆 𝗁𝗈𝗅𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖽
𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟯𝟴 ╱ ╱ 🦢🤍 ˚◞♡

────── ❛ 正直 ❜ ──────

𝗍𝗁𝗋𝖾𝖾 𝖽𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧!
私はメッセージ// 𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞

⤹ *·˚ 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇 𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐒 ⋆.ೃ࿔*
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
𝖳𝗈𝖽𝖺𝗒 𝟤:𝟥𝟤 𝗉.𝗆.

amandla⠀ ⠀ (𝒂𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒂 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒆)
keilah ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀(𝒌𝒆𝒊𝒍𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒘𝒐𝒍𝒇)
zendaya⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ (𝒍𝒂𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒚𝒂 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆)
rowan⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀(𝒃𝒂𝒕𝒔𝒚 𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒂𝒏)
sunny⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀(𝒇𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒚)
laura⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀(𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒖𝒍𝒂𝒖𝒓𝒂)

amanita nightshade
i just finished filming &
editing the video.

lagoonaya blue
good
i'm so so so proud
of you, mands

batsy clarowan
i'm so proud of you,
babygirl <3
and so will everybody
else

keiladeen wolf
not gonna say much
because you already
know how proud i am
of you.
i love you.

frankie stunny
I'M SO PROUD OF
YOU ANGEL
💕💝💘💞💖💓💗

draculaura
i'm so proud of you
&& so will the rest
of the world and
everyone who watches
your videos

amanita nightshade
thank you guys
it's finished uploading
to youtube
idk if i should publish it
or not
i'm scared

lagoonaya blue
you've got this, baby

batsy clarowan
you're stronger than
all of us.
you've got this.

frankie stunny
remember what you
told us?
you said that not being
open with us AND your
audience has been killing
you every day.
you need to do this.
you need to be
honest and open.

keiladeen wolf
it's time, amandla
you've kept so much in
and away from
everyone around you.
you deserve to be able
to breathe again

draculaura
you deserve to not be
so weighed down
and upset all the time.
it's time to do
something for YOU.

amanita nightshade
thank you
all of you

lagoonaya blue
you're welcome
now, go upload that
video

インスタグラム // 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫
𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙡𝙖𝙟𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝗁𝖺𝗌
𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗱! 𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖼𝗄
𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁!

𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 🦋 • amandlajones
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

i usually don't upload on
thursday's but i needed to do this.
❪ youtu.be/_O0OM3c1-Tft5 ❫

retweets — 78.4k and likes — 244.7k
✧*̥₊˚‧ [ read replies ] ‧˚₊*̥✧

⇓

username1⠀she hasn't been active anywhere for three days, which she never does, and is now uploading a 50 minute video... i'm scared

username2⠀we love you

username3⠀whatever it is that this is about, we'll still support you regardless

ユーチューブ // 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐛𝐞
𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙡𝙖𝙟𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝗁𝖺𝗌
𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝖺 𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝗏𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗈!

𝗮𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗮𝗷𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀⠀ 7.9 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
𝟣𝟤 𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗎𝗍𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗀𝗈. . .

►⠀▷|⠀𝘷𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘮𝘦 : ▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯⠀⠀𝟬:𝟬𝟬 / 𝟱𝟯:𝟰𝟭
𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲. *𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜*
𝟭𝟮𝟰𝗸 𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝘀 • October 09, 2016
𝟱𝟵𝗸 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝘀 ⋯ 𝟯 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝘀

┏⠀⠀⠀⠀DO YOU WANT TO⠀⠀⠀⠀┓
PLAY THIS VIDEO?

┗⠀⠀⠀⠀[ YES ] ◄⠀[ NO ] ⠀⠀⠀⠀┛

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟬:𝟬𝟭 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

tucking her hair behind her ears, amandla sighs and looks up at the camera.  ❝ i really don't know what i'm doing right now. ❞ she shakes her head and looks up at the ceiling with tears in her eyes.

❝ god, get yourself together, you idiot ❞ she mumbles, looking back at the camera and sighing once more. ❝ so, if you couldn't already tell, this is a really hard video for me to film. please, bear with me for the next however long this is. ❞

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟬:𝟭𝟬 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

❝ i've always been one-hundred percent honest and transparent with you all and this channel. i promised myself i wouldn't be someone who pretended everything is okay when things are not, and i want to keep that promise to myself, and to you all. so, here i am. hi guys, ❞ amandla says, breathing in deeply. ❝ i'm talking to all of you because not talking isn't working and youtube is my safe place. you guys are my safe place, and at this point, there's no one else i want to talk to about everything with more than all of you.

