v. james dead daydream

It never stopped. It would never stop.

"John Booker Routledge, pursuant to the North Carolina Section 14, you are charged with murder in the first degree. If convicted, the maximum sentence would be the death penalty."

She heard the words over and over again. Echoing the tunnel of her memory. The striking of the gavel thundered, threatening her eardrums, and still, even hours later made her have to cup her hands tightly over her diamond-studded ears in hopes to drown out the sound of the people she'd once considered classmates and peers cheer and clap for the possible death of the boy she loves.

Nova Scott's body had collapsed onto her bed. Her legs curled up immediately and her head turned, burying her face into a tear-soaked pillow. Her fists closed around the fabric of her comforter and loud sobs filled the silent, closed-off bedroom. Nova gasped, her chest burning and lungs aching for her, but her breaths only came in short cut-off cycles. Her throat began to burn and her entire body seemed to be shutting down at that very moment. She didn't know how much more of this she had left in her. Nova didn't know how much longer she could keep from going into a complete collapse.

She remembered the way he'd turned back to look at her. As the officers escorted him toward the door that would take him away from her again, John B. glanced back over his shoulder, the chains on his feet could be heard scuffing the wood as he slowed to a near stop. Nova watched him, tears welling in her eyes, throat burning, wanting to scream. But she didn't move. While the world had roared to life around her, Nova remained motionless, completely unmoving. Except for her heart which gave a slight jump, just like it always had when he looked at her. But she blinked, and when Nova opened her eyes, John B. was already gone.

It hit her then, what if that was it for them, their last shared moment together?

There wasn't much she remembered after that. Everything around her suddenly became mute. The noises slowly died out and Nova's mind had gone elsewhere, lost in the depths of all the hurt. Her brother and dad led her through the shouting crowds and cameras being pushed into her face, looking for a newsworthy shot of a tearful girlfriend.

Nova didn't stop to be with her friends. She didn't turn her head or try to find them in the rioting crowds outside the courthouse steps. What could they have done for her at that moment? What could she have done for them? Nothing – that's the answer, none of them could do anything. So, instead, she let the hand on her back guide her down the concrete path, out and away from everyone else.

When they were home, and the large oak doors to her front doors were closed, that's when hell swooped down upon her, that's when Nova crash-landed into the fiery pits.

She'd heard the door latch shut behind her. Her dad had been the last to walk inside, hands buried deep into the pockets of his absurdly expensive suit, and he sighed. Nova turned, his head hung low for a moment before he finally looked up and across the room, the find where his daughter stood, already at the stairs.

"Nova, sweetie, I am so sorry," he whispered, shaking his head as he ran a hand along his worn and tired face. "But I promise you, we're going to fix this."

She stared at her dad blankly and blinked twice. Her head fell to the side and her eyebrows furrowed, "Are we, dad?" she asked him, her tone had been strangely calm. "Are we going to fix this, really?" Nova's voice began to rise, and Nolan looked between his little sister and dad nervously. "Because you've promised that before and then you did nothing!"

Lincoln Scott's eyes widened in shock, and quickly, Nolan stepped to his dad's defense, moving to stand in front of his sister, to try and cut her line of sight, "Woah, Nova, he's trying his best. We're all trying out best to help John B. get out of this, okay?"

"You could've done something!" as if Nolan didn't exist, Nova stepped away from the stairway railing and moved to once again glare at her father, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction. Her bottom lip had started to tremble, but the fire and the fury in her eyes remained burning strong. "Where was the team of lawyers you had hired for me, dad? Where were they today? Why didn't you call them – why didn't you call anyone?" she interrogates, though she gives him no time to answer a question before throwing another his way. "Why did John B. have a state-appointed lawyer and not one from you?"

Nova didn't actually blame her dad. She didn't know why she so suddenly turned her rage onto him. The voice in her head screamed, begging her to stop, to not say such hurtful things to the only parent that she had left – the parent who had never done anything but love her. But she couldn't stop. The anger and hurt inside her body overpowered any conscious decision she should have made instead.

"I promise, Nova, there are so many bigger things at play right now, and I understand that you don't see it yet..." Lincoln stepped forward hesitantly, making sure he kept his tone low and careful. "But I am going to do something about this, I promise you."

"You have done nothing!"

Her voice cracked because of the volume at which she screamed at her father, it echoed throughout the house and left Nova's throat aflame, "You've been completely useless this entire time."

"Nova!" shocked, Nolan turned his head, yelling at his little sister as he looked at her in horror, having never suspected she'd say something like that. "He's doing what he can, you know that."

Nova didn't acknowledge him. Her attention never left her dad. The tears that had been welling in her eyes finally started to spill over onto Nova's cheeks as she stepped back and away from her dad.

"Nova, please!" The pleading tone had left Lincoln's tone when he spoke to Nova, having been replaced with sternness, "Just stop for a second and think – why would I not help John B?"

Nova shook her head, scoffing, she didn't have time for this – she didn't have the time to stand in the foyer and play guessing games with her dad, "Just leave already, dad, I'll figure this out on my own."

Lincoln's jaw tightened, but he said nothing as his daughter turned away from him and ran up the high climbing staircase. He watched her disappear as she turned into the long hallway and finally allowed himself to take a breath when he felt Nolan's hand clasp tightly around his shoulder. Reaching up, Lincoln patted his son's hand, nodding his head.

"I think, uh ━ I think she's just really afraid right now, dad," said Nolan.

He could take the outbursts. He's had a million times over. Being the one home and with his sister, Nolan has experienced the brunt of her pent-up emotions seeding their way out of her in the form of verbal lashings. Their dad did not. Lincoln always got the best of Nova Scott. Nolan just wanted to be sure that his dad knew Nova meant none of what she said to him.

Because this wasn't Nova. The girl who had just stood before him, screaming and accusing him.  It was her grief and all the anger she'd been storing away. It was all of that trying to fight its way out of her, to offer some relief to her fragile state of mind. Nova had to be angry with someone, she had to yell and scream, Lincoln was glad that she trusted him enough to have let it be him she turned all that negativity toward, instead of herself, as her mother had done.

"If things go the way I plan, she won't need to be afraid anymore."

Nolan nodded, hoping his dad was right.

And they went on, leaving Nova to cry all of her tears onto her satin pillowcase.

The glow of the sun had only just started to shine over the blue water horizon when the soft buzzing of the cell phone beside Nova's head woke her from sleep. It was quiet despite the small hums of vibrations. Almost as if she was the only one awake on the island. Not even the birds had raised from their slumber to sing their morning time melodies. It was only Nova's soft breaths that were drowned out by the whistling winds and crashing waves that sounded through the open and forgotten, balcony doors.

The knitted blanket that had been lazily thrown over her fell to her waist as she sat up from the comfort of her smothering pillows. Nova rubbed her sore, swollen eyes and yawned, wincing as she did. Bringing a hand to her throat, her eyebrows creased, noticing the burn that still lingered from the endless sobs that escaped her. Her cheeks still felt as if they were damp with the wetness of the million tears she'd shed throughout the late night until eventually, she drifted to sleep.

Nova turned, throwing her legs over the side of her bed and her feet padded softly across the hardwood of her bedroom floor as she crossed over it and into the cold-tiled bathroom. She turned the handle of her shower, letting the hot water crash against the floor as she stripped out of yesterday's slept-in dress. The room had completely filled with steam by the time Nova lazily discarded the light-blue material lazily in the corner. A sigh escaped her when she finally stepped beneath the pouring, scalding water. She hoped that it would wash away all the bad feelings that had finally begun to show on her.

The cold air hit her like a thousand icicles. Small droplets of water slid down her glistening skin and dropped onto the tile, pooling around her feet. Nova stood before the sink, arms stretched out as her hands gripped either side of the counter, gripping so tight that her knuckles had started to whiten from lack of blood flow. Her head had dropped tiredly, staring into the porcelain bowl sink, and she sucked in slow, deep breaths. Pomegranate-scented hair curtained around her, hiding her face, dripping drops of water into the sink and Nova would watch them slowly cascade downward and into the drain. She began to feel a little bit similar to the droplets of water, sliding down the clean surface and to their eventual end. But she ignored those knawing feelings inside her and instead raised her head, taking one final breath before squaring her shoulders and forcing a smile on her tired face. And she smiled again... and again... and again.

She stood there, for an hour maybe, practicing the same motions over and over. Practicing until she could trick even herself into believing that the smile was real.

