"WE HAVE shared life experience, Miller. You didn't turn when Graves did." He shrugs. "That's all."

The way he becomes so casual deflates Ellie's heart. He's retracting back into himself. "I would hardly call it shared life experience, Ghost."

"You understand what it's like to be left for dead, left with scars to remind you of your past. None of the other guys do." He straightens his posture. "You're obviously down about it. Just trying to help you."

Ellie blinks a few times, trying to fight against the new emotion bubbling in her chest. Anger. How dare he backtrack like that? She thought they were actually getting somewhere. But there he goes... Ghost again. She can see those walls he's building, coming right back up.

"You know, you said there's a difference between Simon and Ghost," she says, pushing away from the counter as she goes to walk out. "I prefer Simon."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she hears him bark out from behind her, right on her heels.

"It means, I thought we were getting somewhere. You've been avoiding me and then we were having a great moment. All of a sudden, you're distancing yourself again."

"It's called boundaries, Miller. Do you think after I share just a snippet of my old life, we're best friends? We're gonna have sleepovers and gossip now? Braid each other's hair?"

Ellie scoffs and turns, glaring up at him. Their height difference is humorous. Despite that, she doesn't let him towering over her stop her anger. "I think the thing with boundaries, is that it's important to tell the other person you're setting them."

His gaze hardens. "Alright, Miller. I'll tell you my boundaries. You'll address me as Lieutenant or Ghost from now on. Only Price ever — and rarely — calls me by my first name. There's a reason I wear the mask and why I don't go by that name around the other recruits. I'm sure you can gather why anonymity is important when it comes to what we do.

Second, I'm not Phillip Graves — I'm your Lieutenant. I shared with you because it was quite obvious you aren't doing too well, yeah? Let's keep this civil. I won't bother you and you don't bother me."

"Not to keep throwing your words back in your face, Ghost, but is this your way of giving me hell? Pushing me?"

"No. This is my way of making sure you understand where we're at."

That stings. He's nothing like the man she was talking to moments ago. "So, back at the bar in Chicago... was that you being my Lieutenant? You coming to my room and checking on me?"

He falters. "Any of the other lads would have-,"

"Why didn't they then? Why was it only you?" she questions, crossing her arms over her chest. "You say I can handle things, that I'm capable of holding my own. It seems they feel the same way, so why did you step in then?"

Because they know I'd protect you. No hesitation.

He is quiet, shaking his head as he mutters, "I don't have time for this."

When he goes to walk away, it's Ellie who is trying to stop him now. "I don't get it, what is so wrong with me that you can't bear the thought of being friends? You know, it's okay to have close relationships. You said this is the closest thing you have to family. Family doesn't-,"

"You never met my family. You never heard or saw exactly how loving my family was. We didn't sit around the dinner table and talk about our days, Ellie," he snaps. "From what I gather about you, you have a close-knit family. You wear your heart on your sleeve. That's not me, Miller. If you'll recall, since you like to do that, I told you this is my job."

She runs her hands down her face. "Okay, I get it. You didn't have a great home life. But-,"

"That's an understatement."

"Well, how am I supposed to take you when I don't know anything about you?" she asks.

"You and Graves really must've been close, yeah? How do you not comprehend what I'm telling you?"

"Because, Ghost! One moment you're nice. Then it's like you realize, 'Oh crap, I'm being friendly to her,' and you shut it down. So, please, just set your boundaries now and let me know what you want from me. Cause I hear you joke with Soap all the time, I know you talk to Price. You're not like that with them, from what I can tell. If it's distrust because of my history with Graves, please don't worry about that. I just... I just don't know what makes me so different!"

Everything.

Oh, how he wants to scream that word. 
Shout it. Make her understand. Life was so simple before she came along. This — her — was never supposed to happen. He doesn't like how she makes him feel. So vulnerable. The name on the file was Ellison Miller. Ghost was fully expecting another lad to have been recruited by Price. When she was standing there at the airstrip, with braided hair and wide green eyes... he knew he was in for it. 

There was no more going by the book. 

Even now. She's asking him and he has an answer. Before, he told her to be truthful with him. Always. Selfishly, he wants that. He's content with being a hypocrite though. Ghost won't be truthful with her. Not today. And probably not ever.

Not about this anyway.
Not about the way his chest tightens when she's in the room.
Not about how he likes to watch her train, watch her with other recruits. Watch her reload her gun. The little nuances of hers that she might not even realize she does.
Not about the way his blood boiled, the way his eyes saw burning red when Graves demanded her come to him in Las Almas. Calling her like a dog to his side, a prize he could keep after betraying them.
Not about the way he could have snapped Graves's neck for treating her like that. For taking her into that prison. Ghost beat himself up for not getting her from him at the cars. He cursed and raged about it the whole way to Alejandro's safe house after he regrouped with Soap.
Not about the way he felt himself panicking for the first time, watching Hassan hunt her down when Soap was working on the controls.

No, she will never know about any of this.

She's wrecked him and my, how hard it is to keep his composure. After everything he's been through, something about this makes it seem like the toughest thing he's had to endure. The belief that how could her — resilient, kind, strong, you — ever want him? No, Ellie'd be perfect for Soap. Ghost has never been one for relationships, so what about her coming into his life has him this shaken up? Four months and his life turned upside down.

But, the hurt he's caused that radiates from her wide eyes is enough to make him rethink everything.

He sighs. "Ellie... I shouldn't have shared what I did. I stood up for you at the bar because you were being disrespected. Yes, I know you can handle yourself. That arsehole wasn't getting the hint, however."

His words get tighter, the memories of that night playing in his head as he talks about it. The horrific things he's imagined doing to the man. Making him regret how he treated Ellie. 

If she knew he fantasized about that, she'd run. 

"You don't have to apologize for trying to comfort me, Ghost," Ellie says, voice small. "I... I shouldn't be forcing something on you. I shouldn't be assuming just because you try to help me, that we're automatically close and great friends. You're right. We have a work relationship, and I do tend to get too excited and make people uncomfortable. I'm probably projecting onto you what I had with Graves."

She mutters a curse word.

"He really has done a number on me," Ellie adds. "I'm sorry. I respect your boundaries. However, I would like to ask that you not keep me at a distance this whole holiday break. You don't have to hang out with me, but you can be friendly towards me. And I promise not to be too friendly towards you."

"Sounds reasonable," Ghost replies firmly, using all his might to sound put together.

Ellie sighs in relief. "Thanks. I think... I think this talk was good, huh, Lt?" She beams a smile up at him and he looks away quickly.

"As long as we're on the same page."

They're not even in the same book.