❝ i don't really have a structure for this video, so this will most likely get ranty and confusing, especially since there's a lot i want to talk about. ❞ she says, nodding slightly to herself. ❝ before i start discussing what the point of this video is, i just want to add a disclaimer for every and anyone who is watching. this is not meant to upset anyone and i'm in no way, shape, or form, searching for pity from people. anyone that i mention in this video is aware and okay with what it is i'm saying in relation to them. i'm just simply talking and opening-up to all of my beautiful friends. hopefully, this video can help some of you, give reassurance to those who may be struggling with the topics i discuss today, and help some people feel less alone in a world that can feel pretty empty and lonely at times.

❝ if any of you watching are dealing with any of the things i talk about, please don't stay silent. reach out to a friend or someone you trust and talk about it. if you don't have that option, or feel like you do, i will be leaving multiple links down below to people and resources that can help you. additionally, if you ever want to, feel free to dm me. my dm's are always open to everyone. ❞

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟭:𝟱𝟬 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

tucking her hair behind her ears again, amandla clears her throat. ❝ i guess the best place to start is the beginning, ❞ she breathes, beginning to play with the rings on her fingers. 

❝ so, growing up, i lived with both of my parents, my cat, milo, and dog, lola. both of my parents had and still have normal, everyday jobs. ❞ she says, nodding her head. ❝ my mom was a waitress, however, she is now a photographer and my manager, and my dad was a cashier and is now a sales manager. we weren't rich by any means, but my parents definitely made the most out of everything for me. which, i am extremely, and forever will be, grateful for. ❞

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟮:𝟮𝟱 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

❝ from my earliest memory—at the age of two—all the way until i was eleven, my childhood was good. my family was great, milo was still alive and slept with me every night, and i got to see my abuela every other weekend. along with all of my cousins on my mom's side. ❞ amandla smiles softly, glancing off-camera of a slight second.

❝ i had my best friend jasmine, ❞ she says, her voice cracking. ❝ it was great. everything was going as amazing as it could. then, my world came to a sudden stop. ❞

amandla cleared her throat and reached for a water bottle off-camera, taking a quick sip. ❝ okay, that's a bit dramatic. essentially, everything went to complete shit. ❞ she chuckles half-heartedly, shaking her head. ❝ would you look at that? i'm finally cursing on my channel and not beeping it out, wow. we love character development. uh, side note: i apologize in advance for any explicit language i might use or jokes i make throughout this video. humor is just one of my main coping mechanisms and helps me from freaking out or becoming overwhelmed. so, yeah, anyways! ❞

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟯:𝟱𝟵 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

❝ to add a bit of context to the story of my childhood that literally nobody asked for, i'm going to talk about jasmine. ❞ amandla says. ❝ i've never said her name out loud on my channel or anywhere on social media. neither have the three people, other than my family, that know about her. so, if you're confused—don't worry. everyone who's watching this probably fucking is. most of my friends don't even know what it is i'm talking about or who the hell this jasmine girl is. ❞

pulling her hair up into a ponytail, amandla continues to talk. ❝ basically, jasmine and i grew up together. we met in pre-k and became best friends, somehow, right after we'd gotten into an argument about who loved giraffes more. ❞ she laughs, smiling at the memory. ❝ since then, we did everything i can think of together. she was the most benevolent, endearing, generous, and supportive soul i did and will ever know. for years, she was my only friend, and if i'm being completely honest—i didn't want anyone else but her as my friend. as long as i had her, i was whole, you know? she was easily my other half and i love her more than anything. ❞

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟰:𝟰𝟳 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

❝ back to the story! we "graduated" elementary school and dove into the hellish world of middle school. ah, yes. the three years that are supposed to mentally and emotionally prepare you for high school. everything was going pretty good—shoutout to lee county schools for putting us in all the same classes. ❞ amandla says, snapping her finger and pointing at the camera. ❝ we started having our first crushes and were experiencing so many different changes. i had this ridiculous crush on the mean girl in our class. i thought she was the prettiest person to ever walk the earth, i swear. jasmine thought i could do better, which i definitely agree with now.❞

shaking her head, amandla rolls her eyes. ❝ wow, i really wish my attention span wasn't shit because i keep getting side-tracked. we love that. moving on! both jasmine and i were coping with everything really well. honestly, we were thriving. everything was going great. ❞

pausing, amandla sighs. ❝ until it wasn't, ❞ her voice cracks and she looks away from the camera. bringing her hand up, she presses the palm of her hand to her forehead as she breathes in through her nose deeply. after a second, she looks back at the camera.

