♦ ♦ ♦

I don't know how but every day becomes harder than the last. Impossible even. Then the next day rolls around and it's like I've been stabbed in the chest all over again. I still haven't managed to sleep in our bed, I could barely even make it into the room without crumbling at Reign's sweet scent that still lingers.

I'm well aware that I am a complete mess. An Alpha who can't get a grip of his own emotions, who can't do anything without wanting to rip the ceiling down from the deep frustration of what I've caused.

Reign still hasn't answered any of my mindlinks. No one has managed to locate her either. It's been almost a month and yet nothing. It's like she's dropped off the face of the earth, never to be seen again. That thought invades my body with poison.

She's still here, I know she is. My wolf can feel her presence despite the fact she's not answering me. If something bad happened to her. Fuck. If something bad happened to her, my wolf would know. He'd be the first to react.

Every member of our pack and a few from Kassian and Cleo's have helped to find Reign. Although nothing has come of it, I'm grateful for their help even if I don't show it. I fucked up, I don't like mentioning it every second so I'm pleased for their choice to help even if I brought this upon myself.

After another day of searching and no leads, I find myself headed back to my office with heavy shoulders and narrowed eyes. Every second that passes, I find myself growing more and more hatred for my actions.

Fire burns in my stomach as I shut myself away. I turn to stare at the wall and then my desk and then the ceiling and all over again. My whole body begins to vibrate and my fists clench tightly together. A low growl erupts from the base of my lungs and suddenly I swing, first my fist flies into the wall and then the desk, cracking the wood.

My foot plunges straight through the leather of one of my chairs, pushing down a lamp and tearing the paintings from the walls. The sounds of it crashing to the floor echoes in my ears but it's not as loud as the blood that thunders through me from my bubbling anger.

I can't stop. My knuckles hurt but that doesn't stop me. Anything I see, I want to destroy.

This hole in my heart is only becoming bigger and I'm only becoming less hopeful. Days are longer, seconds feel like years. The fear of never seeing her again is becoming hard and fast through my veins, I don't want to admit it but the more I think about it, the more I panic.

She could be miles from here by now. I might never be able to trace her again.

The more I think about it, the angrier I get. She just left. Without saying a word. I fucking wish she yelled at me at the top of her lungs and made me beg for forgiveness instead of leaving without saying anything.

It bubbles inside me. She left like nothing. Like everything we went through was nothing.

I don't even hear the door to my office open until someone has their arms wrapped around me, restraining me from causing more damage. "Everett," Milo's voice filters through the room. "Stop. Stop this."

My wolf snarls inside me and attempts to push away my brother but he wraps his arms around me tighter and holds me to the spot. "Let me go!" I shout.

"No," he snaps at me. "Stop this. You need to calm down before you destroy this whole house and everyone with it. Think about what you're doing, Everett. Think about it."

I can barely control my chest, it's heaving aggressively. Up and down, up and down until my eyes grow heavy with disgust and my fists twitch with the desire to bring everything down around me.

"Breathe," Milo tries again. "Breathe and calm the hell down. This isn't the answer."

My head shakes and I rip my body away from Milo's grip, his hand digging into my rib in the process. I turn around to face him and I want to scream, yell but he's staring at me with a new found emotion. One of understanding and sympathy.

After weeks of being shunned by Milo for what I did to Reign, I could barely stand to be around him because he made me feel horrendous. I know that's how I should have been feeling but it hurt too much. I choked on my own guilt.

"Stop," his voice lowers. "Don't keep destroying your things."

"I don't know what else to do, Milo!"

His eyes flush with sadness. He takes a few steps towards me and wraps his arms around me in a hug instead of a restraint. I can tell he doesn't want me to flinch or push him away, he wants me to accept this token of comfort.

So I allow it. I wrap my arms around my brother and we stay like this for a while.

"Everything is ruined," I mumble pathetically into his shoulder.

"It's not," he tells me confidently.

My eyes squeeze shut. I wish someone would just put me out of my misery.

"Don't give up," he tells me, squeezing my shoulders.

"I'm not giving up."

"You just trashed your fucking office, Everett." He pulls back slowly and I remove myself from his grasp.

"Because she's not here!"

He blinks back at my tone but I don't care. I'm past the point of caring because I can't think logically without Reign by my side. Nothing works. My brain doesn't want to cooperate. It's pointless. Everything is.

"I am losing sense of everything, Milo," I lower my head, feeling the heaviness of my chest. "I can't do this without her."

"No," he shakes his head. "Don't say things like that."

My eyes are burning from how sore they are. I can't remember when I last slept for longer than an hour without tossing and turning, dreaming of her running back into my arms, only to wake up and remember the nightmare that I am stuck in.

For the first time I take a look around my office at what I have caused. Now that my frustrations have subsided, my heart pounds at what I've done. I've become reckless and idiotic.

Why am I sabotaging myself?

I sink to the floor and press my back into the wall, Milo perches beside me. Neither of us say anything for a while as my mind races with things that I can do, things I should do. But I can't seem to find the motivation inside me to do so.

Milo is right. She chose to leave. She chose to leave. The more I repeat these words, the more I sink further into my spine. My head turns slowly towards my brother, he hasn't left my side for a second. In a way I appreciate his company despite wanting to be alone so I can wallow in my self-pity.

