CHAPTER IX ―

DEAR APRIL!

𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐀 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍. It wasn't like she missed then one minute and not the other, she missed them constantly, but today more than others. That dull ache she usually felt every day was magnified. It felt like someone was punching her in the chest, repeatedly. It felt like someone had ripped her heart out and stomped on it. Everything ached. She hadn't gotten out of bed yet or gotten dressed. Going as far as the bathroom and back into her bed. So, here she was, in her pajamas still and cuddling her little sister's teddy bear, and if she held it tight enough, closing her eyes, it smelled and felt like she was still there.

It was raining, again. Just like every other day in Forks, Washington. She didn't have to look at the forecast anymore, she already knew what it was going to be the minute she woke up. It seemed that she wasn't the only one who was crying, but the world was, too. Her father had left early for work, leaving a kiss on her head and note on her bedside. She knew this because she'd been awake the whole night, thinking and crying, not getting a wink of sleep.

Nora never knew you could miss someone this much. She never knew you could miss someone so much that it was tearing you apart on the insides, leaving you with agonizing pain. She never knew you could miss someone so much, that even the littlest of things could remind you of them. She never knew you could miss someone so much, that you'd become cold and bitter to feeling anything but utter, agonizing, crumbling grief. That the moment someone brought them up, you could feel yourself falling apart and become angry at the person for bringing them up.

It was a Sunday. There wasn't anything special about this Sunday, nothing that was important enough to remember the date. It was just one of those days, and they seemed to be happening more often, too. Nora could feel the tears building up again as she breathed in the familiar scent of her little sister that was imprinted in the bear. She was too afraid that smell was going to leave soon, just like they did...

Breathing in the scent one last time, Nora set the bear aside and slowly got up. She knew she had to, she couldn't lay in bed all day. Not again. She told herself she'd get past this, even if it hurt worse to do so. She didn't understand how her father got up every day and went to work, never bringing up her mother or her sister. She knew he was bottling it, she didn't need anyone to tell her that... but it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he got to push on and every time she thought she was moving on, she was getting shoved back ten steps. It was a never-ending process.

Grabbing random articles of clothing, Nora quickly dressed, not bothering to brush her hair as she pulled it back into a messy ponytail. The familiar tug of the scars made her wince, but she ignored it the best she could. She didn't care how she looked, she just wanted to be rid of the pain. Grabbing her laptop, Nora sat in her swinging chair that hung from the corner of her room, sitting crisscrossed as she booted up her computer, quickly signing in.

She opened her email and began to type the one person she knew that could help her...

Dear April,

        I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I'm feeling like this again. I should be over this, I shouldn't have to feel like this anymore. I feel on edge like I could lose it at any moment. If someone came up to me and asked me the wrong question, I feel like I could freak on them. This isn't right. I'm not right. I don't know what to do. I just... I miss them so much it hurts me.

        I wonder how they're doing? Is it more peaceful up there? Do you think they miss us? Me? I feel so lonely. I didn't mean to cut you off, didn't you get that in my last email? Or are you not reading them? Oh, that's right. I didn't send them. I really didn't mean to... I just, I cut everyone off, including the one person I never should have, and I'm really sorry, but I need you.

        I really, really, really need you, April. Please reply. I feel like you're the only person who can help me through this...

        Staring at the mail for the next fifteen minutes, Nora slowly hovered over the send button but hesitated and clicked delete. April didn't need her drama. April didn't need any emails. April didn't need to feel sorry for her. April didn't need her. Nobody needed her.

        Nora could feel her throat getting tighter as she willed the tears that burned her eyes to go away. She didn't just miss her family, she missed her best friend too. Aggressively wiping away the tears that escaped her eyes, Nora shut her laptop and tossed it onto her bed, going for the one thing she kept in the way back of her closet — the memories.