❝ so, um... the day before my twelfth birthday during winter break, jasmine and her family were driving back from new york. they were about a mile away from their neighborhood when a drunk driver didn't stop at the light and t-boned them in the m-middle of an intersection. ❞ she stops talking and squeezes her eyes shut. reaching up, her hands are visibly shaking as she reaches for her water bottle off-camera.

after taking a sip, she clears her throat. ❝ i'm not going to go into detail beca— ❞ amandla's voice breaks and she turns her head away from the camera. clearing her throat, she shakes her head. ❝ no one survived the crash. ❞

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟳:𝟬𝟬 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

❝ after that day, my entire life made an entire 360. ❞ amandla says, breathing in deeply as she rubs her eyes. ❝ before then, i had never known anyone who had died. so, jasmine and her family were the first people i ever had to lose. ❞

raising her eyes, amandla looks into the camera. ❝ twelve-year-old me was very confused and heart-broken. i didn't know how to cope and both of my parents tried really hard to help and be there for me. ❞ she forces a small smile, nodding.

❝ my mom found a therapist for me to go to, talk to, and learn how to healthily process what had happened and what was happening with me. how i was dealing with it all. ❞ amandla says. ❝ and the weekly sessions helped a lot. however, if i'm being completely truthful with myself, i felt extremely guilty during that time period and the years following. jasmine and her family were coming home early from their family trip that night for my birthday, and because of that fact, i took complete blame for what happened. i believed that it was my fault for a really long time. ❞ she sighs heavily, glancing away from the camera.

❝ it took keilah entering my life for me to realize that what happened wasn't my fault. she helped me come to terms with the ideology that things happen. everything happens for a reason. all i had to do was put my trust in the universe and god, and believe that what happened was part of his plan for me. which is a belief that i'm trying really hard to hold onto currently. ❞ amandla sighs. ❝ i never get religious nor mention my religious affiliation online, but today is all about opening up. ❞

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟴:𝟱𝟬 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

the video cuts and amandla reappears without any makeup on. ❝ sorry for the cut, i took off my makeup because it was bothering me and i felt like i would eventually cry it off at some point. ❞ amandla chuckles.

❝ in may of 2011—this was a few months before i met keilah—my mom's side of the family had a huge, paramount falling out. for the sake of my family and i's privacy, i won't be going into detail about what exactly happened. just know that shit basically hit the fan. all my tías and tíos cut off communication with my abuela and everyone else in the family. my dad's side of the family is estranged and has been for years before i was even born, so i've never known anyone on his side. my mom's side was the only family we really had other than the three of us and our pets. so, this family feud falling out was a big deal.

❝ in june of that same year, my dad got a promotion to be a sales manager at his place of work, two counties over from where we lived. so, we moved. it wasn't until after we had fully moved into the house i currently live in, that the arguments started. ❞

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟭𝟮:𝟬𝟭 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

the sound of a phone dinging multiple times goes off and amandla looks at something behind the camera and she reaches for something. ❝ what the hell, i told everyone that i was filming and to not text me, who— ❞ amandla stops talking as her eyes scanned over her phone screen. ❝ thomas. should've known. ❞ amandla laughs softly, shaking her head and placing her phone back down.

❝ back to my parents—the arguing, ❞ she sighed. ❝ all parents argue. it's completely normal and common. arguments and disagreements are just part of life, but for some reason, during that time, i felt like something was wrong. something felt off to me, and i didn't know what. all i knew was that these weren't normal arguments, even though they came across as such.

❝ at first, it was over simple things like not getting something at the grocery store or arguing over who was supposed to drive me to school and dance practice. then the arguments started to get more serious and personal. they would argue over family-related things and interpersonal relationships. at the time, i didn't know everything i do now, so i was really confused for a while.

❝ during this time was when i discovered youtube and began making videos about things that i made me happy. at first, i started talking about my favorite comic books, anime shows, makeup, and fashion. youtube became my scapegoat and what distracted me from the constant chaos in my house. i fell in love with making and editing videos and having a place where i could just breathe and be me. then, it sort of became the only stable part of my life. youtube wasn't going to go anywhere, but the possibility that one of my parents leaving was. so, i began putting all my free time into making videos and that's when my channel began to grow. ❞

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟭𝟱:𝟬𝟴 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

❝ in august, i attended a new school and that was when i met keilah, ❞ amandla says. ❝ most of you know the story of how we became friends so i'm not going to go over that, but keilah entering my life was one of the best things to ever happen to me. ❞

sighing, she placed her hands on her hips. ❝ if i keep talking and telling my whole life story, we're going to be here for a long time. so, just i'm gonna fast forward a little bit here and get to the main reasons of why i'm making this video in the first place.❞ amandla says, clapping her hands together.

