a/n: it's finally here!! quick warning before you read, there are mentions/suggestions to smut, actual smut, mentions and descriptions of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. i will put a warning before the smut, but everything else will not have a warning before it, so please do not read if you are not comfortable with any of the things mentioned above.

other than that, enjoy!

Monday 1st September, 1976

It was the first day of school and Regulus was desperate to get on the train. Unfortunately, his parents did not share his desperation and kept him by their side, the perfect picture of the perfect family. The collar of Regulus' shirt was digging into his skin and he had to actively stop himself from tugging on it to loosen it.

He saw Barty from across the station, eyeing him, and suppressed a sigh. He knew all too well that as soon as he got on that train Barty would give him shit for wearing something so formal to school. Barty's own father had given up on him years ago and didn't even blink at the sight of his son in shabby leather jackets and patched up trousers.

Regulus suffered his parents for a while longer, keeping his face carefully neutral as they greeted family members and friends, though those two categories often went together, what with the inbreeding and all. He was pretty sure even Barty and him were distantly related, and he knew for a fact that Evan and him were fifth or sixth cousins.

"You remember what we told you, Regulus?"

He ignored the instinct to flinch as he heard his mother's voice. He turned to face her, eyes reluctantly flickering to her face, more importantly the stormy grey eyes there, so similar to his own it hurt sometimes.

Regulus nodded his head silently, knowing she was going to repeat it anyway. Hopefully not to the length she had all summer, otherwise the train would leave without him. He dutifully listened to her words, trying to focus. He found it hard when the train was right there, but he knew his mother wouldn't let him go until she was satisfied he understood her rules.

"...and you are not to talk to Sirius under any circumstances, do you understand?"

Regulus nodded his head, a bitter taste in his mouth. It was always Sirius now, never your brother. She'd stopped referring to Sirius as family a long time ago. After Sirius left this summer, her hatred for him had only grown and often it was all she could talk about.

Regulus couldn't deny his own anger when he thought of his brother leaving him stranded in that house, but to go as far as hatred made Regulus feel sick. Even though his brother had betrayed him, he wasn't ready to let him go.

It was stupid, though, because Sirius had already left. Regulus was holding onto nothing. A ghost of someone he once knew, but would likely never know again.

Finally though, after what had felt like hours, his mother let him go with a stern 'be good' and stiff 'goodbye'. Regulus could barely get himself to care about his mother's lack of affection, not when he was already getting on the train, free from his parents for at least three months, maybe more if they allowed him to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas.

Regulus walked down the hallway of the train quickly, not even bothering to peer into the windows of the carriages. Regulus and his friends had used the same compartment since their first year, and after a vicious fight in their third year involving some second years, everyone had known to leave that compartment to them. Sure, there was the occasional first year that didn't know, but Barty usually scared them off, and if that didn't work, well, they had Regulus for that.

By the time Regulus reached their compartment, he felt a little out of breath. He'd tried not to seem like he was running, but sometimes his eagerness got ahead of him. Still, he took a few deep breaths before entering the carriage, because if Barty or Evan found out he'd ran here they'd become menaces.

"There he is!" Barty shouted as Regulus entered the compartment. "C'mere Reg."

Regulus avoided Barty's attempted hug, only to be trapped by Evan, who was grinning feverishly as he wrapped his arms around him. Regulus scowled, pulling back, only for Barty to sling his arm around his neck.

"Give me a hug Regulus," he demanded, nearly strangling Regulus as he hugged him.

Regulus shoved him off and cursed both of them, shaking his head. "I should have transferred to Beauxbatons."

Barty gasped, hand going to his heart as he collapsed on Avery, the Slytherin boy shoving him on the floor.

"This is designer clothing Crouch," he informed him. "Don't get it wrinkled."

Barty rolled his eyes as he got up, ruffling Avery's hair as he did, making the boy scowl. Regulus was doing a similar thing, staring at Barty and Evan as they stared innocently back, like they hadn't just assaulted him.

"I hate you both," he mumbled, before sitting down next to Pandora.

She gave him a smile and hugged him, and Regulus finally let himself relax, the tension in his shoulders leaving as he relaxed into the embrace. Only for a second, of course, before Pandora pulled away. She herself wasn't one for prolonged physical contact, something Regulus was grateful for.

"So, Reg, how were your holidays?" Avery asked as he finished patting down his hair after Barty's destruction.

Regulus shrugged, trying to look calm, unaffected. "It was okay. Nothing special."

Regulus knew that they were all aware of Sirius leaving; the purebloods had a way with gossip. They'd even sent Regulus letters after they'd found out, but when Regulus hadn't answered them they'd stopped. He'd appreciated their usual idiotic welcome, but now they were staring at him with worried gazes, making Regulus feel sick.

"Yeah?" Avery was the one speaking, which was smart. He was always good when dealing with emotions. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Regulus tried not to scream. Tried not to rip out his hair and cry and rage and let out all the feelings inside him. He'd spent all summer carefully bottling them, keeping the lid on tight, and he refused to let his friends ruin all that hard work on the first day.

"Nothing to talk about," he answered nonchalantly, taking off his blazer. He rummaged through his trunk for a less formal jumper, all too aware of the stifling silence behind him. Once he'd put his jumper on and sat down, one look at his friends told him this was an ambush.

"You sure mate?" Barty asked hesitantly. "We know that stuff with Sirius isn't very good..."

"Can we not talk about this?" Regulus snapped, the tension back in his shoulders. The logical part of his brain knew his friends were only trying to help, but the rest of it wanted to curse them and run away.

Pandora stared at him imploringly. "Regulus, we just want to help you-"

Regulus stood up, giving everyone in the room a scathing look. "I don't need or want your help. So leave it."

With that he left the compartment, slamming the door shut harder than necessary. He was pissed. This wasn't how he'd wanted the first day of school to go. He'd wanted to hang out with his friends and ignore his problems and shove down the dread he felt in seeing Sirius again. He'd already tried to send Regulus some letters, but he'd burnt them and sent back scathing replies, enough for Sirius to know he was not welcome.

He was not forgiven.

Lost in his thoughts, Regulus didn't notice he was walking in someone's way until they clashed head on, Regulus stumbling back a step as his eyes landed on who he'd bumped into.

He took one glance at the h/c hair and e/c eyes before sighing internally. Y/n Potter. Great. Just what he needed right now. The girl stumbled back, dropping the snacks that had been piled in her hands and glared accusingly at Regulus.

He waited for the scathing remark, and was surprised when Y/n didn't snap at him. Even more so when her expression changed from irritated to... interested? Regulus' eyes widened as he realised Y/n was checking him out.

What the fuck?

He didn't know what to do. First year Regulus would be cheering and screaming, because he'd had the biggest crush on Y/n back then. However, as time went by he actually got to know her and that passing fancy disappeared, because Y/n was just as stubborn, selfish, and arrogant as her brother, and Regulus wanted no part in that.

His lips were curled into a scowl when Y/n finally managed to get a hold of herself, and by then Regulus was even angrier than he'd been before, reminded of James, the boy who'd stolen his brother.

"Watch where you're going Potter," he sneered, feeling a satisfaction of being able to take his anger out on someone.

Unfortunately Y/n wasn't someone you could walk over like a rug, which was a shame, really, because she'd be much more likeable if she were.

The girl scoffed, disgust clear in her eyes. Regulus told himself he was relieved there was no more admiration, and while that was partly true, there was also a hollow disappointment that Regulus didn't know what to do with.

"You bumped into me Black," she snarled, kneeling down to pick up her food.

Regulus could kick her down there. He could make a comment of how she was kneeling in front of him, something about the power balance. Really, it was foolish of her to put herself in such a vulnerable position in front of him. Yet, he didn't do anything. Even though he was angry and wanted some sort of release, even when fighting with Y/n would give him that, he waited until she was on her feet before muttering 'whatever' and passing by her.

He continued walking until he arrived at the Prefect's carriage, because it was the only place he could think of where he could have some peace and quiet. Unfortunately, when he opened the carriage door, he realised his mistake.

"Regulus," the Head Boy greeted warmly. "Early for the meeting I see. Good initiative."

Regulus didn't even realise there was supposed to be a meeting, but as he thought about it, of course there was. Every year there was one on the train ride. Regulus had just forgotten in his fit of anger, and only by chance ended up where he was supposed to be.

He gave the Head Boy a tight lipped smile, listening to the older student talk. Usually he would focus more on these conversations, show that he took an interest in them and had what it takes to be a Head Boy. Unfortunately at that moment Regulus could not give two shits about whatever the Head Boy was saying, and desperately wanted to find a corner and be forgotten.

Regulus got his wish when other people started arriving, and he quickly found a spot near the back of the carriage, watching each person enter while he tried once again to contain his emotions, putting it back into its bottle and screwing the lid on as tight as he could get it.

He was actually doing alright, that was, until Y/n entered the room and spotted him standing there. She glared at him, nose turned up, and Regulus couldn't help but bare his teeth in reply. Although he might have been doing that before she'd spotted him. He tended to have a sour expression whenever he laid eyes on either of the Potters. She stormed off to the opposite side of the carriage, the tall quiet one of Sirius' friends trailing behind her. Lupin. Regulus remembered Sirius talking about him in great detail and scowled, looking at the Head Boy and Girl and ignoring Y/n.

They started handing out sheets detailed everyone's Prefect duties, when they'd patrol and with who. When Regulus was passed his sheet, he wasn't very eager to look it. He preferred working alone, and spending hours on end with someone once a week didn't sound very appealing to him. Still, if he got Selena Rowle, the other Slytherin Prefect in his year, he wouldn't mind that much. They got along reasonably well, and she could be funny when she wasn't worried about what others were thinking.

Regulus looked at his sheet, and when he saw the recurring Potter on every page he was about ready to rip it into shreds. For fuck's sake, were they serious? He had to work with Y/n Potter of all people. Regulus grimaced. Y/n was an ignorant, stubborn girl who was naive and annoying. Regulus would have rathered anyone than her- his mind went back to Lupin. Nearly anyone, he amended, stewing in silence.

He looked at Y/n as she received her sheet, eyes scanning the paper eagerly. He could tell the moment she realised she'd be working with him. How her first thought was confusion, nose scrunched up in puzzlement, before realisation dawned on her. Horror, was what Regulus would describe the expression when she looked up at him.

He couldn't help but glare at her.

She glared back, obviously, and Regulus' lip curled. She was such a brat, just like her brother and the rest of their friends.

"I hope you all find these arrangements satisfactory, because as we stated earlier, there will be no changing," the Head Girl said. "If you notice you're with someone from a different house, that is because the Professors have urged us to encourage more inter-house relationships. Now, please go over to your partners and talk to them, get to know them. These are the people you'll be spending the whole year working with."

Regulus suppressed a grimace. The whole year working with Y/n Potter? It sounded as appealing as taking a bath with an ogre, and Regulus was already dreading their first patrol. He glanced at the Head Boy, pondering whether it would be worth trying to get out of this.

