🍒·˚ ༘ ┊͙CHAPTER 010 !  ˊˎ
don't cry.
( real life )

༄✧ *:･ 3RD PERSON
as soon as he opened the door a whiff of incense burning and pasta filled his nose. along with a small smell of weed. he held roses in his hand, red, the same red roses he had always given her.

he was speechless when he saw her. just a foot away, stood vivienne, his vivienne. "hi, viv" he started "come in" she said, opening the door for him and signaling inside her apartment

she walked away, back into the kitchen allowing him to step foot inside, closing the door behind him. the smell of sandalwood and lavender filled his nose even more.

"your home is so cozy, it reminds me of your room back home"

she looked up at the wall, taken aback at his compliment "you remember my room?" she asked, surprised that he hadn't completely erased her from his mind

"of course i do, i remember everything about it" she raised her eyebrow, challenging him "oh really?"

"oh no" he chuckled, sitting down across the island from her. she still stirred the food, glancing at him. it hadn't set in that he was in her apartment.

soft jazz played on the record player in the corner of the living room which connected into her kitchen, everything reminded him of her.

"what color were the walls?" she asked, not once looking him in the eye. maybe it was fear and maybe it was her anxiety setting in worse than when she saw him at anastasia's .

"white, all of them expect the one you tried to repaint and you ended up getting eggshell or whatever the fuck it's called" he answered immediately, reassuring her that he truly did not forget

her room was their sacred place, they were rarely at his house when they wanted to be alone. he would invite himself over at 3 in the morning when he couldn't sleep, or afterschool when her mom would make his favorite meals.

"what pictures did i have above my bed?" she asked once again, finally turning the heat off and standing in front of him, her eyes meeting his. she loved his eyes. "one of our friends, one of those aura picture things and—" he paused

he had forgotten the last picture. his fingers tapped against the marble counter as he tried to picture her room. the memories the two shared

"the last one?" she asked, a smirk on her face. she believed he had forgotten. however the smirk on her face hid the disappointment that he had forgotten parts of their relationship, and their life growing up together

"oh!" he slammed his hands down on the counter and pointed at her, a wide grin now spread across his face "the last one was you and your mom! it was you and your mom and your grandma!"

"yes!" she pointed back at him "do you really remember it that well?"

an comfortable silence fell over the two of them as he looked at her, taking in every single detail once again.

"everything." he responded "everything?" she asked once again

"how could i forget?" she was once again taken aback by his answer.

but she didn't forget anything either, she never forgot when it came to him.

4 YEARS AGO

"so nick and matt really didn't want to come with you?" a young vivienne answered, giggling as her and chris sat on her bed watching movies

his arm laid around her shoulder, her head on his chest. the two best friends only grew closer— scared to address their situation.

"maybe i just didn't tell them and snuck out" he admitted, looking down at her "your moms going to murder you" she explained

"no, my mom loves you, i'm sure she'll understand me missing you" he shrugged, leaning his head on top of hers

"you literally saw me at school earlier" vivienne pulled the blanket over the two of them, growing more comfortable as the two main characters in the movie kissed

chris didn't answer, his eyes plastered on the characters in the movie.

she felt his heart speed up underneath her skin, and hers raced faster. moments like this made them grow quiet— and in return they were filled with awkward silence

he was her bestfriend. she was his. yet they both knew the feelings they felt towards one another were far from the simple ones that friends had.

she had often caught herself staring at his lips and getting jealous when he would speak with other girls in between classes.

and he would find himself getting upset when she looked at anyone else. he wanted to hold her, more than he already did.

curiously she glanced up at him. his eyes were already on her "hi" she whispered

it felt like everything else blurred away. his arm dropped from her shoulder and moved to her face. his hand placed softly on her jaw as he leaned in

"wait.." she whispered again, chris paused, staring at her "i'm sorry i-" he began apologizing

"no.. i just, wanted to make sure my breathe didn't smell bad" she reassured him, earning herself a good laugh before she kissed him.

the way she felt was something she had read about in books her whole life. she had fireworks. exploding massive fireworks in her body, bursting with happiness and a certain euphoria that could be only captured in foreign words.

her eyes fluttered closed as he brought her closer. never wanting to let go

their first kiss.

she never wanted to kiss anyone else after that moment.

she didn't remember the rest of the movie, and he never had his eyes on it again.

