Trigger warning - Suicidal thoughts.

~

When I woke up and looked next to me, Newt was gone. It made me slightly sad but I was the one who told him to leave and eventually, I was glad he did, so he wouldn't get himself into problems.

I didn't feel like getting out of my bed at all. I'd rather just lay there for days and grief about Chuck. I always pictured his face from when he died. The saddest thing ever, but I couldn't stop it. I just missed him so much.

~

Third person POV

'Where's Nora?' Newt asked when they all had breakfast together.

'I don't know. You were the one who saw her last.' Minho shrugged and kept eating, but Newt was already worried.

'I'm going to ask them.' Newt got up from the table and limped over to the guards. He could feel the eyes of other people burn on him, but at that point, he didn't care. 'Where's Nora?'

'I don't know who Nora is, young man. Now get back to your seat.' The guard replied.

'She's a girl with dark blonde hair, green-brownish eyes, beautiful, kind of small-.'

'Look, kid. I don't know and I don't care. There are plenty of girls walking around here.' The man sternly said. 'Now get back to your seat.' He repeated.

Newt sighed and eventually sat down again.

'And?' Logan gave him a hopeful look.

'He wouldn't answer. Said he didn't know her.' Newt responded. 'Guess we'll see her later.'

~

Nora's POV

Somehow the doctors let me stay in bed the whole day. They didn't really seem to care. I had been staring at the ceiling for a long time, thinking about everything. About the deaths I couldn't prevent, the mistakes I made in the Glade. All my overthinking got worse. I even thought about the slightest thing I did wrong, making me feel even guiltier.

What if I just let Newt and the others go to that safe place? They would easily survive without me.

Don't think like this right now. The other voice said.

But I'm only making things harder for them. I'm only drawing their attention because of some stupid cuts on my wrists. They aren't even supposed to worry about that. It's not their problem. I did it to myself. They don't have to help me. I would be better off dead.

My thoughts were making me crazy. I couldn't even control them. Especially the last thing got me thinking. Is that really true? I wondered. Would it be better for them?

No. I decided. I would survive, I just had to get over everything, which was... pretty hard. I didn't even know if I would be able to. The empty feeling grew and grew and eventually, I didn't even know what time it was. But I didn't even care.

What if I can go to Chuck?

Holy shit. I'm turning crazy. What the hell am I thinking?

I let out a cry and just as always, craved for relief. But I didn't have anything to do it with. The only thing I could do was be locked up in my thoughts. A maze in my mind.

Again, I heard some noises under my bed. Without even looking I knew it was Newt.
'Hey, love.' He said.

'Hey.' I casually replied. 'What's up?'

'Just checkin' on ya. I didn't see you all day. Got me bloody worried.' Newt sat down next to me.

'Oh- uhm, yeah. I didn't feel, uhm, very well.' My cheeks heated up.

'You're still a bad liar.' Newt commented with a small smile, but then it disappeared again. 'Why weren't you at the meals? Did they give you food? Have you been staying here all day? Did they do something to you?'

'No, no, Newt. I'm fine.' I quickly said before he kept asking questions. Newt looked me in the eyes.

'Are you sure?'

'Yes. I'm sure.' I confirmed.

Newt softly pressed his lips to mine and I didn't hesitate to kiss back. He cupped my face and my heart fluttered. With a smile, I pulled back again. Newt caught his breath for a few seconds before getting up from my bed.

'I better go now before they see me.' He explained.

I nodded and got up from the bed too. Just when Newt was about to climb into the vent, I interrupted him. 'Wait, Newt.'

Newt looked up and I wrapped my arms around him tightly. Tighter than ever. Hesitantly Newt hugged me back.

'I love you, Newt.' I whispered. 'I love you so much.'

It took him a few seconds to reply. 'I love you too. Forever.'

I smiled lightly and let go of him. I watched as Newt climbed into the vent.

'Goodbye.' I said.

~

Something in my mind decided for me it would be best if I weren't alive. I did have the thought in the Glade sometimes, but never actually thought I was going to do it. Kill myself, I mean. After Chuck's death, everything got worse so fast. It's only been two or three days, but I couldn't take it anymore. The craving for relief got so bad. I thought I would never be able to heal again, so maybe it was better to just not. Maybe it was better to go with Chuck.

In the morning, with a lot of struggles, I got out of bed and asked a doctor for a few papers and a pen. A few minutes later, she came back with the exact stuff I asked for. I quickly thanked her and started writing. It took me a good hour, probably more. When I was done, I put the letters I wrote in envelopes. I asked the doctor to give the letters to the Gladers that were left. She agreed and told me she would give them immediately. Again, I thanked her and waited until it was time for lunch, so I would be able to get away.

~

A/N:

Credits to Sienna_Banana520
for the idea. Thank you <3

If you struggle with suicidal thoughts, my messages are always open. You can always talk to me or try to talk to someone else about just anything <3 please stay safe everyone ❤️