♦ ♦ ♦

When I wake up the next morning, the bed is cold and I'm suddenly feeling extremely lonely. I never usually wake up without Everett, he holds me and kisses me until I am smiling because I have woken up to my amazing mate.

Yet today... he is nowhere to be seen.

I frown and try to wrack my brain to remember if he told me that he was doing anything today but nothing springs to mind. Especially after last night, trying something new. I thought he'd be here with me, cuddling me, making sure that I am okay.

My stomach flips with unwanted nausea. I despise this feeling but I tell myself that it's okay. Maybe something important came up and he didn't want to wake me. I don't even know what the time is.

Anxiety slowly creeps up through my body and sits on my chest. I take a deep breath because I know that Everett will most probably be downstairs in his office, sorting out something for the pack.

I need to understand that he is the Alpha. He has other priorities that aren't me. He has a bunch of people he needs to keep safe, I'm not the centre of his attention all the time and I get that.

When I swipe the sheets from my body and get dressed into comfy clothes before making my way downstairs. There are people in the kitchen and I smile at them on the way past, but I head straight towards Everett's office. If he's not here then I'll presume he had to step out of the house for whatever reason.

Just as I walk towards the door, my fingers hover above the handle, I pause. Laughter rockets from the office into the hall and for a second I'm startled. I don't recognise the sound at first but then it's followed by words.

"My goodness, Everett." That's Cleo, I remember her now. "That is some serious effort. I can't believe you said that to him."

Said what to who?

My shoulders dip but I don't move away from the door. I can't. I want to hear everything considering he ditched me in bed this morning for Cleo, the amazing Luna of her pack. Everett tells me she's pretty much on par with Kassian to be Alpha, they run the pack as leaders together. Equals.

I couldn't even imagine myself helping run Everett's pack. I'm not a leader. No one would listen to me.

"Come on," Everett speaks. "You've worked with him before. You know he's trouble."

"I think you're trouble," she responds and then chuckles again. The next thing she says is inaudible. I can't hear through the door and it frustrates me.

But what concerns me the most is the way that Everett exhales a long, hysterical laugh. Something I've never heard him do. Like he's about to die from lack of oxygen because he can't catch his breath.

Whatever she said, it really made him laugh.

I find my brows furrowing in irritation. He's never laughed like that for me. An uncomfortable feeling washes over me and I feel completely out of my depth, I pull my hand away from the door handle and wrap my arms around myself instead.

The laughter continues and the chatter.

I can feel my bubbling anxiety in my throat that I'm almost choking with disgust. What is happening to me?

There is a thrashing of stomach acid inside me along with heat that prickles my neck. I've never felt like this. I've never felt this kind of rage or betrayal.

He can have people over whenever he wants but did he not want me there for a reason?

I rub my fingers into my eyes, releasing a slow sigh. If I stay here any longer I'll end up doing something I regret. So I walk straight to the front of the house, grab my shoes and coat and head out the door.

If he's busy, so am I.

Not that I'm planning on causing trouble. Of course I'm not. But I need to be distracted from this house and I need out. Now.

At first I walk around the local area, through the forest, towards town. Then I stop myself. I know I shouldn't because I'll be tempted. But I'd like to think I'm better than I was and I don't need to do that shit anymore when I'm feeling down.

I have everything I could ever want.

Except maybe I don't make Everett as happy as I thought I did.

Why am I all of a sudden comparing myself to Cleo? Probably because she's better than I'll ever be. She's beautiful, brave and an amazing leader, someone to look up to. I am none of the above. That's obvious.

Of course Everett admires someone like Cleo. She's pretty much a Goddess and I'm some homeless sack of crap that he brought home because he had to. His bond couldn't take leaving me on the street. He felt sorry for me.

My jaw is clamped together so tightly that my skull begins to hurt. Fuck this. Fuck all of this. All of my thoughts. I hate it here and I want out.

I knot my fingers through my hair and tug. Anything to feel a tiny sensation of pain.

Tears well in my eyes. Why do I do this to myself?

Why am I my own worst enemy?

My fingers trail along the stalls of the market. I ended up here. Shock. Even I know what I'm about to do, I hate myself for it. I've always hated who I am and there is no changing me. No one can change me because I am born to rot in a society like this, like a bad apple.