Nova dressed rather quickly, having already made herself late. She barely looked at the clothes she pulled from the shelves and hangers before sliding into them. A denim miniskirt had been buttoned down the front of her, and covering her arms was a cherry-printed cardigan that Nova had thrown over her bra, and nothing more. On her way out of the room, she grabbed her old and dirty black converse from the corner and put them on while she descended the winding staircase.

When she stopped by the kitchen, still lacing her old shoes, she found that her medicine had not yet been put out for her. Likely because Nolan was still in his room, asleep. He, or anyone, wasn't used to seeing Nova out of bed before daybreak.

So, Nova looked through the cabinet herself and found the familiar orange bottle. She poured one of the pills into the palm of her hand and quickly threw it into her mouth, before washing it down with a few gulps of the bottled water she'd just pulled from their freshly stocked refrigerator. Whenever their dad was expected to be home the fridge remained full.

She made her way into the foyer and near the door, the sound of Lincoln's voice echoing in the long hallway behind her, made Nova stop before she could lay her hand atop the golden door handle. Her shoulders sagged and she turned to look over her shoulders with saddened eyes. She remembered everything she said to him yesterday, and it hadn't been fair. Nova knew all that she had blamed him for was not his fault. And she knew she should apologize ━ she wanted to apologize. Nova bit the inside of her lip nervously, watching the shadow of her dad in the hall, moving in a pacing motion, and then she once again turned her back to it and opened the large oak door in front of her. Deciding that she just didn't have the time for the, I'm sorries, right now.

Quietly she latched the door behind her and made her way to the vehicle parked on the far end of the driveway.

The road was mostly empty that morning, making the drive a lonely one. Only the small hums of Nova's Bluetooth music playing through the speakers drowned out the silence inside the vehicle. Though as she passed each stoplight and stop sign her stomach began to tightly knot. Nova chewed nervously on her lip as she turned on the blinker for the final time and turned into the large parking lot, labeled with a sign reading, Visitor Parking.

She looked onward at the browning brick building. Windows were covered by iron bars and a gate around them that lit up with electric and barbed wire. She'd never been in the visiting part of this place before. She'd never been to this place before, ever. Whenever they'd have to pass this place when Nova was a kid she'd look away in terror, but always comforted by her mother's hand reaching past her seat to hold onto the young girl's hand, squeezing tight to remind her that she was safe.

Nova didn't have that with her today. Her mom was not here to offer her hand and to tell her everything was going to be alright. She was scared and no one was there to help her through it.

If she weren't so afraid right now, Nova might have to laugh. It was almost funny what her life has become. Should someone have told her six months ago that this would be her life — that this would be how she'd spend her summer months, Nova would have laughed at them, she might've even called them crazy. Because six months ago, the idea of Nova Scott, Kook Princess, running around with a group of misfit Pogues was insane. Six months ago Nova Scott was still dating Kelce and walking the halls of her Acadamy like she owned the halls. To think that she'd ever have fallen in love with one of the dirty, misfit Pogues was impossible.

And to suggest that she'd have fallen for two of the dirty, misfit Pogues, was completely asinine.

Nova pushed those thoughts away quickly. She couldn't think about the way her heart was tearing in half, right down the middle, because it was giving itself to two different people. There was too much else to worry about. Her heart was to be put on the back burner of important matters.

When she heard the loud engine cut beside her, Nova sighed and stepped out of her vehicle, stopping to smooth her skirt when her feet touched the uneven road. She looked up and suddenly froze. Her eyes widened and she couldn't help but take him in. Restraining from biting hard into her lip as she did so.

With a toothpick between his teeth, he smirked, hands sliding into the tight pockets of his cuffed blue jeans that his white t-shirt was tucked thoughtlessly into. His black converse shoes were dirty and scuffed, worn one too many times, it seemed. But JJ didn't care. His hair was pushed back, touselled by the winds of speeding down the road on his old dirtbike.

JJ Maybank looked like a daydream. The kind of boys from the old movies that you spend your young years fantasizing over. The kind of boy that makes you pause your tv on that one scene and you swear that you'll marry him someday.

Feeling her breath catch in her throat, Nova coughed, stepping forward quickly.

"Hey, James Dean!" she called, feigning a look of annoyance by rolling her eyes. "You're late..."

JJ's eyebrows furrowed when he turned to look at Nova, taking the toothpick out of his mouth he held it between two fingers, turning it around and around, he grinned, amused, "James Dean?"

"You're dressed like a fifties greaser," Nova told JJ, stopping before him, and giving him a quick, innocent look over. "Seriously, what're you wearing? We're at a prison."

JJ knew where they were. Nova didn't have to remind him. This visit had been his idea. It'd been his call that caused her phone to vibrate on the pillow beside her, waking her up from a restless sleep. He'd told her they needed to do something ━ needed a plan, and apparently, for that, they needed to see John B, and talk to him. Nova was hesitant, unsure if it'd even be allowed. They weren't his lawyers, and he was suspected of murder.

Nova also wasn't sure if she wanted to see the prison. What if the images were worse than the ones already in her head? She'd never been inside a prison. But she'd seen the movies. She knew about the bright orange jumpsuits and the criminals being weighed down with metal cuffs and chains. Nova wasn't sure if she was ready to see John B. like that or in a place like the movies. It hurt her chest even thinking about it.

But she agreed to go with JJ. Because despite how afraid she was of this place or how afraid she was to see John B. locked away inside of it. Nova had to see him. If she didn't, she might be able to convince herself that this wasn't happening. And knowing that she wouldn't be alone, that JJ would be there too, she wasn't as afraid as usual.

JJ scoffed, shaking his head at Nova, "Like you have any room to talk," he laughs. "I mean, look at you!"

With a confused look on her face, Nova furrowed her eyebrows and looked down at her thrown-together outfit. Despite it being picked in less than three minutes, she thought it was alright enough for the occasion.

"What're you talking about?" she asked him, looking up accusingly. "My outfit's fine."

"Oh yeah, for sure," JJ grinned, amusement twinkling in his blue eyes. "Everyone wears tight, little skirts to visit a prison."

Instantly, Nova reached down and clutched the ends of her skirt in her fists and tugged it downward, attempting to lengthen the already cut denim fabric. JJ watched, laughing now, making Nova's cheeks heat up to a bright red.

"This might be hard to believe," she rolled her eyes, annoyed at the enjoyment he was getting from this. "But I've never actually been inside of a prison before."

"Oh, I figured that," said JJ, absolutely serious. "But worry not, for I am an expert at this," he assured her, eyes still lingering on her skirt that she continued to tug at. "You'll be walking alongside the master."

"I'm not sure if you want to brag about that," she mumbled.

JJ grinned before turning back around, moving toward the concrete steps that'd take them inside, and making sure to keep ahold of her skirt, Nova followed close behind him.

Making sure to keep close, Nova followed JJ through the heavy painted-blue door. She didn't understand why it'd been painted blue. As if that was the color of their prison mascot or something. She'd hoped to be greeted by cool air when stepping in from outside of the humid air. But she was greeted with no such kindness. The air was just as damp and humid inside the small, smelly place as it was outside under the scorching sun. She cringed as she let the door fall closed behind her, already feeling hot and sticky in the damp humidity.

Her gaze wandered around the small room. Old, blue chairs lined the walls and sat in rows in the middle of the old, cracking tile floors. There was only one other person in the room, and they were too engulfed with the outdated magazine in their hands to notice Nova and JJ walk inside.

The ceilings were high, and in the center of it was a vent with colored tinsel tied to the metal bars.  The shiny strings blew under the flow of warm, still air. The cement walls had been painted white, but over the years have become stained a yellowing color. Unknown stains covered the floor and some of the cushioned seats. Sounds of music played through an old, staticy radio sitting on a table between two hard, plastic chairs. Nova couldn't make out any of the words being sung under the sound of static.

But the sound of the whirring vending machines drowned out most of the static sound. Filled with outdated snacks and drinks, Nova wondered when the last time one of them had been refilled was. As the packaging for some of the refreshments and small bags of chips were no longer being. One of three snack machines had a large, handwritten note, reading in bold, sharpie letters, 'OUT OF ORDER!' which didn't surprise Nova any. She was surprised anything in this aged building was in order.

JJ didn't seem at all phased. Raising the large headphones that had rested around his neck to cover his ears, he made his way toward the front desk where they were made to sign in under the Visitor Log Sheet. Nova's eyebrows furrowed as she signed her name in the drying ink. No other names but her and JJ. No other visitors.

