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b i l l i e

kaylani's been off.

i know something's wrong with her. she usually texts me everyday and calls me almost every night, but i've been texting her and she either responds dry or she doesn't respond at all.

it hurt me seeing her cry on my chest and i wanted to ask her what's wrong, but i gave her the time and on saturday, i asked her what happened and she just brushed it off and said it wasn't her party scene but i know she was lying.

i wanted to ask her why kylie couldn't let her date but i know it wasn't my place, because if she wanted me to know, she would've told me.

fuck, i like her so much but i'd rather have her as a friend if anything.

i learned a lot about kaylani in those five days we were texting.

her full name was kaylani lynn mariah jackson, her birthday was august 16th. she loved the color blue and yellow, hated the color green because it reminded her of grass and she's allergic to grass. like is that a real thing? she said her and kylie were way closer when they were younger but when they got to high school, they found theirselves and what they liked and so they separated. she told me she loved j cole, nicki minaj, ariana grande and the weeknd. her blue eyes aren't really hers, she wears contacts because she hates her brown eyes and she also hated the color brown. she told me she lost her concert virginity to one direction and the recent concert she went to was ariana grande's and she told me ariana touched her hand and she cried the whole concert and lost her voice for about three days.

she was just something different. you can say you like somebody because they're different because you can't actually find a valid reason to like them, but when i say kaylani is different, she's different. she's not like these other girls that i used to be attracted to. she's lost, she's been through some painful shit and even though kylie told me that kaylani is off limits, i still wanted to be there for her regardless.

but her ignoring me, and all the shit she said about her feeling comfortable around me was just a lie right?

i might sound really ignorant right now, but i just want to be here for her. because if you had somebody completely just break down on your lap and they just brush it off, i'm pretty sure you would act the same way.

kylie doesn't seem to know what's going on, neither does juliana because i haven't seen kaylani with them recently so i know something was wrong.

it was lunch time and i went outside to wait for kylie and i saw juliana standing against her car and i didn't see kaylani with her.

"hey juli," i greeted her and the hispanic girl looked up from her phone and smiled. "you're waiting for kaylani?"

she nodded her head and put her phone in the pocket of her pants. "as soon as the second bell rings, she's usually running down the steps almost tripping to come to my car and she usually jumps on me and hugs me and then she picks a place to go eat and we go, but the second bell already rang and she's not answering my text and i don't see her,"

i sighed and ran my fingers through my hair and leaned against her car.

"i always pick her up to come to school," she continued. "and ever since she wanted to leave that party on friday, on monday, she left early, tuesday she left early and today she did the same thing. i asked her moms who picked her up and they said she got an uber,"

"but she's scared of uber's .. " i said with a confused look and juliana nodded her head. "did we do something?"

"did she say anything to you?" she asked me and i shook my head.

"she just cried on my lap for like thirty minutes and she fell asleep right on my lap and i just drove her home and her moms were home and i told them what happened," i said to her. "do you think she's mad because i told her moms?"

"kaylani isn't that type of person. she would want her parents to know whenever she had breakdowns," juliana told me.

fuck bro. fuck.

before i could respond, i see kylie come towards us and she wore a confused look seeing it was only juliana and i and kaylani wasn't here.

"where is she?"

juliana shrugged and she pulled out her phone from the back of her pants and began typing away on her phone.

"i have her location," kylie said as she opened up her phone. "she's in the fucking school, c'mon. i'd rather starve, i know she's not okay,"

kylie really loved her sister, even though they yell at each other half of them time.

she began walking and juliana and i had no other option to walk behind her. i didn't realize how big our school was till now because it was half empty since the juniors and seniors had lunch and the freshman and sophomore classes weren't that big like junior and senior classes.

kylie looked at her phone and she made a turn and i realized that we were going into the detention room. i don't understand why the windows on the door were so high.

we stopped at the door and the two females in front of me looked back at me. i rolled my eyes and i walked to the door and peeped through the window and there i saw kaylani eating something and scrolling through her phone.

the weather was good today but she was wearing a grey nike sweatsuit that looked big on her and white air forces and had her hair in a messy ponytail. this wasn't like her at all.

i looked at kylie and nodded my head and before i could even blink, she aggressively opened the door and she walked in and of course juliana and i followed behind her and i closed the door behind us.

when kaylani heard us come in the door, she turned around and i saw she was wearing no makeup and her eyes looked puffy and she looks like she's been crying for days.

still fucking beautiful but it's so heartbreaking to see her like this.

