[A/N: I'm changing the timings a little bit for the beginning of endgame, so shhh.]

——

SAUDADE
[sau-da-de, noun]

a nostalgic longing for something
or someone that was loved and then lost,
with the knowledge that it or they might
never return

——

IT HAD been two months since Wakanda. Since everyone disappeared, turned to dust.

Two months.

Five days.

Eighteen hours.

Thirty-two minutes.

And fifteen seconds.

Since Wanda was ripped away from Carson within a matter of seconds. No explanation. No understanding. No way to fix it. No proper goodbye.

That was sixty-five days of trying to find a way to bring her back, to bring everyone back. Carson would be up for nights on end, isolating himself from the rest of the team as he spent all of his time in the lab.

But there was nothing. Not matter how hard he tried. He couldn't find anything.

And it was destroying him.

Sometimes he swore he could still hear her, as if she'd never left.

He'd walk into his room, forgetting about the events that occurred in the forest and expect to see her there. Singing to herself like she always used to do, watching one of her many sitcoms or just be sat on the bed reading.

Carson would open the door, just in case. But every time it was opened he was just met with an empty, cold, silent space, of where she used to be.

There were even times when he thought that this was all just a dream, that his mind was playing some sort of trick on him like it had been doing a few months prior. That he would open his eyes and see her laying next to him fast asleep, safe and sound.

But then when he'd feel the chain around his neck that carried her ring, he knew that it was real. It wasn't just some sort of sick, twisted trick after all.

And in reality, the ring was all he had left of her.

As of now, he was in the lab... again. Head down, not paying attention to anything around him, his entire focus was on the screen in front of him as he was running another test to see if his latest idea would work.

Carson ran a hand through his hair and started tapping his pen against the desk in anticipation, watching as the bar on the screen started to fill up along with the percentage rising.

His eyes widened for a moment as it almost looked as if the scan was going to complete. But before it could reach one hundred percentage, the diagram turned red.

"Test unsuccessful." FRIDAY announced. "I'm sorry, Mr. Swan."

Carson clenched his jaw and inhaled sharply, trying to fight the anger that started to creep up on him. He had failed once more.

"Run it again." He ordered.

"But sir the—"

"Run it, again."

A gentle hand being placed on Carson's back pulled him from his own little bubble and he looked over his shoulder, seeing Natasha stood at his side and looking down at him with a sad smile.

"Carson... you've been in here all day." Natasha spoke softly. "Don't you think it's time to come down?"

Carson shook his head and turned his attention back to the screen. "I need to finish this."

Natasha sighed. "You promised you'd come down tonight."

"Maybe some other time."

"Well, uh, Steve is going to try and make dinner. You know how bad he is when it comes to that sort of stuff, it'll be the perfect opportunity to make fun of him." She suggested with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

Although, her face fell at the lack of reaction from Carson and she frowned as he kept his attention on the screen that was below him as he started typing something up.

Natasha walked around to the other side of the table and sat down across from him, a small sigh leaving her mouth as she noticed the dark bags underneath his eyes.

"Listen, I—"

"Natasha don't." Carson finally met her eyes. "I know what you're about to say and I don't want to hear it."

"It's just," Natasha inhaled. "It's been two months Carson... they're not coming back. Wanda isn't coming back."

Carson stood up, resting his hands on the table as he let his head hang down. He glanced at the screen below him. The words that were written getting stuck in his head.

Failure.

Failure.

Failure.

"No." Carson shook his head. "Now is exactly the time not to stop. Because, you see," He slammed his hands down on the desk. "Nothing I seem to be doing is working!"

Natasha's face scrunched at the loud bang. "Carson, please. This isn't just research anymore, this is mania!"

"Don't be ridiculous Natasha."

"Ridiculous?! You aren't sleeping, you barely leave this lab, nobody ever sees you anymore! And when they do you just push them away, like you're doing to me!"

Carson scoffed. "At least I'm actually trying to do something about it, to get everyone back, while the rest of you are off playing house."

Natasha blinked a few times, taken back by his words. "That's not fair. We all tried and you know we did! But some things can't be fixed."

He looked up at the ceiling as he inhaled deeply. "But life without her is—"

"It's still life." Natasha interrupted. "This isn't the end Carson, there are other things that can give your life meaning."

"Like what?" Carson glared at her. "You? Steve? The rest of the team? This compound? What do you want from me Natasha, hm? Do you want me to wake up every morning and put on a smile, act like nothing happened, pretend that we didn't lose? For me to sit down and have dinner with you all, pretending that I don't notice the empty chairs of where they used to sit? Where she used to... look I'm sorry Natasha, alright? I'm sorry I haven't moved on about this as quick as you."

"Carson that's not—"

"Just get out."

"What?"

Get out, get out, get out, get out.

"I said get out!" He shouted. "I can't listen to you try to convince me that everything is perfectly fine any longer Natasha, because it's not! God I'm tired of it. It's the same god damn conversation everyday! So just leave!"

"Fine." Natasha stood up. "I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore."

