「will I fall apart all alone
who's to know?
or will I shine right through
and lay this hate to rest
with all of you? 」

♫silent theory; fragile minds

✩ y e o s a n g ✩
mature

The scent of a calming summer rain, used to be something Yeosang thought of as something so precious, because that was the exact scent that lingered in the air every time Hongjoong had left his bed.

But tonight it made his skin crawl and triggered his senses onto highest alert.

Seonghwa welcomed him into the big apartment located in the center of the city, with the greatest view that none of them had time to admire.

Sweet words were whispered in his ear, and soft strokes drawn on his skin - and Yeosang closed his eyes, as a nauseating feeling started to spread inside of him. Seonghwa had Hongjoong's scent all over him, and it could only mean one thing.

At the same time the older seemed way more gentle and calm than usual, and Yeosang already knew the reason why; the bloodthirsty and power-hungry beast that lived inside the handsome billionaire had been fed well tonight.

"I have missed you endlessly," Seonghwa hummed softly, as he led Yeosang towards the bedroom with wet kisses against his neck. "Did you behave nicely, my dear?"

Yeosang nodded, just as he was laid down on the bed, and he caught onto the older's satisfied smile before their lips met - and by then it was crystal clear that Seonghwa was going to act very different that night.

It had happened a few times before already, and Yeosang knew that particular look in the older's dark eyes all too well. The timing couldn't be better though, as the youngest Choi brother's commands were running in circles in Yeosang's mind.

Desperation had clouded his judgement, and although Yeosang should have known by then that to trust anyone from that family would be dangerous, he was too lost to realize it. Trusting San, thinking it would be the only way to get Wooyoung back, then trusting Seonghwa to get rid of the evil that San spread in the world, he got lured into the darkness that refused to let go of him again.

He knew it was the last option, the very last chance to make things right - but if the brothers only were out for the blood of each other, and nothing else than that, was a question that did weigh heavily on Yeosang's destroyed mind. But that didn't mean he wouldn't try, no matter the cost, he had nothing left to lose anymore.

But with the devil's hands on his body, swimming in silk and promises so sweet, reality came back to haunt him.

Yeosang kept his eyes closed and his lips pressed against Seonghwa's, forcing them to stay together and their tongues twisting in a deeply desperate attempt of not hearing the older speak. His clothes were removed and soon he felt Seonghwa's warm skin against his own.

Patience was something Seonghwa rarely showed, but tonight he took his time to carefully make sure that the things he was going to do wouldn't hurt.

When Yeosang felt the older's hand between his legs, for once actually using lube, he blocked out all the thoughts from his mind - all but one. With the scent of the summer rain, he dove into the memory of the times where he and Hongjoong would drunkenly stumble into his apartment and fall onto the bed together.

Behind his eyelids, the image of the once baby pink hair and shining eyes was shown clearly, and when the first finger went inside of him, he gasped into Seonghwa's mouth - wishing it was someone else's.

With a second one, he pinched his eyes even harder together, and he felt Seonghwa's hard cock starting to rub against his inner thigh. The fingers went further inside, carefully but in tight circles that slowly stretched him out.

Butterfly kisses and sweet giggles, the morning sun through the window and the smile of the one he wanted to love back then - but couldn't. The scenery began to crumble, when his body had to take a third finger inside of it, but Yeosang was stubborn like never before. He pushed his hips upwards to accept the older's touch, in a way he would have done it had he actually wanted it to happen.

If he could lie to himself, it would be way easier to make Seonghwa believe the same lie as well.

Seonghwa broke the kiss, and even with his eyes closed Yeosang could sense the older watch him closely, as he was turned into a mess on the sheets. Low moans rolled over his lips, while he was being fingered deep inside, and his own hands wandered down to touch himself.

Praising words came from the older, but Yeosang barely even noticed - he was completely lost in the memories, and bathing in the beautiful summer rain.

But he did open his eyes when Seonghwa pulled the fingers out of him, and pushed the tip of his big cock inside instead. The pace was slow and cautious to begin with, giving Yeosang time to adjust his body to it - and as it was something that so rarely happened, he truly appreciated it.

Yeosang pulled Seonghwa down to lie on top of him again, raising his legs up to wrap around the older's waist and to let him push even further inside. The stretch did hurt, but not as much as it used to, and Yeosang once again closed his eyes and let his mind wander off.