"I'm here to see John B. Routledge," shouted JJ over his loud playing music, dropping the clipboard back onto the desk that separated them and a tan-unformed prison guard.

Nova sighed, shaking her head. She turned away from JJ, taking a few steps away from him, not wanting to be involved or associated with his behavior. But the guard didn't seem surprised by the behavior, mostly annoyed.

The older, greying man motioned to his ears and pointed to his mouth, telling JJ to remove the headphones and throw away the toothpick. JJ grinned widely at the gestures and shook his head, pointing to the headphones blaring music so loud that Nova could hear it from the center of the room.

"No, man, I can't hear a word of what you're tellin' me," JJ laughed loudly, "These things are on full blast," he continued to taunt the guard and annoy Nova. "But what I said was, I am here to see John B. Routledge!"

Nova sighed behind him, crossing her arms over her chest. She turned away from him. Sometimes it was hard to be around him. Sometimes JJ was too much. And right now, was one of those times.

She was embarrassed by him. If she'd known he was planning to behave in such a way she wouldn't have agreed to do this with him. In fact, she was supposed to be staying away from him. He knew that which is why it confused Nova when he called to ask her to tag along with him. It was like he brought her here just to push her away. To prove some kind of point to her.

"He said to take the goddamn headphones off, JJ!" Nova surprised even herself when she reached up and pulled the headphones off JJ, with the music still blaring.

She looked at him with ice in her eyes. The glare was cold on him, like being stabbed with a million shards of ice. But he didn't let her see him falter, as he kept his usual sideways grin on his lips. He took the toothpick out of his mouth so he could talk to her.

JJ pretended to pout, jutting his bottom lip out, "You're no fun."

"And you're being an idiot!" she snapped at him. "At least try to take all this a little serious, okay?"

He nodded, putting the headphones back around his neck and turning off the music, but she knew he wasn't going to listen. JJ wasn't finished. With the toothpick still held between two fingers, he turned back toward the officer, grinning widely again.

"Wow, I mean, I thought this was a free country, but I, uh, I guess you don't like freedom much, do ya, cupcake," JJ's eyebrows raised in a suggestive manner as his gaze moved over the high-security systems and bar-covered windows. "

Without any kind of warning, the guard moved out from behind the desk and he took a handful of JJ's shirt as he pushed him through the doorway and hard into the stone walls painted an ugly white.

"He's a minor! Officer, stop he's a minor!"

Nova heard herself yelling over the rapidly beating heart inside her chest. She'd somehow managed to slide herself between the cop and JJ, hands raising to show surrender and her eyes wide and terrified.

The guard didn't immediately step down. Though his hold on JJ fell he still towered over him and now Nova, fists clenched tightly at his sides. He refused them any moving room, making Nova have to completely press herself into JJ. She felt his hand wrap around her wrist, he held it tightly just in case he'd need to move her out of the way should the guard actually choose to start swinging on him.

Though despite this, JJ's smirk never left his lips. His eyes danced with pride as he managed to get the reaction he wanted from the guard. The only thing that stopped him from continuing was Nova now putting herself in the crossfire.

"All I'm saying is, you don't want to do anything stupid, do you?" said Nova, attempting to keep the shake out of her voice as she spoke calmly to the red-faced guard before her. "You want to risk a job because some kid made a few stupid jokes?"

The old man didn't get a chance to answer before another voice, a woman's voice sounded from down the hall, "The girl's right," the woman rounding the corner caught the other guard's attention, and he stepped away, though only slightly. "And trust me, this kid," she narrowed her eyes in JJ's direction as if she knew him. "This kid isn't worth it."

JJ shifted beneath Nova, making her take a step forward, and another one, allowing some actual space between the two of them. She turned to watch him, his head had turned and he grinned at the dark-haired woman standing a few feet away from them, wearing the same color uniform as the man who was just about to kill JJ.

"Good to see you, Plumb," he sounded enthusiastic, once again twirling the toothpick between his fingers. "It's just nice to have something to chew on, you know?"

He was trying to taunt the woman.

But she wasn't like the older guy, Officer Plumb wasn't biting the bait, "Take off the hat, JJ," she ordered him, no hint of emotion in her tone. "And empty your pockets."

"Yes, ma'am," smirked JJ.

Of course! Of course, they knew each other. Nova didn't know why it surprised her so much. JJ was probably around here a lot. With his dad always locked away or by landing himself in some kind of thoughtless trouble. These guards ━ the police on the island, they were all on a first-name basis with JJ.

When they finished emptying their belongings at the front desk, Officer Plumb took them back through the long, loud hallways. Heavy, metal doors lined either side of the wall. There were small block windows at the top of each door. She could hear the prisoners inside their cells. And she didn't like it. Eventually, one side of the wall fell into windows, looking into a common's area, likely where the visitors go to sit with their loved ones, or journalists go to prod some murderer, lawyers will meet with their clients. And then she saw him.

Well, she saw the back of his head. But it was still enough to make her throat go dry and her chest clench. It took everything in her to not let out a sob right then and there. Even now, at just the slightest glance at the back of his head, his hold on her was still indescribable.

"Hey!"

Nova jumped back into JJ when a large hand hit the small window on behind a cell door on the other side of the hall. Seconds later a man's face appeared. He was grinning, showing off his dark, yellow teeth. His eyes were sunken in and he laughed at the sight of terror in Nova's eyes. His expression held a menacing glow and his gaze locked on the girl standing right beside his door.

"You're a pretty one, aren't you?" his voice was low and dry, and it made Nova want to puke, yet she couldn't bring herself to even look away from him. "Why don't you come in here and join me for a while?"

At the suggestion, Nova's nose crinkled in disgust, and again she felt her wrist being grabbed, but this time she was actually moved, now standing on the other side of JJ. He'd put himself between the man and Nova. And refused to acknowledge the anger now present in the criminal's tone as he yelled a string of threats JJ's way.

JJ's hold on Nova's wrist loosened and fell slightly away but not before he carefully laced his fingers through her own. And Nova didn't pull away. Because despite everything in her wishing he didn't, JJ had a hold on her too.

The moment didn't last long at all. Seconds later Officer Plumb stopped them, turning around, and JJ and Nova released their small hold on one another, though both feeling the slight chill that had been left in the wake of their touch.

"You have five minutes," she told them.

Nova nodded, despite not being able to understand how that small amount of time could be considered fair for anyone to visit with someone. But she didn't argue and she and JJ started for the round metal table. She could feel her hands starting to shake at her sides, and she sighed quietly when she finally was able to sit down on the bench directly across from him.

It was silent for a moment. None of them knew what to say. None of them knew how to start this kind of conversation. All of them were outside of their comfort zone. Well, except maybe JJ, since he'd let his head fall toward the metal table top and began chuckling quietly.

Not long after John B. joined in on the laughter. Nova didn't. Unable to see what about this was so funny.

"I really thought it was going to be me, man," said JJ in-between breaths, finally lifting his head to look at his best friend who sat across from him.

"Yeah, I did too," John B. admitted.

They continued to laugh with one another, confusing Nova. She understood laughing out the pain. She knew better than anyone that sometimes you have to laugh to get through the day. But she also knew they were wasting time. They needed to find a way to get John B. out of this place. The longer Nova spent sitting inside there the more she knew that he didn't belong and that he couldn't be here much longer. This place wouldn't be kind to him.

"But it was you..." laughed JJ, close to tears at this point.

"Yeah, well, I welcome you to my humble abode," John B. joked, gesturing around the empty room.

JJ shook his head, pretending to be impressed, "Look, when you said you had a new apartment, I had no idea that this was it."

"Yeah, it uh..."

John B. tried to keep the joke running, but his words failed him, and the light from the laughs slowly began to fade from his eyes.

But JJ was hellbent on keeping his spirits high, "It's cozy!"

"Yeah, you could say that..."

"A little aluminum theme," JJ kept going.

"I do like the cold, dark ━ "

"Alone?" JJ said for him. "Kind of depressing?"

John B. nodded, saying nothing else.

It was done. The joke was over. He'd come back to reality where Nova was waiting for him.

John B's gaze turned back to her, eyes soft, and he was doing his best to put on a brave face for her, "Hey."

And she crumpled.

"I am so sorry," she breathed a sigh of relief as the words she'd been holding in fell from her tightly-sealed lips. It was like catching your first breath of air after jumping from a high dive. It was a relief, but also sadness and regret. "John B, I should have ─ I'm sorry I couldn't do more to help you."

She didn't mean to make this about herself, but she had to get the words out, they were scratching at her throat, clawing their way up her windpipe, searching for a way out.

