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k a y l a n i

i began my senior year.

i've still been going to see my therapist and i have two doctor appointments every month. it's been tiring, but i do want to get better.

nothings bad has really happened since the whole court thing and billie's parents haven't made a come back and i really hope they don't, because i'm going to say something. i don't care. they've caused so much trauma to billie and then they wanna come back and yell at her for doing something that was meant to be done?

kylie started her classes at college. she still lives at home, so she comes home when she doesn't have classes and she comes on the weekends, so she was going to come this weekend and i'm glad, because i'm beginning to have separation anxiety from her.

today was friday and my last class was study hall. i finished all my class work and homework already. since it's about two weeks into school, they don't give a lot of homework and i'm glad.

i was roaming around the building and then i saw my biology teachers, mrs.walker.

"hey kaylani," she greeted me with a smile.

"hi miss," i responded, returning the smile. "do you need help with anything? i had study hall right now, but i don't have any work to make up,"

"i'm just cleaning up my classroom. you want to help?" she asked and i nodded.

i knew her ever since my sophomore year and i wanted her as my teacher so bad and i finally got her. she's the only teacher i can really trust, and my moms are close with her too.

we walked inside her classroom and she gave me wipes and spray bottle and she told me to start wiping down the tables and the chairs and i nodded.

"so how you've been love? how's school for you?" she asked, beginning to start a conversation.

"i've been okay," i began, as i began wiping down the tables first. "schools been easy so far. i'm just really excited for this year, because this is my last year,"

"what colleges are you hoping you get excepted into, or is there just one?" she questioned.

"i wanna go to yale," i said and she smiled. "i of course, signed up for other schools. but mostly yale, because i want to be a lawyer in the future. that's my dream. when i was younger, i wanted to sing, but i think i can be a good lawyer,"

"i believe you," she said with a nod. "i've noticed you've began getting more comfortable speaking. you used to be so so shy like freshman year and sophomore year. i'm proud of you kaylani. so proud,"

fuck i wanna cry. i wanna cry every time somebody says they're proud of me, because that really makes me so so happy.

"thank you," i smiled. "and, i wanna get out of los angeles. connecticut seems nice, close to new york too and i have some family and friends over there. i also wanted to visit parts of boston too,"

"you're going to get into yale and yale is going to love you," she said to me.

we cleaned in silence and there was about twenty minutes left of my last period.

"i have to go use the bathroom, hold on miss," i told her and she nodded.

i got out the classroom and the distance from her class to the bathroom was kind of far. i felt somebody following me for some reason, but when i turned around, i didn't see anybody.

i walked into the bathroom, did my business and then went to go wash my hands. while i was washing my hands, somebody entered in the bathroom and then i was met with a familiar face when i looked into the mirror.

freddie.

he closed the door and locked it. i turned around, trying to leave quickly, but he grabbed my shoulders, slammed me against the wall and i winced.

"please let me go," i pleaded.

"listen here bitch," he spat and i winced at his tone. "you know what you need to do? you need to shut that pretty like mouth of yours, and maybe you wouldn't be in this situation. you get a tough girlfriend and think you're untouchable?"

"i didn't..i didn't say that," i stuttered.

"your girlfriend can get her ass beat too. i know where the fuck she lives," he continued and i shook my head. "i'll beat her ass just like her father did,"

i tried to push him, but he only slammed me against the wall harder and fuck did that hurt so bad, and tears spilled out my eyes.

"kaylani i would fucking kill you. do you understand?" he asked me. "i'm capable of fucking murder and you will be the first one i will kill, i promise you. i swear that on fucking nathaniel's name. i will wrap my hands around your throat and kill you,"

"stop," i whispered. "just let me go. i didn't do nothing,"

"and i never lie on nathaniel's name. i promise you," he growled, he gave me a push and then walked out the bathroom.

i looked at myself in the mirror and wiped at my tears.

i got this. he didn't mean it. he's just threatening me, and i can't let that get to me.

the door opened again and i turned around quickly and i saw mrs.walker.

"hi my love, i'm dismissing you early. thank you for helping me clean," she told me and i nodded, and then she gave me my belongings and then left the bathroom.

i walked out, going down the stairs to the first floor and then i walked out the school, the cool breeze hitting me skin. i shivered slightly and then i called billie.

"hey baby. wassup?" she greeted me.

"hey," i sniffled. "i got dismissed early from a teacher. are you on your way?"

"yeah. i'll be there in 5," she responded. "what's wrong? you good?"

should i tell billie? i just feel like i'm tired of her handling my battles. i keep putting her into more danger and it's just all my fault. but, i can't keep this fear i have hidden. i will not let billie do anything to him. i just need to tell her, i need to tell somebody.

"i'm good. just need to talk to you about something when we get to your house," i told her and she hummed.

with a quick bye, i hung up the phone and sat on the stairs, waiting for her, and then in about five minutes, i saw her car.

i walked down the steps and got into her car and she pulled me into a kiss and i smiled.

the car ride was silent. i didn't want to tell her about this when she was driving, for the sake of my own safety and hers, and she probably was gonna turn back around and go to the school.

and then..i just blurted the most stupidest question out.

"what would you do if i died?"

and billie stopped the car. in the middle of the street and she looked at me like if i was crazy.

"kaylani, don't ever ask me no stupid shit like that," she told me.

"drive!" i exclaimed.

she began driving again and she kept stealing glances at me.

"why would you ask me that?" she questioned.

"not by suicide. i don't ... i don't think like that," i responded. "but like how about if somebody killed me? just answer it. please,"

she was hesitant at first, but she answered. "cry my eyes the fuck out for days. i don't see a world without you..my world. and after crying, i'll find who's responsible and i'll beat their ass and make sure they get sent to jail forever,"

"okay.." i replied shortly. "okay.."

and the rest of the car ride was silent.

is freddie capable of doing that? or is he just lying?

•

"hey finneas," i greeted her older brother, pulling him into a hug. "where's claudia?"

"staying with her parents today. but how you been?" he asked me.

"i've been good. getting better, and you?" i replied back.

"i'm okay," he said with a smile. "i'm glad you're getting better. i'm here if you need to talk. okay?"

i nodded with a smile and then i walked into billie's room where she was and she was laying down, on her phone. i closed the door, took off my shoes and laid down next to her and snuggled into her neck, smelling her sweet perfume.

"hey," i whispered and she looked down at me.

i puckered up my lips. she chuckled and pressed her lips against mine softly.

"what did you need to tell me?" she asked me, running her fingers through my hair.

"what i need to tell you..you need to swear on finneas's life that you won't do anything, and that you'll stay right here," i began.

"what?"

"billie," i warned, looking at her. "put it on finneas,"

she took in a deep breath and i know she was contemplating.

"okay. on finneas's life, i won't do anything," she said and i nodded.

"okay," i began, sitting up. "the reason i asked you that question was because...i was helping mrs.walker during study hall since study hall is my last period on fridays, and i went into the bathroom and then while in the bathroom, freddie came in. he like pushed me against the wall and threatened me that he would kill me, and he put it on nathaniel's life. do you think .. do you think he's lying?"

and it was silent. billie looked at me with eyes i couldn't read, but i had a feeling she was upset with me, because i made her put it on finneas's life. but she needed to control herself. she needed to stop fighting. fighting doesn't solve anything, i just feel like it makes everything worse.

"fuck," she groaned. "i'm mad..but, at the same time, freddie is a pussy. he's ran away from fights so many times. he wants to prove that he's a rider for nathaniel so bad. he rides his dick like it's a fucking job. he's not gonna hurt you baby, i promise. and if he does, it's his death day,"

"i love you," i whispered.

"i love you more. sleep over today?" she asked me, pouting slightly.

"duh stupid ass," i said in my rosa accent and billie laughed.

but for some reason, i just still felt scared.

is freddie really capable?

•

short chapter. fuck freddie.

anyways, this chapter was short for reasons. the next chapter is my fucking favorite, just letting y'all know. no sad shit.

also, i wrote my first two chapters for my next book! so, the dates and ages are gonna be confusing bc one..i can't do math for shit it's too much, so go along w it.

4 chapters left...or is there?

hope you're having a good morning! ilysm!

– armani 🦋