He'd probably be able to manage it. He was Regulus Black after all. Now the sole heir of the noble house of Black. The thought brought back some of the less than pleasing feelings he'd been running from, and again he visualised putting the cap on that bottle, screwing it tighter and tighter until all he felt was a dull emptiness.

The emptiness was better than the pain.

He glanced at Y/n, waiting for her to come over to him. He'd be damned if he let a blood traitor kick him around. Y/n seemed to notice this, and with a nudge for Lupin came storming over, attracting many eyes as she went.

She probably didn't even notice. People staring didn't matter to her. She didn't have an image she had to keep, obvious by her irrational decisions on anything and everything. Regulus wondered if she'd ever thought something through in her life before.

She arrived in front of him with a frown and stubborn scowl on her face. Regulus observed her slowly, noting her h/c hair that was slightly messy and the clothes from home that she'd worn here. At the sight of the Potter crest on her shirt he wrinkled his nose, mind going to her idiotic brother.

Y/n didn't appreciate his disgust though, as she bared her teeth like an animal, about to say some ill thought out thing that could end very badly for her, when the Head Boy walked over to them.

"Everything alright here?" he asked them. Regulus noticed his almost concerned gaze dart to Y/n and resisted the urge to groan. Everyone seemed to praise the ground she walked on because of her brother, and Regulus found it extremely irritating.

Even so, he pasted on a smile, putting on the familiar mask he used at home all the time. "Yes, we're fine. We were just discussing our favourite sweets."

Y/n gave him a curious glance, and he resisted the urge to snap at her. She shouldn't be looking at him with anything other than disgust, the same way he looked at her. She saw his irritation and got irritated herself, as she always did at any minor inconvenience.

The Head Boy nodded, utterly convinced, and strolled over to another pair. Regulus watched him walk with barely restrained contempt. To be fair, though, he tended to stare at everyone with contempt.

"I hate you," Y/n hissed, eyes narrowed.

Regulus used the sneer he knew so well, that had been turned on him countless times by his mother, father, and even brother. The sneer he knew was a terrifying, punch in the gut, disgusted sneer that made you want to disappear.

"The feeling's mutual."

The Gryffindor rolled her eyes and Regulus briefly closed his eyes. Fuck, he wanted to leave. He didn't want to be here, talking to Y/n of all people when that bottle cap was dangerously close to popping off. Y/n could not be there when that happened. No one could.

No one could see Regulus when he was weak.

"So, what is your favourite sweet?"

Y/n's annoying voice rang through Regulus's mind, breaking his concentration. His anger jumped up like a flame to gasoline and he gratefully focused on that. Anger always helped him ignore his less pleasant feelings. With a start, he wondered if that went for his parents as well.

"Why would I ever tell you that?" Regulus scoffed, feeling the satisfaction of seeing Y/n get angry in his very blood. Making someone else hurt so he didn't have to.

"Fine then," she hissed and spun around, prancing away like the idiotic girl she was, but thankfully leaving Regulus alone.

The anger was gone now, though. It was gone and the emotions were back, stronger after the flaming anger. With a furtive glance at everyone else, Regulus walked out and made his way back to his compartment.

He sat down next to Pandora silently, and no one questioned him. Asked him where he'd gone. He was finally allowed some peace and quiet, and as he stared out of the compartment window, he let himself take a deep breath, close his eyes, and grab a few hours of much needed sleep.

↔

Friday 24th October, 1976

Regulus walked swiftly and quietly, keeping an eye out for Filch and Mrs Norris. Technically he was out of bed after hours, since the morning officially started at 5:00AM and it was currently 4:30AM, but Regulus wasn't too worried about getting caught.

Outside it was still dark, the stars smattering the sky. If you looked closely though, you could spot the very start of the sun poking up, the horizon tinged violet.

Regulus reached the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room, a portrait of a pale woman in a white robe, and muttered the password he'd seen a passing Gryffindor use yesterday, a feeling of triumph fluttering through him when the portrait swung open.

He stepped through it carefully and looked around the room, noting the differences since the last time he'd been there. Sirius had taken Regulus once, when he was in first year and before they'd drifted apart, but he hadn't enjoyed it. The rivalry between Slytherins and Gryffindors had been prominent, and he'd received too many dirty looks for his liking while there.

Now, four years later, the room is largely the same. The same tattered yet cosy couches by the fire, the chess tables pressed against the windows, and the ancient Gryffindor tapestry that had probably been there since the school was built. Even the notice board seemed more or less the same, a couple posters about clubs, quidditch team tryouts, and Hogsmeade visits.

Regulus looked away from the common room and viewed the two staircases next to each other leading to different areas. He vaguely remembered walking up the right ones with Sirius to get to his dormitory, which meant the left ones led to the female dormitories, where Y/n would be.

He hesitated at the thought of Y/n, his step faltering. What was he doing here? Regulus was sneaking into her dorm at 4 in the morning to switch ties with her without her knowing. It was a stupid idea, but Y/n would be stupid enough to fall for it if she was anything like her brother.

Merlin, she infuriated him. Since the moment she'd ogled him on the train this year she'd been on Regulus's mind constantly, nagging him. And when she started paying him more attention it was like she'd cast a spell on his mind because it would not stop thinking about her. Regulus chalked it up to the fact that she was friends with Sirius which put him on edge, rather than the fact that seeing her check him out had made him feel something he was not comfortable with admitting.

Regulus shook his head of thoughts of her, something he found himself doing often, and stepped onto the staircase. He was taken by surprise when it morphed under his feet into a slide, forcing him to stumble back onto the ground. He stared at the slide, bewildered, and watched as it turned back into a staircase.

He narrowed my eyes. Enchanted staircases. Of course. How to get past it, though. Regulus stood there for a few moments, tapping his foot on the tiled floor while he thought, before his eyes strayed to the window. He frowned. It was a dangerous idea that could possibly get him killed, but it was also fast, efficient, and a better alternative than standing there all morning. Plus he had his wand with him, so the chances of Regulus dying were actually quite slim.

With a sigh he walked over to the window, fingers curling under the wooden frame as he heaved it open. Glancing behind him to make sure no one was there, Regulus held his wand in one hand as he lowered himself through the window and onto the sill adjoining it. Thankfully it held his weight, and on steady feet he stood up, craning his neck to look up. There seemed to be only a second story, so if Regulus managed to get into one room he'd be able to get into all the rooms the staircase led to without problem.

Regulus muttered a charm at the ivy crawling up the side of the castle, strengthening it, before pulling himself onto it. After that it was just the simple act of climbing the vines before he got to a window. Thankfully it was one that entered a hallway, so with a quick swish of his wand he unlocked it and slid inside.

Regulus took a moment to brush any dirt on his robes away before peering into the dark corridor before him, only a few measly candles lighting the area. He started walking, noting the numbers scrawled onto doors as he went. Since Y/n was in fifth year, Regulus walked until he arrived at the door with a 5 engraved into it and opened it.

It took his eyes a second to adjust to the darkness, but after that it only took a quick glance before Regulus found Y/n. She was asleep, her h/c hair sprawled across the pillow beneath her. Her covers were hanging off the edge of her bed, covering only the lower part of her body. She was lying on her stomach, head turned to the side with closed eyes and parted lips. Regulus stared, observing, as her body slowly rose and fell with every breath she took.

She looked peaceful like that. There was no scowl on her face, no stubborn glare that always seemed to appear whenever she saw Regulus. She seemed serene, which considering who she was seemed laughable. Regulus would describe Y/n Potter, a Gryffindor, as many things, but serene wouldn't be one of them.

Still, it didn't change the fact that she was calm in her sleep, or that Regulus was staring. He blinked, eyes darting elsewhere as he mentally scolded myself. He had a job to do here, and he would not be distracted. He moved to the closet, eyes roving the names written on each draw before he found Y/n's section.

As quietly as he could, aware that there were four other girls in the room aside from Y/n, Regulus gently slid the draw open and peered inside. Upon inspection there were multiple different types of clothing scattered inside, all shoved in together. Regulus wrinkled his nose in distaste at the lack of organisation, as well as the careless way she'd just thrown her clothes in there. They were bound to get wrinkled and he resisted the urge to clean it up.

Regulus looked through the draw, assuming from this mess that she didn't have an assigned draw for school robes. His hands moved swiftly as he picked pieces of her robes here and there, utterly appalled that she chose to live like this. When he'd cleared the first draw and was still missing her tie, the most important part of the robes, he moved onto her second draw.

Let's just say this one was a little more organised. Regulus' skin heated as he stared at Y/n's.... Undergarments. Hesitantly, he looked through them, all the while feeling as if he were violating Y/n. It needed to be done though, because there was no way he was about to lose this war. He nearly choked when he came about a particularly indecent pair of undergarments. They were black, lacy, and severely lacking the fabric needed to classify it as clothing. Don't get him wrong, he'd seen many of these things before, and wasn't uncomfortable by them. It was just- the thought of Y/n wearing them... Regulus' face heated at the thought, as well as the accompanying one of why Y/n had them. Did she wear them often? For...someone?

The thought filled him with a surprising amount of jealousy and Regulus put the undergarments back before continuing his search. Finally he managed to locate one of her ties, the flashy gold and red easy to see even in the darkness. With a full set of her robes, Regulus moved over to Y/n's bed and started folding the individual pieces and placing them on the trunk in front of her bed. Lastly, he fished out his Slytherin tie from his pocket and placed it under another piece of clothing, tucking her Gryffindor tie in his breast pocket.

Regulus completed the last step of the plan, casting a silencing charm around her bed so she wouldn't hear her dormmates waking up and therefore wouldn't wake up herself, and surveyed his work. He knew it would be a good prank, so all he needed to do now was wait and watch it unfold.

His gaze lingered on Y/n though, her figure laid out on her bed. His eyes snagged on the fallen sheets and with a sigh Regulus moved forward and grabbed them, gently pulling them over her body. She stirred slightly, putting him on edge, but only muttered a slurred thank you before going back to sleep.

Regulus smirked at the action, surprised she knew how to say the word in the first place. He wondered if she knew how to say please. He grinned at the thought of her asking him for anything, let alone using the word please to do it. He stared at the girl, still hesitant to leave her, and cautiously moved his hand forward. He brushed a strand of her hair away from her face, her nose twitching at the action. His hand lingered at her head, the feeling of her soft hair grazing his fingers making him dizzy.

Regulus snatched his hand back at the realisation of what he just did. He scowled, cursing Y/n, and was quick to exit the room, making his way to the staircase. As he expected, as soon as his foot touched the steps, it turned into a slide, and he gladly went down that way instead of back out the window.

After that it was a quick walk back to Regulus' dorm and he sat on his bed, waiting for Barty, Evan, and Avery to wake up, all the while thinking about Y/n.