His eyebrows furrowed, and he shook his head, repeating the word, no, over and over again in a whisper, "Nova ━ Nova, hey, look at me... look at me..."

Ever so slowly, Nova lifted her gaze until her watery eyes met his. She sighed beneath his stare, feeling a sudden calm fall over her. With him, she always felt safe. John B. was the shelter in her personal storm. Even now, when weighed down by chains and cuffs, he was still her safety net ━ her home.

And it killed her because hadn't been the same for him. Nova had been the storm that wrecked his life. So, when she looked at him, all she felt was guilt.

"We're gonna get through this," John B. assured her, nodding his head with wide, sure eyes. He sounded so confident that she almost found herself believing him. "I promise you, we'll find a way out of this."

Nova nodded. She tried to match the surety in John B's eyes, but she knew that she was failing at doing so. Because she wasn't sure, not about anything. Everything was falling apart. And Nova wasn't sure if she would be able to find a way to put all the broken pieces together again.

So badly she wanted to reach across this table and touch him. To take his hand. He wanted the same. Nova was sure that if she was just able to feel him, even if for a second, it'd heal all wounds. All her doubts would be gone and questions answered. If only she could touch him.

"And we're going to get you out of this, which is why we didn't come to sit and chitchat," said JJ, talking quietly as he looked over his shoulder at the guard watching them from the corner of the room. "Look, we're on the clock," he leaned across the table, whispering carefully. "We're here for one reason, and one reason only."

Nova and John B. shared looks of confusion.

"And what's that?" asked Nova.

She was almost scared to know the answer by the look of the smile that spread over JJ's face.

"Operation Liberation, baby."

John B. dropped his head, "Oh boy."

"Okay, just hear me out," JJ was quick to quiet him. "Step one, we piss off the cops so badly that they don't see what's coming..." he grinned wickedly. "Taken care of."

"Wait, is that why you were━"

"Yes, yes it is," he smiled proudly, despite having not even heard Nova's full question. JJ turned back to John B, his expression serious, "Step two, at exactly 11 p.m. tonight you're going to have an attack of acute appendicitis."

Nova cracked a smile. She couldn't believe that it had been JJ's stupidity that had conjured up the kind of smile she hadn't spent an hour in the mirror practicing, but it was.

"JJ..." said Nova slowly. "Do you even know what appendicitis is?"

It wasn't that Nova thought JJ was stupid. Because she didn't, at all. It's just there were times, a lot of times when he would say words it was clear he didn't know what meant. She just wanted to be sure that this wasn't one of those times.

"I do, actually, thank you," he rolled his eyes.

He clearly didn't appreciate the doubt.

"Okay," said John B. moving his folded hands to rest on the cold metal table separating them. "Then what is it?"

Now they were ganging up on him.

JJ rolled his eyes, his head turned to John B, completely excluding Nova, "You remember eighth grade?" he asked. Suddenly it was clear why Nova wasn't included, she wasn't there. "The algebra final?"

"Oh, Jesus Christ!" scoffing, John B. leaned away from the table, shaking his head. "You're serious?"

"What happened during the algebra final?" asked Nova curiously. 

"A case of acute appendicitis is what happened, sweetheart," he said cockily. "But here's the thing, you have to sell it. You gotta actually look sick," his head turned as he went back to instructing John B. on the correct way to fake a serious illness. "Do you have any of the ghost face sunblock in here?"

John B. rolled his eyes, again, for the millionth time, "JJ, I'm in jail," he reminded his best friend, motioning to the bar-covered windows around them. "I have ━ I have like a block of soap."

JJ nodded slowly, suddenly remembering where they were and what he was asking. Nova watched as his head dropped and his eyebrows tangled together curiously, creating a small wrinkle at the top of his nose. It was like she could see the ideas running through his brain.

A second later, his head was back up and he was looking at John B. again, "Is the soap here white?"

"Yeah..." John B. sounded hesitant to answer.

"Perfect," JJ waved his hand as if that part of the problem was solved. "You'll want to take some of that and rub it into your face

JJ nodded, grinning, "Perfect," he whispered. "You'll just want to take some of that and rub it into your face really good, okay? You don't want that shit rubbing off when they check your vitals" he instructed quickly and excitedly. "After that, run your hands under cold water for five minutes. After that, you're ready. Showtime, baby. Stumble out and collapse. Once you're down on the ground squealing, they'll rush you to the infirmary. There, you just gotta convince the nurse that sucker's about the burst. Then she'll take her hand, and she's gonna put it right here..."

JJ turned, exposing the side of his torso and the very place where the nurse here would touch John B. should his appendix be about to burst. His ring-covered hand pressed hard against his abdomen. She couldn't look away. It was an extremely detailed explanation. Nova was too stunned to say anything against it, even though she had plenty to say against the plan.

"When she puts her hand here, she pushes down, don't do anything, just lay there..." he said softly and slowly. "It's when she takes her hand off that you let it rip, man. Scream like your life depends on it, like a lobster hitting the pot like you're passing a kidney stone the size of a bowling ball."

Nova cringed at the thought of a bowling ball-size kidney stone.

"Okay, okay, JJ, okay," John B. muttered quietly through his teeth, "I get it, JJ, okay?"

He sighed, they sat quietly as a guard paced behind them. Nova shook her head before letting it drop into her open hands.

She sighed, running her hands along her face and down the back of her head, slicking her hair back, "This is insane..." Nova muttered, shaking her head. "Like, I'm not the only person here that thinks this is insane, right?"

As she looked between John B. and JJ, neither of them said a word to her. Nova's eyes widened in horror.

John B, though hesitant to do so, turned back to JJ, "What next?"

Suddenly, Nova cackled. Hurriedly, she put a hand over her mouth. She couldn't stop, she couldn't control it.

"Holy shit," she managed through a fit of giggles. "Holy shit, you guys are actually going to try and go through with this?"

Again, they both looked at her, but neither of them said a word.

Nova threw her head back, still grinning, but the smile did not meet her tired eyes. When she lowered her gaze again, she shook her head. Never in her life did she think she'd be attempting to break someone out of prison. That was never on her bingo card.

She turned, looking at John B, "You do realize what will happen if you're caught, right?" Nova asked, her eyebrows raised high into her hairline. "John B. it won't matter if you're innocent anymore. You'll be an escaped convict. Then no jury will look at you as innocent!"

"But that's only if I get caught," he tried to assure her.

But it did nothing. John B's word of assurance meant nothing to her at that moment.

"Okay, and if you aren't, what's the plan?" shrugged Nova. "You run for the rest of your life? You hide from the world?" she kept going, not wanting to give either John B. or JJ a chance to interject. "I mean, what's the plan? Run away, get a new identity, and throw John B. Routledge away forever?"

That was exactly their plan. For John B. to run, shedding every part of his identity. Killing John B. Routledge again. Making Nova have to miss him again. She'd have mourn him again.

She knew that he wouldn't be dead. Shedding his namesake isn't the same thing as dying. But Nova had fallen in love with John B. Routledge. And so to lose that, to her, it was a little like him dying. Again.

Nova scoffed, she couldn't do this again.

"Nova, I━"

"I won't do this again, John B," she whispered, tears pooling in her eyes. "It hurts me physically to miss you," absentmindedly her hands moved to grasp at her chest as if remembering the pain that he had once left her with. "I don't want to mourn you again."

He was quiet. Not knowing what to say. Nova had never told John B. of the hurt she felt in his absence. She never told him because she'd foolishly hoped to never have to feel that way again. Yet, here she sat

And so, Nova stands. She wouldn't sit here any longer and listen to how they were going to rid the world of John B. Routledge ━ to send him running to some far-off island to hide away for the rest of his life. She refused to hear the plan of how she was going to lose him again. Because she wasn't going to be a part of it this time.

Before she had any chance to move, John B. caught her hand. He laced their fingers, eyes wide and staring up at her. They glossed with tears just the same as hers. Nova felt that rush of warmth run through her body. She felt a sense of surety wash over her like it always did when she was held by him. Nova wanted to hold onto that feeling forever.

But it just wasn't enough this time.

Nova released a shaky breath. 

"I can't love you on the run, John B."

Her shaking hand releases his. She watches his arm fall limp to his side. Nova's bottom lip begins to tremble and before he can see her cry, she turns away from him. She leaves him there to watch her walk away from him.

They could both feel it. They could feel that pulled them together beginning to wear thin.

Nova didn't look back at John B, not even for a moment. 

