ততততত

𝐈 𝐌 𝐎 𝐆 𝐄 𝐍

It's three days late.

It's never three days late.

Usually I bleed every thirty days like clockwork, my monthly moon cycle coming and going at the most predictable times. That was until three days ago, and there hasn't been any signs or symptoms that it'll begin soon.

I've tried to keep my anxieties at bay in Tobin's presence. When he arrives at night, he's dressed in the drapes of bliss, and I can't possibly destroy it by telling him my period is late. Besides, I can't assume the worst after one or two days, but now my mind has descended into hell and I can't get it back.

I've drank the elixir religiously. It's supposed to prevent pregnancy, but what if it doesn't work? Elena says it does, but what if it doesn't work for me? What if—for some magical unexplained reason—Tobin and I are so compatible that no elixir, tonic, or medicine will stop me from having little Tobin babies?

I take a seat at the desk in my room, my head set deep within my palms. I haven't told a soul about the missed period, not even Elena. It's not that I don't desire a child with Tobin, it's just that I can't have his children at this moment. Announcing a pregnancy in the middle of such unrest, albeit out of wedlock, would throw a goliath-sized wedge into the whole ceasefire. Leighton would disregard me and wage war. My father would probably banish me from the castle.

Even if there was no war or betrothal to stand in our way, I'm not sure there will ever be a safe enough time when I can carry Tobin's children.

With the light from the crescent moon reaching deep into my bedroom, I rise from my seat as the shadow of a thief joins me. I don't spin around, because I feel those calloused padded fingers comb my blonde hair from my neck and shoulder, then warm the cool barren skin with featherlight kisses. His palms then weave around my waist as he pulls my back up against his sinewy frame. His presence brings a comfort I dreadfully need.

I let my hands run up and down his arms as he showers me with kisses. Oh, how I long to give in to him for another night, because the man who embraces me now acts as the husband I will never receive.

He ends his sweet affections with a hot caress of his lips to the shell of my ear.

"Something's on your mind," he whispers, that low voice unraveling me as if I were a frayed knot.

"Is it that obvious?"

He grunts. "Just a lucky guess, princess."

I swallow as I set my palms on top of his own, weaving our fingers together. "Do you think we've been... reckless?"

He chuckles. "We've definitely been fucking around like carefree fools."

He says this as a joke, but the truth is, we have been having sex without a care in the world for the past two weeks. And it feels so good. Every. Damn. Time.

I spin around, meeting those warm brown eyes. They're so kind, and always have been. What if I am pregnant? Will our children have the same eyes as Tobin, filled in an ocean of almond-brown sincerity? Will they have the same cowlick in their dark brown hair, or the same honey-glazed sunkissed sheen to their skin?

It's impossible to know what they'd look like, but I want my children to be with him. No one else. Yet, he's the one man I'm forbidden to bed, and I disobey that rule night after night.

I take in a deep breath. "I'm, uh... late."

He crooks a brow, confused.

"My monthly cycle," I clarify. "I haven't gotten it yet. I'm late."

Those kind eyes widen at the realization, his lips pursing into a slightly startled "Oh."

"It's only late by three days," I stammer, suddenly word-vomiting every thought and explanation I can offer him. "And I drank the elixir every time you left, I swear, and—"

"You think you might be pregnant?"

Silence. Deafening silence, because if I'm pregnant, everything will go to complete shit around here. Every advantage we think we have against Adorid will crumble away for the sake of the pregnancy. All I can do is nod my head, then avoid his gaze.

He lets go of me, running a strained hand through his hair as he paces across my bedroom. "For fuck's sake."

He's lost, and so am I, and I have no clue how we'll find ourselves again. Everything between us has been done with dashes of mischief and love, and now we're adding a bucket-load of reckless chaos into the mix.

"Tobin," I follow him through the room, no matter the direction he takes with his relentless pacing. "We've been enjoying ourselves too much to even think about the consequences of this. Elena told me the elixir worked for her, but what if it doesn't for me?"

"You can't be pregnant," those kind eyes are alert with fear, like an owl in the night. "What the fuck am I supposed to do? There's less than two months until you... until you..." He pulls at his hair and continues pacing.

I swallow. I fear I've broken Tobin. My thief, distraught more than anything, can hardly fathom the idea of me carrying his child, because he knows this is the wrong time. The worst possible time, in fact.

"I just thought I'd let you know," I whisper under my breath, but I know he hears it. "There hasn't been any other signs of pregnancy aside from the missed period, but, Tobin..." Tears sting the rims of my eyes, "I'm terrified."