        It was a small, brown shoebox that sat under a few childhood stuffed animals. It was something her mom and her had put together when she was younger and wanted a place to keep all her pictures and keepsakes. Sitting on the hardwood floor of her bedroom, Nora gently opened the box and grabbed the first thing that laid on top; her mother's necklace. It was a simple gold necklace with a cross, but it was beautiful and resembled her mother in every way. Rubbing her thumb across it, Nora brought it up and gently pressed her lips against it, wishing her mom was actually wearing it...

        Undoing the clasp, Nora slipped it onto her neck and clasped it on. Taking a deep breath and grabbing a stack of pictures when her family was whole when everyone was happy and everything was right, Nora felt tears she didn't know were running down her face and sniffled a little. This picture hit her hard. It was a picture of her mom in the hospital after she had her little sister and Nora was sitting in the bed next to her mom and holding Violet. Her mother's smile was shining, but she could see the tiredness she didn't notice when she was younger. Although, she was still beaming and so was she as she held her little sister. It was bittersweet.

Sifting through the rest of the pictures and letting the tears flow down her face with the occasional sniffling, Nora put all the pictures back in the box and gently put it away. The ache of losing them would never leave, she feared but seeing the pictures gave her just a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, she could find something that would anchor her out of the dark place she felt herself falling into...

...

It was later that day that Nora's dad had called and told her that he was working late and not to wait up, so she ended up ordering pizza in the same outfit and messy bun as earlier. In the midst of eating her pizza and watching a baseball game, a knock on the front door made her frown. Who would come over at — looking at the clock, Nora's frown deepened — it was nearly nine o'clock at night. Hearing another knock, Nora swallowed another bite of her pizza and got up from the couch, walking to the front door and peering into the small window on the side. It was Bella.

Quickly opening the front door, Nora smiled gently at the small brunette. "Hey, come in. It's cold." Bella grinned at her, stepping in the Elliot's home. It was warm like they'd been living there their entire life, Bella mused. Photos decorated the walls and there was most definitely a feminine touch in the home, probably thanks to Nora... "what's up?" It was Nora's voice that brought Bella out of her stupor as she took in the Elliot's home.

Bella sheepishly smiled, a light blush dusting her face. "I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out for a little bit? I know it's a school night, but since both of our dads are working late tonight, I figured we could...?" Nora could hear the anxiety in Bella's voice, almost feeling it coming off of her in waves. She gave her a gentle smile to try and soothe Bella's nerves.

"Sure, c'mon," Nora's smile widened, gesturing to the pizza in her hand. "I just ordered pizza a little bit ago and I have zero issues finishing it myself, so better start eating."

...

It was eleven o'clock when they called it a night, but Bella had a question burning to be answered before she left. It was one she'd been trying to figure out the entire time she'd met Nora. "Hey, Nora?" The brunette next to her hummed as she watched the end of the movie next to her. "What happened to your mom?"

Bella could feel Nora take a deep intake of air and she instantly felt like she made a mistake. "I-I'm so sorry, I-I didn't mean to cross a line. I should really just keep my mouth shut—" but before she could finish rambling, Nora cut her off.

        "It's fine, Bella." Nora soothed her. "I need to tell someone anyways." Taking a deep breath, Nora swallowed. "It all happened really fast and I still don't know what really happened, the doctors say I may never really remember, but I get glimpses every now and then when something triggers the memories. I remember it was a few days before Christmas and mom wanted all of us to get some last-minute gift shopping done, so we were on our way back home—"

        Elise Elliot grinned at her two daughters as they sat in the backseat of her Chevy Suburban, talking quietly amongst themselves. Violet was such an inquisitive child and Nora was equally so, and naturally, Violet looked up to her big sister and asked every question the young girl could think of. "And what are my lovely daughters giggling about?" Elise teased, coming to a stop at a red light and looking back in the rearview mirror. "When you two are like this, it's never good."

        Like a reflection of herself, Nora's bright smile met her mother's knowing grin. Nora looked almost exactly like her with reflections of her father here and there, she mused. "Violet's just telling me about what she got Auntie Kathy." Elise's smile widened.

        "Is she gonna like it?" Elise asked her youngest daughter, Violet and watched as a giggle escaped her smiling lips.