A year ago Nova would have been at the beach. Laughing under the black, star-speckled sky. Glowing under the silver light that emitted from the moon. Her body would have glistened with droplets of salt water after playing in the soft crashing waves that the kind winds sent for them. Shadows of the people sitting around the orange glow of the fire would cascade over the cool sand. Laughter and chatter would fill the silence of the night.

That was Nova Scott's life one year ago.

Today she stood beneath a star-speckled sky. The moon above her emitted a soft silver light. The winds still sent the rolling waves crashing into the tide. Her silhouette shadowed the ground she stood on.

But things were different now.

She stood here today without a smile on her face. Her sweater-covered arms crossed over her chest and she paced the wooden pier she'd been instructed to wait on. There would be no chatter and laughter. No orange glow from a fire would warm her. And her skin would not shine with droplets of saltwater after jumping into the crashing waves for fun.

Instead, she would stand with her best friend whose life she felt she'd also stolen. A year ago Sarah Cameron would've been there with Nova. Laughing and splashing in the saltwater just the same. And just like Nova, so much has changed ━ everything was different. Because of Nova. Or, at least, that's how she felt.

"Wheezie should be here soon," said Sarah, nervously pacing the rocking boat, once again looking at her phone that never chimed with a notification.

Nova rested her hand against her collarbone, scratching the bone that lay beneath her skin, "Are we even sure she's going to show up?" she asked, unsure. "I mean, it is Wheezie."

"She told me that she'd be here," said Sarah, trying to mask her doubt with a firm tone, but Nova could see right through her. "She has to be here. She's the only one that knows Rafe wasn't home the day Sheriff Peterkin was killed."

The reminder made Nova wince. Sometimes it felt like she'd never fully washed herself clean of that day. She might still feel the blood on her face and hands. There were days when she still felt like the girl running down crowded sidewalks covered in blood and tears, and no one stopped to ask her if she was okay.

"Yeah, but why is her knowing that useful to us?" asked Nova, rolling her eyes, she turned away from Sarah, letting her head fall. "Your dad will never let her testify, anyway."

"What?" asked Sarah.

Nova turned back around.

She hadn't even thought about that. Sure, Wheezie knows that Rafe wasn't home the day Sheriff Peterkin was killed. But what good would that information do if she wasn't going to take the stand in court?

"Sarah, Wheezie is a minor, and still under your dad's care," Nova told her shrugging, as if suggesting that this was all obvious information, and it was to any rational thinker. "Your dad can decide if Wheezie takes the stand or not," she said. "And I really don't see him letting your sister tell an entire jury that the story they made up for Rafe is a complete sham."

Sarah furrowed her eyebrows, "What's going on with you?"

"What're you talking about?"

"You aren't ━ you're acting like you're already giving up."

Nova shrugged. She might have. Everything in her still wanted to save John B. ━ to prove his innocence to everyone. But what would it matter? After tonight, he'd kill himself to go into hiding.

At least, that's what she took from the plan JJ had conjured up for him.

"It won't matter," whispered Nova, making Sarah suddenly confused. "All the evidence and witnesses we find, none of it will matter after tonight."

Sarah stepped forward, arms crossed over her chest and eyebrows furrowed, "Nova..." she said slowly. "What're you talking about?"

"John B's going to attempt a prison break tonight," she admitted.

Her jaw fell and eyes widened. Sarah coughed and blinked about a hundred times within a few seconds. Her mouth moved like she was going to say something but no words came out.

"If he succeeds, none of this will matter, he'll be a criminal no matter what," Nova shrugs, willing herself to not cry. Not over this. Not again. "And John B. Routledge will be gone ━ nonexistent ━ dead. Clearing his name will mean nothing anymore."

"Holy shit!"

Nova sighed, "Tell me about it."

She bit down on the inside of her lip. Hard enough for blood to start seeping through the sore skin and filling the inside of her mouth. Nova hated the irony taste, always had. She never how or why she picked up this disgusting habit of biting through her lip. Why couldn't she be like everyone else and chew her fingernails?

Sighing, Sarah looked at her best friend. She could see the hurt in her face. She'd lose him again. More this time than before. Because at least he still had his name. At least he was still John B. Routledge, the boy she loved.

After this, he'd be someone else. A complete stranger.

"Nova, I━"

The wooden pier squeaked. They stopped talking, heads turning toward the sound. Nova and Sarah recognized the quiet noise. The rotting wood had made the same sound when they'd stepped from it and onto the sailboat.

Sarah looked at Nova, eyebrows raised. Nova shrugged. They stepped forward.

"Wheezie?" Sarah called out, leading the way down the boat, past the ropes and sail, "Is that you?" she held onto her side, where she was shot, Nova watched her do so as she followed closely behind. "Wheeze?"

Nova was surprised. She wasn't expecting anyone to actually show up. She thought that Ward would have his youngest daughter on house arrest, keeping her away from the possibility of Sarah trying to reach out to her. Afraid of the possibility that Sarah would be able to recruit Wheezie to the enemy's side.

Sarah stopped abruptly, making Nova slam into her backside, causing a loud huff to escape her lips.

She backed up, rubbing her chest, and that's when she noticed him.

"Nah, not Wheezie," he shrugged.

Nova moved back up, taking Sarah's hand in hers. She was already shaking.

"Where the hell is Wheezie?" Sarah demanded.

"Don't worry about it."

Rafe looked around himself, taking in his surroundings, and then stepped forward, "Listen..." Sarah backed into Nova, she too took a step back, Rafe noticed this. "It's all good. I... I just..." he waved his hand, trying to find the right words to say, "I just ━ I needed to talk to you, like, a little bit."

He took another step.

"Don't!" Nova warned him, holding her hand out as she crossed in front of Sarah. "Don't come any closer."

"See? This ━ this," he looks stressed as he moved a hand over Nova and Sarah. "When you two do this, it affects me, okay?" Rafe tells them. He's gritting his teeth, trying to keep himself composed. "You guys don't... you guys don't think of that, do you?"

"You shot me, Rafe!"

Nova cringed inward as Sarah shouted loud over her shoulder.

Rafe sighed, rolling his eyes as if it wasn't fair ━  like Sarah was pulling up some arbitrary reasoning for being mad at him. Nova could've laughed if she wasn't so scared of having Rafe's hands wrapped around her neck again, trying to choke the air out of her lungs.

"That's it, right?" he asked, waving his hands dramatically. "It's... it's always my fault, right?" he repeated his words, and he started to pace the deck of the boat. "Like, uh, you know... I want to keep what's mine, that I got by my work, and I'm the bad guy for trying to ━ trying to hold onto it?"

"None of it belongs to you, Rafe!"

Suddenly Rafe stopped. His eyes narrowed at Nova.

"You," he pointed at her.

Nova watched him, she could see it in his eyes and hear it in the growl of the tone he used to speak to her, Rafe Cameron hated her.

He took in a sudden breath, breathing in quickly and sharply. He released slowly through his flared nostrils. The hate left his eyes, but the crazy was still there. He was trying to calm himself down. It did seem like Rafe really did come here to try and talk to his sister. But it wasn't going the way he wanted. They were testing his patience. And already it was already starting to wear thin.

Rafe couldn't let them know that though, and so, he stepped toward the girls again, and in response, they took another step back, "Sarah, the cops are going to talk to you," he told her, making his sister furrow her brows in confusion, "And Nova..."

She was surprised to his attention turned to her, she'd already gone to the cops, they know her side of the story, they just don't believe it.

"... you should talk to your dad too," Rafe suggested, his tone surprisingly calm. "We just ━ we just need to make sure that our stories are straight with everyone, because..."

"Because..?" Nova interrupted him, drawing out his last word in the form of a question. "Rafe, you killed Sheriff Peterkin!"

She almost didn't remind him. Because she remembered what happened the last time she said those words to him. The bruises around her neck took weeks to start healing.

"She's right. Our stories are straightened out," Sarah's voice shook, but her stare remained hard as she looked up at her brother. He shook his head, unable to accept this ━ unable to hear his sister go against him, again. "You have to listen to me, Rafe, this would go so much better for you if you would just ━"

He turned toward them again, this time moving closer, putting his face in theirs, "Who are you guys trying to protect here? Huh?"

"We're trying to do the right thing," Sarah told him.

"Sarah..." said Rafe slowly and softly. "You guys doing the right thing is the reason that you got shot. It's the reason why Nova nearly drowned," Nova's eyes widened, she hadn't known, it never crossed her mind that Rafe had been the one to nearly drown her and Kiara. "Because you keep letting Nova choose John B. and not her real people!"