❝ over the past five years, the arguments between my parents have continued, ❞ she starts off, clearing her throat. ❝ they were a daily occurrence and consisted of a lot of screaming, yelling, shouting, slammings doors, and cursing. almost everyone watching, if you've been watching me for a bit, knows that when people scream or shout, it gives me very bad anxiety. i've mentioned it once or twice and this is the reason why. ❞ she sighs heavily, glancing away from the camera.

it was quiet for a moment as amandla looks around the room. ❝ being surrounded by all this constant conflict... hostility... and entropy has affected me more than i will ever admit. i feel like bits and pieces of me have been chipped away over the past five years and i feel so empty all the time. every day there is another battle to watch take place and i can't do anything. ❞ tears well up in amandla's eyes and she squeezes them shut.

❝ i told myself i was never going to be someone who cried on the internet, and i'm trying, so hard, to keep myself together. ❞ amandla chokes out as she lets out a shaky breath. ❝ it's really hard, you know? to stand by and watch as the people you love more than anything—that raised you—scream and slam doors in each other's faces. it fucking sucks because i know that nothing i can say or do will fix it. i can't fix their problems or try to mend them and i hate it so much. so much.

❝ there are times that i would give anything for things to just stop and go back to how they were before, but it's not possible. i felt, and still feel, so powerless and useless. it's remained this way for five years, and it hasn't gotten any easier. my parents are ruining not only their marriage but their friendship. my family is self-destructing and all i keep seeing and hearing is heartbreak, divorce, and betrayal, one after the other. ❞ amandla says, beginning to play with the rings on her fingers.

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟮𝟬:𝟬𝟮 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

❝ around a week ago, i flew back home from vacation. when i got back to my house, i found my mom extremely upset. it turns out that moments before i showed up, my dad's lawyer had just dropped off the finalized papers for divorce. ❞ amandla says, glancing away from the camera.

bringing her hand up, she rubs her middle and index fingers against her temple. ❝ honestly, i should've been expecting it, but i wasn't. the arguing had gone on for so long, and they'd stayed together for so long, that there was a part of me that refused to believe that they would ever separate. i was holding onto whatever hope i had that things would eventually work out. ❞ she shrugs.

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟮𝟭:𝟯𝟳 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

❝ after my mom told me the news, she said that she was going to stay with my abuela for a while. she needed time away and i didn't want to be at home or in la, so i took an uber to atlanta—which is where i am right now. ❞ amandla says, gesturing around her. ❝ i've been here for close to a week and i've had a lot of time to think. i've been watering over the events of the last five years, the future of my family, and which parent i want to live with—if i want to live with either of them—and also the current state of my youtube channel.

❝ in concern with this channel, i have decided that it is in my best interest to discontinue uploading every friday or every other friday. now, you might be thinking, "amandla, you literally could have done that without telling anybody because it's your life and you have the privilege of uploading whenever you want. we don't care." and you're right. however, i also know that some of you who are subscribed and support me and my channel depend on me for that weekly or bi-weekly content. i know that my videos help some of you and you come here to drown in my videos and escape from your lives for just a couple of minutes.

❝ i've also just wanted to prove that i do take this seriously and that i can be a strong, professional youtuber without being successful for only a year and then dropping off the face of the earth. which, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that, but i love what i do and i love all of you.

❝ for three years, i was a crazy person and uploaded twice a week, which, looking back, was insane and i don't know why i continued doing it for so long because it literally killed me and my mental health. then, for the past two years, i've uploaded just once a week or bi-weekly, and that's still been quite a lot. overtime, my videos have gone from being 10-minute videos about my favorite comic books, playing video games, making commentary, and doing fashion and makeup videos to 30-minutes videos that take about 2 to 3 days to plan, long days of filming consecutively and then hours upon hours to edit. the math is no longer adding up and it's nearly impossible for me to finish a video that i am genuinely proud of without stressing over whether or not i will have it done in time for the coming friday.

