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k a y l a n i

today was thanksgiving day.

i didn't know what was happening today. i've been speaking here and there to my parents and kylie, but i don't know if i can sit at a table with them and speak full sentences. i haven't spoken full sentences since i told billie off in the bathroom.

billie.

i wonder how she's doing. i wanna know if she's okay. but it's not my place, i told her off and she hasn't spoken to me ever since and i don't blame her. i fuck up everything good in my life and that's why nobody really likes me.

before i even could turn around to see the sun blaring through my room, somebody came in my room and when i turned around, there was juliana.

and i couldn't even talk, because as soon as my mouth opened, she ran and jumped on me, holding my hands above my head and sat on top of my waist and looked at me directly in the eyes.

"you're gonna get the fuck up, take a shower, get dressed and we're gonna go to my house. my mom and dad aren't going to be there because they're going to my aunts house. we're gonna order some food or i'm gonna cook you something and we're going to talk!" she yelled at me. "i miss you. i miss speaking to you. i miss making you smile and laugh. you're my bestfriend and i know the shit you've been through and i'm not gonna make you be stuck in the dark, i'm gonna pull you out of it. i love you and i'm here for you, get that ass up,"

i looked at her as she gave me a stern look and i pouted and shook my head slightly. she groaned and in about ten seconds, she pulled the blanket off of me, and began carrying me to the bathroom. i didn't even fight it, honestly.

"can i take your clothes off?" she asked me hesitantly.

"you don't have to ask," i whispered, my voice cracking a little bit and she smiled at my voice and nodded her head.

she began removing my tank top and i was already bare because i didn't sleep with a bra, it was uncomfortable. juliana already saw me naked multiple of times, so i wasn't shy around her. she began removing my pajama shorts i sleep with. she took a pause for a while and then i felt her brush my inner thigh softly and i jumped.

"please tell me you didn't.." her voice soft, looking at me with pleading eyes.

"no," i responded with a shake of my head. "they're like a month old..you already know about these,"

she bit her bottom lip and began blinking rapidly and i know she did this so she wouldn't cry. i hated when she cried, because she was such a goofy person and always laughed and smiled and always protected the ones she loved.

she started the water and waited till it was warm and i got in the shower, letting the warm water hit my body and then she began getting undressed.

"what are you doing?" i asked her.

"i'm not gonna take a full shower with you. i think it's easier if i go in the shower and help you while i'm in there," she replied and i nodded.

she was fully naked, no underwear, no anything. she climbed into the shower with me and she told me to put my head underwater to wet it and i turned around and did it, letting the warm water hit my head.

"remember the guy from chipotle? the one that gave me free food?" she began talking and i nodded as she began putting shampoo in her hand to wash my hair. "so we was vibin at first. facetimes, texting, and i caught a little feelings. but silly me..silly me had sex with him and he began ghosting me and he's been so dry with me. i was so hesitant on having sex with somebody else after my first boyfriend and then i caught feelings for this guy and i'm busting it open. two bodies isn't bad at seventeen, but i felt like i wasted a body,"

"have you asked him why he's ghosting you?" i asked her as she began applying shampoo on my head and i closed my eyes as she began scratching my head, it felt so nice.

"you think i'm gonna ask a guy why he's ghosting me? don't you think that'll me look a little desperate?" she questioned me.

"no," i responded briefly. "you just wanna know. why continue wasting your energy on him if he isn't giving you the attention you want? you're asking him for you. that's not you being desperate juli,"

"you're right," i heard her say and i gave her a toothless smile. "i missed you," she admitted, my head going back under the water to rinse the shampoo out and i did that on my own. "i know something happened. i just..i felt really empty knowing i couldn't help you. you know i love you lani, despite our differences, but i really love you and i want you to know i'll continue to love you even if we're fighting,"

"i know,"

"i'm not gonna force the information out of you, but if you ever wanna talk, i'm here," she finished and i nodded.

the rest of the shower was her finishing washing my hair. she got out so i can wash my body and do everything else. when i came out, she already had my outfit out on the bed and she was sitting down with a smile on her face.

"you even picked out my bra and underwear?" i questioned her and she nodded with a giggle.

she picked out white sweats, a blue nike crop top with my blue, white and black 1's and a small blue handbag. she did my hair for me which was a high ponytail and she tried doing my edges but i told her i looked stupid but she did them anyways. i went bare face, i haven't been putting makeup on lately and i liked my bare face more, still a little insecure.

after i was done, juliana grabbed me by my arm and dragged me out the house. in the kitchen was my moms and kylie. i waved at them with a toothless smile and they waved back, and we was out the house and into juliana's car.