"John B. might get the death penalty because of your crazy ass!"

Rafe moved to lunge at her.

"Stop it! Rafe, stop!" Sarah yelled, putting her arm out, stopping Rafe from reaching Nova. "Don't touch her!"

"That!" he yelled in his little sister's face. Quickly though he stood up straight, taking a step away from them, "That is exactly what I'm talking about," Rafe gasped for a breath, his chest heaving slightly, he was faltering, it wouldn't be able to keep up with this for much longer. "You know?" he asked, finding a place to sit, running his shaking hands along his sweat-drenched face. "You always choose Nova before me. You let her control you!"

Nova furrowed her eyebrows.

"She is my best friend, Rafe," Sarah plead with him to understand.

But it was no use. He never would.

Rafe shook his head, "Don't shake your head," he told Sarah. "You're doing it now."

"Sarah cares about you, Rafe," said Nova, her voice calm and even, she had to keep calm, she couldn't let the situation escalate anymore. She was scared for Sarah. "You're her big brother. You're her family..."

But he just shakes his head, mumbling the word, no, over and over again as his gaze shifts between Nova and Sarah, who now stand beside one another, "No, she doesn't just choose you over me," Rafe whispers, his hateful gaze returning to Sarah, "You choose Nova over us. Your family, Sarah. And you let her pit you against us."

Sarah had little she could say. She just stood there, shaking her head, shaking. Neither of them knew what Rafe was going to do.

"You, dad always takes your side, right?" he asks, standing up from the crate that he'd been using for a seat. "Cause you're gonna cry in front of him like you cried in front of me..." his lips curled, and he moved to step toward her, but refrained, "You listen to me, Sarah, I'm a proactive type of person. And we have a problem, and I gotta solve that problem tonight, do you understand?"

his voice began to shake and the facade of calmness disappeared completely. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

Nova pushed Sarah, "Go!" she hissed. "Run!"

And she did, Sarah ran.

But Rafe was hellbent on being the perfect child for his father. And nothing was going to keep him from solving the problem that plagued his family. Right now, that problem was Sarah, and Nova was the thing in his way.

"Rafe you have to ━"

There was the sound that echoed over the empty night air. Then her head turned sharply to the left. And then the burning started. Growing slowly to cover the entirety of the right side of her face.

Nova stumbled back. She hadn't even seen him do it. Her hand reached to cup the cheek that felt as if it'd been set aflame. Then slowly, it ran down her face, her fingers tracing lightly over her bottom lip. She already knew though. The familiar taste of iron fell into her mouth, and now, as she drew back her shaking hand, blood coated the tips of her fingers.

He'd slapped her.

And her stunned eyes lifted to find Rafe.

He seemed just as surprised. Flexing his right hand. Nova watched the class ring on his finger gleam beneath the moonlight. That's what cut through her lip. She continued cleaning the blood off her chin, though refusing to take her eyes off him.

Rafe hadn't been planning to hit her. He'd just wanted to talk. But Nova, she always made things so hard for him. And sometimes, he just couldn't stop himself.

"Jesus, Nova, you can never just mind your own fucking business, can you?"

Nova said nothing. Knowing that if she did it'd just make things worse for her. Her fingers still lightly traced over her burning cheek, reminding herself of the pain, so that she wouldn't get too brave.

"We have been nothing but good to you, Nova Scott," Rafe hissed, backing her against a stack of wooden crates. "We treated you like family ━ we were your family!" he grabbed her by the chin and roughly turned her head so that she was made to look at him. "And yet, you go and choose trash over us."

"You've pointed a gun at my head, you choked me... " Nova reminded him. "You fucking tried to drown me!"

"Those were accidents!"

Nova shook her head the best she could in his grasp.

"You're dad's using you, Rafe," she had to force herself to swallow the blood pooling in her mouth. "I mean, if this goes badly for him, do you ━ do you really think he's taking the blame?" Nova shook her head. "He's using you because he thinks that you're an idiot."

Rafe's head turned upward as his jaw clenched tightly. His dry laugh scared Nova, and his eyes, when he turned them back down to her, they held absolutely nothing in them. No kind of feeling. They were blank. As if he'd completely erased himself.

"And why would I believe anything said by you, a used up, bipolar, whore," he whispered menacingly, his lifeless eyes staring right through her. He'd known her long enough to know where to hit to hurt. "Just like your mommy."

"Fuck you! You fucking psychopath!"

And Nova spit. Splattering bloody saliva all over his face. His entire body went stiff.

Nova knew what this meant for her. She just stopped caring.

Rafe smiled. His hand slid torturingly slow from her chin to the back of her head, where he gripped a fistful of her hair.

"You fucking whore!"

He turned her around harshly. And slammed her head down against the wooden crate.

"Crazy bitch!"

He did it again. This time harder.

Nova was preparing herself for the third time. But instead, he yanked back, forcing her head upward. She was looking at the sky. Barely. Her vision was blurry. She was crying. And her head pounded. He had to have cracked her skull.

"You don't get to treat me like like this!" he said through his barred teeth. "Apologize."

Instead, Nova laughed. She couldn't stop.

"Fucking daddy's boy."

And the third time finally came.

A hurricane. That's what it felt like. It was the only word she could describe to fit. The world spun too fast, her brain drowned, and in the wake of catastrophe lay the debris that once made her whole.

Nova coughed, blood splattered onto the once spotless boat floor. She was on all fours. Her eyes closed tight as her muscles clenched and pain shot up her spine and pounded on the walls of her skull.

She'd try to blink. Everything was blurry. Small black spots filled small parts of her vision. She felt light-headed like she wanted to pass out. Even if she already had. Nova didn't remember what happened after the third time her head was slammed into the wooden crate. She felt the sensation of falling but didn't remember hitting the ground. And yet, that's exactly where she ended up. Maybe she had passed out, maybe it's been hours. Or it's been a few seconds. Time didn't exist anyway. And to think too hard about it made Nova's head spin faster than it already was.

Nova didn't know where Sarah was. She didn't know if Rafe had gotten to her or if she managed to escape. Unlikely, since Nova hadn't been able to hold him off for very long. The bastard was strong. Crazy strong.

She giggled at her own, silent joke. But even giggling made her head pound, and she winced.

With a sigh, Nova collapsed on her back. She listened to the chirping of crickets. And she watched the silvery stars twinkle above her in the velvety night sky. She smiled, but only slightly when a soft breeze blew past her, carrying the scent of the salty, ocean water.

It really was a perfect night. Peaceful, even. This being the last thing she'd ever see wouldn't be so terrible.

And then, all of a sudden, a face appeared above hers, ruining the peace she had just started to find.

"Kelce?"

Nova furrowed her eyebrows. Was she in hell?

She pulled herself up quickly and squeezed her eyes shut, willing nausea away, "What the hell are you doing here?"

He looked over her face, dark eyebrows furrowed and a worried look in his eyes, "Rafe did this?"

"How do you..." Nova stopped, suddenly confused. "You know Rafe did this to me?"

"You're brother, I guess was cleaning his boat when he heard Sarah scream," Kelce shook his head, the words sounded almost foreign on his tongue. "He said — he said that Rafe was trying to drown Sarah. He was trying to kill her, or something," he told Nova, and her stomach dropped, Rafe had gotten to Sarah.

"Wait. Wait..." Nova stopped him, shaking her head. "Sarah's okay, right?" she asked, eyes wide with worry and panic. "You seen her? She's okay?"

Kelce nodded, "Yeah, yeah, she's alive, he's with her now," he assured quickly, though he still looked to be a little shaken up. "Nova..." his voice was slow and he quieted to a whisper. "If I hadn't had already been here — if I wasn't on my dad's boat... Nolan was going to kill him, you know? I had to pull him off Rafe."

Nova didn't say anything. Her gaze found its way back to the sparkling, black sky.

They both had their demons. Nova and Nolan. But they had been laying dormant until the death of their mom. While Nova was spending her days in a mental health rehabilitation center, Nolan was figuring out ways to release all that pent-up aggression inside him. Most of the time it was on his classmates. He spent a lot of time that semester suspended. Lincoln had tried to get him into boxing or other kinds of mixed martial arts in hopes of finding a healthier outlet, but nothing worked. Nolan was an angry. He hadn't known how to help his mom. And now he doesn't know how to help his little sister. Nolan felt powerless.

Then, Nova was diagnosed. And Nolan stopped, completely. No more fights. But that rage still lived inside him. Nova's seen it, a time or two, trying to find its way out. She didn't doubt that Nolan would've killed Rafe Cameron had he not been stopped.