"Oh, too difficult for you is it?" Carson rolled his eyes.

"Yes, it is. It breaks my heart to see you this way." Her voice cracked slightly.

"No, no." Carson shook his head. "Don't do that, don't pity me."

"I'm not pitying you."

Yes she is. She is.

"Oh, yeah? Then what are you doing here, talking to me about dinner like we're some sort of happy family?" Carson leant on his hands and moved his face closer to her. "We are not family Natasha. We're co-workers. That's it. It's time you got that into your head."

Natasha swallowed thickly and looked down at her hands. "You don't mean that."

Carson raised a brow. "Don't I?"

He didn't.

He didn't mean it at all.

The words that left his mouth seemed to sink in and he looked at Natasha with wide eyes, watching in horror as she bit down on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying.

It just slipped out and it shocked him just as much as it shocked her. Carson had no idea why he was acting this way. There was just so much anger, so much resentment, so much pain that had been bubbling up over the past few months and he couldn't take it anymore.

He was just so tired.

Natasha took a deep breath, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her top. "I, uh... I think I'm gonna go."

Carson nodded slowly, looking around at different points in the room as he avoided her eyes. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. Not after what he said.

She waited to see if he would say something, do something. But he didn't. Instead he walked back over to his desk and sat back down on the chair. He turned his back to her and looked out the window, his hand clasped tightly around Wanda's ring that was hanging from his neck.

She would be so disappointed in you.

You're a failure.

Natasha started to walk towards the door, only for her movements to come to a halt as the ground started to rumble a little. The things on Carson's desk started to shake, some pens rolling off and falling on the floor.

He stood up and looked around in confusion, his eyes locking with Natasha's as he turned around. She didn't say anything to him, she just hurried out the room expecting him follow. Which he did.

They both made their way to the entrance of the compound in silence and bumped into the others on the way, who seemed just as confused as them.

All of them made their way outside and saw a large spaceship being carefully carried towards the ground by... a glowing woman? What the fuck.

The stranger set the space ship down and looked over her shoulder at them all, giving them a small but warm smile.

That was when the doors to the ship opened and two people started to emerge. The one of the left didn't seem to be human, she had her arms wrapped around the other occupant and was slowly walking down to steps, helping him.

And the one on the right... well. It was too dark to make out the man's facial features at first, but when the light from the inside of the ship hit the mans face, Carson knew exactly who it was.

None other than Tony Stark.

Carson's eyes widened and he instantly bolted forwards, running towards the ship. Tony looked up from the ground and met Carson's eyes, a huge smile forming on the older mans face, just as it did with Carson's.

They pulled each other into a hug, both of them laughing in excitement as they couldn't believe that this was really happening. He was home. He was finally home.

"I missed you bud." Tony spoke up.

Carson grinned. "All that time away seems to have turned you soft."

Tony playfully rolled his eyes. "Let me have this one."

Carson chuckled. "I missed you too. And I'm glad you're okay."

Carson pulled back and took in Tony's features, his brows coming together when he noticed his condition, how weak he looked. He wrapped his arm around Tony to support him and started walking him back towards the others, so they could make sure he was okay and get him checked up inside.

"I... I couldn't stop him." Tony said quietly.

Carson's smile faded once he realised who Tony was referring to. "Neither could I."

"Hang on." Tony stopped walking and held onto Carson's arm, making him face him. The man took a deep breath before speaking. "I lost the kid."

"I lost W—" Carson paused. "Tony, we lost."

Tony nodded slowly with a nervous breath. "Is uh...."

Pepper suddenly ran up two the two men in tears. "Oh my god." She cried as she took Tony into her arms, hugging him tightly. Tony let out a breath and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in closer.

Carson took a few steps back to let them have their moment, watching the reunion between the two happily.

Pepper looked at Carson for a moment over Tony's shoulder and reached her arm out to him, taking hold of his hand and giving it a squeeze as she smiled brightly at him.

After a few seconds she let go of his hand and turned her attention back to Tony, pulling away and cupping his face. "I thought I lost you."

Tony gave a light chuckle and shook his head. "You could never lose me Pep." He kissed her cheek.

"You could never lose me, dorogoy. It doesn't matter where we are. I'll always be with you. No matter what."

Carson's jaw locked tightly as images from Wakanda flooded his mind. He inhaled sharply and looked down at the ground as he wiped a hand over his face. Natasha noticed and walked over, slipping her hand into his which made him jump at the touch.

"I— um..." Carson cleared his throat and let go of Natasha's hand. "I'll be inside."

Tony watched as Carson walked back towards the compound and looked over at Steve and Natasha, waiting for them to explain.

Steve and Natasha both shared a look, each of them taking a deep breath before they gave the news.

Steve broke the silence. "After Thanos snapped in Wakanda and everyone started to disappear... Carson uh... he..."

"He lost Wanda." Natasha finished his sentence. "Carson found her in the woods and she— she died, in his arms."

Tony's heart dropped and he glanced back over at Carson who was now walking through the front door. "Shit..."

~~ ᗢ ~~

[Not edited]