I gingerly pick up a small golden ornament. It's beautiful and I can't stop staring at it in awe.

Until my wrist is grabbed and my expression turns sour. I glance up to find the owner of the stall glaring down at me, I remember him. He certainly remembers me. "Not today, young lady." He grumbles.

Wow. I scoff to myself. Didn't even steal and I still get in trouble.

"I was just looking," I yank my arm away and place the ornament down.

He folds his arms across his chest, flexing a grey eyebrow. "Yeah right. I know you. We all know you. You won't get away with this this time. You owe us. Don't think we've forgotten the absolute terror that you have caused us."

His words feel like continuous punches to the stomach. I blink once and tears are rolling down my cheeks pathetically. Am I really crying because I got caught or because I'm tired of this?

Everyone thinks I'm worthless. What is the actual point of continuing to poison people's lives with my unnatural habits?

"I didn't mean to today," I whisper, wiping away my tears. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't going to cut it!" His voice raises. "I know who you are. I know exactly who you are. You belong to Everett's pack don't you?"

My eyes spring wide. No. No. No. This is the last thing I need right now.

"I-I," nothing more falls from my lips. "I-just–"

He waves a hand in front of my face. "I've already called him down here. I am sick of this. You have no respect for us. Absolutely none!"

I can't do this anymore. I just can't.

Everett soon arrives and I can't even look at him. I already know what his expression is going to be and I despise the thought even more. My stomach flips and suddenly I feel like I could vomit all over the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Sir," Everett apologises profusely. "I promise it won't happen again and I'll pay back everything that has been taken. I take this very seriously and I am sorry again."

My heart thumps like a stampede of elephants. When everything has been settled and yet I still can't meet anyone's eyes, Everett steps towards me. "Let's go."

His tone is like coal. Gritty and dark. It makes me shudder but I follow anyway. I don't really want to argue right now because I am seconds away from breaking down.

When we reach a quiet area, I'm struggling to breathe. "Why do you feel the need to steal after how well we've been getting on? You haven't done it in ages and I don't understand why you came here today."

"I didn't take anything."

"But he caught you, you were looking around his stall. What else would have happened if you stayed a few minutes longer without him recognising you?"

I tuck my arms across my chest. "It's a mental condition. It doesn't just go away."

Everett stops in front of me so my feet come to a halt. I force my eyes up at his, but as soon as I do I wish I didn't. He's beyond angry. Almost betrayed but my crumbling heart overrides everything right now.

"Then why don't you talk to me about it?"

My eyes narrow and I scowl at him through my fair lashes. "You were a bit busy to care."

I attempt to move around him but he takes a step closer. "What are you talking about?"

The scoff that falls from my lips startles us both but I'm surprised he doesn't get what I'm trying to say. Balling my hands into fists over my chest and tucking them under my arms so that he doesn't see. "I woke up alone and I came downstairs to find you, but you were preoccupied."

Everett opens his mouth but I don't have the patience to listen to what he has to say. Instead I step back and walk in a different direction, only to have his hand wrap around my wrist and tug my backwards. "Reign, stop this."

"Stop what?!" I yell, turning back to him with raging eyes. His gaze flicks between mine rapidly and we're both breathing a lot faster than before. "Stop being anxious? Stop being insecure? Yeah don't fucking worry about that, I'll just flick off all my emotions. Is that what you want?"

His jaw clicks. "Stop trying to cause problems between us."

"You think I'm doing this on purpose? You think I want to feel like this?"

"No!" Everett shouts and I find myself blinking at his loud tone. "Of course I don't. I just need you to talk to me. You promised me, Reign. You promised me you would try and you didn't even bother."

I am shaking through the floor at this point. "Your attention was elsewhere. What's the point?"

Everett throws his hands up in defence, he's beyond frustrated. "What's the point?" He repeats and then laughs sadly. "Reign, I would drop everything for you and you know it."

"No, I don't."

This cuts him deep. His expression is completely wiped and I can hear his heart beat outside of his chest. "I've tried so hard for you and now it feels like you're throwing it all back in my face. I don't know what else I can do to make you trust me, to make you give this relationship a chance. But you're not. You're pushing me away and it is destroying us."