With every thrust inside, Seonghwa's cock hit him even deeper and also harder, but soft moans came so naturally when Yeosang refused to let go of the fantasy of Hongjoong being on top of him in that moment.

He kissed Seonghwa's lips, down his neck, licked him playfully around the collarbones before going up again, and his moans became louder every time their bodies met each other.

"You make me feel so good, love," he gasped into Seonghwa's ear, with his fingers tangled up in the dark locks. "So, so good..."

And he said it, just the same way he would always say it to Hongjoong - the way that would make the beautiful older's cheek turn pink, in fragile moments that should have been appreciated way more.

The visions in his mind became stronger, and Yeosang bit his lower lip not to scream out the wrong name, when Seonghwa's cock hit just the right place. He felt his own body move naturally, and react the way it should for the older to believe he in fact loved getting fucked by him - and loved him in general - and only the thoughts in his head knew the truth.

Seonghwa held him by the hips, when the pace had increased and the older had gotten all the way inside. His tongue slipped into Yeosang's mouth and he swallowed the moans that would tell the lies of this being true passion.

"I love you," Seonghwa panted, as their lips parted. "I love you so much, Yeosang."

From the way the older's grip around Yeosang's hips tightened, and his breathing became heavier, Yeosang knew the climax was approaching, so he whispered back in his sweetest voice.

"I love you too," he said, but in his daze he suddenly had to find focus. His heart and mind were in a fight, but despite his poor heart's attempt, there was only one real choice, only one name... "- Seonghwa."

✩

With the warmth of the water in the filled tub, and the bubbles between his fingers, Yeosang let himself relax for just one second. He had done well tonight, he knew that. Seonghwa was more than satisfied, which was a rare sight - and it was just what Yeosang needed to happen.

The older sat behind him, holding him tight and placing small kisses on the edge of his ear. It was all so soft that one could be fooled to believe it was actual love.

"You've been so good lately," Seonghwa said while nuzzling his nose into Yeosang's hair. "I was beginning to fear that my love for you would be a waste, and you know how I feel about that."

"I'm sorry," Yeosang lied, with a lump forming in his throat from the last words Seonghwa spoke - because, oh dear, did he know that all too well. "You know I'm not good with showing or understanding my own feelings."

"I do," the older responded instantly. "But I am glad that you're learning, and not wasting your time on someone who never deserved you."

Yeosang's arms fell to his side, down under the surface of the water and he stared blankly at the black tiled walls. The way Seonghwa had just said that, had insinuated something that Yeosang had feared for a long time, but never dared to explore further, afraid of the truth.

"What do you mean?" he lowly asked, because at this point nothing mattered anymore and he might as well get his fears confirmed.

"I think you know who I mean." Seonghwa's voice changed drastically to the frightening cold tone he usually spoke in, but the way his fingers caressed Yeosang's skin remained soft. "I couldn't live with sharing you with someone like that."

Yeosang prayed that Seonghwa didn't notice how his heart started to race, and he forced himself to return the gentle touches to cover up his own pain.

Sure, Wooyoung had been bad for him, but he had been the only person Yeosang had ever shown something that was close to love - and when he left, it had hurt so bad. Both times.

"W-where is he now?" he then asked, but with his heart dropping in his chest.

"Does it matter?"

It took all his strength, mentally and physically, to turn around in that moment, and force a mischievous smile over his lips. He then moved to sit on top of Seonghwa's lap and with his arms swung around the older's neck.

"Not in the slightest," Yeosang scoffed, "I was just curious, but as long as he doesn't come back to bother me, everything is fine."

"Don't worry, love, he never will."

Yeosang smirked at the answer, but inside he was hurting. Not that he cared that much about Wooyoung anymore, but from the fear of how many that would have to suffer under the hands of Seonghwa... He then leaned in to kiss the older, to seal his words, but tears were pushing against his closed eye lids.

When the kiss ended, Yeosang made a subtle move of his hand, first dipping into the water then drawing it across his face to cover up any tears that would fall from his eyes.

"I was actually going to wait with this," Seonghwa suddenly said, and his voice returned to the rare softness that had graced Yeosang's ears tonight. "But since you've been behaving so well lately, I can't wait any longer."

Whatever the older was talking about, Yeosang definitely had no clue what it could be. So while waiting for some clarity, he just played with the small drops of water that were dripping from the dark locks and onto the older's collarbones.

But his attention was soon captured again, and his heart, which had been beating so fast only seconds ago, stopped.

"So, we will get married next month, Yeosang."

✩