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027

It's been but a day since Fabio's arrival, and he is yet to tell her what the fuck any of this meant.

In the mean time though, he definitely succeeded in eating most of her food, wasting most of her electricity, barely keeping by by cleaning his share of what he supposes is their apartment, and he has yet to make due on his notion of going out in search of a job.

In more plainly put words, it's been three days of him staying here and being a pain in her fucking ass.

She wanted him gone, that much couldn't be any clearer.

And don't think she doesn't notice how much they've seemed to grow apart in just three months, because she definitely does.

It's in the way he thinks he knows her, what she wants,
what she needs,
what she's capable of
and what she believes.

At least, from his perspective.

But taking into account of how Kamazia herself feels, which he actually never does and has yet to take into thought, and all she could come up with is that she needs to breath.

She needs oxygen without the manipulation of his toxicity.

She needed the space that didn't include his train thought of doubt on her every step forward.

She wanted a life where she didn't have to constantly feel inferior to what she actually is and could be.

And now, he's here.

And she hated every second of it.

"Babe, when will dinner be ready?"
He asks from where he lays on the sofa, lazing away until there's only him and his body imprinted in the material of the couch.

Make your own.

The thought is on the tip of her tongue, ready to be spit in his direction when a ringing further down the apartment, somewhere in her room, yes, her room as she made Fabio sleep in her guest room, which brought even more tension to their already tension taught relationship.

Skipping into her room shuddering in the relief of escaping Fabio and his stifling presence, she picks up her phone without thought, without even a blink of who it could be, answering in a monotone.

"Hello?"
This wasn't her work phone, so she didn't bother introducing herself on the first word she uttered.

"Nanna?"

"Jamie- lee?
Is that you?"
A sudden jolt of delight goes through her at the familiar voice of my sister.

"Heyy, yeah it's me, you up for coming out to town for a bit?
I dropped by for a visit.
I'm actually, waiting outside of your apartment building right now."
She giggles and the thought delights Kamazia so much that a giggle escapes me too, one that has my cheeks pinching in delight.

That is, until I hear the shuffling inside the other room just down the hall.

"Yeah, I'll, I'll meet you downstairs okay?
Place is kind of a mess right now, wasn't really expecting anyone...-"

"Nanna, I'm you sister, you know that right? That you were the one cleaning up after me at a time?
A couple of dirty dishes won't disgust me, and I know you enough to know that that could be the only mess up there seeing what a clean freak you are."
A lingering of hurt hovers just beneath the cheeriness of her voice, and a pinch of guilt lingers at the blatant lie I just throwed her way.

She probably missed me, and I just showed her away from what could've probably some form of a comfortable sanctuary, seeing as she's been on the travel for the past two months with fan signs and book publishing events.

But I also knew, just how much she hated Fabio, and what she'd do to him if she were to see him in my apartment and in what state it was, which presumably, was because of him, she wouldn't hesitate to summarise that last part no matter what argument I counter.

Not as if I'd want to defend anymore of Fabio, but I'd just rather escape more drama that can be bought, my mentality already at a down low after argument after argument after argument.

"Just, meet me downstairs please?
I- there's something I need to tell you before well, you do something irrational."
I sigh, tugging on a sweatshirt and hoodie over the olive tank I had on, and switching my bunny slippers for some comfortable sneakers.

When I pass by Fabio still nestled on the couch, I'd just said my goodbyes to Jamie waiting for me in the lobby, a pout in her tone of voice at not being allowed up to the apartment, when he corners me with two questions.

"Where are you going so late?
And where's my dinner?"
He asks in a demanding tone, a conceding stare lingering my way as he straightens from slouching on the couch.

I can see when an argument is busy brewing, and right now, I just didn't want any part of it.

"There's some left overs of yesterday in the fridge you can reheat, and I'm meeting with Jamie-lee, she stopped by for a visit."
I sigh in his direction, already near the coat rack at the door where I tug off the last remaining warm zip up hoodie, pulling and tugging my puff out of the hood.

I take a quick scan that my face is clean, that my edges need no readjustments before I grab my keys and purse.

"I thought I told you I don't like you hanging out with your sister alone- she's a dense and manipulative bitc-"
I slam the door shut to block out the rest of that sentence, and for a moment I worry he might come after me, but I sigh relieved when I can only hear the clang of something being thrown before it grows silent with a thick growing tension again.

Down the elevator a minute or three later, I finally enter the receptionist area just a couple floors to the lobby, and I catch my sister's blinding form dashing from the comfortable sofas as she rushes into my arms.

She smells nice, a mix of mint and aqua, a new shampoo probably, but she's warm, she's familiar, and it's at least going to be another hour before I can expect an argument with her.

For now, I'll just enjoy the bubbling cheer of her presence before she bites my head off for letting a forlorn relationship back into my life.

__

The rustle of daily life passes me by in the excited blur of my sister chattering on and on about her time away in England, somehow not forgetting to lead us directly to our favourite café that sits on a corner street with too much traffic and too little coordination.

There was calm in the chaos somehow, or at least, I've become accustomed to believe that with how much Jamie loves visiting this place when she ever drops by.