"kaylani lynn mariah jackson,"

"what are you guys doing here?" and her voice didn't even sound the same, it sounds like she was losing her voice.

"we get lunch together everyday so it was weird when you didn't come running into my arms like you usually do. you got lunch with me monday and tuesday even though you didn't run into my arms but it just felt weird when you didn't come outside today," juliana explained to her.

kaylani looked at me with her big soft blue eyes and i wanted to go all soft on her but i wanted to know why she was acting like this.

"no don't do that soft shit," kylie snapped. "you don't take uber's. you hate it. juliana always offers to come and pick you up. you don't even like eating in the fucking school nor do you like staying in a room by yourself because you get a panic attack when you're alone thinking you're going to get kidnapped and that's why you're always with juliana or somebody else. you don't wear sweatsuits to school, at all. you only wear those in the house. you never wear your hair in a messy hairdo,"

"okay i just wanted to be different today," kaylani responded softly.

"this isn't like you kaylani," kylie responded more aggressively. "you was really happy to come to the party and all of a sudden you just ran to us and started crying and cried in billie's car for thirty minutes? that's not like you,"

"i had a breakdown kylie. i get breakdowns a lot," and her tone was still soft even though kylie's tone was aggressive.

"you only have breakdowns when you know what..so did somebody touch you?" kylie asked her.

what?

"no!" kaylani yelled and kylie flinched looking confused. "i'm a human being. if i want to cry, i will. if i want to be different for a day, let me be okay? i don't need all of y'all, especially YOU kylie, to be all up on me okay? i came here to eat in peace. maybe i'm getting over me being alone. maybe i deserve to be alone. not even maybe, i do deserve to be alone. and i need to accept that,"

"what?" kylie responded, her voice breaking slightly. "you don't deserve to be alone kaylani,"

"maybe i do," kaylani responded, her voice breaking also.

she grabbed her phone, purse and the food she was eating and walked passed us and walked out the room. juliana looked at me and my heart sunk to my ass. i looked at kylie and saw tears falling down her face. juliana nodded her head at me and i gave her a small smile and i walked out the room while she started comforting kylie.

i was walking for about thirty seconds and then i saw kaylani enter into the girls bathroom and i followed right after her and she looked at me as i closed the door and locked it behind me.

"billie. i don't need you to be my therapist right now," she said as she turned her attention back to the mirror.

"i'm not here to be your therapist kaylani. i'm here as a friend," i responded to her.

"yeah?" she questioned and i nodded my head. "maybe i don't need a friend at all billie. because what are you really doing for me? you only became my friend because you couldn't have my in the way you wanted,"

"what? that's not true," i said to her and then she stared back at me.

"if i let you kiss me in the closet you would've made  a move and tried to fuck me like any other person would've," she continued and i shook my head. "you're like everybody else billie. you don't take no for an answer. you're only my friend so you can find a way to get into my pants. you're being nice to me and being gentle so i can fall in love with you and then as soon as i fall in love with you, you treat me like shit,"

what is she talking about? do i give off vibes like that?

"you are like every creepy boy at this school. tall? check. tattoos? check. nose piercing? check," and tears began falling down from her face. "you're somebody who gets their way with everybody. you don't take no for an answer billie because you keep trying. you're the definition of a fuck girl. what? you think i wouldn't find out about you. you take advantage of whoever you want and you always get your fucking way,"

"what the fuck are you talking about kaylani?" i asked her.

"keep your distance from me billie," and when she said that, my heart dropped to my ass again. "my sister told you i was off limits and you should've listened to her. it's not good being your friend. it's not good for you. you deserve better, okay,"

"kaylani st–"

"–please," she begged, wiping away her tears. "stay away from me billie. just please. you deserve better,"

she grabbed her purse and phone and she gave me a look, wiped her nose, unlocked the door and she walked out and of course i let her go.

of course i did.

•

lmao i cried writing this chapter, literally. this broke my heart because my baby kaylani is keeping something from them and she's hurting so bad and she's not saying anything :(

thoughts??

– armani 🦋