TW: panic attack

Binary stars are two stars that lie very close to, and/or are often orbiting each other. They orbit so closely that they appear as a single point of light, and can eclipse each other when viewed from a plane along our line of sight.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I stared at myself in the mirror as my mother reached around to straighten my jacket.

"I'll wait for you downstairs." Her lips were warm against my freshly-shaven jaw before she swished out of the room.

I turned back to my reflection, hardly recognising the man I saw. My hair, which used to fall loosely over my brows, was now cut and combed out of my face. The shirt and jacket fit nicely over my shoulders despite my skeletal frame. For once, I did not look quite so terrible.

The longer I looked, the harder it was not to imagine Angel standing beside me in her dress of white satin, stars dripping from her hair like pearls. You look great, by the way, she would say.

As unreal as last night had been, I felt better. She had been there with me, so close, just within reach. Was this the closure Hannah had spoken of in her letter? Or have I gone completely loopy? If this was going insane felt like, I thought it might not be so bad after all.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

There was already a crowd bustling in the foyer outside the Hall when I finally arrived. Jewels flashed and gold threads shone against the dark stone floors. Silver platters bobbed above the heads, carrying plates of hors d'oeuvres and flutes of champagne.

Protruding amongst the sea of bodies was the unmistakable hat of Professor McGonagall. She weaved in and out, greeting everyone and announcing that the ceremony would begin soon.

There were also Ministry people - tall and serious, with grave expressions carved into their tired faces. They looked as if Voldemort might jump out from behind any random corner. If not for their presence, I might have thought this all very reminiscent of the Yule Ball, but that had been years ago now.

A couple of familiar faces stood out to me. There were Ernie, Neville, and George. In another corner, Ginny and Harry linked arms, chatting with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Ron and Hermione stood nearby, engrossed in conversation with Hannah and Susan.

Hannah and Susan.

I ducked away quickly, trying to keep my head down. If I stayed as close to the walls as possible, I might just make it into the hall without any of them seeing me. Of course, luck would not have that. My shoe caught onto an uneven stone slab on the floor, and a sharp ache bit my toe as I lurched forward just a little.

Hermione, ever-alert, noticed this minor abnormal movement from the corner of her eye. She nudged Ron, and the two of them started towards me, grabbing Harry by the arm on the way.

I pretended not to see them as I hurried to the doors, but they were fast, and Hermione tapped me on the shoulder. "Draco." Her voice was polite, and I had no choice but to turn around.

She was smiling at me. Beside her, Harry and Ron tried to follow her cue. They seemed older somehow, with their suits and shadow of facial hair.

"Ah, Granger," I said, trying to match her impartiality. A moment of silence passed as we all thought of what to say.

Hermione coughed lightly. "H-how have you been?"

"I've been perfectly fine, thanks." I made sure to keep the disinterest in my voice. Harry's bright blue orbs pierced me, searching for more. I bit down, refusing to let on. This was so like them, to have their noses in everybody's business. Desperately, I strained for my mother over Harry's shoulder, but she was nowhere to be seen.

"Well, we're glad you came." Hermione said in a fragile manner, as if afraid it would offend.

"Yeah, mate," Ron added. There it was - a tinge of pity in his voice.

"Look, Malfoy," Harry jumped in. 'I just wanted to say... thanks. For saving me."

"Yeah, it's not a big deal. Anyway, I've got to go-"

"Well, it- it's just that we haven't heard from you in a year, and-"

I stuck out my hand before he could finish. "See you inside, Potter."

They raised their eyebrows, but Harry reached out and shook firmly. This whole conversation was a thousand times more uncomfortable than I had expected, and I tried not to roll my eyes as I turned to leave.

Hermione inhaled like she was trying to hold her breath, before the words came tumbling from her mouth.

"She's around the back. If- if you still want to see... her."

I halted in my tracks. The cemetery. The gravestones flashed in my mind. I wondered which was hers. There would never be a right time, and so perhaps I would never find out.

"Thanks," I mumbled. "Maybe later."

Hermione looked like she was about to say something, but changed her mind at the last second. "Right." She attempted to sound spritely. "We'll see you inside, then."

They finally broke away from me. I paused to steel myself, realising I barely taken a breath through the whole exchange.

My mother appeared from behind me, placing a hand gently on my shoulder. "Draco, it's time."

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

A young Ravenclaw stood by the door, ushering people in. "All recipients to the front," she motioned when we told her our names. "Chairs are labelled."

My mother shot me a warning look as she took a seat amongst the families and other guests. Alone, I made my way further down to the front.

Hannah and Susan had already found their places next to Neville. Hannah's neck craned around, surveying each guest in her mercilessly keen manner.

Thankfully, I found my name beside Cho's. Not ideal, but at least it was far away from the rest. I tried to make myself as small as possible, my eyes burning a hole in the little programme they had handed out.

"Alright, Draco?" Cho asked, casual and unintrusive.

"Yeah."

"You missed rehearsals."

I blinked. "What?"