↔

Friday 31st October, 1976

Regulus observed the party with a silent detachment, absentmindedly swirling the drink in his hand. His eyes scanned the crowd with mild interest, the music blaring in the background similar to an incessant buzzing noise he couldn't get rid of. He wasn't particularly enjoying himself, but he'd promised to keep an eye on his friends who were already well on their way to being wasted.

Barty was flirting with a seventh year Ravenclaw, whispering Merlin knows what into her ear, looking for all the world like he was living his best life. Evan was drunkenly stewing in jealousy as he watched them, hand gripping his cup tightly. Regulus wanted to sigh in frustration at their helplessness. Barty was only using that girl as a distraction from Evan, but Evan fully believed Barty was into her, and in turn was hostile towards him, leading them into a vicious loop helping exactly no one. Regulus only let it happen because he didn't want to get involved. Those two mixed together, however much they might like each other, was usually a messy encounter, and Regulus wanted nothing to do with it. Next to Evan was an equally drunk Pandora who was striking up a discussion with Mary McDonald, a Gryffindor in the year above them. Avery was sober, thankfully, talking to a Hufflepuff Regulus didn't know the name of. Though Avery wasn't the most responsible, Regulus was thankful he had at least one other friend capable of bringing his friends back to their dorms when they needed it.

Regulus was interrupted from his babysitter duties by none other than Y/n Potter, who had managed to sidle up next to him without his noticing.

"Hey Regulus- wait, no, hey handsome," she slurred, eyes slightly glazed as she grinned sloppily at him.

Regulus started, wrinkling his nose at the nonsense she'd just spouted. "What do you mean hey-" he cut himself off as he focused on the sentence more, realising what she'd meant to say. "Wait, did you just hit on me?"

Regulus was shocked, to say the least. Potter hated him- a feeling that was mutual- so why would she hit on him, however lacking her skills were? Regulus watched with barely disguised curiosity as Y/n narrowed her eyes at him, observing him with keen interest.

"Who's asking?"

Regulus blinked at her, utterly confused. "I am...?"

"Oh," Y/n said, almost surprised at his answer. What the fuck was wrong with her? "What was the question again?"

Oh. Oh.

Regulus wanted to slam his head against the wall. "Are you drunk?"

Y/n wrinkled her nose at me incredulously. "I don't remember you asking that, but yes."

For Merlin's sake. Regulus couldn't have one night off, could he? Not only did they have matching outfits, but now she was drunk on top of that, and annoying him. Didn't she have friends she could irritate?

Regulus sighed. "Where's your brother and his band of idiots?"

The sooner he got Y/n away from him, the sooner he'd be able to leave. His friends could do without him, and honestly, Y/n was already draining any desire to stay at this party longer than necessary. Drunk teenagers were rowdy and annoying at best, and dangerous at worst. Regulus didn't want to have any part in it, especially if the drunk teenager was Y/n Potter.

Regulus looked around the room, eyes snagging on her brother first. He was even worse off than Y/n, slurring his words so much Regulus was surprised the girl he was talking to, Evans, could understand him. She seemed equally as drunk though, so maybe they were on the same wavelength. Either way, Regulus knew he'd be no help.

"He's not going to be leaving anytime soon," Regulus muttered, moving along in search for another marauder.

He found two, however neither of them would be any help. Regulus almost stumbled back a step when he recognised Sirius, snogging Remus Lupin, pressed against a wall. Regulus didn't know what to do for a long moment, staring at Sirius with a sudden ache in his chest that felt as if it would be the death of him.

Sirius was gay. Or at least liked boys. Regulus didn't know. Sirius hadn't told him. He remembered when they told each other everything, when they knew each other's deepest secrets, and loved each other despite it. Where had that gone? That connection they shared, brothers over everything else. Always brothers.

They were nothing now, obvious from the way Sirius didn't even bother to tell Regulus this. He wasn't upset that Sirius was queer, just that he hadn't told him. Silly really, because after Sirius left he'd ceased being Regulus' brother, and he should have expected that Sirius wouldn't tell Regulus things like this.

Knowing that didn't stop the hurt though, and he quickly tore his gaze away, clearing his throat. "They're a little preoccupied."

Regulus' last hope was Peter Pettigrew, the smaller boy he'd often seen trailing after his brother and their friends, but that hope was quickly diminished at the sight of him passed out on the floor.

Regulus let out a groan and faced Y/n, glaring at her. She had a thin layer of sweat covering her face, and bright glassy eyes, thanks to the amount of alcohol she'd consumed. She was clearly very intoxicated, and without a friend to look after her Regulus worried what might happen to her, however much he detested that fact.

"Do you want to leave?" he asked.

Y/n scoffed. "No! There's so much more to drink!"

"I think you should leave," Regulus said immediately. Y/n was obviously not in the right state of mind if she thought more drinks was a good idea.

Regulus watched Y/n frown, disappointed by his words. Regulus just wanted Y/n to hurry up and leave so he himself could, already imagining curling up in his bed with a book, possibly even a tea from the kitchens.

His daydream was interrupted by Y/n's voice grating against his ears. "Jokes on you, I don't know how."

Regulus stared at her incredulously. "What do you mean?"

"I can't remember how to get to my Common Room," she said, a hint of smugness in her voice, as if this was something to be proud of.

For Salazar's sake.

Regulus shot James Potter a glare. How could he let his sister get in this shape? She didn't even remember how to get to her own Common Room, and she'd lived there for 5 years.

Regulus glanced back at Y/n. She was staring at him expectantly, for what he wasn't sure. Was she expecting him to lead her back to her Common Room? Regulus barely stopped himself from snorting. As if that would happen. He'd just leave her there to continue drinking and eventually one of her friends would sober up enough to take her back to her dorm.

Yet as he decided that Regulus was hit with a bout of guilt. Y/n wasn't in a good position to drink more, and as Regulus glanced around, a cold feeling enveloped him when he realised just how many sober boys were there. He even noticed some eyeing Y/n, as if waiting for Regulus to leave so they could sweep in.

Regulus felt sick. He always knew there were despicable people in Hogwarts, many of them in his own house, but he usually just ignored it. None of it affected him, and he got along a lot better in ignorance.

Yet leaving Y/n would be making a deliberate choice, and it would be a bad one. It would be leaving her vulnerable around people who would gladly prey on her, and though Regulus grew up around people who wouldn't bat an eye at that, he didn't want to be like that. He could barely stomach the idea of leaving his friends alone, even though most of them were male and one of them was sober.

Looking at Y/n again, Regulus let out a frustrated groan, because he already knew he couldn't leave her here alone.

"Stupid Potter," he cursed, glaring daggers at the Gryffindor girl.

She nodded her head slowly. "Yes, my brother is very stupid. Thanks for noticing."

The sudden urge to laugh at her words took a hold of Regulus and he blinked in surprise. Since when did he find Y/n funny, even in a drunk state? He rolled his eyes, shaking it off as he reached forward to grab Y/n's wrist in a firm grip. He did not trust her not to stray away from him while he led her to her Common Room.

Y/n looked surprised at the contact, but after a few moments happily went along with it, going so far as to start skipping beside him as he walked through the castle. He cast her an irritated glance, muttering insults under his breath to make himself feel better.

When they finally arrived at the Gryffindor Common Room Regulus stopped and looked expectantly at a surprised Y/n.

"What's the password?" he asked impatiently.

Y/n scoffed, crossing her arms like a toddler. "I'm not telling you, you're a Slytherin."

Regulus wanted to rip his hair out. "I'm trying to help you."

"Sure you are," Y/n replied, turning her nose up at him.

Oh how Regulus wanted to curse her. Y/n Potter drunk was, incredibly, even more annoying that sober Y/n Potter which before tonight Regulus hadn't believed was possible. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths and getting ahold of his temper.

What to do now though?

Y/n wasn't letting him in the Common Room, and Regulus didn't know the new password. He could always just leave her there, but then what if someone found her sitting outside the entrance? Did Y/n even remember the password to her common room?

As realisation dawned on him, again Regulus had to take deep breaths. There was only one solution he could think of, one he was not at all pleased with. Still, it was better than leaving Y/n here alone, and if some part of him was only doing this because it was considered the right thing, so some part of him could go 'I'm good. I'm not like them. See?', well then, nobody had to know.

Regulus grabbed Y/n's wrist again and started leading her down the corridors to his dorm, because that was the only place he could think of that would be safe for her in her current state, all the while continuing his stream of insults directed towards her under his breath.

"God I hate you so much," Regulus cursed under his breath.

Y/n huffed. "Well, I hate you too, you know. I hate your perfect hair and beautiful smile."

Regulus started, his pace slowing as he turned to look at the drunk Gryffindor with a confused expression. Y/n, oblivious, continued talking.

"I hate your pretty eyes and soft lips. I hate your stupid smirk and how good you are at pranking me. I hate that sometimes I wonder if you're right, and if I need my brother to do everything for me. I hate how alike we are."

Well Regulus had no idea what the fuck to do. What did one do in this situation, when the person they've hated for years starts pouring her heart out to them and they're weirdly warmed by it even though they shouldn't because they don't like her?

"What do you mean?" he eventually asked lamely.

"You feel shadowed by your brother," Y/n murmured. "I find myself feeling the same at times."

Regulus paused. He kept a grip on his surprise, keeping his carefully crafted mask in place. The last thing he needed was Y/n to see her words had an effect on him. And they did. He was... startled. He'd never thought that he and Y/n would have anything in common, what with her and her brother being as thick as thieves and Regulus and Sirius being... less than that.

Without a word Regulus continued walking, not glancing to see if Y/n was following. He was angry, quite frankly. Angry at Y/n for spitting some drunk bullshit that actually meant something to him. That made him feel things he didn't like. Things towards Sirius, towards Y/n, hell even towards himself.

Stupid fucking Potter.

Regulus followed the familiar pathway, the one he'd led since he was eleven years old, taking a turn here, some steps there and arriving in front of the plain brick wall that in reality was anything but.

He murmured the password, briefly checking behind him to make sure Y/n hadn't gotten lost; she'd been quiet after her outburst. He led her past the common room and through the dorm corridor before arriving at his own, reluctantly opening it and gesturing for Y/n to enter.

Once she had, Regulus shut the door with more force than necessary, her earlier words mixed with her being in his room putting him on edge, to say the least.

"You can take my bed," Regulus sighed, walking towards Avery's bed. It was the safest bet between him, Evan and Barty. Regulus shivered even thinking about the shit that would be in those two's beds. Disgusting. "I'll take one of my friend's beds. They're all crashing at some girl's dorms."

Not a lie, technically. Barty, Evan, and Avery were all staying in Pandora's dorm, mostly because they knew how pissed Regulus got when they were drunk and rowdy in their dorm.

He expected an argument from Y/n. Maybe for her to throw another tantrum, or insult him, or possibly even cry. Instead she just stumbled over to his bed- he was surprised she remembered which one was his- and crawled under the covers, looking for all the world like she'd slept there a million times before.

Regulus ignored the way his stomach flipped seeing Y/n curled up in his covers, her head on his pillow.