PRESENT.

now the two ate in a comfortable and domestic silence "have you listened to my music?" she asked softly, glancing up at him from her plate

he paused, properly chewing his food before nodding "i have.. all of it" she grew silent, wondering how he felt about the songs written about him.

"your so talented.. and passionate. you can put your words into like actual sentences that make sense" he did his best to explain, although his nerves and lack of knowledge didn't help.

she smiled sadly at him, staring down at her food as it hit her.

he's in her apartment. they are eating dinner together.

"they are about you.." she admitted, staring down at her plate once again, the nerves now hitting her ten times as hard

"i know" he said quietly, his eyes never leaving her. her chest felt heavy, and tight. her heart began to mourn, as if the wound he had left her was open and bleeding once again

"what's wrong?" he asked softly, reaching for her hand. vivienne pulled away, standing up quickly "this was a bad idea.." she lifted her hands away from him, holding them against her chest

"you should go" she said "i'm sorry i thought i would be able to do this.." she apologized

"vivienne i'm not leaving again, not ever." he assured her "so then why did you leave?" she asked, a cold tone now in her voice "was i not enough?"

he grew silent now, as she looked up at him, her eyes meeting his with a familiar cold hurt in them.

the same way they looked when he broke up with her.

2 YEARS AGO.

vivienne drove to the triplets house, a strange feeling buidling up in her chest.

chris had been acting up for the past week, and the ghosting the past couple of days finally ate at her. she needed answers.

yes it was late, and yes she should've been home but she couldn't help herself any longer.

tears swelled in her eyes, as she cried to convince herself that she was just going a little crazy and he was simply taking time for himself. him and estella were just friends.

she had nothing to worry about.

she parked her car and walked up to the door, rubbing her hands down her denim jeans before knocking, the cold rain hitting her back as she waited for an awnser

nick answered the door, a smile on his face as he hugged her "viv!! why haven't i seen you in literally years?" he asked making her laugh

"because you hate me" she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes and hugging him back, her arms wrapping around his torso.

"is chris here?" she asked, smiling nervously. thankfully nick didn't see it and nodded "he's in his room"

she nodded her head and walked up the stairs, more nerves building up in her stomach as she approached his room. nerves turned into terror and terror into pure anxiety.

vivienne took a deep breathe before walking into his room. chris was on his bed, scrolling on his phone with music playing

"go away ma— viv?" he asked looking at her

guilt filled his eyes along with anger. he didn't want her to be here, he wanted to just never see her. he cared too much to break up with her in person. he was scared to see her face to face.

"chris can we talk?" she asked, stepping closer "no, you need to leave" he pushed rudely, standing up

"but chris—" she pushed

the tears swelled more in her eyes. he didn't want to see her like this.

"we should break up." the truth finally came out, vivienne stayed silent, looking up at him.

he had finally ripped the bandaid of, and it stung her deeply.

don't cry.

"what?" she asked, making sure she heard him properly, that was a mistake.

it had to have been a mistake, right?

but she did hear him correctly

"we need to break up" he said once again, a harsh tone in his voice as he spoke, staring down at her

she nodded, blinking away her tears, her gaze turning from sad into a numb looking hurt.

"oh." she shrugged and nodded her head "is there a reason or—" she asked, what a stupid question.

"just.. we don't work vivienne. we aren't meant for eachother, and.." he didn't want to continue, but he knew he had too. "and i think i've met someone else."

don't cry.

DONT CRY.

she inhaled sharply, as her heart split in two, tears swelled in her eyes, she refused to cry. she wouldn't cry over someone who didn't love her, especially someone who she would've done anything for.

