Thursday 18th March, 1977

Regulus and I didn't talk about the fight in potions, or the holding hands Selena and him did in the hallways, or the significantly less amount of time we'd spent together.

We didn't talk much about anything lately, because we were never around each other long enough to talk.

I tried to understand it, tried to think, it's only for the show or it doesn't mean anything or its only to fool his parents, and yet as Regulus got more and more paranoid about when and where he could see me I started feeling more and more like a mistress, a dirty secret kept hidden away because it doesn't go with Regulus's destined life.

To make matters worse, there were changes made to the Prefect pairs because there had been too many students upset with their partners, so me and Regulus had been split up. I now had patrols on Thursday and was partnered with a Hufflepuff girl called Dorcas Meadowes, who was nice, but she wasn't Regulus.

I'd been an even bigger mess because it was Remus's first full moon since after I'd found out about him a few days ago, so obviously I'd been up all night worrying about it, and then the next day he had the audacity to go to class even though it was obvious he was in pain.

Stupid bastard.

Regulus's quidditch game had happened last weekend. I'd gone, as I said I would, and he'd played beautifully. I wasn't much on quidditch, but I could watch Regulus play it all day. The game was against Hufflepuff and Slytherin ended up winning when Regulus caught the snitch. I'd gotton so excited I'd ran out of the stands, intending to congratulate him, when Selena had beat me to it, running up to Regulus and enveloping him in a hug. I'd stopped running and just stood there, watching as Selena hugged him the way I was supposed. Watching as she congratulated him like I was supposed to.

I hadn't stayed around to congratulate him.

I was sitting outside on the steps, eating my lunch alone on Thursday, 5 days after his quidditch game. I couldn't bear sitting in the Great Hall for one more second, watching Selena whisper sweet nothings into Regulus's ear while he smiled and pretended to enjoy it. Or maybe he did enjoy it. I wouldn't know; we barely even talked anymore.

I was brought out of my thoughts when someone sat next to me. Glancing at them I recognised Barty. He didn't say anything, just sat there with me and ate his lunch. He'd been kinder to me lately, because of this whole mess, and he felt like one of the few people I had in my court while going through this.

"You okay?" he asked, staring at his shoes.

I let out a humourless laugh. "No."

"Do you... want to talk about it?" he seemed reluctant to ask, and I was about to say no when I caught sight of him staring at me. He had a sincere expression on his face, one I'd only ever seen him use on Evan.

"Um, okay I guess," I said instead. "I don't know where to start. That my boyfriend is engaged to someone else? That lately it feels like he's just forgotten my existence? Or that its starting to feel like what you said earlier is true, that I'm nothing more than a mistress and she's the wife, and that's what's actually going to happen. If Regulus doesn't find this magical way out of this marriage like he's been saying he will, he's going to marry her and then I'll actually become his mistress, if I even stay after that."

"Would you stay after that?" Barty asked quietly.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "It wouldn't be fair to me. I really like him, but if he gets married, we'd be having an affair, and that's... well, that's different then what we're doing now, because right now Selena and him aren't technically together, only for show. If they get married though, that's for real, and I don't want to participate in him cheating on his wife, even if he doesn't love her."

Barty shook his head furiously. "It's fucking stupid that we're talking about this. I mean, we're teenagers for Salazar's sake, and yet here we are, talking about possible affairs. Walburga Black is a fucking bitch."

"You can say that again," I said dryly.

Barty grinned, glancing at me. "You know, you're actually pretty fun to be around," his expression turned serious. "Tell anyone I said that and I'll kill you."

I laughed, saluting him. "Yes sir."

"I'm serious."

"Oh I know."

We shared a smile, and then Evan wandered outside, spotting his boyfriend and walking over to us.

"There you are," he said, ruffling Barty's hair.

Barty grabbed his hand before he had a chance to move it and interlaced their fingers, smiling up at Evan with a soft smile reserved only for him.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I've got to take my boyfriend away," Evan said as he helped Barty up. "Secret boyfriend matters."

"In other words, Evan's desperate for a shag," Barty explained, sending me a wink before running away as Evan chased after him, beet red.

I smiled at the two before getting up myself and heading back inside, intending to go to class early. It was then that I bumped into Dorcas, who sent me smile when she recognised me.

"Y/n, hey, I was just on my way to Ancient Runes," she said.

"So was I," I said. "I'll just tag along if you don't mind."

"Oh yeah, 'course."