He slowly got into Avery's bed, frowning at the difference. It was the same bed given to every Slytherin, boy or girl, but it wasn't his. His was currently being occupied by a Gryffindor. A female Gryffindor. A female Potter Gryffindor.

Oh how the mighty had fallen.

He looked over at Y/n, the girl too tired to even close the bed curtains. She was getting comfortable, shifting around before finally stilling, the fatigue of the night no doubt taking over.

"Goodnight Reggie."

Y/n's voice came as a shock, as did the affectionate tone in which she spoke to him.

Reggie.

He hadn't heard that nickname in a while. His friends usually settled for Reg. Reggie had been reserved for Sirius, and after him, no one really.

Until now it seemed.

Regulus was quiet as his emotions clashed with one another. This was Y/n Potter they were talking about. Insufferable, cocky Y/n Potter. Except over the past two months Regulus had started to realise that wasn't Y/n Potter.

Y/n Potter was funny. It was a surprising fact, but one Regulus couldn't deny. She was also stubborn as all hell and made Regulus's job as a prefect twice as hard but, as much as it pained him to admit, also twice as entertaining.

Y/n was a lot of things. She was still insufferable and cocky, but she was also more, and Regulus, no matter how much he wanted to deny it, had realised something as Y/n called him by his nickname with something other than hate in her voice. With admiration in her voice.

He didn't hate Y/n. He didn't love her; hell he wasn't even sure if he liked her. But he didn't hate her. Maybe it made him a fool for realising it after nearly two months with the girl, but at least he could admit it.

He didn't hate Y/n Potter.

"Goodnight Y/n," he responded eventually, sure she was already asleep.

Sighing, Regulus rolled over in Avery's bed and closed his eyes, already knowing he wouldn't be able to go to sleep. Not with the revelation he'd just had, and certainly not with the centre of his revelation sleeping mere metres away from him.

Yet he wasn't upset at the thought. He resisted the urge to glance behind him where Y/n would be sleeping and thought quietly into the night, mind drifting from one topic to another but always, always, going back to her.

To Y/n.

↔

Tuesday 25th November, 1976

Y/n Potter was infuriating. Genuinely, Regulus had never met someone who had made him want to tear out his hair and scream so much. Except maybe her brother. And his brother.

She was ignoring him. Why the fuck was she ignoring him?

He racked his brain, going over the past few days but nothing came up, and sure, sometimes he said rude things here and there without meaning to, but he'd gone over it with Pandora and Avery and they couldn't find a reason why she was mad either.

"Maybe it's her time of the month?" Avery suggested from where he was lying on the grass, staring at the clouds with more intensity than he'd ever looked at a school book with.

Evan made a fake retching noise from where he sat with his legs dangling in the lake and Pandora, sitting next to him- though she was looking for pebbles rather than dipping her feet in the lake- slapped him over the head.

"A woman's cycle is not something to be disgusted at," the blonde scolded.

Evan scowled at Pandora, rubbing the back of his head, but said nothing. Barty, who had been gathering sticks for a reason Regulus didn't even want to know, plopped down next to him, slinging an arm over his shoulder.

"Maybe, and hear me out here, you shut the fuck up about Y/n because literally no one cares."

Regulus shoved Barty off of him, glaring at the fellow Slytherin. "Fuck off Barty."

The boy did not, in fact, fuck off like Regulus wanted but splayed himself over Regulus's body, groaning. "Seriously though. You talk about her constantly."

"Because he likes her," Pandora said slowly, as if explaining something to a toddler.

Barty glowered at her, standing up to better make his point. "I know that, I just don't know why. First off, she's a Potter. Secondly, she's a Gryffindor. Thirdly, she makes you go on crazy tangents about her nearly every single day."

"As if you don't do the same thing with Evan," Regulus muttered under his breath.

Barty stiffened. "What was that?"

Regulus looked up at him innocently. "Nothing."

Evan groaned, taking his feet out of the lake with a string of curses. "We have to go to that stupid detention now."

Regulus cringed at the thought. "Why are you going again?"

"Apparently setting a Gryffindor's homework on fire before they can give it to the teacher is bad or something," Evan said, rolling his eyes.

Barty pat Evan on the shoulder mockingly as Regulus started getting up. "Aww it's alright baby, it's only a few hours."

Regulus only barely managed to hide his grin as he watched Evan get flustered, shoving Barty off of him rougher than necessary and clearing his throat, all the while Barty cackled at him, oblivious to Evan's feelings and his own.

Idiots, both of them.

"Come on then," Regulus beckoned, walking back to the castle. "We'll see you guys later."

Evan jogged to Regulus's side before slowing to a walk, strolling through the Hogwarts grounds like he owned it. To be fair, Regulus probably walked the same way, the superiority drilled into him as a child not so easily shed, even if he didn't fully believe it.

The walk to detention was quick, Evan running his mouth as per usual, saying whatever entered his mind, regardless of if it was entertaining or even eligible. Regulus ignored him for the most part, and Evan seemed content to just talk at him for the remainder of the walk.

As soon as he entered the classroom Regulus was ready to leave. The assault of red and green on his eyes was almost too much to bear, as was the view of both heads of houses standing in the centre of the room. He realised all too quickly what this was, a convention of sorts, between Slytherins and Gryffindors.

Hell, in other words.

"Welcome to detention," Professor McGonagall said, her sharp stare slowly raking over each student present, scrutinising them with lethal precision. "This detention is a social one between Slytherin and Gryffindor, as you've most likely realised. If you are here today, that is because you were given detention over something involving someone from the opposite house. '' Regulus's eyes darted to Y/n, standing in between her brother and his own, eyes fixed on her head of house. "Today's detention is an attempt to lessen the rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Now please, get into a circle."

Evan snorted beside Regulus, shaking his head. "What are we, five?"

Regulus risked a glance at McGonagall, the woman waiting with her hands behind her back for her students to do as she asked. The Gryffindors were already positioning themselves into a semi-circle, waiting for the Slytherins that stared in disdain, more reluctant to do what was asked because they didn't share the same respect for McGonagall that the Gryffindors had.

"There is, however, a catch," the female professor said, stopping the Gryffindors in their tracks. "It must be Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor and on. I should not see any red next to each other nor green."

The group of students sounded their displeasure, groans and hissed insults rising up, but with one sharp look from the Gryffindor Head of House everyone was quick to do as she asked.

Regulus walked with purpose towards Y/n, leaving Evan behind. He wasn't even sure if his friend had noticed he'd left, but when he did he'd no doubt scrounge around for him, so Regulus needed to get to Y/n now.

He watched as Y/n's gaze landed on him, a hint of nervousness and apprehension on her face. She had always been easy to read, as had her brother, growing up in a household where they didn't need to hide their emotions. Regulus called them weak, if only to hide his own envy.

"I know you're still trying to avoid me, but I swear to Salazar if you force me to sit next to two insufferable Gryffindors I will kill you in your sleep," he said when he arrived in front of her.

Y/n's face twisted into a smirk, her soft lips curling at the corners. "One, I'm not avoiding you, and two, I thought I was insufferable."

Regulus rolled his eyes, an action he did frequently when around the younger Potter. "Let me rephrase that then. Two Gryffindors more insufferable than you."

He grabbed her arm, leading her into the circle, trying not to focus on how soft her flesh was, how easy it would be to move his grip up her shoulder, to the back of her neck, pushing her towards him until he had her exactly where he wanted her.

Y/n elbowed him in his side with a surprising amount of strength, almost as if she could sense where his thoughts had gone. His hand had just grasped her elbow, intending to... well, Regulus wasn't even sure, when Evan arrived in front of him.

He removed his hands from Y/n, levelling Evan a look he was ignoring, preening at himself for doing so.

"Thank god you found a Gryffindor," he said, "because I was not about to choose one myself."

Regulus snorted at his friend's words, especially his acting like he had no idea who Y/n was. Regulus was guilty of talking about Y/n to his friends quite a bit, something he wasn't too proud to admit. At first he fucking hated the idea of liking Y/n, but slowly that hate just melted away into longing. He'd forgone pretending a long time ago, finding it too tiring and frankly useless, because he could tell all his friends knew anyway.

After everyone had gotten into a circle, there had been a few headstrong students needing to be dealt with (most of them being Gryffindors), and McGonagall started assigning them spots. It's safe to say the world fucking hated Regulus, because Sirius was placed right next to him.

Seeing his brother walk towards him, take up a spot mere centimetres away from him, brought up a mess of feelings Regulus would have much rather kept shoved down. Yet he couldn't stop the trickle of regret, the wave of grief, the downpour of anger all filling him up, making standing there nearly unbearable.

Was Sirius feeling this too? Did he also feel as if his heart was about to explode, so much weight and feelings crammed into it you could barely breathe? Was he also thinking back to the night he left, the darkness that had seemed to descend upon the house, the suffocating claustrophobia of knowing you could never escape, only for Sirius to do it anyway? And to leave Regulus, alone, to bear their parents' wrath. To bear the scars they gave, because how else were they supposed to relieve their anger?

Regulus was there as a punching bag, a doll, a toy to be used, beaten, and designed just the way they wanted. Sirius never understood that, never conformed to their rules, and Regulus never knew how. How didn't he bend down to them? How did he fight the invisible hand pushing at his back, willing it to bend or else it'd break it? How did he not break?

Regulus pushed the thoughts away, inching closer to Y/n. He needed to get out of there. He needed to escape, to get out of his brother's sight and pretend like he never left him and Regulus didn't lie awake every night thinking about it.

When everyone started sitting down Regulus hastily followed, having been so caught up in his own turmoil he hadn't heard the teacher speak. Y/n sent a worried glance his way, one he ignored in favour of staring straight ahead. He could feel his brother's presence like a knife, twisting in his gut with every breath taken, every twitch of the finger, as if his body wanted to embrace his brother even when his mind knew he couldn't.

When they were given their next orders, to go around the group like they were children and say one thing they enjoyed, Regulus needed to distract himself. If he didn't he would surely die there, from Sirius or Y/n or this stupid fucking convention. So, he did the only thing he seemed to be good at these days. He focused on Y/n, whispering jokes into her ear, making her laugh and feeling triumphant each time she had to muffle her amusement.

He could still feel Sirius next to him, could picture him sitting there, stiff as a rod staring straight ahead like Regulus would no doubt be doing if he didn't have Y/n. He refused to look at him though, didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was thinking about him, that he was affected by his presence.

But fuck he wanted to. He wanted to look at his brother, to watch him, observe him, pick him apart and see what he was thinking, feeling. He wanted to know what was going on in his brain, like they always used to be able to tell with each other. When Sirius went to Hogwarts they slowly started losing that ability, until they were sitting next to each other for the first time in months and unable to even guess what was going through the other's mind.

As the task continued, there was unsurprisingly a fight between a Gryffindor and Slytherin, initiated by the Gryffindor because they couldn't apparently keep their fists to themselves for more than five seconds. McGonagall left, a sad sight since she was the only responsible teacher in the room, and left the rest of them in the hands of the unfortunately incapable Slughorn.