"it's only 11:30, why are your parents not home?" i asked her as she began driving.

"they're there now, but they're leaving at like 1 to go help my aunt, which is my moms sister..they're gonna help her cook and shit," she replied and i nodded. "i miss you in my car. can't believe you started taking ubers,"

"i almost cried," i admitted to her. "every time i got into an uber, i panicked,"

"i'm surprised you started taking them. i still could've picked you up. we didn't have to talk or anything," she said and i shrugged. "billie's been worried about you a lot lately. she's been asking us about you, but you weren't speaking to kylie or i, so we couldn't tell her anything about you,"

"her and i aren't friends," i mumbled, looking out the window.

"what?"

"that day in the detention room, she followed me into the bathroom and i told her off. i called her a fuckgirl, i told her she takes advantage of people and i told her to stay away from me," i opened up juliana and she turned to look at me with a shocked look and i gave her a nervous smile.

"kaylani lynn. are you deadass?" the hispanic girl asked and i nodded. "shit..bro.."

"i know,"

the car ride was silent and then we got to her house. i haven't been here in a while. her house was so nice, it was like a tan color, really cute.

we got out the car, and we went inside and her house had the same exact smell like always..vanilla and coconut mixed together. even if food was cooking, it smelled like vanilla and coconut.

"mami, papi! kaylani is here!" juliana yelled, her voice kind of echoing in the house.

moments later, her mom and dad appeared. goddamn her mom was beautiful, sheesh.

"hi mamacita, we missed you over here," her mom, jadelis greeted me and she pulled me into a hug and i hugged her back. "how you been mami? how's your sister? your moms?"

"i missed you too guys," i responded as i pulled her dad, daniel, into a hug. "i've been okay. better days are always coming. my sister is good and so are my moms,"

"juli didn't want to come with us to her tia's house because she wanted to have 'julani time'. when i asked her who the hell julani was, she said it was you and hers name put together," daniel told me and i chuckled.

i miss laughing.

fuck, i miss billie.

"papi, that's our ship name," juliana said, nudging him slightly and he laughed.

"well, we're leaving soon. kaylani, make yourself at home. juli, mami if you need anything, call me or papi. okay? have fun ladies," her mom told us and then we went upstairs to juliana's room.

her room was so nice. her blue LED lights blaring through her room, making it nicer. her room was such a vibe.

"i'm gonna go take a shower, i'll be back," she told me and i nodded.

she went in the shower and i laid down, scrolling through my phone. i went in my messages and i saw billie's name. i changed it from "bil <3" to "billie 🤍" recently, only because i think she deserved a real heart. she makes me feel a lot of ways. i've never felt this type of way before and it's scary. i don't know what to do, i don't know how to react. my thumb just laid above her contact name. i wanted to press it so bad, but she probably hates me after what i said to her in the bathroom.

about twenty minutes later, juliana came out the shower and she smiled at me and began playing music and 'tusa' by nicki minaj and karol g blasted through her speaker and i cringed when it began playing, scared at first.

"BITCHES KEEP PLAYING WITH THE QUEEN! SHE SINGING SPANISH IN THIS SHIT LANI!" juliana yelled at me over the music and i just shook my head at her. she was so obsessed with nicki.

shit, i was too.

she began doing her hair first, putting it into a high ponytail, just like me and she did her edges. she began doing her makeup, but she didn't apply too much. after like fifteen minutes, she was done. she put on her clothes and after she was done, she twirled around for me and i smiled with a nod of my head.

"my biggest fan," she cooed. "i missed seeing your smile,"

"i missed smiling," i told her and she smiled.

"so, wanna get a bunch of food, snacks and watch christmas and halloween movies?" she asked me and i nodded. "aight, c'mon,"

she grabbed her car keys and we made our way outside the house, got into her car and she began making her way to our first destination.

after about an hour, we went to chick-fil-a, mcdonald's, wendys, taco bell, in-n-out and dunkin' donuts gettin the food we both liked and i knew we weren't gonna eat it all, but i was really really hungry.

we came back to her house and as soon as we got in her room, we took off our shoes and she opened her tv.

"what do you wanna watch?" she asked me as she scrolled through netflix.

