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k a y l a n i

one more day until 2020.

new york has been amazing so far. the snow, the people i've seen. i've made friends every time i came to new york, but we only talked whenever i was in new york, not when i was back in la.

i made two really close friends here in new york. they were dating and they're so cute. they're both girls. they've been dating since their freshman year of highschool and now they were on their way to college, together.

my moms like them, and so does kylie, so of course they were going to come to see us when my moms threw their new years party. but this will be the first time juliana and her parents would meet them.

my mom, aaliyah was really known in new york. new york loves her. her pictures has been in times square before, they respect my mother, lisa as a doctor. everybody loves my moms and i don't blame them.

all i've been thinking was about billie. we've been texting and all i can think about is our kiss and how i really told her i had feelings for her.

i was planning on telling kylie and juliana today. i already told my moms what i did and they were really
proud of me. only thing i didn't tell them was that i told her about the nathaniel thing, but without his name.

i didn't know how kylie and juliana were going to act, but if they wanna argue, i got time today.

we were all in the condo that we stayed at near times square. the whole apartment color was white and the decorations were beautiful. we only came here about once a year, maybe twice if we feel like it, so it was always neat. my moms had people who decorated the whole apartment for christmas and they did it amazing. the big green tree with the ornaments, the lights around the whole apartment, the living room, bathroom and kitchen decorations. i love it so much. but, i love modern things too. i got used to seeing big houses and apartments, because that's all my moms liked.

"what time is everybody coming?" kylie asked my moms.

"around 9:30. nobody really has work tomorrow, so we're going to party until we drop," my mom, aaliyah replied.

"are there celebrities coming?" juliana asked, smiling.

"of course," my mother, lisa replied.

"yay!" juliana shrieked as she pulled kylie into a hug and they both laughed.

"daniel and jadelis, wanna come with lisa and i to go shopping for the party?" my mom asked juliana's parents and they nodded. "alright, c'mon. guys, there's food in the fridge, if you don't want that, y'all can always order food. be safe and call us if anything,"

kylie and i's parents came to us and pressed a kiss to our forehead each and juliana's parents did the same to her and then they all left, leaving the three of us here.

"are we actually gonna stay here?" kylie asked and juliana shrugged. "lani? you've been mad quiet, wassup?"

"i gotta tell y'all something," i finally spoke up and they came to sat down in the living room couches. "y'all can't say anything until i'm done. understood?"

and they just nodded their heads.

"christmas eve. when billie was over, i was jealous," i began and they looked confused. "i was jealous, because she was talking to juliana. giggling and flirting that's what i thought. because, kylie told me when somebody's flirting, they always giggle and hitting each other and when i saw juliana and billie giggling with each other, i assumed they were flirting," i chuckled and juliana just looked so confused and it was kind of funny. "so i was being petty, giving her side glances and i said slick shit at the table. but i didn't know what it was, because i've never felt it before. i didn't know it was jealousy and i HATED the feeling. after dinner was done, billie left and i looked at kylie and jayden and saw how they were looking at each other and i noticed the look, because that's how billie looks at me and that's how i started looking at her. so i went outside, and she asked me why i was giving her the cold shoulder and i told her .. i told her i like her and i was jealous of her and juliana, which was so embarrassing for me to say," now they were shocked, because they just heard i like billie. "she was speechless for a moment and i started apologizing for what i said at the table and then she kissed me and we just kissed. then, i told her i wanted to take this slow. i didn't want to be her girlfriend yet, i want to go on dates and get to know each other more,"

there was silence for a few and i looked between the two girls sitting in front of me. they looked at me with shocked looks.

"can y'all say something?" i asked nervously.

"that was really some balls kaylani," juliana chuckled and i smiled shyly. "i was waiting for you to tell her about yours feelings, shit. i know it's harder to open up after nathaniel, but i'm proud of you, for real, and you don't even gotta be jealous of her and i. the dude from chipotle texted me and he wrote a whole paragraph apologizing, saying like oh..i wanted you to say something first. i feel like sex is more important for girls. it's important to me too, but you told me you only have sex with people you're dating blah blah blah. i didn't give in as soon as he sent me that shit, but we taking it step by step,"

"i'm proud of you too," i smiled and she came to me and jumped on me, pulling me into a hug and i chuckled, wrapping my arms around her.

"no," i heard kylie say and i pulled out from the hug with juliana and i looked at her with confusion. "no kaylani,"

"no?" i questioned. "i wasn't asking your for permission. i was telling you,"

"i don't care," she responded, her voice rising. "that shit you went through and you're ready to date somebody?"

"somebody? it's billie. your best friend," i said confused.