As expected when the old man was in charge, he tried to shirk his responsibility by creating a new task for all of them, one that involved no work on Slughorn's part and allowed him to hobble off to his office where he'd eat away at the secret honeydukes stash he kept hidden in the bottom of his desk.

What was shocking though, was the little amount of thought the man put into his idea before implementing it. Keep these Gryffindors and Slytherins who have a history of battling with the opposite house locked in a room together for a long period of time without adult supervision. It was like he wanted a murdered student on his hands.

Regulus watched as the old man exited the room, looking pleased with himself, and shook his head in disgust. He noticed Sirius doing the same thing and froze, whatever small increment of peace he'd found with Y/n disappearing, his mind firmly on Sirius again.

As if the door was a button, as soon as it closed all students were up, Gryffindors and Slytherins darting to their respective sides of the classroom they had unspokenly claimed. Regulus got up immediately, darting to the ocean of green and silver and away from his brother and the feelings he'd tried so hard to muffle.

Evan was at his side immediately. He didn't say anything, just stood there, a hand on his shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. Regulus was so fucking grateful to have him there. He didn't think he'd be able to bear this otherwise, knowing Sirius was right there but being unable to do anything about it.

Regulus stayed there, eyes screwed shut, friend's hand on his shoulder, until he felt his heart rate slow down and the threats of tears slink away. Only then did he allow himself a deep breath and open his eyes, pointedly refusing to look at the opposite side of the room where the Gryffindors had laid claim.

"Thanks," he said quietly to Evan, giving a shaky breath as he flexed his shoulders.

Evan gave him a wry smile, dropping his hand. "Any time mate."

Regulus would have said something mocking then, teasing Evan about being sappy, but Sirius was still in the room and Regulus wasn't 100% sure he could even attempt humour without sobbing.

So silence it was.

Or, well, Regulus should rectify that. It was silence for him. Evan however took the opportunity to not only bully Regulus about Y/n, ("I mean, come on you were practically sitting on her in the circle") but also to complain about his own love life ("and Barty would never go for someone like me, I don't even know if he's gay") and Regulus had to suffer in silence, recalling the conversation he'd had with Barty just earlier that day, ("Evan is so fucking hot in that tank top, I wish I could bang him").

Basically they were all hopeless and would never ever get laid. Ever.

Evan was interrupted from his stream of words by a clap of hands, a glance showing the source to be none other than James Potter. Regulus resisted the urge to scowl. And failed. Miraculously.

"Who's up for a game?" he asked, voice dripping undeserved cockiness.

Loyal as ever, the Gryffindors cheered and whooped, supporting their leader. Regulus, along with the rest of his house, stayed silent, not even deigning to give the idiot a reply. Sirius, ever the best friend, spoke up in Potter's defence.

"What, scared are you?"

Regulus couldn't help but roll his eyes. Of course he'd say that, laying the bait there clear as day. Thankfully his house was not known for their idiocy, as Gryffindor was, and wouldn't be stupid enough to take bait as blatant as that-

"A game sounds great," a fourth year Slytherin said, bearing his teeth.

For fuck's sake.

Everyone moved back into a circle, the houses on separate sides with two gaping holes where the Slytherins and Gryffindors met. There were arguments on what game to play, the Gryffindors arguing simply for the sake of arguing, but eventually they landed on truth or dare.

Regulus really wanted to fucking leave. This game was stupid, and this whole detention was stupid. He could be doing so much more with his time than sit here and suffer through a petty game made for 12 year olds.

A Gryffindor went first, asking a Slytherin truth or dare. When they replied truth, the Gryffindor made them give them the password to the Slytherin Common Room. Then the Slytherin asked another Gryffindor and so on.

Each truth or dare was said with malicious intent poorly disguised as friendly banter. Everyone wanted the other house to suffer, to be humiliated, but they'd created some unspoken rule not to be obvious about it, to be sly and conniving with it instead. A Slytherin specialty.

Evan suddenly elbowed Regulus in the ribs, his face alight with a scheming expression Regulus very much dreaded.

"Say, this is a perfect time to stop Y/n avoiding you," he said quietly, low enough for only Regulus to say.

Regulus's eyes widened. "Don't you fucking dare."

Too late, Evan was already making eyes at the Gryffindor whose turn it was, blatantly mocking them and becoming the perfect target for that Gryffindor.

When he finished his truth, (spilling his guts about why he got the detention (the Gryffindor whose work he'd set on fire was not pleased with his description of them)) his eyes zeroed in on someone in the Gryffindor crowd.

"Potter, truth or dare?"

James Potter scoffed. "Obviously a dare-"

"I wasn't talking to you, Potter."

Fuck. Merlin's balls, fuck. Regulus was going to murder Evan. He was going to rip him limb from limb and shove said limbs into one of those weird plant cutter things muggle's use.

His eyes darted to Y/n, the girl looking surprised but to her credit not scared, levelling Evan with a stare that could put men to their knees. Or rather, that could put Regulus to his knees.

"Dare."

If Regulus had to choose one moment to get rid of Y/n's Gryffindor attributes it would be now. Because of course she would choose dare- nearly every Gryffindor who'd been asked had- which of course meant Evan had more power to do Merlin knew what. If only Y/n had even the tiniest bit of common sense, they wouldn't be in this situation.

Regulus looked at Evan, willing him to look at him, willing him to see the icy stare Regulus was sending his way, warning him if he did this, he would do terrible, terrible things to him. Evan, the bastard, had the gall to smirk at Regulus right before speaking, and Regulus knew there was no way in hell Evan was surviving the night.

Evan tapped his chin, pretending to be deep in thought before saying, "I dare you to kiss Regulus."

Regulus was suddenly having an out of world experience. He could see the chaos Evan had caused, the Gryffindor's rioting, yelling and spitting, Slytherin's gaping and jeering, yet it was all very far away. All Regulus could focus on was Y/n, the girl sitting wide eyed and shocked. What was she thinking? What was she going to say? Regulus wished he could read her mind, see the thoughts flying inside her head. He wanted to know what she thought, of this, of him.

"Fine."

What. She said what? She said- what did she say? Regulus, in a rare moment of panic, turned to Evan, only to find him grinning maniacally, and oh fuck. What the fuck? She agreed to kiss him? Why? Why would she do that? What was she thinking? Oh Merlin she was going to be the death of him.

Y/n's brother stood up. "Y/n you can't-"

"It's fine," she snapped, eyes blazing as she stared her brother down. She stood up, heading towards Regulus, and for the life of him he couldn't figure out how to move his limbs. How to open his mouth. She was staring at him with such intensity he was, quite frankly, frozen.

Then she kneeled down in front of him and his hands were itching to hold her, to grab her waist and pull her in, grab a handful of her hair and tug. He stayed still though, watching her assessing eyes, parted lips as she licked them nervously, eyes searching for any hint Regulus didn't want this.

He gave her none.

She closed her eyes and moved forwards, pressing her lips against his. Regulus was embarrassed to admit he'd frozen, his mind short circuiting as he felt her lips slowly brush against his, hesitant and shy. He felt her start to pull back when he snapped out of his daze and kissed her back.

His hands twitched as he kept them by his side, his mouth moved against Y/n's. Fuck, it felt better than anything Regulus had felt. They were so plump he could just bite down on them. Unable to hold himself back he gently stroked his tongue along her bottom lip, his cock twitching at the muffled gasp that escaped her mouth.

She pulled back, biting her lip in a way Regulus would die to do, teeth digging into the soft flesh, the sight alone enough to make Regulus feel dizzy. They made eye-contact, Y/n's eyes wide and surprised, Regulus's.... Well he could only imagine they were glazed with lust, because that was how he felt.

Y/n scrambled back to her seat, pointedly ignoring Regulus. It didn't bother him as much as it might have though, because he knew Y/n had liked it, had heard her barely audible gasp and it was all he could do not to storm over there, grab her by the neck and kiss her until she couldn't breathe.

He watched her the rest of the detention, drilling holes into her skull. He could tell she knew he was watching her from her tense posture, the fleeting glances she sent him, the way she kept biting her fucking lip.

As soon as Slughorn returned everyone leapt to the exit, a stream of red and green pushing through the single doorway. Regulus lost sight of Y/n in the crowd, and when they reached the other side of the exit she was gone.

"Well that was something," Evan said with a grin, preening.

Regulus sent him a withering look. "I hate you."

Evan shrugged, whistling. "Whatever you say Black."

↔

Friday 24th December, 1976 

The box in the pocket of his blazer felt heavy, weighing him down as he walked to the Great Hall. He was a mess of nerves, one vicious doubt after another slicing at him, making him feel weak. What was he doing? Did he really think taking Y/n Potter to the Yule Ball was a good idea?

"Regulus, calm down," Pandora said, slowing her pace to walk in step beside him. Their other friends were up ahead, talking and laughing with one another.

Regulus looked down, sighing. "This was a stupid idea, Dora."

"Why?"

Regulus raised his eyebrow at her but she just stared at him patiently, waiting for an answer. He sighed. "Because she's Y/n Potter and I am Regulus Black. She is this beautiful, funny, stubborn girl and I'm a monster of my own parents' making. We don't match. We can't match."

Pandora frowned at him. "Monsters are not bad, Regulus. They're just different from the rest of us."

Regulus let out a humourless laugh. "Yes, well Y/n and I are about as different as we could possibly be, which is the problem. If my parents found out-"

"Oi! Hurry up you wankers!"

Regulus rolled his eyes at Barty's crude comment but quickened his pace, enough so that they joined back up with the rest of the group, and his conversation with Pandora was effectively over.

And then they were in the Great Hall, and Regulus's eyes were almost frantically scanning the room for Y/n, only to come up empty.

A hand on his arm made his eyes dart at Avery, a soft smile on his face. "She's coming, mate. She's just a bit late."

Regulus swallowed and nodded his head, suddenly too nervous to speak. What the fuck was wrong with him? He stood near the staircase, continuously glancing at it every two seconds. His friends had drifted off, Pandora and Avery talking in hushed whispers, Evan standing bitterly beside them, eyes trained on the figure of Barty Crouch Jr flirting with his date.

His heart went out to his friend, in love with someone he could never have. Except he could have him, he was just too much of an idiot to see that. Regulus on the other hand... that was complicated. He and Y/n were just.... Too different. She was more like his brother, and Regulus was.... Not.

And then Regulus glanced at the staircase and felt all the air in his lungs leave with a heavy whoosh. Because there was Y/n, standing on the top step looking slightly uncomfortable as she viewed the scene in front of her.

And she looked fucking beautiful. She was wearing green, and Regulus wanted to fucking devour her. He wanted to take that dress off himself, tangle her perfectly made hair in his fingers, kiss away all the make-up on her face until only he remained.