And he might still kill him.

"What the hell is going on?"

Nova turned her head back over to Kelce. He'd sat fully on the ground beside her. He shook his head and breathed out a long breath.

"It's a long story," she whispered.

Not all the hours in a day would give Nova the time she needed to explain this summer. It couldn't be explained. Not to anyone. Because they wouldn't understand. Sometimes, Nova didn't understand just what she'd gotten herself into.

Kelce looked at her and nodded. He wished he knew. Wished that he knew what it was that happened this summer that had changed Nova into someone completely new. It was like he'd never met her before. She wasn't the girl he knew just six months ago. Still attached at the hip with Sarah, that never changed, and he doubted it ever would. But everything else, the way she talked and even smiled. It was all different.

Nova Scott had not only become a stranger to herself. But she's become a stranger to everyone in her past life as well.

With a sigh, he stood up. Kelce reached a hand down to her and she looked up at him with confusion in her eyes, "Come on," he nodded, urging her to take his hand. "Let's go find the other two."

So, she took his hand, letting him carefully pick her up off the ground, though the small, light movements were still enough to make her head spin and for her stomach to churn.

Kelce stopped when she was standing, he looked at her, eyes once again scanning her face, "You're bleeding."

He rolled his eyes, turning to stand beside her. As they hobbled down the wobbly boat, his arm looped under his shoulder so that she could rest her weight on him.

This was weird for her. Nova never would've guessed that it'd been Kelce to have found her bloody and bruised on the floor of a random boat. She never would've thought he'd be the one helping her off it, all but carrying her toward the dock. Sometimes she'd forget that before she hated Kelce, and swore to never forgive him for breaking her heart, they had been friends.

They'd grown up together.

"Jesus Christ, Nova!"

Instantly, she was pulled into someone else's arms. He squeezed her tight, lifting her off the ground. Nova winced, her brain pointing against her skull and now, suddenly nauseous. But she let him hug her, no matter the pain it caused on the outside.

He had to catch her when he put her back on the ground. She'd stumbled, legs wobbly, and knees buckling. It was too much work, standing by herself. Her head was thumping and the world around her spun too fast, making her constantly dizzy.

Nolan looked at her, a worried expression crossing his face.

"Talk to me, Nova," he told her, taking either side of her face into his hands, eyes roaming to inspect the damages.

She winced, baring her teeth, as the palm of her brother's thumb hovered threateningly over the smaller spot on her forehead, "I'm fine."

There were two spots on her head. A small one toward the middle, mostly in her hairline, coating her hair thickly with blood. The other one was worse. Closer to her temple, there was a large cut, as if her head had been dragged across the wooden crates. She very obviously was not fine.

Nolan nodded. It was clear he didn't believe his little sister. So, again, he grazed his thumb over the cut near her temple, not even touching it enough to get her blood on him. Again, Nova winced, but this time she pushed him backward and stepped back from him. She caught herself, quickly, on the dock's rail, tightly closing her eyes, to hopefully slow the spinning and subside the pounding pain in her skull.

"Christ, Nolan, that fucking hurts!" she yelled at him.

She hurt herself even by just yelling.

"She's concussed if that isn't obvious," sighed Kelce, arms crossed over his chest.

He'd taken to resting his back against the railing opposite from where Nova gripped the wood until her knuckles turned white.

Nova rolled her eyes. She took her phone from her pocket. There were about a hundred missed calls and texts from Kiara. She had to turn down the brightness on her phone to be able to look at the screen, and still, reading the small font of the messages was difficult because it was like they were shaking, and her eyes weren't able to focus on them for long enough to make them still.

She ignored the thumping of her head and the nauseous feeling that arose when she attempted to read as she scrolled down the hundreds of unanswered messages.

Kiara had been kicked out of her house. Pope found a key, whatever that was supposed to mean. And apparently, the prison break didn't go as planned, since JJ somehow managed to break a person, who wasn't John B, out of jail.

Nova ran a hand over her face. She wondered how so many things could go wrong in a day.

With a sigh, she shoved her phone back into her pocket, "I have to go," she told the others, "I should be home soon."

She slowly moved away from the railing, but staggered backward again when caught by her brother, his eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head,

"No," said Nolan, looking at his sister like she was a lunatic. "You aren't going anywhere, not in your condition."

Nova rolled her eyes, "Nolan..."

"He's right, Nova," Sarah chimed in for the first time. Nova looked around her brother and her stomach sank at the sight of her best friend. Soaking wet. Her blonde hair still dripping and the oversized shirt she'd worn stuck to her skin like an extra layer. "You can barely walk, there's no way you'd be able to drive."

She moved away from her brother and went to wrap her best friend in her arms. Sarah was cold and shivering, and Nova could feel the water from Sarah's shirt soak through her own.

"I'll be fine," Nova whispered, pulling away from the hug.

"Nova!"

"I have to see Kiara, Nolan," snapped Nova, once again, making herself wince. "I need to — she needs me, okay?"

"What is it? What's going on?" he asked her.

Nova's eyes slid over to Kelce. He did help her today, but still, she couldn't trust him.

"Please, just take Sarah to the house," she pleaded, growing tired of the argument, and so was Nolan, Nova could tell by his clenched fists. His hands were bloodied and knuckled bruised and scabbed. She could only imagine what Rafe looked like.

Nolan didn't say anything, only clenched his jaw. He hated when Nova was like this. When she refused to listen to him. When she refused to take care of herself.

Sighing, she turned to Sarah, "Make sure that he stays in the house."

Sarah nodded, her gaze slightly shifting to Nolan who had now taken to gripping the wooden rails to the point of cutting off blood flow to his knuckles. They both knew what Nova meant by that. If he was out tonight he'd go find Rafe, and he'd finish the job.

"Please, Nova it isn't safe for you to drive," she stepped forward, taking her best friend by the wrists.

"I can drive her."

Everyone's eyebrows furrowed, and their confused faces turned to look at Kelce, who still stood leaning against the rail beside the sailboat.

"Look, if she really needs to be somewhere, I'll take her," he shrugged, telling them again. "Better than her attempting to drive."

Nova turned to look at Nolan, she shrugged, and he rolled his eyes.

"Look, I'm not planning on committing any murders tonight, okay?" Kelce attempted to lighten the heavy mood that fell over the dock.

No one laughed, and he coughed his own back nervously.

"I'll text you as soon as I'm with Kiara," Nova turned to Nolan, promising quickly.

Still, he didn't say anything.

"Come on," she groaned childishly. "You already know, even if I go home, I'm going to just sneak out."

Nolan sighed, he crossed his arms over his chest, jaw tightening, "Fine."

Nova breathed out a breath of relief. But before she was able to celebrate, he stopped her, pointing a stern finger at her nose, making her eyes widen and go crossed.

"I swear to God, Nova," he warned her. "Nothing dangerous. Not tonight. You can't risk it."

She nodded.

"And for fuck's sake, be careful?"

This time she laughed. So did Sarah.

"Don't talk about killing Rafe, okay?" Nova asked Nolan, looking at Sarah who still stood behind them. "He's still her brother. Psychopath or not."

Sarah hated Rafe for everything he's done. But that was her brother. There was a time when he wasn't all bad. And she longed for that part of him again. She didn't want to see Rafe dead. And Nova didn't want her to have to see that. Because she knew what it was like, looking upon the lifeless body of someone you love.

Nolan nodded, promising his little sister. She believed him too.

"You ready?" asked Nova, turning to Kelce.

He nodded, stepping forward, keys already in hand.

Like before Kelce wrapped an arm under Nova's arms and supported her weight as she hobbled down the wooden boat dock, sometimes laughing when she'd inevitably trip on her own two feet.

Nova turned back to look over her shoulder only to see that Nolan had already said something to put a smile on Sarah's face. A quick relief washed over her at the sight.

And so did a wave of jealousy.

The white cloth was stained red. The cuts burned as pressure was put against them. The blood that had run alongside her face had finally started to dry up. Purple began to show beneath her skin as bruises formed around the scrapes.

Nova sat in an old, white plastic lawn chair. She leaned back, head turned upward, eyes closed, humming quietly to herself as she held a cloth-wrapped bag of frozen corn to her head and a wet napkin to her lip. It was swollen, nastily so. The golden class ring really got her good.