"So, Nate has decided to take things very, very slow with me," he breaks the silence, probably trying to change the subject.

I curse in my head because I haven't even bothered to question what has been going on in other people's lives. Including Milo and his situation with his mate, I know how hard it has been for him and with Reign gone, I've been so damn distracted.

"That's great," I exhale slowly. "What's been going on between you?"

Milo studies me for a second, swishing his lips to one side. "Do you actually want to know?"

I nod even though the thought of hearing about his mate cuts my heart open. "Of course. You're my brother. I want to know everything that's going on with you. It'll probably distract me from my blazing thoughts anyway."

"Okay," he says softly. "Well when he came round that day you brought him into the living room, we spoke a little bit. Tensions were still super high and he kept getting upset, I did too. Then he left without us resolving anything."

My heart clenches when I realise Milo has been having a mate situation of his own, I can relate with the heartache and the waiting. Patience is definitely something I don't have anymore, not when it comes to wanting Reign.

"But after I sent him a few mindlinks, he agreed to meet up again. We went for a walk, kept our distance. He doesn't really want to be closer than two metres or even touch me. That fucking hurt," Milo laughs sadly to himself. "We tried to speak about anything but that night. I asked him questions about himself but he was very closed off, barely giving me anything to work with."

I find myself frowning at his words, pure emotion behind every one. "I've also decided to get help. With... with my sex addiction. I know I'd never sleep with another wolf again that isn't Nate but I still have these strong feelings, these strong emotions towards my sexuality and my needs and it's painful. But the last thing I want to do is hurt him again."

My fingers grip his kneecap. "I'm proud of you for getting help."

"I'm scared," he admits. "I'm scared that things might get tough, things might get the better of me and I'll fuck up. Even when I'm telling myself I won't. I'm still scared."

"You won't," I shake my head. "You're scared you'll relapse with someone else?"

Milo turns to me with terrified eyes. "I have an addiction. You won't understand."

"No," I agree. "But I can try to understand."

"We could have something great but I know it's going to take a while to get his trust back," his voice shakes. "Things aren't going to be easy and when I'm sad or I'm lonely, I have sex. It's what I do."

I lick my bottom lip. "But with the help you decide to get, they'll give you coping mechanisms. Things to do when you feel like this. It doesn't just end, Milo. Have you told Nate about it?"

Milo scoffs loudly. "Absolutely not," he shakes his head. "He'll run a mile before I get the chance to explain."

"I think you should tell him," I admit. "It might help him to understand you, the things that you've done in your past. He might be able to help, he might show you that you don't need the sex with strangers. You need him."

"Of course I only need him," his throat clenches.

I slide my arm across his shoulders and tug his body towards mine slightly. "Things will work out. They always do."

"Likewise, brother."

♦ ♦ ♦

Today feels different. I don't know why. After my conversation with Milo yesterday, I feel I have a bit more hope.

When I wake up I avoid my office at all costs. I don't need a reminder of last night and I don't want to get distracted with yesterday's chaotic thoughts. Today is a new day.

I head out with Milo, Fran, Jesse, Kassian and Cleo. We split up and take on different markets that have popped up today. I might be stupid looking at the markets but it's the only place I think that she would find refuge in.

We search for hours and hours, moving from one town to another. The markets are busy today, it's the weekend meaning that lots of people from the district come down to find cheap buys and sell their produce.

My eyes can't keep up with the crowd of people, pushing past, yelling, talking. Then when I turn to look ahead of me, my senses begin to tingle. I can even feel it in my little fingers, slowly moving to a more intense throb.

I clench my throat, my eyes dilating. Sweat trickles down my back.

She's here. She's here somewhere.

A waft of her sweet and mouthwatering scent flutters by my nose and suddenly I'm off on my feet. Eyes scanning the market, trying to catch everyone's face with my own two eyes but it's proving near impossible.

So many people. But she's here. I know she is.

Panic begins to set in. This is the closest I've been to her in weeks.

I'm turning in every direction frantically, my eyes glazing over at her scent that wants to knock me backwards but I have to keep focused. I can't lose her now. Not after everything that we've been through.

Blonde hair flickers by my eyesight and my mouth runs dry. I can't see the face, just the golden locks behind her. I push my way through the sea of people. "Reign," her name falls from my lips pathetically.

She can't hear me. Not over the racket of the market.

I can see her getting away, turning down a road that leads to a field. My pushes become harsher but I'm past caring who scowls at me for my manners, she's here and she's trying to get away.

My feet pound the ground until I'm out of the crowd and Reign's hair is swishing behind her, legs moving fast. She knows I'm here and she's pretending that she can't see me, hear me, feel me.

But from here I can hear how fast her heart is racing. Her breathing becoming irregular.

I open my mouth and shout as loud as I can, pouring every emotion into the one syllable. Anything to get her to turn around and finally face me after weeks of being apart, weeks of being alone.

"REIGN!"

♦ ♦ ♦

Read the rest of the book and bonus chapters over on Patreon. You can also read the first 32 chapters of Milo's story over there too!

www.patreon.com/dreammcatcher
Link is also in bio!

Author's Note

AHHHHHhhh he found her!!😩💘🥰🥺🫠

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Guys the next chapter, boyyy, you are not ready🫣🫣🫣

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