He watched greedily as her eyes found him, softening slightly, her tensed posture relaxing. She looked like a goddess. He wanted her so fucking bad. The aching longing inside him was pulling him towards her, an incessant tugging that never seemed to stop. It was all he could do to stop himself from wrapping his arms around her and taking her away, to a place for only them where they could live in peace together. He'd keep her forever, his to touch, to love, and they'd be free.

He blinked when Y/n arrived in front of him, pushing those ludicrous thoughts out of his mind. On instinct, the habit drilled into him by his parents, Regulus took Y/n's hand and gently brushed his lips against it, his eyes fixed on Y/n as he did so.

"You look beautiful," he murmured.

Y/n was flustered. Regulus resisted the urge to smirk. "Thank you," she said bashfully. "You don't look too bad yourself."

He held out his hand and Y/n linked her arm with his, causing something to wake up within him. Something that thrived on the Gryffindor girl on Regulus's arm, a satisfaction that ran deep, wracking his spine, whispering in his mind over and over and over again.

Mine.

Throughout the night, Regulus kept getting distracted. You couldn't blame him though, because he had the best fucking girl in the whole castle as his date. His mind kept going back to that one word, haunting him.

Mine, mine, mine.

Fuck, he wanted her to be his. Her shy gaze, beaming smile. She was addictive. Everything about her made him crazy. He longed for her with every moment they were together, missed her every moment they were apart. He needed her like he needed water, and he thirsted for her just the same. How could someone like her exist? Someone who seemed to be made just for Regulus, a person whose every feature was exactly what Regulus craved.

"Reg," Y/n said, her voice soft. "You're staring."

Regulus cursed himself again, forcing his thoughts away. He couldn't imagine how Y/n would react if she knew what he was thinking, if she saw all the things he wanted to do to her. He could feel his cheeks going pink.

"Sorry."

Y/n's smile widened. "It's okay." Her hand lightly brushed against Regulus's and he pushed away the urge to grab it. "Do you want me to get us some drinks?"

Regulus nodded, watching her go.

And then someone else was in front of him, smiling at him with a perfect smile, but not Y/n's smile.

"Selena," Regulus greeted evenly, nodding his head.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Ever the gentlemen."

Regulus let himself smirk slightly, falling back into his role as the Black heir, and Selena's friend.

"As you are ever the lady," he said, gesturing to her formal attire. It was also green, he noticed, but little else about it appealed to him, no doubt because it wasn't Y/n wearing the dress.

Selena smiled, looking down at her outfit. "You like it? I wasn't sure if I should go with this one or a black one."

"Green looks good on you," Regulus replied immediately, because in his opinion green looked good on everyone.

Selena's smile turned soft, a rare occurrence for her, and she fidgeted with her hands. "You think so?"

"Of course," he responded, slightly confused with her change in attitude. "Whoever took you to the ball is a lucky guy."

Her expression soured slightly. "As is Y/n Potter. Tell me Reg, why'd you take a Gryffindor to the dance?"

Regulus shrugged nonchalantly, his familiar mask sliding into place. "Why not?"

Selena laughed as if he'd said a funny joke. "Because your mother would kill you? And her for that matter."

Regulus's stomach churned at her words, and the truth to them. His mother would kill him if she found out about this, but for some naive reason he hadn't considered what he'd do to Y/n. Suddenly he felt sick, his stomach one massive pit of anxiety and dread.

"I need to go," he muttered, walking past Selena and ignoring her confused questions.

He continued walking, out of the Hall, up the stairs, away from there. He went to the one place he seemed to find comfort, the place he found he could finally fucking breathe.

The Room of Requirement was his sanctuary. It had become more so recently, when he'd started sharing it with Y/n. He didn't think she knew what it was, but surely she knew it was magic. You could feel the undercurrents of it, a constant thrum of magic that you could notice you focused on it.

He entered the room and pressed his head against the glass, breathing deeply. He wished he could get out of his fucking head. There were always thoughts, worries, doubts, curses milling about in there, dirt filled ideas. It was his mother clawing her way through his mind, his father watching him with disdain, his brother turning him away, stripping him of the title of brother.

He was fucked up. He was ruined and broken and Y/n didn't deserve that. She wouldn't even want that, and Regulus was being a naive idiot thinking otherwise. It was best she hated him, because how could anyone ever love him?

At the sound of the door opening, Regulus swiftly turned around to find a livid Y/n glaring at him, hair slightly out of place.

"Y/n...." he started.

"You left me," the girl spat, the same anger she shared with her brother rising to the surface.

Regulus swallowed, closing off his emotions. Just push it away. Push her away. "I didn't feel like dancing."

The girl scoffed. "So you just left? Didn't even bother to tell me?"

As if you care, he wanted to scream. As if I could mean anything to you. I am broken. I am ruined. I am a monster.

He kept his mouth closed though, jaw clenching as he tried to find something to say, something to end this.

"You should go."

The wrong thing to say, apparently, because Y/n's anger only grew. "Why do you always do that?"

Regulus blinked, confused. "Do what?"

"Push me away!"

He could almost see his defences building, throwing them up lightning fast. "I don't-"

He didn't even get to finish, Y/n cutting him off viciously. "Yes you do!" Her chest was heaving, full of so many emotions and letting him see all of them. He briefly wondered what it would be like to live with everyone able to see what you were feeling. He hated the thought of it. Y/n continued significantly quieter. "I thought we were friends."

Oh fuck you.

"Well you thought wrong," Regulus spat, the evil hatred his mother nurtured within him crawling to the surface.

"What?" Y/n asked quietly, like a puppy who'd been kicked.

"We're not friends," Regulus sneered mockingly.

He watched the hurt flash in her eyes, felt the satisfaction of knowing he'd cut deep. He felt like his mother.

"Why?"

He really had to spell it out for her, didn't he? "Because you're a Gryffindor and I'm a Slytherin."

She made a face. "What does that matter?"

How was she so fucking naive? He knew she wasn't the brightest person in the room, but this was fucking obvious. "Because I'm a pureblood from a pureblood mania family, Y/n. What would they think if they found out I was friends with a Gryffindor blood traitor?"

Y/n took a step forward. "Why do you care what they say? Why are you letting that get in the way of what you want? Why are you letting them control you?"

She was making sense. He fucking hated she was making sense. "Because... because...."

"Because?" she prodded impatiently.

And all he could think of was how much he wanted her. Her narrowed eyes, bratty attitude. He wanted to pin her against the wall and show her how weak that demeanour really was compared to him. He wanted to see her begging at his feet, panting, pleading for him.

He wanted her desperately. It was a want that had crept its way inside him, crawling in his brain for ages, nesting, taking control inch by inch until it had infected his whole mind and all he could think about was her.

He stared at her, and he was ready to ruin it all.

"Fuck it."

He moved forwards, hands cupping Y/n's face, the ecstasy of finally touching her a drug enough, and pressed his lips against hers. It wasn't a nice kiss. It wasn't a slow, sensual kiss. It was frantic, lips moving desperately. He dragged his lips along her mouth, needing to feel more of her, needing to have her fully under his control.

She returned the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer and he groaned, feeling light headed. He kissed her harder, teeth clashing, tongue forcing its way into her mouth, exploring every inch like a starved man. She let out a breathless sigh that made him strain against his pants, holding her tighter.

When she started pulling away he reluctantly let her, the loss of her lips hitting him like a punch to the stomach. To satisfy himself he let his hands trail her body, squeezing her waist slightly as he went, before intertwining their hands together. He rested his head in the crook of her neck, smelling her scent and making him go all the more crazy.

He left open mouthed kisses on her neck, content to stay there forever, when she spoke, pushing him off her slightly. He frowned but said nothing of it.

"What were we talking about?" she asked breathlessly.

He couldn't help but grin at her. "Who said we were talking about anything?"

"I know we were because I was right and you were wrong."

Regulus rolled his eyes, in the midst of saying something when Y/n kissed him. He felt a thrill of her kissing him, of knowing maybe she wanted this just as much as him, and immediately kissed her back, letting go of her hands so he could roam the rest of her body, learning every curve.

Y/n set the pace slow, and while Regulus would have preferred ravaging her mouth and claiming it as his, he let her have her way for now. He took his time kissing her, trailing open mouthed kisses down her jaw before going back to her lips. He was addicted to them he feared. The feeling of them moving against his, of her tongue hesitant yet curious inside his mouth, it was everything.

And as he was kissing her the voice came back, louder this time, taking over his mind. Every kiss was tainted with it, every hand on her face, in her hair, was accompanied with the whisper of it.

Mine.

He pulled back, ready to do something about it once and for all. "I've gone this far, might as well go all the way. Y/n, will you be my girlfriend?"

"James will kill you."

The mention of another man was not what Regulus had wanted. He had to physically restrain himself from showing her she was his whether James would kill him or not.

He couldn't help but laugh though, because Y/n seemed genuinely worried about it, and also mortified she'd mentioned her brother when Regulus asked her out. "I guess we'll have to keep this a secret then, just between me and you."

Y/n hummed, the sound sending shivers down his spine. "I mean, I guess that would be okay."

Regulus scoffed and nipped her neck playfully. She'd pay for that later. He pulled back, waiting for the verdict.

"You're mine," she whispered.

Mine, mine, mine

"I'm yours," he agreed.

↔

Sunday, 17th of January, 1977

Smut warning

He kissed her softly, hands cupping her face gently, feeling her soft skin beneath his finger tips. He slowly led her to the bed, one hand moving to her waist to help her balance. He laid her down gently, looking at her h/c hair splayed across his mattress, feeling a sudden spike of possessiveness through him.

This was how it was supposed to be. How it should always be. Y/n underneath him, staring up at him with those wide, e/c doe eyes, not snarky for once, and Regulus on top of her, caging her in, laying his claim, screaming at anyone who cared:

Mine. Mine, mine, mine.

He kissed her roughly, feeling the need to have her writhing under him, hearing the sounds she made when he worked her, the breathy sighs and moans that escaped out of her mouth.

Fuck, he needed her.

As if she could read his mind, Y/n's hand trailed to his belt, determinedly tugging at it until it broke free, still kissing him with everything she had. Something Regulus loved about Y/n. She always managed to match his energy, like they were made for each other, their souls entwined as they're bodies were made, two separate parts of a whole, destined to always find each other and complete themselves once more.

Regulus pushed her skirt up, messily dragging her panties down and discarding them somewhere in the room. Y/n let out a small whine of anticipation, arms snaking around Regulus's neck and pulling him to her, pressing him against her body.

Regulus almost groaned then and there, feeling her breasts pressed against his chest, her back arching slightly as her legs loosely wrapped themselves around his waist. He hardened in his boxers, pulling away from Y/n and the kiss, ignoring her whine of disapproval, and chucking his pants, and his boxers, on the ground.

Y/n's eyes followed his face as he crawled back on the bed, towering over her. Again, the sight of Y/n underneath him, lying there patiently, waiting for him, made him nearly come then and there. Because in all honesty, seeing Y/n like that was the single sexiest fucking thing Regulus had ever seen in his entire life.