"i was friends with nathaniel and what the fuck did he do?" she asked me. "i love billie, but you can't be trusting anybody,"

"wow," i chuckled. "since when did you think i cared about you had to say? just because you're older than me doesn't mean shit. i like billie and i'm going to continue to like billie. her and i don't care about that lil speech you gave her in the car about me being off limits. YOU don't choose that for me,"

"okay guys, don't arg–"

"–you care about what i have to say and you know that. you've been listening to me ever since," kylie responded, cutting juliana off.

"i actually really don't care," i simply said, shrugging softly. "i'm not gonna stop dating forever, and plus i already told billie about the whole nathaniel thing on her birthday, i didn't mention his name though,"

and this pissed her off the max.

"seriously kaylani?" she questioned me. "you all of a sudden trust billie and you told her about the nathaniel thing? after not even knowing her a long time and you tell her?"

"what the fuck is your problem?" i yelled. i was tired. i was tired of her babying me, and i was tired of not speaking up. "like are you gonna feel a type of way because you think i'm gonna steal billie away from you?"

"lani, calm d–"

"–no! you only want yourself to be fucking happy!" i snapped. "you never wanna see nobody else happy around you. we get it! you fucking like jayden. you're happy. you have yourself a college man who treats you amazing. the world doesn't fucking revolve around you. you should be proud of me for opening up. he recently just fucking threatened me, i saw him again after not seeing him for three months. billie has been fucking patient with me. you're a selfish bitch. you never wanna see me happy. you think i'm gonna depend everything on you? i can handle my own shit!"

"kaylani, stop," juliana whispered to me and i felt tears falling down my face and i wiped at them furiously.

"i hurt billie, a lot. i compared her to nathaniel, when she didn't know what nathaniel did to me. but i compared them two, knowing billie is NOTHING like nathaniel. i like billie and i'm going to continue to keep liking her," i continued and the two girls just sat silently as i continued rambling. "she's made me the happiest i've ever been. i'm tired of you babying me. i don't cut myself anymore. i haven't cut myself ever since billie came in my life and i didn't even realize that. stop ruining shit for me kylie. you're fucking selfish. i can be happy too. i don't have to sit around and remind myself my own boyfriend almost raped me. so next time, just shut the fuck up and listen. i didn't ask for your permission on whether i can and can't date billie. i choose that for myself,"

"hey," juliana whispered, wiping my tears away and i sniffled.

"fuck bro," i cursed at myself as tears kept running down my face. i hate crying, i cry a lot. when i'm mad, sad, happy. like why?

"i'm sorry," i heard kylie say.

"fuck your sorries. next time, stay in your place and stay out of mine," and then i got up and walked to my room.

i grabbed my phone and pressed on billie's contact and on the second ring, she picked up.

"hey, wassup princess," she greeted me

"billie," i sobbed.

"what's wrong? why're you crying kaylani? did something happen?"

"i told kylie and juliana about us. juliana said she was happy i made the move and told you how i felt. kylie and i argued, because she felt like it was wrong for me to move on so quick from the situation. i told her you knew about the whole situation and it made her mad. she told me not to trust anybody, because my ex was once her friend just like you are now," i explained, it was hard for me to explain because of how hard i was crying and i kept gasping. "i called her a selfish bitch and i told her she doesn't control my life. i feel bad..but i don't know billie,"

"hey, calm down baby," she cooed. "calm down for me before you have a panic attack mama. copy my breathing, okay?"

i nodded against the phone even though she couldn't see me. i tried matching her breathing and about a minute later, i got my breathing under control.

"good job kaylani,"

"i miss you. i really don't wanna be here right now,"

"hey, don't say that," she whispered. "just stay in your room and relax my love. and i miss you too,"

there was a knock at my door.

"kaylani? it's kylie,"

"is that kylie?" billie questioned and i just hummed in response. "talk to her baby. call me later, okay?"

"okay bye,"

and then i hung up and kylie entered my room, closing the door behind her and she sat on the edge of my bed.

"i'm sorry," she apologized once again and i just wiped my nose and sniffled. "it's just..i haven't moved on from it. i know it's your business and you can tell whoever you please. i just..i see him every time i go to school and you crying to me telling me what he did to you makes me upset. i want to beat the shit out of him whenever i see him, but i don't. kaylani, you're my little sister and me being your big sister, i'm meant to protect you. i couldn't protect you from that night and it kills me. i get overprotective over you. i know billie would never ever do that to you, but it scares me. i just want to protect you and make sure you're okay,"

"i know," i responded softly, feeling tears in my eyes again as kylie cried in front of me. "but you need to let me decide for myself. you can't decide for me. i know you're very protective over me, just like i am for you. but, i'm cautious now. that's why i chose billie. i know she's different and she will never pressure me into doing something. if anything, i'll be the one to tell her i want to do something. i'm sorry too..for yelling at you,"

"no i deserved it," she sniffled and i gave her a sad smile. "c'mere bubs,"

i crawled to her and laid my head on her lap as she began playing with my hair.