Kelce stood across from her. He was quiet, leaning against the patio post, watching Nova. She'd told him he could go awhile ago. It was late and it wouldn't be long before Kiara was here. Somehow, Nova had managed to reply in the thread of panicked texts. She didn't tell them what happened. Just where they should meet. When they got here, they'd see why Nova was too busy to respond to their string of texts.

But Kelce wouldn't leave her, not alone, he'd tell her. Likely afraid that if anything was to happen to her, Nolan would set his sights on him. He would. But still, Nova really didn't want Kelce standing with her when the others pulled in. They'd ask too many questions. There'd be yelling and talking over one another. It made Nova's head spin just thinking about it.

"I tried getting ahold of you all summer, did you know that?"

Nova peeked open one eye, raising her eyebrows in the direction of Kelce, confused by his sudden confession.

She shook her head, "I didn't," confessed, Nova. "Your number is still blocked in my phone... from before..."

He nodded, having expected the answer. At least he knew she wasn't getting them and choosing not to respond. Though he expected even if she was seeing the messages, she'd ignore them. And he was right.

"There were just days that — that I wanted to check in on you... see how you were doing, you know?" said Kelce, his head dropping shamefully. "Especially after Sarah disappeared, and we all thought that — we thought that maybe..."

"That maybe she'd been kidnapped and died with John B. in the storm?" Nova said coldly, finishing his sentence. He nodded, making her scoff, "Why would you care? You thought — you think that John B's guilty anyway, right?"

Kelce didn't say anything. Though a few hours ago his answer would've been an easy, yes. Then he found Nova, laying bloody on a boat floor. He knew it was Rafe. No question. Nolan Scott wouldn't have been ready to commit his own murder if it hadn't been. He was still confused though. Wondering why. Why would Rafe do this to Nova? Why would he be trying to kill his own sister?

Rumors circulate though. A lot of them were going around the island. Everyone had their own idea of the truth. Some think that Sarah's being drugged, and forced to help in all of this. Others spout some nonsense about the Illuminati and the world's one percent, believing that Lincoln Scott and other government bigwigs are behind this. A lot of people on the island were crazy.

"You know, I was there, right?" Nova asked Kelce. "I was at the airport that day when it happened."

"I know that's what you told the police, and said in your public statement," nodded Kelce.

Nova rolled her eyes, thinking back to the flashing cameras and the hundred-something microphones pointed to her mouth. She wrote a statement for the public. Edited and perfected by her team of lawyers. She was told not to cry. When women cry they are seen as irrational. But she couldn't be too stoic either, or she'd be seen as bitchy and emotionless. It was all a whole lot to remember.

She was told that of all the statements she had the highest amount of interactions. No one told her if they'd been positive or negative interactions though.

"You never loved me like that," said Kelce, changing the subject.

"Like what?"

"Like you love John B,"

Nova didn't know what to say. He was right. And she felt bad that he was. Because she did think that she loved Kelce, at one time. But after John B. everything for her was different. She realized that it wasn't love when she had to convince herself of it.

"With John B. it was just — it was just different," she admitted. "It was real. I never had to convince myself that I loved him. I just knew."

"Do you think that he loves you in the same way?"

Without hesitation, Nova nods, "I know that he does."

"I loved you."

Nova scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"I did! I loved you," Kelce says again.

It felt so long ago. Her relationship with Kelce, felt like it was a distant memory. But it wasn't. Not even a year had passed since everything.

"I just don't think that you can call that love, Kelce," Nova shrugged.

So much had happened between the two of them. So much turmoil. Neither of them really knew how to love one another. Nova wanted to. She wanted them to be in love so badly. So, she created this false sense of love in her head and let herself believe it was real.

"No, I can, because that's what it was," he was getting a little heated — annoyed that Nova was trying to downplay his feelings. "I did love you, Nova," tilting his head back and against the paint-peeling post, he sighed. "I just didn't do it right. I was kinda terrible at it."

He was right. She hadn't been the one who cheated. More than once. But she'd do him a favor and not bring that up. It was a slight favor for herself too, because she hadn't been the best about relationships these days, either.

Nova sighed too, "I'm terrible at it too."

"What do you mean?"

She shook her head. And she laughed. Of all people, Nova wasn't going to talk to Kelce about this. He was not the person she would tell about all of her petty little relationship problems. There might be a decent side to him, after all. But they still weren't friends.

And they still weren't on the same side.

"You have no idea what it feels like to be in love with you," his genuine tone surprised Nova and made her lower her head to look at him.

Kelce had shoved his hands deep into his shorts, and he scuffed his boat shoes against the concrete patio.

She furrowed her eyebrows, confused.

"I was terrified of loving you," said Kelce, sucking a deep breath, as if reliving the memory of falling for her. "It was overwhelming to love you."

"Thank you..?"

If this was his excuse for cheating, it was a terrible one.

He laughed, and shook his head, "It wasn't all bad."

"Still not a compliment," Nova told him.

She didn't know what he was trying to say. And it hurt her too much to think about. Like, real-life, physical pain. As if someone was taking a metal baseball bat to the inside of her skull or pressure washing the back of her eyeballs.

And she still felt like she might vomit.

Nova closes her eyes again and lets her head fall back.

"I think that I ruin people."

Nova was a hurricane. A fascinating sight at first, and then disaster. She spins herself into the lives of the unassuming and ruins everything. Leaving only destruction and tragedy in her wake. She's a natural disaster. People warn others not to get to close to her. She'll pull you right and in, only to spit you back out with nothing. She takes and she takes and never gives. Or she gives too much. Taking every piece of you with her, leaving you empty and alone.

And worst of all, she'll fall for her boyfriend's best friend.

She couldn't see Kelce with her eyes still closed, but she knew that he was shaking his head.

"I don't think that's true," he tells her.

"I think that I love the wrong way," she admits.

Kelce lets out a long sigh, one that's enough to make Nova turn her attention back to him, her eyes once again opening. He's looking at her.

He steps toward her, his eyebrows furrowed, "Nova, you have no idea what it is to be loved by you."

She's just about to ask him what he means by this, but before she gets the chance to even open her mouth, a car's engine sounds not far down the rough terrain of a backroad. They knew it was the others.

"I should probably go," sighs Kelce, knowingly.

Nova nods, agreeing. It'd be best if he was around when they got here.

"Yeah, and uh, thanks for tonight," she tells him, and she means it.

"Remember to keep ice on the bruises."

She wasn't planning to forgive Kelce anytime soon. He still wasn't a good person. But she did see a part of his tonight that reminded her why they were ever friends before.

His jeep is parked in front of them. Nova shields her eyes and covers her ears when the engine roars to life and the bright LED headlights light up the entire yard. She already knows that he's laughing at her.

She sighs in relief when the sound of the engine disappears far down the road and the lights no longer shine on her. Now, just left with silence and her aching head.

Until seconds later another vehicle pulls in front of her, their lights cutting quickly. Three bodies hurry out of the car and toward Nova, all their voices loud and worried as they each try to get the first word.

Finally, it happens. Nova lurches forward, her throat on fire, and she pukes.

"Jesus Christ! what the hell happened to you?"

Nova wipes her chin using the red-stained towel that had been used to clean the blood from her wounds. She looks up through her eyelashes, Kiara, Pope, and JJ all three stand in front of her, watching her worriedly. A chuckle escapes her lips and she shakes her head, she was so out of it that she couldn't place who'd asked her what happened. And then she sighs, letting her tired head fall.

"I'm a freaking hurricane, that's what happened!"

·☼·

( nova's outfit inspirations )

𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘵, 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘵, 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘻𝘪𝘦

·☼·

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞

It's been so long, omg!!

Honestly, for a while, I wasn't in the best of places. My inspiration plummeted. I was always so so so busy. I'd work all day and spend any time off that I had sleeping. The last thing I wanted to do was to write. I didn't want to think or do anything that involved not laying in bed.

That being said, I'm back, and I'm so glad to be back! I've missed you all so much. I've missed Nova and her journey. Which is getting a little bumpy, isn't it? Poor girl.

This chapter has been deleted and rewritten about a dozen times, and it's still boring. I always knew that this wasn't going to be a high-stakes chapter, and I hope I added enough, small moments to recover the boring parts.

I did, to help myself get through this chapter, drop a ton of small, little moments to hint at the future I have planned for this story, and Nova's journey. Do you think you caught any of those hints? Let me know.

&

As always, tell me what you thought of this chapter. What is going on with Nova? The prison visit was pretty intense, wasn't it? Let me know all of your thoughts and theories. Interactions with all of you really keep me going and wanting to put out so I can spill all the secrets I have stored away.

xoxo