"Regulus," she whined again.

Alright so maybe not patiently.

He grinned, leaning down to capture her lips in a kiss, a hand coming up to tilt her head forward, giving him perfect access to the rest of her mouth. She moaned as he explored her mouth with his tongue, something he'd done countless times before and yet it never lost the initial thrill it gave him to have her like this.

Mine, mine, mine.

He moved again, aligning his tip to her entrance, groaning at how wet she was for him. He glanced up at Y/n before he did anything, waiting for her consent. Y/n looked at him, eyes glazed with lust and gave him a single nod. They didn't even need to communicate with words anymore. They just knew each other, they were on the same wavelength, in the same mindset, sharing the same soul. They knew each other in a way no one else could, shared an understanding that they were one and the same.

With a deep breath Regulus plunged into her, Y/n giving a startled moan that went right to Regulus's dick, twitching inside of her. She was so tight, her walls squeezing around his cock, putting him closer to the edge than he would have liked.

He moved slowly, pulling out all the way to the tip then pushing back to her limit, slow and languid, taking his time. He wanted to savour Y/n, the picture of her eyes squeezed shut, hands gripping sheets, his name rolling off her tongue, the sweetest sound he would ever hear.

She was so fucking beautiful. So beautiful it left him breathless sometimes. How could a woman like this be his? He must have done something right in his past life to deserve her, and he was thankful everyday that he woke up with her in his arms, her eyes on him, her lips on his.

He leant down and kissed her again, his thrusts speeding up at her impatient whine. He couldn't help but smirk into the kiss. Even with Regulus on top of her she still found a way to be cheeky, to have her say.

"Brat," Regulus murmured as he rolled his hips, pushing into her.

Y/n moaned in response, her back arching. Regulus took that as encouragement to once again speed up, his thrusts going fast and hard, the filthy sound of skin slapping skin filling the room, accompanied by Y/n's breathy moans and Regulus's barely contained groans.

She felt so good Regulus could come right then, but he wanted her to orgasm first, so, with one hand pulling her leg higher onto his shoulder, his other hand moved to her clit and started rubbing it, eliciting whines and whimpers from her.

He continued the action as he jerked his hips, slamming his cock into her cunt over and over again. Y/n's moans became louder and more frequent, squirming underneath him, eyes rolled to the back of her head.

Fuck, she was so fucking gorgeous. Regulus didn't understand how anything else could be considered more beautiful than her. He didn't understand why museums weren't full of her, because he could stare at her for hours. She was a piece of art, each curve, each blemish on her skin, faint scar, every stretch mark lining her skin. Fucking beautiful.

And she was his. All fucking his. He'd worship her until the end, love her like nothing else, so long as she stayed his.

Mine, mine, mine.

He went faster, rubbing her clit with more fervour, drunk on Y/n's whines and moans.

"Come on baby," he groaned, feeling her clench against him. "Cum for me."

Suddenly obedient when Regulus was inside her, Y/n gave a high pitched moan as her walls clenched around Regulus's dick, climaxing hard, her legs shaking.

He held her down with one hand, thrusting harder through her orgasm. The feeling of her clenching around him was too much for him to bear, however, and with a groan he felt himself cum, spurting inside her and coating her walls white.

He panted, eyes closing, feeling the remains of Y/n's orgasm pass, the faint throbbing around his dick fading.

"You did so good baby," he murmured, pulling out slowly.

All he got was a mumbled response, Y/n's arms raising slightly. Understanding his cue, Regulus moved forward so she could wrap her arms around his neck, the two of them lying on the bed together.

Grabbing his wand from the nightstand, Regulus muttered a quick cleaning spell, more for Y/n's benefit than his own, and put the covers over them lest one of the guys ignore the tie on the dorm and come in anyway.

He could already feel Y/n nodding off, her breaths even, eyes closed. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and murmured against her skin, "Mine."

↔

Sunday, 18th April, 1977

"Why are we here again?" Barty grumbled, picking it at the hem of his jumper. Or rather, Evan's jumper that he'd stolen.

Regulus ignored him, flipping aimlessly through the prophet, waiting for something to catch his eye. Barty sighed, rummaging through his pockets until he pulled out his pocket knife, twirling it around in his hands.

Regulus eyed him over his paper, eyes narrowed. He followed his friend's movements, and as the boy started aiming towards the table with the knife, blade ready, he snatched it out of Barty's hand.

"Hey! What was that for?" Barty said, making to grab the pocket knife again.

Regulus held it out of his reach. "No defiling this place. I like it."

Barty frowned, eyeing the small cafe. Regulus watched his eyes drag over the forest wallpaper, catching on the tiny bits of peeled paper here and there. He watched as Barty noted the hardwood floor, circular tables dotting the area, and the sleek booths pushed up to either side of the cafe, like the one they were currently sitting in.

"Well can we at least do something? You promised me a fun night out," he muttered, sulking.

Just then the waitress came with two coffees, placing them down in front of the two boys before walking back behind the counter. Regulus grabbed the coffee and took a sip, closing his eyes at the taste. He loved this cafe for many reasons, but the coffee they made was one of the best. Hogwarts coffee didn't compare, and even Kreacher would have a tough time beating it.

Barty kicked his leg from under the table. Regulus put down his coffee and glared at his friend. "What?"

"You're so boring sometimes," Barty muttered. "Ever since you and Y/n broke up-"

"Don't say her name," Regulus snapped, keeping his emotions in a vice grip.

Barty sent him a dirty look. "You're not the only one who lost her, you know."

Regulus's hands clenched around his coffee cup. The memories threatened to show, to escape the cage he'd put them in and plague him. He refused to so much as think of her, to picture her face in his mind.

"That's enough Barty."

His tone was harsh, mirroring his own mother. He could not do this with Barty. Not here. Everyday was a fucking struggle not to think about her. He could feel her in the back of his mind, waiting, and he spent every waking moment trying to push her away. So Barty bringing her up in a fucking cafe of all places was not appreciated.

"Then entertain me," he responded, sipping his coffee.

Barty had a way about him. He could be cruel, like he was in this moment. He was honest. Regulus knew from experience tough love was his specialty. It made it easy to hate him sometimes, even when you knew he was telling the truth.

"Fuck off," Regulus muttered, taking another sip of his coffee.

Barty groaned. "You know I could be with my boyfriend right now. I could be getting laid. I could be having hot gay sex with him and instead I'm here. With you. Drinking coffee."

"Good coffee," Regulus corrected.

"Not the point," Barty sighed. "I'm bored, Regulus. It's like you don't want to be happy now you and Y/n are over."

Regulus stood up. "For fuck's sake Barty, shut the fuck up!"

Regulus was fucking done with him. Barty had been infuriating since coming on this journey, and what Regulus had hoped to be a calm, relaxing night had turned into a nightmare of neglected feelings and memories. It had turned into a mental battle between him and his memories, actively fighting against them to keep them under wraps.

Regulus turned around to leave, ignoring Barty's protests. He went too far. Barty often did, being crueler than necessary to be kind. He didn't always know other's limits, or his own for that matter, which made situations like this occur often.

Regulus looked ahead, outside of the cafe, and started. There were a group of teenagers walking past, acting rowdy and... well, like teenagers. His gaze locked on a girl though, more subdued than most, walking quietly behind the others.

He could recognise that h/c hair anywhere. He knew her figure like the back of his hand, had felt those curves in his palm millions of times. But what the fuck was Y/n doing in a muggle town in the middle of the night?

He couldn't tear his gaze away from her, couldn't stop the onslaught of feelings finally rising to the surface. The painstaking longing he had for her, one of the only constants in his life now, having squeezed itself around his heart months ago and stayed there, weighing him down every second of every day.

And then Y/n turned her head so she was staring right at him. Regulus cursed and did the first thing he could think of; dropping to the floor and out of sight. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, head dizzy with overwhelming thoughts and feelings. A constant stream of fuck, fuck, fuck, was in his mind.

"You alright there mate?" Barty asked, perplexed from his seat in the booth.

Regulus hissed at him, "do not stand up."

Barty's expression turned even more puzzled. "Why....?"

Regulus took a deep breath, glancing at the window even though from his position on the ground he could no longer see her. "Y/n is outside."

"What?!"

Completely ignoring Regulus's words, Barty leapt on his feet and ran to the window, scanning the area. Regulus cursed him but ran after, looking behind his friend for any trace of Y/n.

He could see her in the distance, turning smaller by the second, walking away with her group of friends Regulus could now identify as the marauders and Dorcas. The longing came back with a pang, so strong he nearly stumbled.

Barty turned away from the window, looking at Regulus who was still on his knees lest Y/n decide to glance back, and sighed. "You're pathetic mate."

Regulus frowned, standing up and dusting off his knees. "Yeah, I know."

↔

Friday 14th May, 1977

Regulus was spending his free by the lake, eyes closed, letting his skin soak up the sun. He couldn't stay out too long, because his genes would rather him burn than tan, but a few minutes wouldn't hurt.

The sound of a bark caught his attention and he cracked his eye open, searching for the source of the noise. When he spotted Snuffles, the black dog he'd seen yesterday with Y/n, he sat up straight, both eyes open as he watched rather eagerly as the dog trotted up to him.

"Hey boy," he said softly, holding a hand out as the dog came closer.

He gave him a little sniff before rubbing against his hand. Regulus let himself stroke the dog, his soft fur between Regulus's fingers.

"What're you doing here? Hmm?" he asked. "Came to see me, did you?"

Snuffles let out another bark and Regulus laughed, scratching behind his ear. For some reason the dog calmed Regulus. Unlike most things in his life Regulus felt safe around Snuffles. A dog couldn't hurt you, couldn't manipulate or lie to you. It was a dog. Someone to listen to you.

"I always wanted a dog, y'know," Regulus mused to the dog. "Part of it was just because my brother wanted one, so obviously I wanted one too, but it was also just because... I was scared to be lonely."

Why he was telling this to a dog, don't ask him, but at least he was telling someone, right? "I knew Sirius would leave for Hogwarts, and I guess some part of me always knew I'd eventually lose him. He was never like me, never like the rest of the family. Always different, always rebellious. It scared my parents. Scared me too, because I couldn't be like him in that way, and what is a little sibling for if not to copy the oldest one? So when I realised there were parts of Sirius I could never be, I realised there would be times where Sirius wouldn't be there."

The dog had settled between Regulus's legs, head resting on his thigh as Regulus absentmindedly stroked his fur.

"I miss him," Regulus confessed quietly. "It's stupid. I should be hating him right now... but I just can't bring myself too. How do you hate the person who was your whole life up until a point? The only person you loved for majority of your life?"

Regulus looked down, at his hands covered in dog fur. "I don't think Sirius ever knew just how important he was to me. He was my older brother. He protected me when I couldn't do it myself, cared for me when no one else would. And I hate that I wasn't that for him. That I was a burden instead."