We walked to class together, talking and getting to know one another. We'd only had two patrols together, so we weren't too used to one another, but we were getting there. She was really nice, and I was excited to get to know her better.

The rest of the school day passed rather quickly, and I entered the Gryffindor Common Room after dinner to find the marauders in a huddle, obviously planning something.

"You guys know I'm on Prefect duty tonight, yes?" I asked as I walked past. "If I find you guys, I will give you detention."

"Buy Y/n!" Sirius gasped. "We're family."

"I don't see your point?"

Sirius opened his mouth, no doubt about to defend himself when an owl pecked the window next to me. I opened it and untied a letter from its ankle, seeing a quick flash of the Black crest before I shoved the letter into my pocket, hoping Sirius didn't see, and hurried up to my dorm.

It was from Regulus, asking me to meet him at our spot, and I felt myself smile. Maybe he hadn't forgotten about me after all.

I bounded down the stairs and out of the Common Room before the marauders could even ask where I was going. I was excited; very excited. I knew having some one on one time with Regulus would help me rid these doubts and remind me exactly why I was staying with him.

When I arrived at our spot he was already there, waiting for me. He gave me a tired smile and moved towards me, cupping my face and kissing it slowly. When he pulled away he smiled at me again.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in days."

I smiled at him and didn't say that it had, in fact, been many days since we last talked one on one. Over a week, actually. I pushed the bitter feelings down, knowing they would only ruin this precious moment.

We sat down on the pillows in each other's arms, just talking with one another. Usually, a week doesn't seem that long, and yet the week I spent without talking to Regulus seemed so long, especially now that I'm talking to him; I'm reminded with just how much I missed him.

I wanted to tell Regulus that I smelt him in the Amortentia. I want to see if he smelt me. I didn't tell him though, and I didn't ask. It just didn't seem like the right time, especially when I had all these sour feelings milling just below the surface, waiting for a crumble of doubt to pounce.

After a while, I knew I had to go otherwise I'd be late for my patrol. I just didn't want to leave Regulus. Who knew when we'd both have enough time to do this again?

"I have to go," I said reluctantly, getting up.

Regulus pouted. "Can't you stay here with me?"

I stroked his cheek. "I wish, but I have patrol."

We shared a kiss and then I was gone, knowing I was already risking being late. I made it to the Great Hall only 5 minutes late, so it wasn't too bad, but I still felt guilty. I'd made Dorcas wait because I was too busy hanging out with my boyfriend to care about my responsibilities, or her.

Dorcas greeted me warmly when she spotted me and we started the patrol. It went rather slowly, both of us getting distracted by something the other said and stopping in our tracks. Dorcas was really easy to be around, and she seemed to have no fear to be who she was, something I admired greatly.

The patrol was nearly finished when we turned the corner, the both of us in a heated discussion about how much money the school makes goes into quidditch. I distractedly glanced away from Dorcas to the hallway, doing a quick check it was clear, when I froze.

Because there were two figures pressed against the wall in a passionate embrace. Two figures I knew well. Selena, with her eyes closed as her lips pressed against Regulus's.

Selena was kissing Regulus.

Regulus was kissing Selena.

I felt myself rooted to the spot, unable to tear my gaze away from the heartbreaking scene in front of me. Regulus pulled back, and that's when he noticed me staring at him, my heart broken inside my chest.

"Y/n," he breathed, eyes going from Selena to me. "It's not what you think-"

"I mean, Reg, it kinda is," Selena corrected.

Dorcas glanced at me, noticing the absolute broken expression on my face, and handled the punishments, taking away 5 points from Slytherin and telling both of them to go back to their Common Room. As much as Regulus seemed to want to talk to me, he couldn't do that without causing suspicion, and so he left.

"Are you okay?" Dorcas asked hesitantly when the two Slytherins left.

"I- I need to leave," I choked out, before running off.

I couldn't breathe. Why did my chest hurt so much? Why did it feel like it was being smashed over and over and over by a sledgehammer? Why couldn't I breathe?

I stumbled into the Gryffindor Common Room, unable to see past the blurriness of my tears.

"Y/n? Oh god, Y/n are you okay?" I think Remus was talking to me, but everything seemed so distant from me, so unreal.

This couldn't be happening. He didn't kiss her. Tell me he didn't kiss her. Yet I saw it with my own eyes. I saw them.

He betrayed me.

The marauders were hugging me when I finally gained some sense of sanity. My gaze found Remus and the question in his eyes. I nodded slowly, my heart breaking as I did so.

It was over.

A/N:

...hey guys....

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