More than terrified. Petrified. Frozen. I feel as if the trajectory of my entire life has come to a screeching halt, and suddenly got rerouted through canyons and cliffs. It's not only a fear of marrying Leighton, but it's now a fear of marrying a man who might bring harm to my potential child. Tobin's child.

"I don't want Leighton to ruin this," I cry. "He's already taking away my freedom, and I can't let him have this."

Through my storm of salty tears, I feel the strength of Tobin's arms lace around my body and carry me over to the plush comfort of my bed. His demeanor transforms back into my protector as the shock of my potential announcement wears off. He lays me down against the sheets, then kisses every tear that runs down my rosed cheeks.

I open my swollen eyes, just as my thief brushes his thumb beneath the rims.

"What do we do?" the question leaves my lips in such helplessness. When I'm met with silence, I break out into a sob. "I want to keep it... if I am pregnant. I can't stop imagining a child with your kind eyes and goofy smile."

"It's your choice," he mutters, then kisses my forehead. "But gods, I always imagined they'd come out looking like you."

"Do you want this? A child?"

"Fuck, not when you're being given away to another man," he mutters under his breath.

Leighton. Tobin's well aware of the dangers of me traveling to Adorid as a pregnant queen bearing a child that doesn't belong to the king. Hell knows what Leighton will do to me or my kingdom as retribution. It just gives him another reason to raise the sword upon us.

Tobin adjusts himself on the bed until I'm completely sheltered under him. When I look up into those eyes, there's a rare sparkle in the golden flecks that occupy his heavenly irises. Love. All I see is love.

"If you are truly pregnant," he lowers his voice into this calm soothing tone, a lullaby to my ears. "I'll steal you from this castle, and we'll run."

My insides heat up. "To where?"

"Across the border to Thivalon," he murmurs, his hand now toying with a tendril of moonlit hair. "I'll buy a plot of land somewhere, and we'll settle down in a place where no fucking knight can reach us. If they come for you, for us... may the gods spare them for what I'll do to them."

I comb back his hair. "What about my father and the rest of the kingdom? And Aspen?"

He kisses my temple. "To me, all that will matter is the little life growing inside of you. I'll somehow get word to Aspen, and you'll somehow tell your father."

It's a future so tangible I can almost taste it on my tongue. When I close my eyes, the images of Tobin and I living a mundane simple life on a small farm entice me. He'd come inside from tilling the fields, sweat dripping off his forehead, and I'd ease his thirst with a glass of water. He'd get on his knees and kiss my belly—our child—and suggest some ridiculous name on what to name them.

When our child is born, Tobin and I will teach them everything they need. They'd toddle around the fields behind Tobin and I as we harvest berries and wheat. They'd play chase with Neph. They'd learn to spar from their father and shoot arrows from their mother.

One child would grow into two, then three, and four. I don't have to ask, because I know Tobin desires a large family, despite not having one himself. We'd flourish together until our dying breath, living that simple life that both of us want but cannot have.

We'll see our grandchildren, and great grandchildren, and they'll carry on a legacy and love that started when the world fell apart.

When I take another look at Tobin, I find myself agreeing to such a ludicrous idea.

Running away. Together. For the sake of an unborn child.

"What about the war?" I whisper. "Lagulon will fall to Adorid if I don't marry Leighton. This betrothal is what's saving us."

A tendon in Tobin's throat tightens. "We have to leave it behind."

"I can't tell if this is brave or cowardly."

"A bit of both," he shakes his head. "You need to be protected, and I can't do that if we stay here."

"And if I'm not pregnant?" I take his hand, squeezing tight. "It's only been a matter of days, and it's impossible to tell for sure..."

His entire body stiffens, as if he suddenly would rather me be with child than to be barren. "Then nothing changes. It'll stay the same as it does now."

Caged within Tobin's embrace, my mind descends into a world of dreams. A life like that would be so easy to obtain. We run. It sounds so simple, yet so unlike the brave valiant Tobin to suggest that.

The truth is... I can't leave this kingdom behind. My heart will forever be bound to this coastal regime. Yet, in the bloodshed of an impending war, I can't risk my child becoming another fallen victim. I'll have to run away, and that's what Tobin proposes.

But nothing is for sure.

When I awaken the next morning, fate decides to answer my plea for help quicker than I anticipated.

Blood.

My monthly cycle has begun.

I'm not pregnant.

── •✧• ──

I think we were all hoping for little Tobin babies, but now is not the time. Perhaps someday, there might be a child between them, and they will have a happily ever after in a different kingdom where the war and Leighton can't harm them.

But if there was a Tobigen child, what names would you suggest? [asking for a friend]

Lastly, remember to vote, comment, and share the story if you are loving it so far! This is what encourages me to continue writing Tobin and Imogen's love story!