"We had rehearsals this morning. To receive our award? The elves didn't tell you?"

She giggled amusedly at my horrified silence. "When they call your name, just go up from the left - see those steps there? -, receive your award, exit through the right, and come back here." 

My 'thank you' was interrupted by an applause as McGonagall stepped up to the podium. She waited for it to die down before clearing her throat.

First, she thanked everyone for coming - students, family, teachers, and Ministry officials. She spoke about the Battle, commending everyone for their united efforts in keeping the school safe. Then, she invited Harry up to say a few words.

Finally, an opportunity for him to properly thank everyone who had risked everything to save his stupid, precious life. He took it eagerly.

I would especially like to thank my friends, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom...

Harry soaked up the limelight, droning on and on about how everyone in this room had played a part in saving the Wizarding world from utter destruction.

My thoughts began to drift to Angel again, and how this was all backwards. It was supposed to be her in my seat, and me in the cold, spiritless earth.

And Draco Malfoy, to whom I also owe my life to.

My head snapped up at the mention of my name. It was strange to hear it from Harry's mouth without malice or animosity. He nodded at me, a small, imperceptible tilt. Thank you.

The audience clapped again as McGonagall switched with Harry at the podium. It was finally time for the awards.

One by one, she read off names. The adults were first: Molly Weasley, for her defeat of Bellatrix; Pomona Sprout and Sybill Trelawney, ingenious and devastating use of plants and crystal balls; Horace Slughorn and Kingsley Shacklebolt, who took on the Dark Lord themselves at one point during the fighting.

Then came the students. It was impossible to name everyone who had participated and fought bravely, but they called out a few: Luna Lovegood, Susan Bones, Cho Chang, Seamus Finnigan, and the Patil sisters, for fearlessly leading the front lines.

Hannah Abbott, for her scuffle and triumph over two of the most deadly Death Eaters - Yaxley and Greyback. Her gown rustled as she crossed the stage to McGonagall. It was when she turned back to the crowd that her sweeping gaze found me. I looked away so quickly I did not see her reaction.

Draco Malfoy. For conjuring a Patronus so unbelievably powerful it dispelled all the Dementors at once. Secondly, the inspiring and courageous act of throwing Harry Potter his wand at the eleventh hour. It was pivotal in the defeat of Voldemort, and we have much to thank him for it.

My legs did not feel like mine as I made my way up the steps. McGonagall's frail fingers pinned the medal on me and clasped my hand. The applause from the crowd was fervent, their smiles of admiration tainted with surprise. The Malfoys were prominent, but were known for neither bravery nor gallantry. Yet, here was their son, decorated with a medal of valor. Inspiring.

Hannah's squint was trained on me as I went back to my seat. Heat rose to my cheeks and I stared down at badge, almost in shame. A ribbon, striped with red, green, yellow, and blue, from which a silver coin hung, engraved with the Hogwarts crest. Inscribed were the words: 'For bravery in the face of darkness'.

I was too preoccupied with this to notice that they had brought someone on stage. Her name cracked like thunder, loud and sudden in my subconscious.

... Angel Dawson, for aiding the wounded, and her selfless sacrifice that saved the life of another.

My head snapped up. I stared unblinkingly as the girl glided towards McGonagall. Raven hair obscured her face, highlighted a deep honey brown by the afternoon light streaming in from the windows. The skirt of her white dress - one I have never seen before - flowed around her ankles.

I tried to blink her away, thinking she would disappear with the next glare of sun. She did not.

The blood rushed to my head as my breaths grew short. The podium, McGonagall, the ghost, blurred into one another. The ovation dimmed in the background as my fingers and feet became numb. I stood, chest heaving in disbelief.

Their eyes were on me. All of them. I couldn't breathe. McGonagall had just pinned the ribbon on Angel's dress, and had now the two of them had turned in surprise as well.

There was no doubt about it. It was her. But her smile had faded into a frown. She looked at me with her dark eyes, her initial pleasure giving way to confusion and concern.

This was not real. She was not real. I was making it up in my head. She had told me exactly this just last night... so why was everyone clapping as if they could see her too?

I ran.

Down the carpet and out the Hall, through the hallways that seemed to stretch longer and longer in an endless labyrinth. I leapt over balustrades and flew across the courtyards. I did not stop running until I came to the foot of the hill at the back of the castle.

Headstone after headstone, I searched. Nymphadora Tonks. Remus Lupin. About thirty names I didn't know. But I knew Lavender Brown. Colin Creevey. Fred Weasley. And I knew Severus Snape.

I staggered by all of them, finally reaching the last row. A beautiful crab apple tree presided over the last of the monoliths, shading them with its rosy blooms.

Amongst the onyx slabs, a white marble angel rose from the ground. Her wings lifted to the heavens, two arms outstretched towards me. She looked like... like...

My knees hit the grass, and my body laboured with sobs as I read the epitaph.

Here lies Angel Dawson

Who lived up to her name into death,
for her gracious eyes saw good even in the devils.