"okay.." she said softly, turning and walking down the stairs towards the door

matt and nick now stared at her in shock from the living room "hey viv, wait what's wrong?" nick asked going after her

he reached for her arm, but she pulled away. chris walked after her "wait viv!"

she never looked back, nor did she hear what he had to say. what ANY of them had to say. she never even responded to any of them. she just kept going until she got back into her car

"don't cry.." she whispered

she repeated those two words the entire way home.

PRESENT.

"vivienne please" he begged, her hands on his chest, motioning him towards the door

"you were enough, i was the stupid one, i was an idiot for ever letting you go" she paused, her hands still on his chest, balled up into fists

"why wasn't i enough?"  she asked again, softer than before, lowering her hands to her sides. she stared up at him

"you are enough, and you were enough. i was just too stupid to see it, as shitty as it sounds nothing ever felt right with estella. i'm not making excuses."

he closed her door and he moved towards her couch. sitting down and guiding her to sit next to him "she wasn't you"

"i always wondered why i wanted more, and why she grew to be so boring so fast, but she was never you. her perfume made me sneeze and she always let me win at mario cart."

"she hated staying in and hated all of my favorite foods. she was my opposite in the worst way, but i never realized the entire time i was with her, i was still searching for you."

vivienne knew chris, he wasn't good with words, in fact he wasn't much of a romantic. during their relationship he expressed himself through actions, or music, and she knew that.

so the fact that he was telling her how he felt made the words all that more special to her.

viviennes hand rested in his, once again the two halves coming together, and a comfortable silence fell over the two. "did you miss me, truly?" she asked,

"without a doubt." he answered immediately, squeezing her hand softly "i still love you.. is that stupid?" he confessed

"i still love you.. but we wouldn't work right now" he paused and looked at her. a confused expression plastered on his face "uhhh why?"

"because, you really hurt me.." she explained "and maybe.. a part of me just doesn't believe that you missed me.."

his face twisted from confusion into hurt "why? viv— i did miss you i can't lie about that"

"if you missed me why stay with her for two whole years? why not just come back" she sits back on her couch, staring up at the ceiling, her head resting on the couch back, she couldn't look him in the eyes

"she was never you.. i was scared" he explained, looking down at his hands, nervously fidgeting with his fingers

chris didn't know what else he could've said

"that's a stupid excuse"

kiss him. her heart screamed. hold him. tell him you love him.

another comfortable silence filled the room. before he held out his hand towards her

"what are you doing?" she questioned, sitting up once again and staring down at his hand

he grabbed her hand and began shaking it "hi, nice to meet you im chris, cool place you've got here"

vivienne couldn't help but let out a half sob-half laugh, asking her question again "what are you doing, dumbass"

his eyes met hers

"becoming your best friend again, duh, and then like before, eventually you'll be mine"

giggles poured out of her mouth, her hand still in his "what!" he asked embarrassed

"chris— it's weird hearing that shit coming out of your mouth, tell me you hate me" he began to laugh now, pushing her softly away

"stop laughing at me fuck face! i was expressing myself" more laughter was shared between them. she stood up and walked over to the kitchen again, grabbing their plates of pasta and handing chris his.

it was like the future they wanted— and maybe for a second she believed him. maybe she wanted to believe him. even if all he spoke her lies she didn't want anything or anyone else in that moment.

she wanted him, him and his crappy promises, him and his loud shitty trap music that she still found herself listening too. him and his bad grammer, him and his idiotic brain who chose estella over her.

so for the rest of the night she sat down with him, in their fake domenstic silence, talking as if nothing happened. never once bringing up the past 2 years.

but as much as she tried to push it away, the doubt still rested in her stomach still taking over her mind.

𝗖𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗘 𝗦𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗞𝗦 !
2.5 words say what???? guys this chapter shreds
me to pieces becuase why have i actually grown attached to vivienne? i heart them sm and i am chapters ahead and it just goes up and down i love a good miscommunication! jk i'll feed yall crumbs soon ig.

i go back to school literally tmmr??? break was so short but just two more weeks and then christmas break babyyyyy okay okay i love u. goodbye.