ELEVENTH DOCTOR
"you make me want things
i can't have."

pairing: eleventh doctor x reader
description: you're finally trying to pluck up the courage to confront the doctor about how you feel. the day you decide to subtly make your move, his reaction leads to a conversation you wouldn't have expected.
warnings: light angst, major fluff near the end!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"What do you think, Doctor?" you beamed, biting your lip as you twirled towards the TARDIS console where the Doctor stood, idly fiddling with its controls. For a moment he didn't look up, focused on the task at hand, but when he did he furrowed his brows and gulped.

You pouted, thumbing the skirt of the dress you'd donned in hopes of impressing him as you began to grow self-conscious, "Do you not like it? I thought–"

"No, no," he coughed, noticeably avoiding eye contact with you as you slowly padded closer towards him, "It looks... It looks lovely."

You swallowed thickly, no longer so excited by the deep purple satin slip dress you so hoped he would adore as much as you did.

You'd been flicking through wardrobes in the TARDIS for almost an hour, meticulously searching for a dress that would wow the Doctor so that you could pluck up the courage to be honest about your feelings for him. Perhaps, you hoped, you'd be able to figure out whether your feelings were even slightly returned.

Instead, you now felt defeated. He was barely even looking at you, his eyes flashing away as he pocketed his sonic screwdriver and cleared his throat as though he was dismissing what had just happened. You had hoped to blow him away, or at the very least that he would compliment you genuinely as he usually did – and yet here you stood, embarrassed and conscious.

"Right. Uh, thank you," you frowned, slipping away quietly back to your bedroom and throwing yourself onto the soft mattress as you let your disappointment wash over you.

Confused, the Doctor stepped back from what he was doing entirely. He didn't mean to seem dismissive, or as though you didn't look beautiful in your dress. In fact, he wasn't sure he'd ever seen you look so radiant and gorgeous. He just didn't want to let his feelings get the better of him.

Scratching his head, he strode quickly down the corridor towards your room, curling his sweaty palm into a fist to knock on your door. You rarely ever closed the door, unless you were asleep, usually more than happy to welcome the Doctor in for a chat at any time.

But now the door was slammed closed, and at the sound the Doctor's knocking you groaned, "What, Doctor?"

"Can I come in, Y/N?" his voice was buttery soft, and even from behind the door you could practically see his puppy-dog eyes and his concerned pout.

You sighed, your voice barely a whisper as you replied, "Okay."

He entered with caution. not daring to look at you immediately and instead scanning your room and noticing the unusual disarray. There were clothes everywhere and then there you lay – right in the middle of your bed with tear-stained rosy cheeks.

"Whatever it is that's on your mind, Y/N, you can talk to me. You can always talk to me," he soothed, slowly making his way to your side and sitting down on the very edge of your bed, "I want to make sure you're okay."

You forced a smile, sitting up and wiping away the tears that had escaped against your will, "You don't feel the same. And that's okay. I just-"

"Woah, woah, what are you talking about?"

"Doctor... I did this," you paused to gesture to your outfit and perfectly preened hair, "For you. I wanted to tell you how I feel but I saw the way you looked at me when I walked out. My reaction was silly, I know, I was just embarrassed. I'm sorry."

The Doctor laughed, causing you to furrow your eyebrows and scoff at his response to you admitting, though not through direct words, that you had feelings for him. You shifted a little further away from him again, blushing a deep crimson.

"No, no, Y/N, you have it all wrong," he bit his lip, leaning forward and caressing your cheek with his thumb, "I think you look incredible... absolutely incredible. I've been trying to put my feelings aside and, well, you make that difficult sometimes."

"Well what if I don't want you to?"

He sighed, running his thumb over your lower lip now, never taking his eyes off it, "I can't let myself keep falling in love with you, Y/N. It's not a good idea for either of us."

"I'm already in too deep for that, Doctor. Why didn't you just tell me? I've spent all of this time trying to impress you, trying to flirt, and all of this time you've just been..well..." you crossed your arms, pulling back from his gentle touch, albeit reluctantly.

He closed his eyes for a moment longer than a blink, shuffling forward and capturing your face between his hands. Without another word, he pressed his lips to yours in a frenzied, passionate kiss. It didn't last long, however, as he pulled back but kept your face between his palms.

"You make me want things I can't have, Y/N. A normal life, to grow old with you and have children and have a love story like the romantic poets wrote of. I want to travel with you of course, I love this, but you make me want some sort of human normality that I can never provide for you. You're going to grow old and wish you'd had a real life with someone who could give you all that, and I'm all alone again. I love you too much already, Y/N, and I just want you to be happy."

A lone tear slipped down his cheek, his glassy eyes never leaving yours as you took in the weight of his words.

"Doctor," was all you could utter for a moment. You brought your hands up to the back of his head, pulling him even closer so that your noses were now touching and you could feel his jagged breaths against your face.

"I love you, and I love everything that comes with loving you, Doctor. I don't care that I won't get what most people do, because all I want is you. I know I'll grow old, I'll change, and you won't. But you've got me for as long as you want me. I love you. And if I've got you, then I've got all that I need."

By now you were crying, and he pulled you even closer so that you were now curled in his arms, "I love you, Y/N."

"God, it feels amazing to hear you say that."

"I mean it," he smiled, wiping away your tears and scooping you up in his arms, "No more crying, sweetheart, lets take you for dinner. We don't want a pretty dress being wasted on just wandering the TARDIS, do we?"

You laughed, leaning up to kiss his cheek softly.

"Anything for you, Doctor."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
author's note:
thank you as always for reading!
i hope you enjoyed this, it was
one of the first ones up on my
tumblr & im not sure about my
characterisation here but hope
it's all good <3
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───