❝ now, obviously, with where my channel is right now, i could easily hire an editor and crew to help me film, but i'm a stubborn hoe and refuse to do that. i treasure this space that i have created on the internet and am very protective of it and all of you. this is our space and i don't want anybody to touch it. i feel like if i have people help, write, or edit my videos that it will become less genuine and i won't be as engaged and involved as i love to be. i don't know. i'm just not comfortable with having anyone else other than myself touch my channel. i love editing and making videos. that's where i get the most joy and satisfaction from this "job," other than meeting all of you.

❝ now, connecting this all back to my family and everything i have opened up about today. i have come to realize that i have lost a stabilizing balance in my life and i need to get it back. with all the stress associated with my family and now the divorce, with the combination of my declining mental health and personal happiness, as well as not focusing on myself and my relationships with others—i'm just a mess. i need to take some time to get my shit together and figure out how to get to the place i want to be at.

❝ i am going to be taking a break from uploading and will come back when i feel i am ready to and have sorted my stuff out. the purpose of this video was primarily share with all of you a bit more of my life because i miss talking to all of you, stick to my word and reputation of being transparent and honest online, and update everyone with where i am at right now. it was actually tom, who suggested the idea of this video to me. i'd been thinking about it but when he came to me and offered up the idea, that was the sign i knew i needed that told me i needed to make this. ❞ she breathes, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

❝ this is the most vulnerable and raw i've ever been and knowing that this is out there in the world for anyone to see is uh... intimidating, honestly. ❞ amandla admits. ❝ so, if this is your first time ever watching any of my videos, i am so sorry. i promise i'm not always this emotional and potentially, slightly over-dramatic. ❞

𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲⠀⠀𝟯𝟭:𝟰𝟴 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀

❝ my primary plan, right now, after i upload this video, is to figure out what i want to do in relation to my parents. essentially, decide whether or not i want to live with one of them or move out on my own altogether. ❞ amandla sighs. ❝ i don't exactly know how to properly end this video, but i will keep you guys updated. i just needed to get all of this off my chest and confide in you all. so, thank you for everything and for all your support and love. i love each and every one of you to the moon and back times 6,000. see you soon. ❞ she says, giving the camera a small smile.

┏⠀⠀⠀⠀DO YOU WANT TO⠀⠀⠀⠀┓
REPLAY THIS VIDEO?

┗⠀⠀⠀⠀[ YES ] ⠀⠀⠀[ NO ] ⠀⠀⠀⠀┛

╰┈ ⊰ 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒚 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒔 ❞ ⑊ ⎯⎯ : ⊱˒ ♡

⌇ 𝘯𝘰 𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯⠀|⠀𝑛𝜊 𝑓𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑠⠀꒱
˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙ ˙

     hey everyone!! i hope you all enjoyed the thirty-eighth chapter!

     𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑: the youtube layout was made by me (as well as the thumbnail), so, if you want to use it, you must ask for permission. DO NOT STEAL! writers & creators spend a lot of time on their stories and to take their own work and claim it as original and as your own is downright rude. please, have manners and class, and ask for permission. i would really appreciate it if anyone who reads this asks permission BEFORE they try to use my layouts, storylines, chapters, and graphics. i will and do find out.

     so, as you can tell, i did not update on friday. wattpad and i had a little altercation out in the streets last week and i almost freaked the freak out because over 15 chapters from this book have been deleted 🙃🤟👌

     i started writing this book in april of 2019 and i had pre-written all the chapters from 1 to 89! this is one of the only books i've ever planned that far out in advance and am very passionate about these characters. i spend a lot of my free time working on this book and am very protective of it.

     now, as for the missing chapters... wattpad, or something or someone, has deleted chapters 41-58 and i'm HIGHKEY freaking out because 1, i don't remember everything that i wrote, 2, i'm a dumbass and didn't back all the chapters up like i usually do, and 3, have to go and rewrite these chapters while also taking finals, finish editing two books that i am publishing at the end of this week, finish an 8,000-word chapter for another book, and finish outlining two other books that will be published in a few weeks.

     if you can't tell, i put a lot of time into my writing and take this shit as seriously as i do my actual job that pays for my time and labor.

     so, i will be updating this friday with chapter 39, which i'm so happy still exists because it's a tomandla one. however, i don't know if i will be updating at all next week. i need to figure everything out and start the following chapters. i will try to keep you all updated tho!

     i hope all of you are doing fantastic and have an amazing monday!!! ily and stay safe <3

     don't forget to vote & comment!