"oouu..lucifer? can we watch that?" i asked her and she nodded.

she clicked on it, set her LED lights to red since lucifer was the name of the 'devil' and it just made sense. we laid down and began watching the show.

three episodes in. i love lucifer. i want him with chloe. dan isn't my favorite. i love linda. maze can have my heart, i love her.

and then we were interrupted by juliana's phone ringing and when she checked it, it was kylie. and she picked up, and put it on speaker.

"hey, wassup," juliana greeted her.

"hey, just wanted to check up. how's kaylani doing?"

"she's doing good. talking here and there. smiling, laughing," juliana replied, looking up at me and winking.

"oh, that's good..billie's coming over here,"

my heart stopped. billie was going over there and i wasn't even there.

"oh she is?" i spoke up.

"yeah..she said she didn't want to be with her brother and his girl and i was like okay," kylie responded. "everybody needs somebody on thanksgiving,"

"true," juliana said. "well, kaylani's fine. we're having a good bestie time. we'll call you if anything,"

"okay. be safe. i love y'all,"

"we love you too," we both responded at the same time and then kylie hung up.

"ready to continue watching lucifer?" juliana questioned and i nodded.

we continued eating, and lucifer was so good so far. i wonder why nobody told me about this show. the guy who played lucifer is so attractive and the girl who plays maze is ten times attractive.

oh my god, why am i finding a female character more attractive than a guy character? this is the first time it's ever happened. well, kind of. i found robin and nancy in stranger things really attractive, but maze .. maze hits different in a good way. but like, why all of a sudden ?

as time passed and juliana and i got to season 2, it was nighttime. the thought of what nathaniel said to me at the party hung around in my head. i needed to speak to somebody about it. i couldn't keep holding it in.

"juliana," i spoke, which made her pause the show.

"yeah? wassup?" she responded.

"i lied," i admitted and she furrowed her eyebrows. "at the..at the party, when i went to get water, nathaniel was there," her once soft expression turned into a confused expression. "he held me against the fridge by the back of my neck. he kept saying things to me and he asked me if i told anybody about last summer. i told him no and he said he would kill me if i told anybody,"

"what did he say to you?" she asked me, her voice shaky.

"i don't..i don't," i began stuttering. i closed my eyes shut, tears falling down my face quickly. "i don't want to say it. it hurt, it hurt me. he hurt me. i don't want to remember it. that's why i was being distant. it brought me back memories. i didn't want to say anything, i was scared,"

i opened my eyes and i saw juliana crying along with me. i knew it brought her back memories to august just like it did for me. she crawled on top my lap, wrapping her legs around my waist, digging her face into my neck and i wrapped my hands around her torso and we just cried.

"i'm sorry," she sobbed. "i'm sorry that i can't do anything to fix it. i want to fix it. i want to..i want to make it all better for you kaylani,"

"me too. i just want it all to go away," i sniffled.

i began rubbing her back and we stayed in the position for about ten minutes, crying and rubbing each other's back and then she got off my lap.

"i wanna tell kylie and moms," i told her and she nodded.

i grabbed my phone and pressed kylie's contact and on the second ring, she picked up.

"kaylani. billie came over. three flowers in her hands. she got moms daffodils and amaryllis's, she got me chrysanthemums and she bought YOU sunflowers and daisy's," kylie began saying as soon as she picked up the phone.

"what? she bought me flowers?"

"yes! your favorite fucking ones! i put them in the empty vase in your room. she's so sweet. she's still here, i'm in the living room, trying my best to stay quiet,"

"i have to..i have to tell you and moms something," i said, trying to push the thought away of billie actually buying me my favorite flowers.

"is it important?"

"very. i..it happened at the party,"

"billie's here. when she leaves, i'll tell you to come and you can speak to me and moms, okay?"

"okay.." and then i hung up.

"you're strong. very strong," juliana said and i gave her a toothless smile.

i need to talk to billie. i need to tell her.

•

we needed a juliana and kaylani moment.

as you can see, lani opened up to juliana, telling her what happened at the party and she's also gonna tell kylie and their moms.

but how y'all think billie is gonna react?

songs i listened to while writing this

golden - harry styles

get you - daniel cesar and kali uchis

what you know about love - pop smoke

adore you - harry styles

i got 5 on it - luniz

44 bulldog - pop smoke

AND CHILEEEEEE...one of the readers of this book was on the guy who plays nathaniel's character's live on tiktok and she told him about this book and he responded as "that's dope" MAN LMFAOAOAOAA

– armani 🦋