Tears blur my vision. "Destroying us," I repeat but my voice is quiet. "So we're doomed."

He covers his face with his hand, swiping it down his skin and exhaling a deep sigh. "Don't put words in my mouth."

I stare back at him, refusing to let these tears fall. I've lost control of myself. I have no idea what I'm saying anymore but I can't stop. I'm a disaster. A ticking time bomb.

"This conversation is pointless right now," Everett steps closer. "We're just going to upset each other. I think–"

Before he gets a chance to finish his sentence, I walk past him. I don't need to hear any of this right now. I need to hide myself away and think about everything. Think about why I'm such a mess. Why I ruin everything?

Everett calls after me but I don't stop. Soon he falls in line behind me but I don't turn to look back at him. Instead I head straight for the pack house and as soon as it's in sight, I run and head straight for the spare room.

Despite the fact I moved my stuff into Everett's, the spare room feels like my own space if I need it.

Everett doesn't call after me again or try to stop me.

Alone time. With my thoughts for hours.

♦ ♦ ♦

Later into the evening my stomach begins to growl. I've been up here for too long but I don't want to face anyone right now. But I can't stop focusing on how hungry I am. I've not eaten all day and I've been running myself exhausted with my own thoughts.

I creep downstairs after I physically can't take it anymore. My head feels light and I am seconds away from eating my pillow. As my feet touch the stairs, I pause when I hear voices in the kitchen.

"You have to admit Ev, she isn't what you wanted. She's the polar opposite." Jesse's voice is soft but honest.

I'm not what he wanted. What does that even mean?

"I struggle sometimes, it's exhausting not knowing what's coming with her. Sometimes it's like looking after a teenager." Everett sounds tired, exhausted. And suddenly I can't breathe, everything becomes tight because I knew this would happen.

He would soon realise that I will never be good enough. That he could never be with someone like me because I will continue to mess everything up. I'm a bad person.

No one in this world will ever want me for who I am.

Jesse then agrees. "Probably doesn't help when you hang around with Cleo, she sets a good standard and Reign is different."

My heart stings when he says my name. Of course they're talking about me. Of course he's comparing me to Cleo. Even I did that earlier. Apart from Fran, Cleo is the closest woman to him.

I could never compete with someone like her.

Everett exhales a slow, struggling sigh. "Is it selfish to say I sometimes wish things with her could be different?"

Tears have fallen. I don't remember the last time I took a breath.

"You mean, you wish she was like Cleo?"

He pauses. A long pause. He's thinking about it because it's true and I am nothing. Nothing. I will always be nothing but an asset for his wolf, for his power. Nothing more.

Despite how I feel. Despite how hard I've fallen for him in the last few weeks. I can't believe how naive I have been. Of course he wanted to get close to me, he had to for the sake of his wolf and his pack.

He did this for himself. Everything he said must have been a lie. To get what he needed from me to rest his wolf.

"I'm not saying that exactly." He responds but he struggles with his words.

I pull back from the stairwell and shoot straight upstairs. My footing is wobbly but my mind is racing, I have to get out of here. My anxiety claws over my body and I am moments away from having a panic attack.

I need to get out. I need to get out.

When I enter his room, I grab a bag and pile in my clothes as fast as I can. Brushing my tears out of my eyes so I can see what I am doing. Then I grab a pen from his nightstand and scrounge to find something to write on. Anything.

I barely recognise my own handwriting. I haven't written in years. But the words are there and they mean everything.

I'm not what you wanted, so what's the point? Hope you find the person who makes you truly happy.

My nose sniffles once before I push away my tears for the last time, reminding myself to breathe before I don't make it out of the house. I pull my bag over my shoulder and head downstairs, straight for the door without being caught.

Once I'm outside I run.

They will never see me again.

♦ ♦ ♦

READ the rest of the story and bonus chapters over on Patreon! You can now read the first 26 chapters of Milo and Nate's book over there too.

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Author's Note

BRB SOBBING MY EYES OUTTTTTT😭😭😭

Fuck, this chapter really has my heart twisting in agony!

I know Reign shouldn't have run off but her insecurities run deep and I really, really understand where she comes from. What Everett said was not okay!

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