Book: The Poisoned Blade
Author: merthurr1225
Reviewer: Nikachu22
Number of chapters requested: Preface, 2 Chapters
Main focus: Good beginning elements + Plot elements and plot development.

The beginning is a literal mystery, and I believe I have a grasp on what the preface is setting the stage for, thanks to some hints from the initial chapters. However, I feel it might be helpful to invest a different emotion into the preface. While I can understand the intense anger that the character holds, as well as her overwhelming sense of disgust for her enemies and the reason why, this particular emotion could create a disconnect for readers without the proper build up. It gave me a sense of disconnect only because I could not feel what led up to her being this way. To truly connect with her, we need to feel her drive for vengeance and comprehend the reasons behind it, allowing us to decide if we want to root for her cause.

One useful way to achieve this is by pulling empathy as an extra layer of emotion. Given her tragic backstory, it shouldn't be difficult to arouse such feelings. I suggest starting with a flashback to the moment her family was killed, which will immediately draw readers in emotionally and set the tone for what's ahead. This will also help us understand her deeper. While mystery has its place, excessive vagueness can detach us from the character, and that's where the issue lies. As an author, you have to remember that you know everything. This is your story; however, as a reader, we only know what we read. So while you know what happened before you write it, we are only in that moment in the story. Some scenes need to be written as if you're the reader trying to grasp the author's idea.

I suggest placing the flashback right at the beginning, starting preface off with a banger. As the scene hits the high point, with Serene experiencing deep sadness and anguish, then transitioning into her current moment-sitting in the cave, grasping her blade, and preparing for battle- that should flow really nicely and we will get to see two different sides of the character. Without any history upfront, we lack the necessary context to understand who she truly is currently.

It doesn't have to be a detailed flashback if that isn't your intent, but there must be something that connects closely to her motivations. Given that the preface seems to hint at what's to come, sharing a bit of the plot here feels acceptable, especially since chapter one will revisit her story before that climactic moment. In that heightened moment, revealing what has happened to her family is vital or you could choose to even give some type of history of her and her family's relationship, as the story revolves around her quest for vengeance. We need to get to know her as much as possible from the beginning because we are meeting her after all of the tragedy, so we need more to accompany her on this journey.

What you'd want to focus on solely is ways to draw out the curiosity in the readers in that first chapter. Tragedy is always a pulling effect so you can easily feed off of that.

There are many scenes to choose from:

The Family death scene.

Any emotional family history scene (Maybe a moment in her past when her mother or father or even siblings and herself have a heart to heart.)

The scene after the death where she's falling apart and has lost everyone or even trying to escape from the slaughter. (If you choose to not disclose the actual death scene yet.)

You could also even add a flashback of a time when Serene wasn't so bent on vengeance and was a little bit happier so that we could see before and after her drastic transition.

Also, including a description of the character's surroundings will also enhance the narrative. Often, I find myself uncertain of their location, as it feels like they exist in a void. Without a vivid setting, it's difficult to grasp where they're headed or to visualize their perspective. The setting is just as crucial as the plot. If we don't have a clear picture of where they are, how can we fully understand the journey?

I think the setting description is most needed in chapter two, because now that the focus has shifted towards Malek watching his father and the king-- once I transitioned from chapter one to chapter two my first thought was ok, where is everyone now? Where is this scene taking place?

So far I think once you add a little more detail in these first initial chapters, the plot is moving along smoothly. Both the characters are introduced early on and the plot is cruising. We are given a taste of their personalities/flaws as I suspect having such heaviness on their hearts will put weight on them as the plot unfolds. That's only my opinion, however. I think that there aren't that many chapters to dive into the plot like I'd like to because I am only able to read one chapter of Malek and Serene has two.

There's more depth needed and maybe some plot twists before I could see truly what is happening. So far though, you do well with solidifying Serene as a character so the plot following her quest for vengeance should be a nice read.

Thank you for allowing me to review your book Merthurr! It's interesting to know how you will be able to keep up Serene's hard exterior throughout the plot because she seems hellbent on bloodshed and she doesn't look like she will be easy to crack. I have seen in very few stories where the author has the capabilities to really solidify a characters personality and make it to where they don't stray from who they are. I hope you can achieve this. Seems like you have the ability to do so. Keep writing!!

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