After all, she's been coming here long before my initial move, three months prior, and probably knew the nicks and bits of Manhattan Spring's quite better than me.

But with the honk of a horn and a blare of a hoot in our direction as we cross the street on a pedestrian crossing, has me severely doubting her pick and choose abilities.

At least we were finally seated and they happened to have my favourite drink at hand, a vanilla chocolate matte, and their fruit pies were looking extremely appetizing where it's been placed between me and Jamie-lee.

"So..
Any thoughts on why exactly I couldn't come up to your apartment sis?"
She says just as I take my first bite into the raspberry pie, and for the moment where my taste buds are blissfully blessed, I can't comprehend what she's asking of me.

It's been so long since I've spoiled myself with an outing such as, that I'm coming to realise that I'll probably be frequenting this place sooner or later.

"Hmm?"
Is the only comprehendible thing I'm adequate at saying, too busy munching on the sweet treat dissolving in my mouth.

As enamoured with the food as I am, it does not pass me, the accusive gaze my sister uses to scrutinize every feature of me, and it immediately puts me at a discomfort at how she might just be able to see through the exterior of the front I'm putting out front.

It's with a sigh that I put the utensils down that I've been feasting with, locking eyes with her as I dab the corners of my mouth while I zero in on the frown between her brows.

"So, there is actually something I've been meaning to tell you..."
I start off, taking a sip of my vanilla hot chocolate latte, clearing my throat at the indignation her raised brow awakens in me.

"I can tell yeah.."
She says with a slight pull at the corners of her lips.

"Please tell me it has something to do with the boss you've been eyeing for the entirety of your stay at Kim Delicacies?"
She pouts, her large green eyes growing impossibly larger as a flicker of mischief glints in them.

"Well not exactly, I mean that's not what the main subject is about, it's just-"
I try to say the words, preparing myself for the brunt of the burn but the damned words just won't come.

"Could you just spit it out already?"
A small sigh escapes my sister at my slow give, ever the impatient one between us.

"I- well, fuck.
Fabio is staying at mines."
I sigh out at last, avidly avoiding how icy her stare just grew and promptly start to stuffing my face again.

"Kamazia."
Her voice could cut my skin clean, the ice-cold tip to the edge of it letting me shrivel back in my seat.

One would think I was the youngest between the two of us.

I definitely felt that deeply now.
No matter how wrong that statement was in reality.

"Look, Jamie, I can explain -"
I sigh tiredly, going on what has to have been my third argument for the day.

And it wasn't even six just yet.

"Explain what?
That you keep on letting that piece of shit in your life to continuously break down what you're trying to build?
That you were supposedly going to dumphim and yet you fucking haven't?

What do you even see in him?
Because all I see is a retorted manipulative gaslighting and oh yeah, lazy ass piece of a mamma's boy leeching off of you with no notion of whatever to start fixing his life.

And still you let that excuse of a nigga into your life?"
That was a mouthful, even for my always yapping sister, and every word strikes true, maybe too close to home, an unsettling guilt nestling right down in my abdomen.

Fact of the matter is that I knew she was right.

That every little thing just spewed was in fact, true.

And yet here I am.

"Jamie, fuck, okay yes, but he just showed up three days ago, said he was evicted from our old apartment, that he had nowhere else to go, and technically you know, we're still together and I couldn't just, I couldn't just show the man away.

I've been with him for the better part of two years of my life, would you just try to, try to, I don't know, see it from my perspective?"

An equally tired sigh leaves her as well, as the cold look grows crisp in her eyes.

And I know that look.

And what I've learnt from it, was that I never liked what came out of her mouth while wearing it.

"Why do you keep on making his problems your own, Zizi?
Why do you keep making other people's problems your own?
It's not your fault he got evicted, you gave him enough money to lasts him for months of rent, it's not your fault he's the black sheep of his family, and it is definitely not your fault that he's the pathetic ass bitch he is now.

You know you don't always have to..."
The use of the childhood nickname, the slight pause in her sentence while she glances up at me and I narrow my eyes at her, daring her to say it, waiting in anticipation for the hurt that'll hurtle up my spine and fizz through my veins.

"He's not, he's not her Zizi, he's not, he's not her, you're not back in Steep Hilton, you don't need to care about taking care of anyone else except yourself Kamazia, please, just, stop doing this to yourself, you don't need to-"

"I think you've said quite enough and that I don't need you to continuously keep meddling in my shit."
Ice laces my voice now, and I know she knows she's just hit a tender spot; I can see it at the way her eyes immediately fill with regret, at the way my shoulders immediately fills with tension."

"Zizi..please -"
There's a pleading in her voice, but I'm long last listening.

I slam what I assume must be my half of the bill, pulling my bag with me as I stand from the comfortable chair lined with plush seating that seems awfully far away now.

"Jamie, please, just, not now okay?
I think we've said quite enough already."

And I'm gone, on my way, to be more exact, anywhere that is not near my little sisters sorrowful gaze, anywhere that is not near the stifling reminders of her, anywhere other than, then here.

__

ooh?

Well damn, and hello, again?

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