"i love you and i'm proud of you for moving on. i can't believe my best friend and my sister are about to date. i always thought that was in like movies or books," she said to me and i laughed. "just make sure you're careful and you can talk to me about anything. i'll shut the fuck up and listen,"

"i love you too,"

•

two hours until 2020.

i was wearing a silver dress that showed a little cleavage with black heels. my hair was out and straightened and i wore a little bit of makeup, not too much.

people were already in the building, drinking, dancing and talking.

i sent billie some pictures and videos and her responses were her calling me beautiful, called me princess and angel, and she told me she was lucky and it made me blush.

i walked out into the living room and then i saw pink hair and black hair.

"hi my loves!" i greeted my two favorite girls.

they turned around and squealed, pulling me into a hug.

"kaylani bitch, i missed you," the short latina said to me and i smiled. "we missed you, actually,"

"yes girl," the tall jamaican agreed and i placed a kiss on her forehead.

"nicole, you really stand out with your pink lace," i laughed and she laughed along with me.

"nova told me the pink would look good with my white dress, and it does," nicole said and nova winked. "you're annoying,"

"anyways, you got la tea?" nova asked me as we all took a seat, but instead of nova sitting on the couch, she sat on nicole's lap. they're such a cute couple.

"i like a girl,"

"WHAT!" they both yelled, and my eyes widened, covering both of their mouths.

"her name is billie. she's super tall, compared to me. she has black and green hair. has tattoos and a nose piercing. she's really protective over me and always wants to make sure i'm okay," i described to them and they looked so happy. "i told her i liked her, even though she's had feelings for me for a while. i told her i liked her christmas eve and she kissed me. we aren't dating YET, but we will soon,"

"i'm so happy for you," nova squealed. "i swear, when you came here the week before school and told us you and nathaniel weren't together anymore, i was so happy. he always gave me weirdo vibes,"

i didn't tell them what nathaniel did to me, i just told them that we broke up and it wasn't a good break up and they were happy, cus they didn't like him, at all.

"yeah," i cheesed.

"i'm really happy for you. plus, you look happy and it's only been like a week and you're already glowing," nicole complimented me.

"soooo...you think you'll get some rump with billie?" nova asked and i furrowed my eyebrows. "oh yeah, you don't know certain 'slang'. but i'm basically asking you, do you think you'll lose your virginity to her?"

and i answered it with no hesitation.

"yes,"

"bitch, take a breath. think about it first. it's just a yes like that?" nicole asked and i nodded. "you really like her huh?"

"yes. and i trust her," i responded with a toothless smile. "i mean, not any time soon, but i trust her. with everything in me. and i think she's gonna be the person i lose my virginity to, and the only person i'll have sex with, ever,"

"how about if y'all don't last? you don't want children?" nova asked.

"i don't want anybody else. i'm gonna make sure it lasts," i told them sternly and they nodded and smiled. "like something like y'all. i know y'all don't wanna break up,"

"nicole and i are locked in. she's not going no where and neither am i. i love this sexy girl with all my heart," nova replied and i saw nicole blush slightly. "if you want it, make it work. don't just give up,"

"she didn't give up on me and i won't give up on her," i responded. "also, i'm working on ways to ask her to be my girlfriend,"

"bold move kaylani lynn, bold move, i like that and i support it," nicole said. "do you have any ideas?"

"no,"

the night went on and i introduced juliana to nova and nicole. juliana just kept touching nicole's hair and saying it goes amazing with her. she complimented nova on her body and said she was so fit and beautiful. they talked a lot in spanish, and they're both dominican, and i've learned dominicans speak quickly, so they sounded like they were saying 500 words per minute.

and now it was one minute till 2020. los angeles was 3 hours behind, but billie said for me to call her so we can kiss over the phone and then she'll call me when it's 12 over there.

"EVERYBODY GRAB THEIR KISSING PARTNER!" i heard my mom yell.

nova grabbed nicole, juliana grabbed kylie, my mom grabbed my mother and others grabbed their partner. i facetimed billie and now we started to countdown.

10...

9...

8...

7...

i was gonna start the new year with billie and i couldn't be more excited. fresh year, a brand new start.

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

nicole kissed nova, my moms kissed and juliana and kylie kissed, which was kind of odd to me, but whatever.

"happy new year my love," billie said to me with a smile.

"happy new year baby," and then i pressed my lips against the phone and so did she, and we pulled away with a laugh.

2020, please be good to me.

•

since the majority said to update this, i updated. y'all really gave up on nova and billie🥺. but, i'll update call out my name tmr.

but, y'all think i was gonna bring kaylani to new york and not bring nicole and nova into this?

if you don't know who nicole and nova are, they're from my other book and nova is billie's love interest SKSKSJSJ, but i ship nicole and nova sometimes, so i just had to put them in there.

i'm just saying, y'all are about to LOVEEE the chapters after this. especially chapter 15, wink wink.

– armani 🦋