The dog let out a whine.

"He cared for me and I gave him more responsibilities. It hurts, to know he didn't have an older brother. I can't imagine it, and I feel so fucking guilty because of it. Because I made him parent me. I cried to him and begged him to feed me, bathe me, tuck me into bed. I begged him to become the parent, and he did without complaining. He did, and it fucked up his life."

Regulus's lips trembled. "I fucked up his life."

Another whine from the dog as it got up, pressing its face into Regulus's neck. He choked on a sob, feeling sick to his stomach.

"I wish I could thank him," he rasped to Snuffles. "I wish he knew how much he means to me, even now. That I could never hate him even though sometimes it's all I want to do."

Snuffles stood up and licked his face, surprising Regulus. He let out a wet laugh, slightly pushing the dog's face away from his lest he decide to lick him again. "That, Snuffles, was extremely gross. Do not do that again please."

The dog let out a pleased bark now that Regulus wasn't so close to tears and wagged his tail. Regulus cracked a smile.

"I'm boring you aren't I? Alright then," his eyes searched the area before they landed on a nearby stick. He got up and grabbed it, the jagged wood biting into his palm. "Wanna play fetch?"

The dog let out what Regulus interpreted to be an excited bark, his tail wagging back and forth. Regulus grinned, feeling calmer now that he wasn't talking about his brother, and threw the stick with all his might across the plain.

Snuffles bounded after it, legs moving as fast as they could as he chased the flying branch. Regulus watched him, feeling almost content. Confessing his feelings, even to a dog, made him feel lighter, like he'd gotten a weight off his chest. He'd explained his feelings, put them into words for the first time, and it felt good. Now if only he could tell all that to his brother instead of a dog.

Regulus smiled wryly at the thought and watched as Snuffles dutifully trotted back to him and laid the stick at his feet. He sat on his haunches and waited patiently for Regulus to pick it up and throw it again. He was one of the most well trained dogs Regulus had met, even though he had an air of wildness to him, and he was suddenly reminded of Sirius.

He stared at the dog, noting the black fur and grey eyes, surprisingly similar to his own. He wasn't sure if he was feeling uncomfortable or fascinated by it; maybe both. It was certainly an unexpected turn of events, having been reminded of your brother by a dog, and then realising his eyes were nearly exactly the same as said brother. Maybe that was part of the reason why he reminded Regulus of Sirius, why he seemed so familiar.

He knelt down, the dog giving a confused whine, and stroked the dog's fur. With every passing second the dog just became more and more like Sirius, until it almost felt like he was Sirius, sitting there with him instead of a dog. Which was why he pressed his head against Snuffles and mumbled into his fur, "I love you."

The dog stiffened, almost as if he could understand what Regulus said, before he seemed to melt into Regulus's embrace, nuzzling into Regulus's neck. They stayed there for a while, longer than Regulus would have expected a dog too, before eventually Regulus pulled away. He was a very well trained dog.

"I've got to go buddy," Regulus murmured, stroking the dog's fur. "I'll see around."

And with that he got up, walking towards the castle and not looking back. If he had looked back, he would have seen his brother watching him leave, not a dog, almost as if Sirius wanted Regulus to know it was him who'd heard his words, not some stray animal.

↔

Tuesday, 20th July, 1977

"I can remember everything. I know often in situations like these people tend to forget, their mind forcing the memories away, blocking them out. It's never been like that for me. I always remember. Some people say it's a gift. I only see it as a burden."

"How far back can you remember?"

"When I was around three. The time I started to gain a consciousness, I guess. I can remember Sirius, and the feeling of comfort with him. I can remember my mother, the fear, I guess, connected to her. I didn't start remembering my dad until I was around.... five, though."

"And what exactly do you remember?"

Regulus shrugged, looking at his hands. They were pale, shaking slightly. He could see the blemishes on his hand, the indent from where his wand usually laid. "Everything. Every single thing they did to us, I remember. I could give you a list detailing what they'd done since I was five. That's when the detailed memories start. Before then it's just feelings connected with images."

The mind healer sitting across from him nodded, writing something down. Theresia Hemlock was a young witch for her profession. Regulus would guess her to be around 25, 26 maybe. She had long brown curly locks she tied into a low ponytail, a few strands pulled free here and there. Her eyes were doe shaped, a honey brown, looking safe. That's what Regulus would describe her as if he only had one word. Safe. Everything about her screamed harmless, though Regulus knew she was anything but. She probably analysed her features before going to work, trying to make herself as trustworthy looking as possible.

Regulus had to hand it to her, she was good at her job. At the start of this whole Mind Healing process, Regulus wanted no part in it. He only went along with it because Fleamont and Euphemia insisted, and he wasn't about to disagree with them. Over time however, Theresia had broken down his defences, bit by bit. She'd used the safety that seemed to radiate from her to creep into his mind, enough so he felt able to tell her things. Things he'd never told anyone else, about himself, his family. It was scary, and half the time he hated it, but he continued, for some reason. Theresia said it was because he himself wanted to heal, but Regulus was still considering the possibility she'd cast some sort of spell on him.

Nevertheless, every week she came over to the Potter residence, and every week he ended up pouring his heart out to her, an extremely vulnerable and quite frankly embarrassing thing that left him exhausted and drained afterwards, but it was helping. Sort of.

"I would like to go over some specific events," Theresia said slowly, "but we can leave that till next week, get you more comfortable with the idea before we start."

Regulus nodded stiffly, even though he was screaming inside. Going into detail about what he'd endured wasn't something Regulus would be looking forward to, but he was glad she'd given him time to prepare. She seemed to understand him in that way, know when something was too much for him, when he needed time to accept something before doing it. It was strange, and just further proved his theory she'd done something to his mind.

"Okay."

Theresia observed him over her notes for a long moment, eyes scanning his face for something (Regulus would never be able to understand what went on in her mind), before she nodded and closed her notebook.

"That's all for today I think," she said. "We'll continue next week?"

Regulus gave another nod and the woman stood up, bid him goodbye, and exited the room. Regulus sat there for a while longer, reflecting over the session. It hadn't been too bad, compared to some of the others he'd had. Tiring, yes, but he hadn't cried at least, which was a positive. Sort of.

A gentle knock on the door took Regulus out of his thoughts. He watched as Y/n entered the room slowly, giving him a soft smile as she did so.

"Hey," she greeted. "Did it go okay?"

Regulus shrugged, still feeling exhausted after the session. "It went alright, I guess."

Y/n walked over until she was sitting next to him, intertwining their hands together. She gave his hand a little squeeze and he squeezed back.

"What are you feeling like today?"

Regulus tried not to sigh. He loved Y/n, and he loved that she cared for him so much, asking him how he was feeling, but it was.... Hard. He wasn't used to explaining his thoughts and feelings, and after an hour long of doing just that, the thought of anymore was unappealing. Not to say Y/n was annoying him; he loved her and what she did. She just didn't understand. She could never, and it was hard. To love someone who would never fully understand you, no matter how you both may want it.

The only person who understood that part of him was Sirius, and even then their experiences were vastly different. It made him feel alone, which he was coming to realise he was not okay with, no matter how much time he'd tried to convince himself he was.

"Tired," was his eventual answer.

Y/n hummed, nodding her head. "What do you want to do?"

Regulus thought about it for a moment. "We could sit by the fire in the living room? There's a book I'm reading I want to get back too."

Y/n smiled. "Sure, come on."

They got up, hands still holding each other, and walked down the long corridor and down some stairs until they arrived at the living room. The Potter house, though not as big as Grimmauld Place, was still large, a reminder of the family's wealth.

Regulus settled himself down on the couch, book in hand, with the fireplace crackling away. Y/n left to get some ink and paper, planning to get a crack on her holiday homework- Regulus had already finished his- when the front door opened, Sirius and James trampling inside.

Regulus stiffened slightly. He was for the most part comfortable with James now, and Sirius was like his anchor these days, him and Y/n both, so it wasn't them themselves that had put Regulus on edge. It was more the fact they seemed so happy.

Regulus was trying to get used to it here, he really was, but he couldn't get rid of the twisted longing harrowing him for Grimmauld Place. He couldn't talk to Sirius about it, because he knew Sirius had hated that place, but there had always been a part of Regulus that saw Grimmauld Place as home, and most likely always would.

Even after everything that had happened there, the years of abuse he'd suffered inside those walls, it was his home. He couldn't just forget it, cut it out of him and discard it, no matter how much he might have wanted to. It was a part of him and would be forever, his past that would trail behind him for all his life, until eventually laying in his grave with him, embracing his decrepit bones like a long lost lover.

Sirius smiled at Regulus when he saw him, hesitant at first. They still weren't used to each other yet, unable to fall back into their old rhythm of brothers. They had to find a new one, figure out how exactly they fitted inside of each other's lives now, and it was a confusing thing to do. Still, Regulus smiled back and Sirius walked over, leaving James to bound up to his room, because they were trying. They were trying, and that was what mattered in the end, wasn't it?

"How are you?" Sirius asked, slightly breathless. Regulus wondered what they'd been up to while Regulus was seeing his Mind Healer.

"Okay," he answered. He could see Sirius's eyes searching him, wanting to know how his session went but unsure if he was allowed to pry. "Bit tired after it."

Sirius nodded in understanding. The Potter's had been having Sirius see a Mind Healer since he first moved in with them, so he knew how... uncomfortable it could be.

"Yeah, it can be like that," he murmured. "You doing okay right now though?"

Regulus nodded, holding up his book slightly. "Yeah, just planning on reading for a bit."

Sirius made an 'ah' sound, nodding his head. "Okay, yeah. I was gonna invite you to a game of Wizard's Chess, but maybe later-"

Regulus cut him off, slightly desperate. "No, we can do that now."

Sirius looked surprised but happy. "You sure?" Regulus nodded his head and Sirius smiled slightly. "Alright, I'll go get the set, I'll be right back."

Regulus watched him go, feeling his chest warm slightly. He craved these moments with his brother, being around him and acting like brothers rather than strangers. He jumped at the chance to have them, almost desperately, because it made him feel closer to him. He could tell it did the same to Sirius.

Y/n came back around the same time as Sirius, and she observed them with a smile and bright eyes.

"You wanna join us?" Sirius asked her, setting up the board.

She shook her head. "Nah, I'll leave you to it. Got a lot of Charms to do."

Regulus sent her a smile, and she returned it, mouthing I love you before leaving the room, no doubt about to harass her brother into studying with her. Regulus' smile widened at the thought and he turned back to his brother, and the set up chess game before him.

"Get ready to lose Reggie," Sirius grinned.

Regulus scoffed, rolling his eyes though there was a smile on his face. "The only person who's going to lose here is you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

a/n:

thank you all for 2 million reads on mine! it's literally so crazy, im so glad you guys enjoyed it! as promised (tho very, very late😬) here is a collection of chapters from mine in regulus's perspective. i hope you enjoy it, and im so happy you seem to care about this story as much as i do <3