        "She's gonna love it, Mom!"

        "I'm sure she will, Vi," Elise smiled. "I have one more stop we need to make before we can get home to your father." The two girls nodded and paid attention once more to chatting amongst themselves as their mother drove.

        Driving through another intersection, Elise continued on as the light turned green again and just as she entered the next intersection, squealing of tires had Elise's head turning as she saw a semi coming full speed at her as it glided on the ice, the tires unable to dig in and before she could react, it slammed full speed into their SUV, flipping the vehicle multiple times before it landed into a ditch across the road, the semi finally coming to a stop against a concrete curb.

        In the crushed and damaged Suburban, a family sat in critical condition. Glass had shattered everywhere and the airbags had deployed, but nothing could've changed the outcome. It took exactly fifteen minutes for the police and an ambulance to arrive on the scene and take action.

        "Sweetheart, we need you to calm down," a female EMT had tried to console Nora, but she cried hysterically as she saw her mom pinned against the steering wheel and not moving. She tried to look at her sister but found she was pinned at her side with glass that had embedded itself into her and the seat behind her, unable to move without crying out. "The glass is all the way through the other side," she heard the EMT mumble to her partner. "the worst I've ever seen so far."

        The mumbling seemed to fade as Nora could feel herself drifting in and out of consciousness. "It's alright, sweetheart. We've got you. Don't worry." It was with those soothing words that Nora passed out.

        "When I woke up in the hospital, they had a tube down my throat and I freaked out so bad they had to put me under again. I remember coming in and out multiple times and having panic attacks," Nora stared at the drink she held in her hands. "I remember my dad trying to calm me down and the nurses, too, but nothing seemed to work. It was finally after the fifth time that I calmed down and my first question was if my sister was okay..." there was a deep sigh. "I knew by the look on my father's face that she wasn't okay and neither was my mom. He burst into tears right there after I cried out for my mom."

        "No! No, no, no, no, no!" Nora screamed and cried, struggling against her father's hold as she tried to get out of bed. "Mom's not dead! Mom is not dead! Mom! Mom, please! Mommy, please! Violet! Violet! Vi, please! This isn't real, this can't be real!" William cried harder as he tried to soothe his daughter, holding her tightly and trying to console her as she struggled.

        A nurse suddenly appeared with a needle and Nora struggled harder, screaming for her mom and sister. "No, stop it! I need to see my mom! Violet! Mom!" It was only minutes before Nora began to feel the pull and she started to drift. "Daddy, please tell me its not real," her words were slurred before she went slack in his arms.

        "We'll be okay, Nora," William whispered, crying softly as he held his sedated daughter. "We're going to be okay."

        Nothing was ever going to be the same and William Elliot knew that.

        "I left the hospital after two weeks of care. They said if the glass would've punctured two centimeters more to the left, I would've been dead, but thanks to the glass," Nora gently set her cup down on the stand and pulled her shirt up a little, bearing just a glimpse of the horror the glass had left behind. "They did the best they could, but I was really torn up from small and embedded glass chunks, too." Bella gasped as she looked at Nora's pale skin to see deep scars painting her skin. Nora shoved her shirt back down. "I shattered my wrist almost and it's not completely perfect, but I can still do everything I want. Cracked my collarbone and the passenger seat pinned my leg to the door when it came back and stuck there, fracturing my fibula. It was pretty gory."

        "Nora, I-I had no idea," Bella felt like the worst person in the world for asking. "I didn't mean to ask. I shouldn't have."

        Nora shook her head, turning to Bella and giving her a tearful sad smile. "You didn't know, Bella. No one does." Before Nora could blink, Bella held the brunette in her arms, hugging her tightly.

        "I don't know how you've emotionally survived as long as you have," Bella whispered, tears in her own eyes, too. "but you Nora Elliot is the strongest person I've ever met in my entire life."

        A broken sob left Nora's lips as she held onto Bella just as tight. For the first time and last time ever, Nora was thankful someone asked what happened to her mom...

─ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧ ─