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k a y l a n i

"you have a crush on her?" juliana asked me after i told her about the whole thing that happened when billie entered in the room.

"girl what?" i said. "when did i say that?"

"kaylani, i've known you since first grade and you only get shy and intimidated by a person when you have a crush on them. AND you've never acted like this around one of kylie's friends before," she told me.

"okay but i'm straight. i don't have a crush," i simply told her.

i don't have a crush..right?

before she could respond, i heard kylie's annoying ass voice calling me. i groaned and told juliana to wait and i made my way out the room and to her room where billie was no where to be found.

"what?" i groaned out.

"is juliana sleeping over?" she asked me.

"you couldn't fucking text me?" i asked her and she ignored my question. "yes she is. she clearly sleeps over friday's through sunday's,"

"okay. billie is doing the same," she said and my heart started beating quicker. "and stop being so rude. she's different from my other friends. she's a REAL friend and she's not like my other 'snobby' friends that you don't like. so respect her please?"

"k,"

and i left the room and closed the door and as soon as i turned the corner, i bumped into a body and tripped backwards but two arms covered in tattoos wrapped around my waist and i was met with piercing blue eyes.

"watch out mamas," billie chuckled as she held me up.

"i- thanks," i said softly, blushing from her arms around my waist.

"your sister told you i was staying here for the weekend?" and i nodded my head. "i'm a lot of fun, so you'll enjoy my company,"

and again, i just nodded my head, confused on why i couldn't speak. this was weird to me. why does she have so much power over me to make me mute?

"juliana is..is waiting f-for me," i stuttered.

"okay," billie chuckled as she let me go.

she gave me a wink and she walked into kylie's room while i sped walk to my room and i closed the door behind me and placed my back against the wall and began breathing heavily.

"are you okay?" juliana asked me.

"i'm fine," i breathed out.

i joined her back in bed and i turned on my tv, went on netflix and changed my LED lights to green and clicked on "stranger things" since juliana and i love that show so much and we're waiting for season 4 so we watch it from season 1 to season 3 in a full night like every other month so our memory can be refreshed.

few hours passed and we finished season 1 and on to season 2 and i heard the front door open and a few seconds later, there was a knock on the door and a head peeped in and it was my mom.

"hi mom," i greeted her with a smile and a wave.

"hi baby, and hi juli. spending the weekend here again?" my mom asked her and juliana nodded. "kylie's here?"

"yeah. her best friend is spending the weekend here," i told her and she nodded.

"billie?"

"how'd you know?" i asked her.

"well, kylie told me about her and she seems different from her other annoying friends so i hope i like this one," she told me.

"kaylani totally has a crush on her," juliana teased and my eyes widened.

"n-no," i stuttered with a shake of my head and my mom just laughed. "how'd the photoshoot go?"

"it was good. it's a winter theme photoshoot so it's not coming out on magazines until january," she told me and i nodded my head. "well, enjoy stranger things,"

and then she left my room.

"really juli?" i said, facing my best friend and she just shrugged. "you've never even seen billie,"

"okay, but the way you explained you and hers little meeting, you definitely felt some type of way for her," she said and i shook my head.

"it's been a while since i've liked anybody and you know ever since .. you know , i don't catch feelings for anybody anymore," i reminded her and she gave me a sympathetic look and i shrugged lightly. "anyways, let's just stop talking about it,"

and as soon as we turned our direction to the tv, my door opened again and there i saw kylie and billie.

"oh wow," juliana whispered, her eyes set on billie and i forced myself not to laugh.

"yes?" i asked.

"we're staying here," kylie said and i couldn't even respond because she closed the door and jumped on the bed laying down between juliana and i while billie jumped on the bed and laid down at the edge.

"i didn't invite both of you guys to my room," i told them.

"what're you watching?" billie asked, ignoring my comment that i made.

"stranger things," juliana said. "lani and i love this show,"

"nerds," kylie snorted.

"stranger things is not nerdy," i argued.

"oh really?" kylie asked. "all that scientist shit, nerdy as fuck.

"bro shut the fuck up!" juliana groaned, covering her ears and billie chuckled.

"how about," billie started. "we don't watch tv and we play a game instead,"

she grabbed the remote and turned the tv off and made eye contact with me and her once light blue eyes turned a bit darker and i was confused, how in the hell.

"okay," i said and juliana looked at me with a smirk.

billie sat up and brushed her fingers through her green hair and licked her lips.

"hide and seek," she said. "one person hides and the other three tries to find them. and then first person to find them is the one who hides,"

"okay, i'm down. our house is big and kaylani and i know all the hiding spots, so if one of us is hiding, good luck trying to find us," kylie said, smiling at me and i smiled back.

"how about your mom?" juliana asked us.

"her room is the last room in the hallway so we don't go down that way, we can go downstairs to the basement, and downstairs to the first floor," i told her.

"kaylani," billie said and my head snapped towards her. "you go hide first. you're the smallest one and the youngest one,"

i groaned and rolled my eyes jokingly and then i got off the bed. i pulled down my shorts and i looked back and i saw billie's eyes on me, but her eyes were on my lower region. she felt my eyes on her and she looked up at me and i felt my cheeks turn crimson red.

"we'll count to fifty, go hide," billie demanded and i nodded my head.

they started counting and i ran out the room and i was just stuck in the hallway not knowing where to go and then i seen kylie's door room open.

i quietly ran into her room and her room was really big and so i ran into her closet, hid behind her sweaters and i closed the door and just waited for them to stop counting.

"WE'RE COMING!" i heard kylie's voice.

i hated being in the dark. when i was little i used to sleep with my parents and then when they weren't here, i would sleep with kylie and i would force her to tell me a story about princesses and princes so i can go to sleep and then she would carry me back to my room and let me sleep there and then when i would wake up, i would cry thinking i was kidnapped or something but kylie would always be at the edge of my bed knowing that i would cry when i woke up and she told me that she didn't go nowhere and i didn't get kidnapped and then i got used to sleeping by myself.

"BOO!"

i screamed and her hand quickly covered my mouth and she slid down, sitting right next to me and closing the door behind her.

"this is not the rules of the game," i told her.

"i don't care i made this game up so i can break the rules if i want to," billie replied to me. "took me three minutes to find you and you didn't even notice i came into the room,"

"i was thinking," i said to her and began fidgeting with fingers. that's what i did when i was nervous.

"they're looking in every cabinet. i get upstairs and they get downstairs so they won't be up here in a few," she told me. "now.." she got closer to me and put my head up with her finger on my chin and she looked directly into my eyes. "wassup with you ma?"

"what are you doing?" i whispered to her.

"what the fuck are you doing to me?" she whispered back and i didn't miss how her eyes flickered to my lips. "it's something about you. the only thing i know is your name, and your age and i don't know jack shit about you besides that, but yet you're doing something to me,"

"i'm not doing anything," i squeaked out, totally confused about what she meant.

"you know exactly what you're doing," she husked out and i shook my head and she grabbed my face gently and she got closer to me and i felt her breath against my lips. "can i kiss you?"

i was about to nod but then i remembered last summer and i completely jerked back and she looked at me with wide eyes.

"i'm sorry .. did i do something?" she asked me and i shook my head, my heart pounding in my chest.

my breath started to quicken and i felt tears form in my eyes. i felt so embarrassed having a panic attack in front of billie , a girl i barely know.

she took me by surprise and held my face again and made sure i looked in her eyes.

"breathe with me okay? copy my breathing," she said and she started breathing and i tried copying her breathing and she nodded her head. "good, good. you're going to be okay, just copy my breathing,"

after a few seconds, my breathing got back to normal and she smiled at me and wiped the tears that were falling from my face and then the door to the closet opened and there stood juliana and kylie.

"why are you crying?" juliana asked me.

"billie did you say something to her?" kylie asked billie aggressively, pulling me away from billie's touch. "are you okay?"

"she had a panic attack bro, i didn't say shit to her," billie responded, defending herself.

"you did?" juliana asked me as she sat down and placed her hand on my hair and began massaging it and i nodded my head.

"what triggered it?" kylie asked me.

i would get panic attacks when i'm in the dark and if somebody tries to touch me the way billie did, but i couldn't just out billie and say it was because she was about to kiss me, so my only option was to lie.

"the dark," i lied. "billie found me and i was having a panic attack and she came in here and calmed me down and made sure i didn't pass out so she just told me to copy her breathing,"

"okay .. okay .. " kylie said while nodding her head. "do you want to continue or you want to do something else?"

"let's do something else," i replied quickly.

"we can bake," juliana chirped up and we all agreed with her.

kylie didn't let me go when we walked down the stairs and i loved the sweet side of her when she cared for me. she could be mean sometimes, but when people aren't looking, she can be really really nice and soft. although her and i don't always speak and we argue a lot, i could never say i hate her.

and, i really couldn't believe i had a panic attack when billie tried to kissed me. i mean, i kind of saw it coming but i wanna know what billie meant when she said 'what the fuck are you doing to me?' does she like me or does she just want to touch me inappropriately because of the outfit i was wearing tonight.

and i hope it wasn't because of what i was wearing that made her want to kiss me.

•

this whole thing w billie is really crazy.

i just feel like she shouldn't be canceled, she's not going to be canceled. but i do feel like she should apologize. also, if you're not asian [ since she said a word that's harmful to asians ] i feel like you don't really have a place to speak on how you feel ab it.

some people are saying that she was young and she didn't know what she was doing and she didn't know what it meant. i get that, but now she does so i feel like she should apologize, ya know ?

she's not canceled tho. but people it's still something offensive and you guys don't need to be so cruel to her and send death threats to her and shit. she's still a teenager, so relax.

but , i know i said i wasn't gonna publish this but i feel bad and chapter one wasn't really a lot of information, and i felt bad updating 'call out my name' and not at least giving you guys another chapter of this.

anyways , thoughts on this chapter ???

– armani 🦋